Cold

I could not believe him! He really did it again. No amount of talking to convincing was going to make him change. He said this time it was different, that he was doing something important. But can you really trust a person so untrustworthy? I sat on the sofa, with the phone on hand, credit card bill on screen. I looked around. The second-floor studio remained shrouded in light darkness. The snowfall was slowly caressing the windows. I looked over to the kitchen, everything was clean. My sight was getting lost in various parts of the room, as if trying to escape reality.

The phone began to ring, it was him. He was oblivious that I had direct access to the credit card account. He did not think through, but how could he? He is an impulsive buyer. As soon as cash lands on his lap he darts to a store, to buy something either useless or unnecessary. Sometimes both.

I was thinking things through. Or was I? I loved him, I really did, but I felt like I could not do this anymore. I oversaw most bills since he was fired last month. He has been looking for a job recently. It is true that he was trying, I even helped him edit his resume.

The phone began to ring again.

I picked it up.

“Hello?”

“Hey!” He said, he was a certain pep to his voice.

“What’s up?” I decided to keep the charade for now.

“I really need to talk to you! Are you home?” He asked.

I could not take it anymore.

“You know what? NO.” I blasted out. “If you bought another of your stupid figures or useless things you love to buy, don’t even think about coming back!” I said and hung up.

Tears trickle down my cheeks. I could feel the cold of the tears. Was it the cold of the snow or my own.

I buried my face in my arms. We were planning to get a bigger apartment. Even a house, a pet, and…

I raised my head, cleaned my tears, and stood up. I looked at the bill on my phone again. A big red negative five hundred dollars sat on my balance. I really could not believe I wanted to start a family with someone so irresponsible.

“This is probably the worse Christmas ever.” I said aloud while sobbing. I ended up sitting again, against my will. The tears and sadness were stronger. I felt irresponsible, it was probably because the card was being charged by my name. I have never had an outstanding card bill before. I have always been responsible.

He used to be too. Back in college he was the one that kept me in check. I was always handing in assignments late, always arrived late to class. Sometimes it was because I slept in, taking care of my sick mother during the night does that to you. Other times I had to take her to her doctor’s appointments. I was the only daughter, so it was my sole responsability ever since my father left us. Yet, he was always there for me. He vouched for me with the professors; brought me the notes and homework for the days I could not be in class. He even helped me finish some of the projects.

He has been there in the good and the bad. Was I being fair? I did not know. The anxiety of the credit card bill made my decisions for me. I was being unreasonable. He was even there when mom passed. Nothing has been the same since.

I breathed in.

Am I really going to kick him out of my life without at least an explanation? Sure, he has been a bit wasteful of money lately, but never this amount of money. No, something is wrong here. The amount plus his attitude. He did not sound worried. Was he trying to hide it from me?

I heard a knock on the door. I knew it was him. He had the key, but he respected my decisions.

“Hey, can we talk?” He spoke.

My mouth was sealed, tears still adorning my face.

“I know you probably saw the bill, but I have really good news.” He said again. There was a strange mix of happiness and desperation in his voice. Was he scared of being kicked out?

I opened the door. He was covered in snow, his breath visible. He was trying to catch his breath unsuccessfully, taking heavy breaths.

“What?” I asked with a certain icy demeanor in my voice.

“I can explain. Seriously.” He said he was still breathing hard.

“Well, explain then.” I shoved the phone to his face. The big red minus five hundred judging him fiercely.

“Before I explain that, I want to talk with you about something.” He was nervous.

“Speak, man!” I blurted out.

“I got a job!” He spoke. I felt a slight amount of hope, yet the anxiety lingered. I did not feel like this was enough to forgive him.

“You wasted a lot of money this time.” I glared at him. I did not care that he was still covered in snow.

“The job is stable. It is computer engineering. What I studied. They even-

I shoved my index finger near his face.

“I do not want to hear it. You got the job, so you bought something and you are going to pay it back” I said.

“Yeah, but.” He spoke.

“No BUT” I screamed. The nosy old lady from next door peered through her door crack.

He removed his mitten and reached into his pocket. He handed me a check for five hundred dollars.

“Where did you get this?” I said in disbelief.

“They pay an advance as a bonus to those who they choose. From two hundred applicants they only chose four people. I was one of the lucky ones.” He spoke. His smile turned into a soft frown.

I felt bad now. Not only did I burst at him screaming, but I also barely gave him a moment to explain himself. He was still standing outside covered in snow and water.

“C’mon in” I said softly like a whimper.

He walked in. Disappointed. He looked like a kid who was being grounded.

I walked past him and moved the curtain a bit. It was snowing hard out there. I checked my phone, it was 10 am. He got up early, walked there and managed to secure the job. And here I was treating him like dirty.

But wait…

“What did you use the money on, anyway?” I asked as I turned around.

He was standing there. He was smiling now, a weird yet warm smile. In his hand was a small golden box made of cardboard. He opened it, revealing a stunning silver necklace with a silver heart.

“Open it.” He spoke.

“Didn’t you already open the gift?” I looked at him surprised. I was taken aback.

“Not that silly.” He said as he opened the heart.

In it was a picture of me hugging my mother.

I began to cry as I hugged him.

“I’m sorry, I was really cold to you” I said.

“it’s my fault really, for trying to keep it a secret.” He hugged me tightly. “Merry Christmas, love.”