Chasing Red

Red colors my world, I see it in my hobbies, in my emotions. I own red, if not, then why would it appear to me so much. Some say it’s because I’m constantly looking for it, but I think red finds me. I allow myself to chase red occasionally. My joy is in the fate of red finding me but also the times when I savor choosing it.

Today, is the chasing day, oh, my very favorite day. I knew it was, because today I saw a red cardinal in my backyard. Incredibly majestic, just lounging on the wooden board that hangs from my tree. My red cardinal, drawn to me without even the promise of food.

This day will be my routine but today will go so slow. I dread the slowness as I drive down the winding roads. The grass colored an orange nearly red shade by the leaves strewn about after falling from their tress. That red isn’t mine, mine is a scarlet red, still, it’s a promising sign for the day.

Back to the slowness, the slowness is the price of the chase. In respect for routine, I endure the wait before the chase. Still, I always get more anxious throughout the day, waiting and waiting for my time to come.

I watch as I drive for all the little things to distract me, nothing red, I don’t deserve to chase red multiple times today.

I stop at a light and see an old man wave at me as he helps his wife across the bright white crosswalk. They probably never found a passion like mine, poor people. It is true though, that when you have an Intense passion like mine it’s bound to catch up to you! I accept that fact, for it’s just another price, at the register of the universe. I’ll pay for passion willingly, with the only hope that my end is as colorful and theatric as the way I execute my passion.

The old couple continues on their way, ignorant to their loss.

I drive planning my night, longing for when I’ll get my supplies. I see the Walmart, I can imagine myself buying the canvas, picking the paint, and securing everything in place. I’ll find the inspiration and perform my great work.

I arrive at the plain government office where I work, this would be a great canvas, I can dream but it goes against the routine. Almost everything does but it’s just another price to be paid.

The building sign reads the same as it has for the last 4 decades “County Treasurer.” Taxes and what not are done here but I’m just an assistant to the supervisor. All I do is answer phones and fetch things. I never had a specific calling in the work environment, not that I would want one or even need one. I am content though some things do bother me. I keep my temper down for I’ll always remember when red saved me.

I enter the building silent as I let my thoughts of other happier things keep me going. This place is so bland, that is another thing that bothers me. I could do so much with this place.

Alice is at the front desk with her quirky little annoying smile. The plastic sticky tile that no one bothers to clean squeaks under my sneakers.

“Hi John.” Alice says without looking at me enthralled in whatever keeps her gaze. She’s really too polite. She knows I won’t answer and yet she continues with this every morning, relentless in her attempt to win me over. It’s really quite silly she thinks it’s that easy, one day, she’ll know better.

Darrell does know better as he passes me down the hallway, bumping into me, still staying silent. To him I am as invisible as he is to Alice. Whom he relentlessly vies for without recognition from her. She either isn’t interested or truly is as quirky and ignorant as she appears. He ought to give up as she really isn’t worth it.

I find my plain cubicle, bare compared to everyone else’s. All I have is my black ballpoint pens in a mug, and my little white sticky notes flittering up at the top. And of course, a company issued desktop computer that’s glitchy.

I monotonously type and log the supervisors work daydreaming of the day to come. I pay so little attention that I realize I’m not adding commas and missing specific numbers. No one really looks at these papers and it would be too much work to relog. So, I move on with other tasks.

At some point throughout the day the supervisor comes over and tells me to file some documents and what not. He doesn’t actually tell me, he just hands them over. We’ve both been here long enough to know that I don’t want to talk, and he doesn’t want to talk back to me. In this we’ve made our gestures, and pleasantries are skipped.

I do my work and go to the little room with the refrigerator and tables where everyone gathers to eat lunch. I never really like to eat much at lunch, I mostly come here to listen. The interesting thing is, if you listen enough a lot can be heard. Today, a fresh hot topic comes from Alice’s mouth that I know she’s just too eager to share. It’s quite amusing and I can’t help trying to conceal my smirk at her small-town worries.

“Guys, have you heard about the murders throughout town?” I see her eyebrows scrunching as she realizes that everyone is laughing at her. “Alice, come on. That’s just a rumor,” her coworkers say.

She’s not totally convinced by this reassurance and turns away from everyone at her table. Then submissive Darrell adds his own two cents “Alice, I do think I saw some real concrete evidence about that on the news.” He just won’t give up.

This perks her up immediately and she quickly responds “Really?” Her voice high with excitement like a 6-year-old.

I see it then and I go stone cold, not out of fear but respect. I see my inspiration and I couldn’t be happier. It really is perfect and just the right amount of fate I was looking for. Alice has a small red bow tied around her hair tie. I know what I must do, and I’ll enjoy it, especially Darrel’s face.

“Alice, how would you like to go out for dinner tonight?” They all blankly stare at me. It wasn’t a perfect invitation, very blunt, but I do know that curious naïve Alice will say yes. I’m mysterious and she can’t help herself.

As if on cue she murmurs “Sure. When?” I can hear the curiousness in her voice, nothing has ever felt so appealing to my ear.

“Matilda’s Steakhouse at 8?” I add a little smirk that confirms everything in her if it already wasn’t.

Now everything is set except my errands, I can’t wait for work to be over, I was right, this day is going by slowly.

I thankfully make it through the day though it’s very hard. The only inconvenience is Alice coming over to check on our plans, she is in for a fun night. If she only knew.

I make my way out to my silver uniform truck. Not red, but that’s probably for the best. Knowing me I would be constantly misreading it as a sign. I feel my heart beating faster, I start running. My breath grows shorter. “Start the car, start the car.” I whisper to myself. My hands shaking to grab my keys. I feel as if being chased by an invisible threat. Though, I know it’s not by fear just excitement.

Finally, I get the key into the ignition and start the car. I’m easily over the speed limit but it doesn’t matter. The old engine roars and the world blends into a shade of red and blurriness. I feel like I am something unstoppable. I am something that can’t be beaten. I am feared and it’s the best feeling ever.

Then I enter Walmart and am humbled by my surroundings. The chilly air and the Justin Bieber throwbacks blasting over the speakers. People roaming around buying things that they don’t really need for people they don’t really like.

It’s so hard not to get sucked in by other people and their stories, mostly what they’re missing.

I used to be one of them. Going about life with no higher purpose, no higher calling, worrying about silly things that never really mattered.

I find the art and crafts aisle, and I carefully select each piece. The white paint, big canvas, perfect fluffy brush, and my easel. Then I just need to hit one more aisle, I find a good sharp knife as those work best for applying paint thinly.

Check, check, check. It’s all in place now just for my date with Alice.

I immediately spot her in a long red flowing dress, eagerly trying to spot me in the crowd of people waiting for a table. Tonight, will be like no other, I can feel it in my bones and in the rush of adrenaline coarsing through me. I exhale to calm myself and also to savor this feeling.

I see the exact moment Alice spots me among the others. I try my best to look enticing as I weave through the crowd of this busy restaurant.

“John, I’m so happy you made it.”

“I couldn’t be happier to be here.” While I don’t date, my statement to Alice was the farthest thing from a lie.

The waitress in her plain black dress and tight knot in her hair leads us to the corner table packed by people on either side. I try to tune out all of Alice’s remarks contemplating everything to come and how to get what I need from her for the painting. This will be hard, but I like a challenge.

I finally figure it out as dessert comes and they serve me a molten lava cake I don’t remember ordering.

I know how I’ll get what I want, and really, it’s quite easy!

We walk back to my car and can I feel Alice lingering wanting more of an explanation, something more to come of this night! I make my move and I drive away through the dark night. Then it’s just for the inspiration.

The red covers my whole body, it stains my hands, it wets my short coarse hair. What a beautiful sight I am in the mirror! My red is amazing though I still owe much credit to Alice, she was very fun! I don’t understand why they renamed this red, Alice’s red. It’s sounds so much less dazzling when you call it … Alice’s blood, it makes it out to sound like a horror. When really it’s just my wonderful passion.

I mix the red with the white paint and make my beautiful canvas of her. My beautiful canvas of red and of Alice. The light reflects perfectly, this is exactly what I wanted. My chasing day is complete ending with the perfect shade of red. I do hope fate finds me again. If not, I’ll always have the chase.