The shape-shifter.

Fantasy

Written in response to: "Write about someone who has a superpower." as part of Superpower.

She radiated light just like her name. Her beautiful skin glistened in the neon light coming from the paved court through the slits in the blind, her soot-black lashes matted, and her gray beady eyes mischievous more than ever. Her long jet black hair fell in loose waves past her shoulders, with a few black peekaboo strands. “Haya. . . .?” called her mother. She quickly hid her diary under her pillow and marched off to her mother, anxious to see what came next.


Dear diary,

Ma still doesn’t know of my shape-shifting. It has been three days since I last changed shape. I changed into Yusuf, my brother last time because he knows. How funny it was when I became a young boy, dressed loosely in a drab green T-shirt and baggy green trousers. I had a green army jacket tied around my waist and a green canvas bag slung over my shoulder. The only non-green thing about me was the pair of scruffy black walking boots on my feet. Do you know as to why did I change into him? It is because he was having a high degree of fever. Very high! And, he couldn’t attend his school’s function in such a condition. Could he?


“Ma, you called?” asked Haya.


“Yes. Could you please peel the potatoes and chop the onions.”


Oh, no. Not the chores again! She visualized of being a cat and . . . . Woah, her powers never disappointed her. Smiling, she meowed and left the scene.


“Haya. . . .? Where’d she go?”


Haya was strolling around on the newly paved street, as a cat of course when she saw him. There was her uncle. He wasn’t as slight as Haya first thought him to be: he wasn’t exactly muscular, but he wasn’t weedy-looking either…there was an air of hidden strength about him, a graceful strength that showed in his balance, the way he held himself, the way he walked. . . . Changing appearance, she approached him. 

“Hello!” 

“Hello,” he replied, his voice hoarse. But, without saying anything further, he vanished into thin air, leaving not even a trace behind him. So her powers were definitely genetic. 


Dear diary,

My powers are proving to be no good to me. Except for helping in avoiding the hectic house chores, of course. Oh, I hope I get to be Maryse Rills tomorrow. The center of attention in our class. Good night.”


Haya woke up to something really strange. She wasn’t feeling like herself at all. Her blond hair was suddenly a different color. She bounced off her bed and headed over to the mirror, anxious to see what the matter was. She gasped. Her wish had been heard. There, in front of her stood Maryse Rills. No wonder she was called the “star" – her amber eyes shone like orbs in the night. Her hair, deep hues of fierce crimson against her angelic face Haya smirked. Things were about to get spiced up!


At her school, things kept going on crazily in her favor. Maryse was on leave and so the people who once followed Maryse now followed her. Haya never thought that her dream would come true in such a way. The dance crew captain arrived. 

”Maryse? Will you be coming for the practice this afternoon?” 

“Of course, I will.”

“What happened to your voice?”

Instead of replying to the unexpected question, Haya quickly hurried away.


Back at her home, she changed back to her usual self. She kept on playing and then replaying her day’s highlights. She was smiling to herself when her mother arrived. 


“You always get away with the chores one way or the other. But, today. The chores have arrived for you themselves. Chop the onions! Quick. Quick. . .”


“Ma. . . I’m really tired. I promise I’ll do the chores once I wake after taking an afternoon nap.”


“No! You’re doing the chores, now!”


Defeated, she got busy with the work. Chop, chop, chop. . . Peel, peel, peel . . . Chop, chop, chop. . . Peel, peel, peel . . .


The sunlight poured into her room through the crevices of her room’s window. A brand new day meant a brand new appearance. . . . She had never tried to pull off an appearance in front of her Abba. She thought of Mina, the new neighbor, and her mum. Abba detested them for their never-ending talks. What if Haya changed into Mina this time? She giggled, Abba was about to get furious.


Abba arrived late that afternoon, around 7:05. But, Haya was already ‘in Mina’s shoes.’ She now had bright, dark eyes and satiny brown skin. She wore a pale blue hoodie with grey capri pants. Her eyes were Fremen blue, staring out of a soft, round face. 

“Hello. . .” she began, hoping Abba wouldn’t recognize her.

 “Hello. . . .young lady.” He smiled.

 Young lady? Was her secret out, already? Her heart started sinking. Nevertheless, she continued. 

“Uncle, I’m here to meet Haya. Is she at home?” 

“She is everywhere but home, young lady.”

Haya’s face turned pale. Everywhere but home? So, they all knew it. Yusuf must’ve given her away. She wanted to cry. 

“All good, young lady?” Abba wasn’t going to go easy.

“Yessir,” and she quickly left the house.

Once outside, she breathed heavily. How dare they play with her emotions? She wanted to shout at the top of her lungs at the sudden betrayal. But then again, why did she expect them to be fair with her when she, herself had been playing with their emotions. A wave of guilt passed over her like fog on a beach party.

Guilt-stricken, she headed home.


Who would Haya want to be now? There was a long queue of people for Haya to change appearance into. 

Yusuf – done.

Mina—done.

Maryse—done.

An animal—done.

Abba—nope.

Ma—nope.

Amena— . . . .? Oh, how had she forgotten Amena?


She was about to shape-shift into Amena when suddenly there was a. . . Whoosh. Haya was now drenched in ice-cold water. “Hello, hello? My daughter is dreaming of having a superpower again?” her Mom smirked. The bucket of cold water, still in her hand.


Dreaming . . . ? Had this been a dream all along? Oh, no! Not again.

Posted Jun 29, 2020
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169 likes 166 comments

Imane Sahmoudi
June 30, 2020 08:33

Good and Super stody.....
Keep Writing
🌸🌸

Reply

Batool Hussain
June 30, 2020 08:55

Thanks.

Reply

Imane Sahmoudi
June 30, 2020 11:01

No problem🥰🥰

Reply

Shirley Medhurst
June 30, 2020 08:13

A really fun read throughout, well done!
(although not sure about ending with the whole thing having been a dream... It broke the fantasy spell)

Reply

Batool Hussain
June 30, 2020 08:55

I appreciate your feedback!

Reply

Dobby's Sock
June 30, 2020 07:49

Hey Batool, since you had requested.

Easily evident at the start itself was the structuring and mixing that needs to be done. Like at the start I would go less with the description and more with the tension building. Long sentences describing anything, and three of them at the same time, in a short story never made sense to me.
"Hmm..." is something not required in exposition. Even in dialogues it rarely serves much purpose.
Dialogues pace up a story so if you will use "of course I will" instead of a nod, your story will leap ahead but the progress will be stunted because the dialogue didn't serve anything well. Same goes for "umm, nothing."
I hope the exclamation marks and the trailing dots were really necessary wherever they were used. I felt in some place that it was a little extra.

Rest, the other comments are mostly right in spotting out where the work could have been worked upon to bring it to full potential.

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Batool Hussain
June 30, 2020 08:53

Thanks for the feedback:)

Reply

Sourav Bebarta
June 30, 2020 06:58

Beautiful amazing story with a cute twist.😍

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Batool Hussain
June 30, 2020 07:02

Glad that you liked it:)

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Deborah Mercer
June 30, 2020 06:37

As promised, have read your story, and I'm most impressed. I loved the ironic humour of "she wasn't feeling like herself at all", and think that the simile about the fog at a beach-party was a great one. Sometimes the "it was a dream" ending doesn't work, in this case it was fine, but I still wonder if a different ending might not have been equally good. Yes, a few minor grammar quibbles, but that's a trivial point and certainly didn't spoil an excellent story.

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Batool Hussain
June 30, 2020 06:45

Thank you so much, Debora.🌸

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Zan Lexus
July 05, 2020 02:09

I agree that the dream twist was a bit anticlimactic. Overall though, really liked the story. :)

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Corey Melin
June 30, 2020 06:27

Superbly done. Love the descriptive narrative so you can picture the story. Dream on!

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Batool Hussain
June 30, 2020 06:44

Thanks🌸

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Khizra Aslam
June 30, 2020 06:10

The ending was quite unbelievable.. ❤😂

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Batool Hussain
June 30, 2020 06:44

Glad that u liked it🙃

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Katharine Tierney
June 30, 2020 01:50

I liked this...but how did Haya get doused with water? Was she washing dishes? Or did Mom dump water over her to "wake her up"? Maybe Mom has a superpower of her own to know when her daughter is zoning out!;)

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Batool Hussain
June 30, 2020 04:24

;)

Reply

𝔸. Triangle
June 30, 2020 01:01

This story was so beautifully intriguing! Impressive!

Sincerely,
A.

Reply

Batool Hussain
June 30, 2020 04:24

Thank youu

Reply

Urooj Asim
June 29, 2020 19:30

Amazing!!

Reply

Batool Hussain
June 30, 2020 04:26

Thanksss

Reply

Aima F
June 29, 2020 17:21

Stars to you Batool! A creative story!

gOOd job=)

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Batool Hussain
June 30, 2020 04:35

Thanks...

Reply

Aeliya Hussain
June 29, 2020 17:19

A beautiful story, once again!

Keep going:)

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Batool Hussain
June 30, 2020 04:35

Thank you 🌸

Reply

Marccc O.
June 29, 2020 17:12

A wonderful story, Batool!

Keep writing:)

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Batool Hussain
June 30, 2020 04:35

Thank you so much

Reply

Samantha Chills
June 29, 2020 17:09

Wow! What an interesting take on the prompt. Amazing:)

Reply

Batool Hussain
June 30, 2020 04:35

Thanksss

Reply

Sayani Sarkar
July 08, 2020 11:42

This is very cute and super funny. I can totally picture the character of a young girl , day dreaming, looking for adventures. It's so intriguing xD

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Batool Hussain
July 08, 2020 12:00

Thank you;)

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Barbara Burgess
July 08, 2020 09:07

An interesting idea. I like how you have taken the idea of shapeshifting and turned it into a story. Also how you added the diary for effect.

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Batool Hussain
July 08, 2020 09:24

Thank you;)

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Denise Brown
July 08, 2020 02:58

Hi Batool
This is a really lovely story. It has emotion and takes the reader on a nice trip, wondering where we are headed!
I love some of your description - you've got a good control of that - but don't over do it, especially in describing what characters are wearing. For me, that is distracting. My other comment would be not to overdo the number of characters/names you introduce into a short story. I can become to complex for the reader to follow. I had to review several times to make sure I had it figured out.
I really like the Diary entries. It's a good writing technique to have in your tool kit - it gives a personal insight into your MC when used well.
Happy writing
Denise

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Batool Hussain
July 08, 2020 04:29

Thanks, Denise

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Carynn Bohley
July 07, 2020 17:51

I love your use of descriptions! This is something I'm still working at. Maybe you could give my story a like? Sadly it hasn't gotten much attention... :(

Reply

Batool Hussain
July 07, 2020 17:57

Thank you! I'll go right away. Could you check out my new story 'Zita?'

Reply

Carynn Bohley
July 07, 2020 18:21

Sure!

Reply

Grace Yi
July 07, 2020 16:49

I liked the story, but there were a couple of grammar errors, especially in the dialogue.

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Batool Hussain
July 07, 2020 17:11

Thanks for the feedback! Do you mind checking out my very new story 'Zita?' It would mean so much to me if you do;)

Reply

Nashrah Siddiqui
July 07, 2020 15:22

Undoubtedly, the story was very grasping. 👍❤

Reply

Batool Hussain
July 07, 2020 15:47

Thank you

Reply

Felix Thorne
July 06, 2020 14:53

Loved the story! Plays on an old dream I have :)
Ending was good but really unexpected!

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Batool Hussain
July 06, 2020 15:04

Thanks. I hope the dream was good!

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Yageen Faiz
July 06, 2020 14:46

hello! can you read one of my stories?

Reply

Batool Hussain
July 06, 2020 14:49

Sure! I'll check them in a while. Do you mind checking out my latest story 'Zita?' Thanks.

Reply

Yageen Faiz
July 06, 2020 16:36

sure!

Reply

Thotsuki Bakuhoe
July 06, 2020 14:17

I love this story. I wasn't expecting the ending, but it was good. There were some parts that didn't make very much sense and I think you could've worked on writing more about what she did when she was shape-shifted. Overall, this is a great story. I hope you have a great day and stay safe.

Reply

Batool Hussain
July 06, 2020 14:42

Thanks for the feedback

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Audrey Winter
July 06, 2020 08:38

Very imaginative story! Some slight language/grammar issues that disrupt the flow, but I thought the ending was quite clever and enjoyed the story on the whole :)

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Batool Hussain
July 06, 2020 14:45

Thanks

Reply

Eve Naden
July 05, 2020 21:58

Great, twist ending and wonderful dialogue. Your descriptions are so immersive - I was transported by your words.

Reply

Batool Hussain
July 06, 2020 04:33

Thank you so very much 🌼

Reply

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