Sunsets and Stars

“Your makeup looks amazing! I need to see your dress! Like the whole dress!” Kel’s MarcoPolo ends. Stacie taps the white circle at the bottom of her screen to start recording her message. She holds her phone up high at an angle to try to capture the entirety of her outfit.

“Love it?” The dress really is fabulous. Its black length reaches to the middle of her shins and has a slit all the way to her upper thigh. The ruching fabric cinches in her waist and short cap sleeves show off her toned arms. A gold locket hangs just below the cowl neckline. She twists back and forth for the camera, trying to show Kel every angle. “Hold on, I’ll go to the full length mirror in my room, then you can see my cute shoes too!” Stacie spins out of her bathroom and into her room to stand in front of the mirror. Dramatically she strikes a pose placing a hand on her hip and thrusting her tanned leg out of the dress’s slit. Earlier today she got her first spray tan ever just for tonight. It was a mortifying experience for her demure nature and she regretted it immediately, but now as she admires how good her leg looks, she’d gladly do it again. Shaking her blond waves she lowers her voice. “Happy Birthday Mr. President.” Giggling at her own silliness, she ends the recording.

Kel’s face immediately fills the screen and the speakers play her classic deep airless laughter. Kel’s laugh is iconic, it’s hard to tell sometimes if she is having the best time of her life or a medical emergency. Stacie revels in her friend’s appreciation of her wit.”You look like Bond Girl amazing! Brad is for sure going to have the hottest wife at this company party. He will probably get a promotion just for his impeccable taste in women.”

Stacie laughs just as Brad walks into the room. He’s focused on buttoning his shirt cuff. He looks much the same as he did when they met 18 years ago other than now he has some gray around his temples. He still gives her butterflies.

“You look very nice,” she smiles and subtly pokes her leg out from the revealing slit.

“You too,” he says without moving his eyes from his buttons as he brushes past her.

Her butterflies impale on the spear of his indifference and she tucks her leg back into her dress. She knows he sees her everyday, but she doesn’t look like this everyday. Most days she is in a hoodie and ponytail with maybe a little mascara. It’s been a long time since he called her beautiful. So long that she can’t remember when, and it makes her wonder if she even is. A void in her chest begins to open, a deep hunger of just wanting to be wanted, to feel noticed. Life is so busy lately. Both their boys are in a competitive soccer league and so after working all day as a nurse in a pediatric office, Stacie spends most evenings taking the boys to practice and then weekends are full of games and trying to catch up on all the housework that gets deferred during the week. Brad just started a new job at a start up software company. It’s his dream job and he’s so excited to get to start at the ground level. He’s giving this job his all, working almost 60 hours a week and most evenings at home he sits next to her in bed with his focus on his laptop. They used to be fun, but now he seems annoyed when she tries to talk to him, like her questions are so ignorant and disruptive from the important things he is doing. She used to make him laugh, but it’s been so long she wonders if she just imagined it. She knows he is working hard and needs her support, but lately that void in her chest seems to

be getting deeper and deeper.

“I’ll be in the car,” Brad calls out and Stacie grabs her bag and rushes out to join him.

As they pull out of the garage Stacie is struck by the beauty of the sunset. The mountains on the east side of the valley glow a bright pink from the reflection of the sun setting over the mountains to the west. Billowy clouds radiate vibrant oranges, golds and purples. “Gorgeous,” she whispers. “Doesn’t the sky look magical, like how lucky we are to live in such a beautiful world. Wouldn’t it be incredible if the sky could look like this all the time!”

Brad scoffs, but any response he had to give is cut off by his ringing phone. “What’s up Brian, yeah we just left… we are about to get on the freeway.”

Stacie melts into her seat and watches the sky fade from technicolor to dim grays and blues and Brad updates Brian on who knows what, because she has stopped listening. The hole in her chest deepens.

Brad’s new company is really set on the concept that they are “family” and to encourage this culture they host quarterly activities for employees and spouses to bond and get to know each other. The company is still really small and so there are only about 15 employees and their plus ones tonight. The event is at a piano bar downtown. Stacie has never been there, but has heard of it and always wanted to go. Kel’s cousin had her bachelorette party here a few years ago and apparently it can be quite a riot. Dueling pianists take requests and layer it with lots of comedy and theatrics. It should be a fun night.

As they enter the bar, Stacie immediately has the impression of The Great Gatsby. A stage sits in the center of the room hosting two ebony grand pianos. Above them hangs a dramatic brass chandelier with cascading crystal loops. All of it is surrounded by dark purple walls accented with gold geometric designs.

Brad disappears into a crowd of handshakes and shoulder slaps, while Stacie scopes out the other women looking for anyone who looks approachable. This is her first company “Family Night,” and so she doesn’t really know anyone yet. She decides a cosmopolitan is going to offer her the most amity and heads to the bar. She is drumming her fingernails on the wooden bar while she waits for her drink, when suddenly the room erupts into cheers. The bartender hands her her cosmo and she turns to see the cause for the uproar. Two men dressed in dark tuxedos have walked onto the stage and are waving and bowing in acceptance of the applause. From the bar she can’t see the stage too well, but it feels safer than trying to find a place to sit among the sea of strangers, so she pulls up a plush velvet stool and has a seat.

The pianists introduce themselves, but Stacie is distracted by her search for Brad. She finally spots him at a table near the stage with two other men. Their heads are bowed, deep in conversation and only seem mildly aware of the show about to start. She is now certain she has found her seat for the duration of the evening here at the bar.

The two performers have taken their seats at their pianos and open with Tiny Dancer, Stacie recognizes the song only a few notes in. She loves Elton John, his songs remind her of her dad. The first player begins to sing, and there is something familiar about his voice. A familiarity that desperately makes her want to swaddle herself in it like a cozy quilt while simultaneously cram it into a box and run as far from it as she can get. She finishes her drink and signals to the bartender to get her another. The pounding of her heart nearly drowns out the rest of the song. By the time the audience is applauding the end, she has finished her second drink.

“Thank you,” says one of the pianists. He has dark hair with chiseled features. Stacie can’t see them from here, but she knows his eyes are the color of hot cocoa. “I love Elton John, not the same way Adam over here loves Elton John.” He motions to Adam who has donned a big pair of red glittery sunglasses and a rhapsodic smile.” I think Adam’s devotion is unmatched.” the crowd laughs and Adam shrugs without losing an ounce of sparkle from his smile.

”Next we want to play a song that reminds me of a really special night when I met a really special person. Then we will get into our requests, so be thinking about your special songs. We are talking wedding first dance, prom, epic roadtrip, backseat, or even break up songs. Let’s get some memories going!”

The men position their hands on the keys, but before even one note is played, Stacie knows the song. It will be “Iris” by the Goo Goo Dolls. The room starts to spin and Stacie turns from the stage to grip the bar to keep from falling over.

“Easy there,” says Kel.

Stacie turns to look at her in shock. “Kel?”

Kel lets out her signature laugh, “Sheesh! Are you drunk already? You can’t be drunk already! Our celebrations are just getting started! And… I think I just found your birthday present.” Kel bites her lower lip menacingly and uses her eyes to point towards the band performing.

The lead singer is shirtless and drawing most of the attention from the females in the front row as he belts out the Goo Goo Dolls cover, but Stacie barely notices him because her eyes lock on the soft brown eyes watching her from behind the keyboard.

“That hot keyboardist has been eyeing you for the last two songs,” Kel chortles.

He smiles, but with only half of his mouth when he realizes Stacie is looking back at him. She smiles and shyly looks down. Feeling suddenly nervous, she wipes her sweaty hands on her jean skirt. Wait, why is she wearing a jean skirt! Further investigation reveals she is also wearing a silky green camisole top and a white sash that reads “Birthday Girl.” Kel is standing so close to her she can smell the Aussie Sprunch Spray that gives her curls their everlasting crunch. That doesn’t make sense though, because Kel hasn’t worn her hair like that in almost 20 years. Nothing makes sense!

The song ends and the hormonal front row squeals. The semidressed singer announces that they will be taking a short break and looks directly at his haram squealing even more exuberantly now,

“Now is your chance,” Kel whispers and disappears into the crowd.

Stacie forgets how to breathe as she sees the musician gliding through the mob towards her.

“Happy Birthday,” he says.

“Huh?” she replies, her head swimming with confusion, He points to her sash. “Oh yeah, very important person tonight I guess.” This bizarre vortex of reality makes absolutely no sense, but there is something about his half smile that is dissolving her anxiety. “Do you like alternative rock or hate gourds?”

One eyebrow disappears behind his shaggy dark hair. Now it is his turn to look befuddled. She points at his Smashing Pumpkins T-shirt. “Oh! Um both? I think Billy Corgan is an amazing songwriter and he plays the keyboard. I also really hate butternut squash and the sticky slimy feeling of carving out a pumpkin.”

Stacie smiles at him and his half smile turns into a full smile that makes his eyes crinkle.

“Can I get you a drink? You know, for your birthday.”

She waves a hand, “Oh you don’t have to buy me a drink just because it’s my birthday.”

“That’s okay, I wasn’t going to buy you one.”

Now she’s confused, again, and a little insulted.

“I was going to GET, you a drink. Because we are the booked gig we have an open tab, I don’t have to BUY anything.” He winks at her and leans onto the bar to get the bartender.s attention. He’s closer to her now and she can smell his Hugo Boss cologne and can’t help but notice the way his bicep moves under his t-shirt when he raises his arm to signal the server.”What are you having Birthday Girl?”

“A cosmo please, and I’m Stacie.”

“Ethan.”

She cannot take her eyes off of his mouth as he gives her another wide smile.

Time goes too fast and he’s being summoned back onto the stage to resume playing with his band. Ethan and Stacie cannot take their eyes off of each other throughout the entire set list. The void she felt early that night is being filled with vibrant pinks and purples and golden warmth. She feels like she could float away into the clouds. She knows she will leave this bar with Ethan. She will go back to his apartment and they will stay up all night talking and he will play his favorite records for her and she will never hear Smashing Pumpkins the same. She knows that for the next 8 months they will be inseparable other than having to fulfill obligations like attending class and work. She knows that they will go to a Halloween party next month dressed as Austin Powers and Felicity Shagwell and they will have too much to drink and she will fall asleep in his arms on Kel’s couch. She knows that the first time he goes to her parents for dinner, her mom will feed him squash and he will choke it down, but not without Stacie laughing so hard at him water comes out of her nose. She knows he will hold her in silence for over an hour when she tells him her dad has just been diagnosed with cancer. She knows she will yell at him and cry when he tells her that he’s moving to the east coast with his band because shirtless singer guy knows a guy who can get them some gigs that will get them noticed and then they can get a recording deal. She knows he will promise her that it is only a year until she is done with nursing school, and then she can join him. She knows that she will never join him because long distance proves to be just too hard, and all the brilliant colors will fade to grays and blues and eventually go black.

The music ends. Tears are streaming down her cheek. A new song has started. This song is also familiar, comforting. Norah Jones, “Come Away With Me.” A thumb is brushing away her tears. Concerned blue eyes are inventorying her face. “I’m sorry,” a mouth whispers against her temple and she is pulled into a broad reassuring chest. Arms wrap tenderly around her. “I should have come after the first song. Tiny Dancer. It’s what your dad used to call you. I should have been here.”

Stacie melts into Brad’s embrace.

“I also should have told you that you look absolutely amazing in that dress.”

Her tears flow more but are now sweet instead of salty.

“Did you request this song?” she asks.

“It’s my best memory,” he said as he pulls her by her hand from her seat at the bar. His other hand moves to her lower back pulling her close to him and together they began to rock in a circle.

“Our wedding dance. I still can’t believe you chose me.” He presses his face into her hair.

“I’ve missed you,” she chokes.

“I’ve had my priorities wrong. I’m going to work harder at getting them right.” Now he is the one who sounds raspy. “I think we’ve had enough company time. Are you starving? Because I would love some ramen from that little place two blocks over. You know the one that does karaoke on weekends?”

“Yes!” she pulls back to face him. “Can we sit in the back and make fun of all the terrible Whitney Houston wannabes while we shamelessly slurp our noodles?”

“I can’t think of anything better. Maybe other than getting you out of that dress later.”

She kisses him, like really kisses him and he kisses her back. They walk hand in hand towards the exit.

“My bag!” she exclaims! "I left it sitting on the bar. Just a second.” She rushes back and is relieved to see her bag still sitting there, but something else is there too. Ethan stands next to the bar, his brown eyes locking on her.

“Stacie?” His eyes and smile are both wide.

“Hey,” she replies.

“I can’t believe this?! How are you?”

She pauses, and all the joy and confidence swelling around her heart swims to her mouth with her answer, “I am completely wonderful.” And with that she grabs her purse and spins towards the door where her husband is waiting for her. She doesn’t look back to see if Ethan watches her go, or beckons for her to come back. She doesn’t look because she doesn’t care.

Brad’s face lights up when he sees her approaching. Simultaneously they reach out for one another and hold hands as they exit the bar. The brisk night air makes her shiver and he removes his coat and drapes it over her shoulders.

“Because if it never got dark we could never see the stars.”

“What?” her brow crinkles.

“You asked why cant the sky always look the way it does at sunset. The answer is because if it did then it would never get dark enough to see the stars, and they are magnificent.”

Together they gaze up into the sky and Stacie's black hole fills with stars.