THIS SCENE WAS CUT FROM THE MOVIE

“Um, wait what are we supposed to say?” One of the Fairy Godmothers asked me. I forget the king and queen’s names, but I was there to assist the assistants with their duties. It was tiring work! Anyway, the fairy’s name was Merryweather. I rolled my eyes and mouthed to her the iconic sentence that she had the audacity to forget. “Bippity, boppity, boo!” I mouthed. The fairy smiled sweetly and thanked me. I sighed, putting my head in my hands. We had practiced this before, but she just had to forget it on the most important day of our lives. It was always Merryweather who messed these things up.

“Bippity, boppity… BOO!” All of the fairies exclaimed at once. I punched my fist in the air, celebrating the iconic event.

Suddenly, something happened. It was all really a blur. I was so tiny, but I saw flashes of green, purple, and black. I gasped. It was Maleficent. I had been with her for my first five years, and I recognized those colors. Now I worked for the better, for the palace. But why was Maleficent here now? I could feel my heart racing, and my little chest tightening. I knew what Maleficent was capable of, and I didn’t want this to end badly, but I knew it would.

“Give me Aurora!” Maleficent said. Okay, she probably didn’t say that, but I was too busy screaming my head off and continuously having my soul leave my teeny weeny little body to hear what the villain had to say. All of the godmothers were panicking, but I didn’t know what to do either! So, we took Aurora, and dashed off. Maleficent wasn’t even trying to chase after us. Talk about not living up to your villainous dreams. Cruella de Vil was always my favorite, honestly. Who cares about a lady with horns that are clearly CGI or something? Not me.

My little feet were rushing, trying to keep up with all of the fairies and their wings. Aurora was just a baby, and she would miss her mother and father like crazy! “Not if she doesn’t know she even had one!” One of the fairies called out, reading my mind. I ‘humphed’ and then kept up with the flying.

[BROWN MOUSE #3 PAUSES, REGAINING COMPOSURE]

Finally, we reached the little cottage where Aurora would live in practical isolation for the rest of her life. She seriously was probably going mental. One time, before she met her stereotypical prince, with the same brown hair, brown eyes, and suit as every other Disney prince, and she was just lollygagging in the forest, talking to the birds and the owls about her dreams, I was scratching my little head. I would always go with Aurora when she went out for ‘mid-morning’ walks, but I certainly enjoyed it less than her. All that talking to animals nonsense probably was the cause for her curiosity, which always got the better of her. Ooh, ominous foreshadowing! Love that!

[BROWN MOUSE #3 CACKLES, AN OMINOUS FLASHLIGHT SUDDENLY APPEARING]

Eventually, a lot of years passed. I was always traveling with Aurora, but nobody knew it. I’m just brown mouse #3, but I was crucial to Aurora’s whole life! Anyway, two or three days before Aurora’s fateful sixteenth birthday, I was out on a walk with her. (This scene was cut from the movie.)

“Oh, brown mouse #3, when will I ever turn sixteen?” She had asked me. I rolled my eyes. Literally all of the princesses were dumb in the movies. “In two or three days,” I squeaked.

“No, not like that, you silly mouse! I mean- when will I ever turn sixteen?” She asked. I rolled my eyes again. She expected me to understand what she meant, but I honestly couldn’t. All this talk about turning sixteen and all that nonsense. She won’t even be able to go to the DMV, or even get her driver’s license and then look out the window with an Olivia Rodrigo song playing. Sixteen should mean nothing to Aurora, but she (and the fairies) believe that sixteen is a rite of passage. Not me.

[BROWN MOUSE #3 SIGHS, MUMBLING MORE ABOUT THE NUMBER SIXTEEN]

“Well, you will turn sixteen when you turn sixteen!” I squeaked again. She giggled the way Disney princesses do and then kept picking blackberries, her fingers magically not getting punctured. “You silly little mouse,” she said. I sighed, putting my head in my hands, and then we went back to the cottage.

I got about three hours of sleep before all of the fairies bugged me to help get the dress ready while Aurora went away. I refused, saying that I always went with Aurora. They eventually agreed, and then said that they’d get all the other mice to help them. I smiled, my nose twitching. I ran after Aurora, who was slowly walking towards the forest like the good princess she was. She started singing, and I groaned, well, squeaked, but when that girl starts singing- you won’t find me anywhere near her. She’s too high-pitched, honestly. It makes my eardrums bang and clack. It’s honestly so annoying.

Anyways- off the topic of how much I hate Aurora’s singing- when I finally caught up to her, I noticed somebody in the corner of my eyes. It was the prince. The stereotypical, brown-haired, brown-eyed prince. He was riding another stereotypical horse. Oh, how the stereotypes come to life in this world.

While Aurora was busy singing, and having the animals dress up as the (ugh) prince of her dreams, the prince got closer. I grabbed my lethal weapon- my stick- and got ready to pounce. Suddenly, Aurora saw the prince! For once, she wasn’t blind. Thank goodness.

I was too focused on actually defending my clueless princess than to hear what that stereotypical brute had to say to Aurora. Before I knew it, they were having such a romantic waltz and singing (oh my God) and then little dumb Aurora got so scared! Ah! And ran off before telling the stranger where she lived. How have I not prepared her for this? This is insane!

[BROWN MOUSE #3 GETS ON TOP OF HIS CHAIR AND BEGINS TO SAY THINGS THAT WE CAN’T SAY IN A DISNEY SHOW]

Sorry. Anyway, she runs off, and then who’s left to run on after her, with all the other animals just looking clueless? Me, that’s who! Sorry, CUT!

[BROWN MOUSE #3 GRABS A DRINK OF WATER]

OK, back to where we were. Oh right, Aurora. Before that- can I tell you how low-budget my role was? I’m on the screen more than Aurora, and she’s only on for like, sixteen minutes! Oh, there we go with the number sixteen again! And hey, why does my stunt double get all the credit? Brown Mouse #4 is not better than me. He just gets to do all the cool tricks. Sorry, I’m getting sidetracked by all the fake sparkles that the animators honestly did a terrible job with. Like, this movie came out in 1959- that was like, the olden days times 100. Like dang. It just makes me so mad because I was supposed to be the star! Did you know that?

[BROWN MOUSE #3 LOOKS AT PRODUCER AND STARES HER IN THE EYES]

I bet you didn’t know that. I actually auditioned for the part as Aurora, but then obviously Mary Costa had to get it because I’m just a mouse. This is discrimination! I call for better cheese! And OMG- don’t even get me started on that Mary Costa. ‘Oh, I’m an opera singer!’ ‘Oh, I sang for the president!’ Puh-lease. She spent half of the audition trying to cover up her Southern accent, and yet she’s the one who gets the leading role? I gave such a soulful, interpretive squeak-dance for my audition and they told me (and they had the audacity to tell me this) that I was ‘too-rodent-adjacent’ for the lead. This is a complete bias, honestly. I need to sue Disney or something at this point. Do your research on this woman. Ugh. Anyways, after I had to run to catch up with little old Aurora, the fairies were bugging me to help bake her cake. And they were trying to do it without magic. Like, what? Who would do that? The point of having magic is to use it, not try to do everyday things without it!

Anyway, I reluctantly helped with the baking of the cake for her (sigh) sixteenth birthday. And then they expected me to do all of this (with having to duck at every projectile thrown by at least one of them) and then help make Aurora’s dress. Like, I for one sorta liked her rags or whatever she had on better than the monstrosity we made. Besides, they were all fighting over the colors. So then, I had to be Therapist Brown Mouse #3 and obviously I had to pull them apart and talk about their feelings. (That scene was cut from the movie, obviously.) But I was tired after all of this work. Tired, I say! Hold up- CUT!

[BROWN MOUSE #3 HOLDS UP A SIGN SAYING ‘I’M TIRED OF THIS GRANDPA’]

Sorry, I gotta strike sometimes. It makes my whiskers tingle! Anyway, after she gets the dress, a couple other things happen, and then… I spot Maleficent. And I’m like, oh shoot, here we go again. Because I know what’s about to happen. When I was a young mouse, I was working for Maleficent (best days of my life, just kidding) I would overhear her plans for when Aurora turned sixteen. I think she either had beef with the fairies or the king and queen, I forget, honestly. Anyway (I know I’m saying ‘anyway’ a lot, my mom says that I get sidetracked a lot because my brain is too big to fit in my head), after a few other things happened, I had to follow the oh-so-stupid Aurora, because she decided to go into the ominous castle like WHAT?!

OK, so I was following the pretty pretty princess, and then she wouldn’t listen to me when I was warning her about Maleficent! She was so oblivious, honestly. So, she walked up into the castle and into the room with the spinning needle. Maleficent like, appeared, in the fire or something, but my soul had already left my little body too many times to count. And apparently, Aurora decided to TOUCH the spinning wheel, because (ooh, ominous foreshadowing) her curiosity always got the better of her. Typical.

[BROWN MOUSE #3 SIGHS, PLACING HEAD IN HANDS]

So, while Aurora is practically dying or whatever, the prince (I think his name is Phillip or something) is out there, trying to look tough in front of Maleficent, who’s literally a dragon. Talk about STEREOTYPICAL. This is diabolical. Truly. Anyway, they have an "epic" battle scene, and the prince obviously defeats Maleficent because we always have happy endings here. Because the princes are always the good guys. Because the princesses always need saving. And always by a kiss, too.

[BROWN MOUSE #3 LOOKS AT PRODUCER WITH A LOOSE TEAR IN HIS LITTLE BEADY EYES]

Oh, sorry, I'm about to get all emotional about this. Sorry. Anyways, after the prince and his stereotypical self slays the dragon, he goes up into the castle because Aurora is in a deep sleep and everybody thinks that they should wake her up because that's what every deep-sleep princess wants. Sigh. So, he takes his happy little... butt... and goes up to where Aurora is. He looks at her all romantically, and then decides- without her consent- to kiss her. Like what? I mean, I get that he was "saving her" or whatever, but it's never nice to do that without consent. Even if she was asleep, it was careless. Princes, am I right?

Anyway, since obviously we're just gonna have, like, a Snow White part 2, and awake with a kiss, Aurora wakes up, and then obviously the prince and Aurora are destined for each other now because of this one kiss. And obviously everybody lives happily ever after. Not the villain, who was probably misunderstood, but all of the stereotypical princes and fairies and kingdoms. And we're all supposed to be okay with this.

Anyways, that's the end of the stereotypical movie that really has a true story that is really dark. Do more research!

[BROWN MOUSE #3 SMILES WIDELY]

And that, folks, is the end of the low-paying, high-working, tiring story of me- Brown Mouse #3.