Love, Chris

Love, Chris

31-10-2024: a chilly evening. Time: 23.30.

Dear diary,

I don’t know why she wouldn’t talk to me anymore. Maybe it’s because I broke the window? Or because I didn’t listen to her. I was supposed to stay in my room and finish my homework, which I didn’t...

I don’t know. I honestly don’t know. I’ll stay in my room for a while and then try to go downstairs. Hopefully she won’t be mad at me anymore. She’s crying right now, I can hear her screaming...she must be really, really mad at me. Can’t quite catch her words, though...

Anyway...gotta go now. Trying to catch up some homework.

Write you later,

Chris

01-11-2024: a beautiful, sunny day. :) Time: 8,30.

Dear diary,

Last night I fell asleep and got lost in some crazy dreams...not like the other ones I told you about. No Jessica, this time. Real weird dreams. It was dark and cold, and I couldn’t find my mother...anyway, it’s a beautiful morning now. I’ll try to shake this off with a bowl a chocolate cereals and milk.

Still feeling chilly, though....ugh. It was awful, I’m telling you.

I really hope my mom won’t be mad at me anymore. The house is quiet, now. I guess it’s safe to try and go downstairs to feel the vibe a bit...see how it goes.

Hopefully mom will talk to me, today.

Write you later!

Chris

01-11-2024: a quiet evening. Time: 22,30.

Dear diary,

Here I am again. My mom still won’t talk to me. I am feeling so depressed for this! :(

I honestly don’t know what I did! She is totally ignoring me. I have tried to tell her that I’m sorry, but she won’t listen to me! This is so frustrating! I am so unhappy right now...I might even cry. Ok, maybe I am crying a little. Just a little... :(

I know I must have done something horrible, I just don’t know...I can’t remember I did anything at all...honest! You know I always tell you the truth...you are my best friend. I would tell you.

Sorry for the rant. Gotta go, now...I hear we have visits. I’ll try to peek, maybe my mom will say something, and I will finally understand what happened.

Write you later,

Chris

...time: 2.30

Diary,

I am not sure what happened in the past few hours. I am not even sure I have been here in my room. Everything feels so vague... Plus, the nightmares are back. I have the feeling I’ve been spending the whole night wandering around the house. It’s super cold outside and it’s raining, and I had no jacket...mom will be furious if I get a cold. She always tells me, “Honey, wear your jacket, will you?” But I totally forgot! No idea why. I’m feeling so lonely and so confused...

I am not even sure I’ve ever had a jacket at all! Maybe if I read your pages, I’ll find out.

You always help me to remember things. Maybe I have told you, if it was a yellow, or a blue, or a green jacket. I see many fluo-green objects in my room; is this my favourite colour?

My eyes are heavy now. They are sticky and I can’t keep them open no more. I feel so tired. Exhausted. Almost find it hard to breathe. Pfff....

...

Hey diary,

Huge news! My mom has been here in my room today.

I was lying on my bed, thinking. Well, I was trying to think but honestly, I find it quite difficult lately. Anyway, my mom was here; she sat next to me on my bed. She was soooo sad. But still, she wouldn’t look at me. :(

She talked to me, though. She said, “I love you, baby.” She always called me that way, after a fight. It’s her way to make peace. So, this is great news! I believe she’s not angry at me anymore.

Anyway, I must be be sick or something, because I feel totally wiped out. I mean, as if a bus had hit me. My head, my arms and my legs are super weak, but also light at times, in a creepy way. Maybe I shouldn’t have eaten all that cotton candy last week. I’m probably turning into a cotton candy myself. So fluffy, but not in a nice way.

Especially my head is turning into cotton candy. I can’t remember things anymore, like my favourite colour, my favourite food...I believe I used to like a girl, but I am not sure about that either. Anyway.

What bugs me the most? I can’t even recall why I am still sitting here all by myself in this room. My frustration is growing beyond measure.

I wish my mom would hug me. I miss her.

Xxx

...

Hello diary,

I am feeling great today. I have been watching TV with my mom. It was a sad love story and she cried a lot. So, I left her alone. I don’t like to see her cry. I still have a feeling it’s a bit of my fault.

But then no, I can’t remember doing anything wrong to her. For real!

I wish I could hug her. I think she’s missing me too, because she talks to me, sometimes. She just keeps on looking right through me, which is soo frustrating.

It's incredibly annoying. Sometimes, I feel like screaming!

I'M HEREEEE!

I don't know. I just don't know anything anymore.

Xxx

...

Dear diary,

Maybe I know why my mom won’t speak to me anymore. I have been studying her for a while now, and my conclusion is, she’s heartbroken because she loves me so much, but she can’t talk to me. Someone or something is blocking her.

For example, she’s here now. She’s sitting on my bed, looking outside the window. She's singing a lullaby which sounds vaguely familiar...

I am standing at my desk, trying to write to you. But I can’t. I can barely hold my pen in my hand. It keeps falling... and I can’t even turn the pages. It’s all so stiff, sticky, and heavy. And cold.

I'm shivering.

I’m scared.

Mom?

Mommy? Can you hear me?

Please hear me! I beg you, please talk to me! I love you mommy; can we make peace?

I swear I don’t know why you won’t talk to me anymore. I swear I don’t know what I did!

I swear, mommy...please...PLEASE...

Chris saw his mother slowly standing up, looking towards the desk with the open diary, staring at the air towards him and then at the diary, her hand on her mouth in disbelief.

“Chris...Chris!” she screamed; then, she fainted.

When the doctor found her later that day, she was lying on the floor, aghast, her eyes wide, white, and her mouth open.

On the diary, a page had appeared, with a scrabble.

It said, “Love, Chris.”