Slay A Dragon, But Don't Us Santa's, "Sleigh"

Slay A Dragon, But Don't Use Sana's, "Sleigh"

My name is Danny. I'm a dragon. Actually, I would have been quite happy living in this huge metropolis of Danville, Va., but there were a few things that made it be not as awesome as it could have been for me. There's some dude in town who always wore long-pants, even in the summer since he didn't thing his legs looked good enough to be shown off. Because of that, everybody referred to him as, "Sir Pants-A-Lot." Everybody in the village looked down to him. The reason for that was because he stood 4 foot 10 so they would always squat down whenever they spoke to him so he wouldn't be intimidated by his shortness. Yet even though he was quite short in stature, he was extremely tall in spirit. Because of that, all the villagers kind of, "looked up to him," except not literally. The problem with being short is that he was always the last one to know when it was raining. Still, he was also the last one to get wet. He was definitely an optimist, not a pessimist so his glass was always half full, in spite of having a drinking problem. He drank a lot of water so his glass was always half-full. On the other hand, he also ran a lot, except to the bathroom, that is. His only friends were named, "John" and, "Lou." He did it, "for the, 'health' of it," and often he would jog so far he needed to call on a, "toe-truck" to get him since jogging caused, "the agony of, 'de-feet.' "

Since he was so short in stature, he was constantly getting picked on by the taller guys in the village. They would ask him a lot of stupid questions like, "How's the weather down there ?" Caught any knees in the chin lately ?" "Are Spud Web's knees really the knobbiest of all in The N. B. A. ?" "The ref said he would let you use a trampoline when you have a jump-ball.," then they would clonk him on his head and say, "Oops! Sorry about that! I was just trying to give you a high-5!" " 'Well,' That's a, 'deep' subject for a shallow mind like you have now, tall guy!"

Then they'd laugh and punch him playfully on his head to give him a noogy, or rub his hair and left him. He'd also laugh, but when they had left, he'd run off someplace and ball bitterly, over the basket, "ball." He hated being so short, especially because he shot baskets a lot at the goal in his driveway and had just recently reached the point where he could get the ball up close enough to actually touch the hoop. His arms had gotten to be mighty strong because of all the trying he attempted so because of that he could have beet anybody in some Indian arm-wrestling match if anybody would have ever done some with him but they didn't because they all labeled him as being a loser at everything, although failures made him want to eat so the only thing he didn't lose was weight, yet he had to, "wait" for any chance to find success in life, yet all those failures made him want to eat more food which meant the only thing he found was the pounds he'd worked so hard to get rid of. Still, he kept on trying every day which helped him to win that cursed, "Battle Of The Bulge" so many people have been trying so hard to win.

Then while he was trying to make up for all the wrongs he'd been doing recently, he heard about some dragon who had been devouring fair maidens in the vasinitty. He'd been decreasing the population of them quite a lot which meant it wasn't as much fun for the guys to attend the county fair because they didn't have any, "fair"-maidens who could go with them. Yet all the valiant knights who had all just attempted to rid the kingdom of that awful menace never returned from attempting to do it. That was an extremely dark period of time in the kingdom of Danville for the fair maidens and all their loved-ones.

Later on I continued to decrease the population of young maidens in that huge metropolis every day. Finally the governor of Danville, Abigail Spamburger, offered a million dollar reward for whoever could rid the huge metropolis of that dreaded menace who had been decreasing the population of young damsels dramatically every day. She offered a $10,000.000,00 reward, plus the hand of her beautiful daughter to any knight who could bring her the head of that horrible monster. Yet if any of them could bring her the entire body of that awful monster alive, she would give that person her entire body, along with her hand. Many brave knights had tried, but had had never returned. The families of those brave men who had lost their lives to that awful monster would always say to the governor, "Cheese, Burger! We're running out of knights too! We will have to send in some days!"

The poor governor was beside himself with worry. That was actually more of a blessing to him because it meant he had only half as many of the villagers on his back. That was beginning to break his vertebral scapula. (That's a lot more fun to say then merely the back-bone). The problem was all the knights had turned chicken, which meant they were more like, "turkeys" to that poor Governor. The huge town was fast running out of brave, "knights" who only wanted to work days.

That's when a townsman's 10 year-old son who was named Blacky, in spite of being a white child, (his parents chose a name that nobody else would have). Well, they succeeded. Anyway, he took his sward and shield then went up to the sleeping dragon. He kicked him to wake him up then said, "Yo ! Now, get up so I can kill you, dragon !"

"Don't kill me!" said the dragon putting his paws up in surrender, "I'm a really nice guy! Why do you want to shorten my lifespan so much ?"

"You've been devouring all the fair maidens in Danville !" replied the knight, "so the mayor kind of frowns on that a little bit from any kind of animal for some odd reason ! All I know is I've been sent to sleigh you ! Now, please give me a break ! All dragons are mean, cruel and vicious and you also think madins are really delicious ! Hay! I'm a poet and didn't know it ! That was a really good yuck-yuck ! Get it ? "

That made the dragon laugh, which was an exceptionally rare thing because they seldom do that, especially with a sward pointed in their faces. When the little knight realized the dragon was not so awful like all the people had told me he had been, he got on his back and went for a ride back to the kingdom of Danville, and told all the people he was a nice dragon. Then the mayor employed him to light all the people's pilot lights whenever they went out, and since dragons live forever unless they're slain by somebody, he stayed in Danville while giving rides to the children who wanted to fly on his back. So like the the best-written stories of all-time will officially finish up with,

"HE JUST LIVED HAPPILY EVER AFTER !!!!" The end.

----------------------------------------- By, Cuz Roye.