Transitioning

Transitioning

Bethany is sitting in her kitchen with her dad drinking coffee. She's trying to make him understand why he had to come live with her but he is stubbornly refusing to accept the truth of it.

Her dad had started falling a lot, hurting himself, and her adult son who was also living in his house with him couldn't watch over him while he was working-even though he worked from home. So the last time he fell, he cut his fingers so badly, all the band-aids in the world weren't going to fix it. They went to the ER and she convinced the doctor that he needed more than a bandaid, he was going to need a permanent solution.

That was the beginning of the end. She couldn't convince the doctor that he needed immediate action, so instead of taking him back to his house when they were done, she brought him home with her.

It was clear now that she was speaking with him over freshly brewed coffee he was going to be a challenge to convince.

Parkinsons is an ugly, painful disease. It makes a person rigid, stooped over, and shaky.Her dad had been diagnosed, yet still refused to accept it. On top of that, he also had aphasia, a voice robbing condition tjat made communication with him difficult. Add to those things the fact that we was so hard of hearing, he'd become proficient in lip reading. They used a white board to communicate, or flash cards.

She longed for the good times they'd shared over countless games of pool. When he was in his home, it was customary for him to enjoy a tiny glass of wine in the afternoon, so many times, they shared in that tradition. He drank some dreadful table wine from the old country-Almadin she thinks-but it wasn't too bad. Besides, it was a tiny glass. She was good at playing pool, yet he beat her all the time. He still had it even at 80!

Now she looked across the table at him, weakened, angry, depressed, and wondered if she had done the right thing. He looked past her at the plates atop her improvised coffee bar that her hubby Daniel had fashioned for her out of 2x4’s hung on the wall above a roll-around cart. She had these cute tiny plates on stands that she had picked up in an antique mall. She had her “magic” teapot, coffee, teas of all kinds, soup cups and more decorating her little coffee bar. The tiny plates said things like “Cafe” and “Cappuccino”. Her dad sipped carefully and focused back on her. She took him into the living area and made him comfortable.

She realized what she was taking on but she had her husband and her brother Kyle who could help. Neither would be happy with this new arrangement but they also knew there werent many other options at the moment.

Bethany was a small woman, used to being in a caregiving role. However, this was her dad. She had to figure out how she could care for him and protect his dignity. She remembers dealing with her mother who’s dignity it seemed was the most important thing to her. She remembered having to give her a sponge bath the night before she went into the nursing home. She was not happy about her seeing her naked.Bethany tried to be as gentle and understanding as she could, her mom was just being difficult.

Now she was dealing with her dad who was incontinent, wondering if it was going to be the same. Daniel and Kyle would probably have to take turns showering him because Bethany was too small to do that by herself. None of this sounded very dignified. Bridges she would have to cross pretty soon.

When Daniel got home, he was not surprised to see Gary there. He had known that it was coming to this. Bethany’s son from a previous marriage. Shaun worked from home but was all about himself. He said he was watching her dad when he was there but Bethany knew and so did Daniel that he spent eight hours in his room with the door shut working. The time that her dad fell holding the garden shears he was right behind him, but had his back to him. Daniel wasn’t upset, just concerned. He knew this was a temporary fix and eventually Gary would have to go into some kind of facility with 24/7 care. While he was fixing dinner, Bethany called Kyle and told him the situation. He agreed to come over and try to smooth things over with Gary.

Kyle arrived an hour later and they all sat down to dinner together. Then when he got ready to go, Gary started to follow. That was when Kyle had to gently tell him that no, he couldn’t go with him this time. He needed to stay with Bethany and Daniel until he got better. Gary looked as if he would cry. It was his plan to die in his home. Now that wasn’t going to happen, obviously. This was why he had the attitude. She wanted to be sympathetic and proactive at the same time.

The next day, Bethany went to Gary’s hpuse to pick up some clothes and hearing aide supplies and speak to Shaun about what she had done. She encouraged him to come visit often so her dad wouldn't feel abandoned by him. She could tell he was wary, he was so selfish. She could not for the life of her understand why her boys were taking so long to “grow up.” Sure, they were all adults yet they didn't act like it, not one of them. Ugh, a problem for a different day. After grabbing his stuff, Bethany returned home and got his room sorted out, showing him where everything was. She had protection on the bed, his walker, and everything he needed to settle in and stay a while. Since he was still unsure and she didnt want a fight, she took him in the game room for some pool. They drank water.

She tried to be present as they played, but her mind was elsewhere. Could she handle this? What if he fell and she was alone? Should she start looking for a nurse to come in several times a week? She had many questions and knew that long talks with Daniel and Kyle would be necessary. Daniel told her she must get used to the fact that she would need help, likely an outside facility because if he fell and Daniel was at work, he could injure both of them. Right now though, she just wanted to enjoy her dad’s company and sort out the hard stuff later. Outside, the rain began to fall.