I'm Still Here

It's been days.

I've been trapped down here for days.

Maybe it's been weeks... I don't know. There is no concept of time down here.

I've realized as time went on that nobody was coming back for me. I thought that maybe this was my punishment for pushing away every good thing and every good person that I've ever had in my life.

I deserved this, didn't I.

I wasn't exactly sure when that conclusion came to me, but all I've had was time to think about what could've happened, and why.

The days bled together.

I wonder if maybe this is what it feels like to be okay with dying. Am I accepting this horrible fate?

It's not that I haven't tried getting out, but all of my efforts to escape this place failed.

The dirt was so heavy on top of me it felt like I was being crushed. Breathing got harder with each minute that passed.

I can't remember the last time I've eaten anything.

Hunger started to consume me. So much so that I started to resort to the bugs that I'd find crawling over me.

I remember a specific ladybug. It crawled up my arm, over my chest, and down my other arm... and then I watched as it crawled up and out of this dreaded place I was in.

I remember it because in that moment, I had wished that I was a bug.

I wish I was able to escape.

It gets cold down here at night. Warmer in the day, that's how I kept track of time.

I know that telling the time based off the temperature isn't the most reliable way of doing it, but that's all I had.

I liked to think I haven't been down here long enough to be forgotten.

Why was this feeling of being left behind gnawing at me? I had lived my whole life in the shadows that were as dark as this hole I'm in.

Why now did it bother me?

Was the silence starting to get to me?

Maybe it was.

In the beginning I had high hopes of getting out of here. I even thought that this just could've been a horrible dream.

Only, the longer I'm here, the realer it gets.

I wanted to scream. I wanted to call out to the world above me, "I'm still here!"

However, the lack of food and water made it impossible to do so.

How long could someone survive without water?

If I could just remember how I got here, maybe I could remember how to get out.

Just remember.

Something.

Anything.

Just as I thought this, an image crept into my brain.

"You ruined EVERYTHING, Rose."

The feeling of being stabbed jolted me, forcing me to hold my stomach.

I slowly looked down.

I'm bleeding.

At least, I was bleeding. Most of the blood has dried on my t-shirt, leaving it stiff. The metallic scent of blood hit me so strong I could taste it.

How have I survived?

For a while, I sat and stared at my wound, willing another image to show up.

It didn't.

I am Rose.

Or did Rose stab me after I said she ruined everything?

Just then, another image.

A shorter one this time.

A glimpse of someone digging a hole.

It lasted no longer than 2 seconds. I couldn't make out any features.

Is the hole that they dug the hole I'm currently sitting in?

I felt that I was getting closer to solving the mystery of my own death, or, not death.

I am alive, right? I must be.

I tried to shift my weight to the other side, which is the most movement I've done since I've been awake

That's when another image came.

It felt like I was being rewarded with these memories for simply staying alive.

Why now? Why not sooner?

"I did it. I finally FUCKING did it." This mysterious person who I now know for sure was a girl.

"I can't believe I did it. John will be so happy."

John... why did that name sound familiar?

"I mean, he never wanted you in the first place." She said to me, assuming I was dead, probably.

John and I were together? He was my... boyfriend?

"He told me he wanted to call off the wedding as soon as he proposed."

Fiance?

"Only, when the wedding day came, that little bastard said, 'I do.'"

Husband.

As much as I wanted this to end, it kept going.

Small time jump.

She has dumped me in the hole she spent hours digging. I can see her face. She's got brown eyes, almost black.

Long blonde hair, but it's pulled into a very messy bun. She's sweating, probably because she's wearing a coat while trying to bury me alive.

My body didn't move as it hit the ground.

Was I dead? Am I dead right now?

Surely not. How could the reliving of this nightmare be possible if I was dead.

Would she have still buried me if she knew that I was alive?

Am I alive?

I wrestled with the question of whether I was dead or not for a long time.

Just when I was starting to admit defeat, and think maybe I was dead, a small beam of light shone in.

I didn't have the energy to move; I also didn't have much room.

The hole was small. So many hours she spent digging, and I still barely fit.

I blinked my eyes, trying to rid them of the dirt that now seemed to be falling over me.

I tried to swat it away but it kept coming.

That's when I heard it.

Voices. People talking.

They were above me.

I tried to muster up any strength I had to yell.

It came out as a whisper at first, but I kept trying.

"I'm...here."

"Help."

"I'm down here."

"Can... you,"

"Hear me?"

A gasp.

Please hear me.

The beam of light has now been covered.

They hear me. They have to.

"Hey... I'm"

"I'm down here."

Another gasp.

The beam of light is back.

Gone again.

Someone is there.

I hear them digging. More dirt is falling.

The beam of light is getting bigger.

Stronger.

Warmer.

A hand reaches for me. It's hard to tell whether it's God coming to take me home, or someone else, pulling me back to Earth.

I grab their hand, much to our surprise that this was in fact real.

They pull me out.

I don't know how my bones took that much force. I haven't moved for what felt like a century.

But here I am.

Out lying on the grass that was once above me.

I've conquered it.

I lay there for a while, just staring at the vast blue sky while the wind danced through my hair.

I felt someone kneel beside me but couldn't turn my head to see who it was. I didn't care.

A once forgotten girl has now been rescued. That's what mattered.

I'm still here, and this time, I'll make sure I'm remembered.