Gone But Not Forgotten

“It’s a long story.”

“It’s a long story.”

“It’s… a long… story.”

The woman sitting across the aisle from Katie glanced in her direction, and when she saw that she was talking to herself, she quickly turned her attention back to her book.

Katie sighed, dropped her eyes and shook her head. “Trust me,” she said to the headrest in front of her, “it’s a long story.” She nodded in satisfaction. “That’s it, that’s the one.”

Katie’s bus arrived at the West Fairfield terminal at noon, about fifteen minutes ahead of schedule. Katie collected her bag and browsed the terminal mini mart for about half an hour, reading portions of at least a dozen magazine articles, including a piece in Variety declaring that “Channing Tatum is Done Playing it Safe.” She placed the magazine back on the rack, accepting that she could not stay in this purgatory forever. She made her way to the cashier.

“Do you guys sell booze?”

“Beers and hard seltzers,” the cashier replied, pointing over his shoulder to an array of humongous cans in the display freezer.

“I was thinking like a little bottle of rum or whisky,” Katie replied. “What are they called - those little bottles?”

“Nips,” the cashier answered. “We don’t sell those. Just beer and hard seltzer.”

Katie sat on the bench outside the terminal, taking polite sips of her 25 oz paper bag-wrapped Bud Light Lime-A-Rita. She checked Uber which told her that Libby was on her way. Katie put down her phone, but not before she caught a glimpse of the tiny driver profile pic. She thought she bore a striking resemblance to Libby R from high school, although Katie was certain this was not the same person as everyone knew Libby R's mom was rich.

Katie opened Google Maps and checked the distance from the bus terminal to her first stop – a hair under 1.5 miles. She considered just walking it, then realized there was a good chance someone might spot her walking down the sidewalk. She took another swig of Lime-A-Rita and continued to wait for her cab; the sugary drink was starting to make her teeth itch. Libby was two minutes away. Katie brought up her Notes app to review her list. “Mom and Rachel” was at the top. Katie, wondering why she had been so formal, changed it to “Mom and Sis”. Libby was one minute away. Katie changed it once more to “Mom and Sister”. A black Ford Escape ending in J868 was arriving.

“For Katie?” Libby R asked.

Katie froze with one hand on the opened car door and the other on her suitcase handle. Libby R had yet to look up from her phone.

“Yes,” Katie replied softly.

Libby R looked back, gave a little welcoming nod, then turned ahead and pressed a button on her phone. Katie cautiously climbed in, fairly certain she had not been recognized. She sat directly behind Libby R and kept her head down as they departed the bus terminal. Katie took out her phone and proceeded to re-download her social media apps. Already registered. Log in. Forgot password.

“Coming home or visiting?” Libby R asked.

With her head still down and in a slightly deeper tone, Katie answered, “Visiting."

Katie glanced out the window. The bus terminal, which she had only been to once before that morning, stirred no memories within her. But now they were on Mariposa Ave, and Katie's memories were thoroughly stirred. It was all still there – the Panda Express, the Chipotle, the mani-pedi place. It was like it had been frozen in time, just waiting for her to return (except for the mani-pedi place which now appeared to offer eyebrow threading as well).

They came to a red light, and Katie spotted the non-denominational Christian church her family occasionally attended. She recalled how thrilled she was when her parents threw in the towel on raising her and Rachel with any sort of religious backbone, freeing up her Sunday mornings. Now, Katie wondered if maybe an hour of worship each week might do her good. The light turned green, but they stood in place. The car behind them honked politely. Katie saw that Libby R was staring at her in the rearview mirror.

“Katie?”

Shit.

The honking grew impatient.

Katie sat stiffly, a small part of her believing Libby R's sight was based on movement, like a t-rex. This was not how it was supposed to go; “friends and acquaintances” was much further down on her list.

Could she lie? She absolutely could. Even with the damming evidence of her name and information prominently displayed on Libby R’s Uber app, she was confident in her ability to spin a convincing yarn.

Should she lie? Well… lying had gotten her into this mess. If she wanted to change, to really change, she knew it was time to start telling the truth.

“Um…” Katie said.

More cars joined in on the impatient honking. Libby R threw on her blinker. They were not supposed to turn yet. Katie could feel her hands getting clammy as they came into the church parking lot. She wondered if she should run. Running was not lying. In fact, it was the opposite. An innocent person wouldn’t flee, right? But the door was locked. Libby R put the Ford Escape into park. “What the hell are you doing here?” she demanded.

“Well…” Katie replied.

“We thought you were dead. Jesus, Katie, we all thought you were dead!”

Katie could see Libby R’s surprise was starting to turn to panic, so she unbuckled her seatbelt and slid over to the center of the row, giving Libby R a full, unobstructed view, as if to confirm that she was, in fact, not actually dead.

“It’s okay,” Katie said. “It was all just a misunderstanding.”

“A misunderstanding? What the fuck does that mean?”

Katie badly wanted to check her phone which contained the answer to this and similar questions in her Notes app. But she knew there was no way she could discretely bring up her cheat sheet.

“Libby, I know you have a lot of questions, but I really need to get back home.”

Katie hated herself for lying so shortly after her pledge to no longer do so. Then she realized it wasn’t exactly a lie. She did need to get home. Her no-lying streak remained intact. Libby R, seemingly respecting her Uber driving duties, put the car in drive and departed the church parking lot. They got back onto Mariposa Ave, and with a portion of her focus on the road, Libby R appeared slightly calmer. 

“So... driving a cab, huh?” Katie asked in a desperate attempt to move the attention off her.

“My mom cut me off,” Libby R said.

“That sucks,” Katie replied. “She couldn't get you a job at her company?” Katie tried to recall her mom's line of work. She wagered something stupid, like weddings.

“I tried,” Libby R said, taking a right on South Wilcox Street. “But she knew I had no interest in wedding planning. She said hiring me would be a waste of both our time.”

“Harsh,” said Katie.

“She was right.”

The Ford Escape was quiet. Katie racked her brain for another question to ask.

“This isn’t so bad,” Libby R went on. “Mostly just driving commuters. They never want to talk and they tip well.”

“Nice, nice,” Katie said, wondering if her DUI from freshman year of college would make pursuing a career in ridesharing tricky.

They came to another red. Libby R looked back at Katie in the rearview, this time with almost amusement. "Well?" she asked.

Katie sighed, dropped her eyes and shook her head. “It’s a long story,” she said, praying that her cryptic answer would be enough. But the look Libby R gave told her that, no, that certainly was not enough.

“I faked my death,” said Katie.

The light turned green and they drove on. No longer caring about discretion, Katie took out her phone, brought up her Notes app, and consulted her written responses. “Deep down,” she said, “I think everyone wants a fresh start. I’ll admit, my methods were a bit extreme, but I did what I thought was best. After a while, I realized there's no point in running from your problems. They always find their way back to you. So... here I am.”

Katie put down her phone. Libby R was quiet. She drove without hurry, just a hair above the speed limit. Katie noticed her former go-to Panera Bread was now closed. The silence in the car was starting to annoy Katie. She felt it was a judging silence.

“It’s really hard to make friends as an adult,” Katie blurted out. “And it was annoying having to find a new coffee shop and breakfast place and having to explain my haircut to a new stylist.”

Libby R shrugged. “That makes sense.”

Katie, surprised by Libby R's acceptance, wondered if perhaps she opt to speak from the heart with her many, many subsequent reunions.

“Did you plan that all yourself? The car crash, the police report?” Libby R asked.

“I hired a service,” Katie replied. “Well, it was just one guy really. But he took care of everything. I could only afford the basic package though, which was pretty much just the staged accident and a new social security card.”

Libby R took a right on Howser Terrace. “Where were you this whole time?”

“Zihuatanejo," Katie answered.

“Why does that sound familiar?”

“It’s where Tim Robbins’ character tells Morgan Freeman to meet him at the end of Shawshank Redemption.”

“That’s it!” Libby R said. “I didn’t know it was a real town.”

“It’s real. And real expensive. I guess it was a sleepy little beach town in the 60s, but now it’s this super trendy resort hub. I had to get a job at a hotel. I was working 80-hour weeks just to pay for my one-bedroom apartment which wasn’t even on the beach.”

“Did you get to watch your own funeral at least?”

“I wanted to, but the guy said that was a bad idea. Makes sense, I guess. I’m curious how the turnout was though.”

“There were a lot of people,” Libby R replied.

“You went?” Katie asked.

“Of course.”

Katie felt touched, then immediately felt awful when she realized she likely would not have attended Libby R’s funeral had their places been switched.

 “What happens next?” Libby R asked.

Katie looked out the window, but when she saw their old high school coming into view, she immediately brought her eyes to the floor. "I have a lot of stops to make on the Tail Between My Legs Tour.”

Libby R chuckled, and Katie was proud the little joke she came up with on the bus ride back was a success.

“After that,” Katie said, “I don’t really know.”

Katie's gaze was still on the floor, but she knew they were approaching her old neighborhood.

“I’m sure everyone will be thrilled to see you again,” Libby R said in a wholly unconvincing manner. She turned right into Hampton Glen.

“Maybe you can catch me up on everything I missed over a drink,” Katie said, considering adding “Right now.”

They car slowed down in front of a two-story house with a red brick façade. Katie saw both Rachel and her mom’s cars parked in the driveway. She'd hoped it would just be one of them, but realized it might be better to get them both out of the way.

“Yeah, that sounds nice,” Libby R replied.

A little ding from Libby R’s app signaled they had arrived and Katie’s stay in limbo was over. With a hearty sigh, she grabbed her bag and opened the door.

“Hey—” Libby R called out.

Katie stopped.

“Welcome back,” Libby R said with a warm smile.

Katie thanked her and got out of the car.

“Oh, Katie, one more thing!”

Katie poked her head back in the car.

“Can you give me your guy’s number?”