Come back!

*Knock Knock*

“Omar, Come over to my room, make it fast”

Omar had just finished washing his hands. The water dripped from his fingertips into the sink. For a moment he stared at his reflection in the mirror, waiting for the usual annoyance of being called for something pointless.

“Give me a second mom, I’ll be there” he called back.

He dried his hands on his shirt and stepped into the hallway. As he approached his mother’s room, he noticed the door was already open. He saw his uncle Tariq there, who barely came over, looking at him regretful look. The room was dim, with only the source of light being the small floor lamp standing at the crone behind the rocking chair his mother sat at. Both were looking at him.

“Sit down”

Omar walked toward the bed that lay beside the rocking chair. As he walked, the world slowed around him, everything felt intense. He started playing a million different scenarios in his head as to what this could be about. He prepared for the worst. The mattress dipped beneath his weight., clasping his sweaty hands together on his lap. Nobody spoke. His stomach twisted. He tried remembering everything he had done during the last few days. Nothing came to mind.

“Did you do it?” The question landed like a brick.

Omar looked at his uncle.

“Do what?” replied Omar in an Instant.

“My son showed me the messages, and before you start playing dumb. I have the screenshots of the conversation”

The silence afterward was unbearable. Omar looked down. There was a thread sticking out of his socks. He stared at t. Anything but their faces, he couldn’t look up at all.

“Well?”

He swallowed, and his throat felt dry.

“Yes, I did it.” said Omar, knowing that there’s no going back now. His gaze shifted to his frightened mother. Tears gathered in her eyes almost instantly.

“It can’t be. It can’t be. It can’t be” she went on.

“Mom—”

“This must be a dream, it must be. My kid would never!” She looked at him as if she had spent years putting together a picture of who her son was and somebody had suddenly ripped it apart in front of her.

“How?” The word came out.

“How could you do something like this?”

He lifted his head and opened his mouth. Nothing came out.

“I can’t believe this.” His mother’s voice trembled.

“I rather choose death than hear what I just heard”

“Mom I swear I didn’t think of it before doing it. I was dumb” The words sounded pathetic even to him. That only made her cry harder.

She turned away and covered her face.

“Oh why God why! Why do I have to bear this!” the stream of tears never ending.

Tariq remained standing. Tariq remained standing. He had barely moved since Omar entered the room. His disappointment screamed harder then his mother’s cries.

“You were supposed to be someone your mother could lean on, Omar.” His voice was calm, almost too calm.

“You betrayed her trust. Our trust.” Then he went on.

“We’ve spent an inconceivable fortune on you and your siblings, for your own sake. And you threw it all away”

“What are they going to think about me. That I raised my kids like this!”

Omar cut her off immediately “No one will say anything. I was up to no-good, it has nothing with you. You raised us well” his throat completely blocked, every letter he let out required ten times the amount of effort.

“I never taught you any of this, we always steered away from these thing, yet here you are!” She sounded as dumbfounded as can be.

“You don’t know who I talk to on the phone. You don’t know how my friends are at school. Mom you have nothing to do with this. I take responsibility for it”

“Why did you do it in the firs place!” She shouted in complete defeat.

“He was in my head, the devil, mom, it’s the devil. I wasn’t thinking straight, I know I was wrong, and it won’t happen ever again.” Cried Omar relentlessly trying to contain the mess he created. His mother went about weeping and repeatedly asking why she has to be tested like that with Omar added to the pool of tears that’s been collecting.

Uncle Tariq stood up and left the room, leaving the poor broken mother and her

whimpering son alone. After what felt like an eternity. Omar stood up and walked frantically to his room. He had already decided to run away from home. The shame and guilt were sharp twisting knives on his back. He grabbed his red colored school bag and the grey picnic bag they’d always stuff the tea thermoses in for their weekly outings. scavenging through his wardrobe, he was able to pack his favorite clothes, and his mini pc alongside the mouse and keyboard, he had thought he’d need it if he wanted to work. The extra space he had was filled with basic amenities and a copy of “Kafka on the beach” he was reading at the time. He met his mother on his way to the building’s door. She had already worn her black abaya and was putting her niqab on her face.

“Let’s go we’re going to your Uncle Khalil’s place.” She said to him hurriedly.

“I’m leaving.” said Omar.

“What are you talking about, take the car key and start the car, I’ll follow you.”

“No, I’m leaving the house” She looked at him in bewilderment.

“I can’t let you handle the consequence of my own terrible judgment, I will leave and you won’t have to deal with me anymore” he explained with a serious tone.

“You’re not going anywhere away from us” she said but he still went out of the door. He started running down the stairs with his backpack on his back, the duffle bag in his right hand and a plastic bag that had some food he packed. He had two pack of dates, a bottle of honey, peanut butter, and a big water bottle. As he raced downstairs, his mother started calling him to come back, then started running down after him

“Omar!” she yelled, but he went on. When he was on the street, he heard his mother coming down, and started sprinting away as fast as he can. He was a about to take the left turn, looks back while running and saw his mom standing there shouting. At that moment, he contemplated returning back, he still wanted to run, but seeing his mom screaming his name on the street hurt him as much. However, he went on, and ran till he got as far as he can. Right there and then, he started to think of a place to spend the night in, he thought of finding an empty ground and laying there. Omar started talking to himself as he was walking.

“You build and build up. It’s very hard to reach there you know? The top. However, all it takes is pulling one block from your tower and you’re down.” he said to himself, then added

“All the blocks were put up there by the same people you betrayed. Must be happy about your accomplishment aren’t you?” He always spoke to himself, as if someone was there talking to him. After walking around for an hour to get as far away from the house as he can, he saw a mosque, and has already considered the idea of sleeping in one. They are clean, safe and had air conditioning, which is needed in the summer heat of Arabia. He walked to the main entrance, it was locked. No prayers until dawn. So he started searching around for the mosque’s caretaker, hoping he can help him out, but his search failed. Opposite the mosque sat an empty plot of land, with two semi trucks parked there. He decided to rest amdand lay down behind one of the trucks with his back against a wall. He put his bags on the ground then sat down, his feet were already done after that long walk.

“This is what my life has come to. All my aspirations and dreams, all the time I spent thinking of the future, and this is what I’m left with.” His eyes watery, thinking about his mother’s face and constantly repeating her words like a recording in his brain. He couldn’t keep it in. He burst into tears.

“Allah I know you’re punishing me for my sins, I know I’m being punished. I accept the punishment and I know you do what you do because you want the best for me.” He said with a congested nose and red burning eyes.

“I completely repent. I regret ever doing what I did. And you know better than anyone. I don’t my family to suffer. Help them out, make sure they don’t carry my burden, lay it all on me.” He continued crying in his place until his tears ran dry.” With determination, he stood on his feet and started walking towards the local park, where he decided to spend the night.

After reaching, he sat down at a corner, took some dates out of the bag and ate them. He had constructed a plan of living the next few weeks.

“since it’s Ramadan season, many mosques offer free meals to break the fast. I will have one meal everyday, and drink water from public drinking zones. I will sleep here at the park where some of these homeless people sleep too. I’m afraid my stuff will be stolen. But I will figure a way to keep them safe. Life will be good. Life will be good” He spoke the plan out loud and nodded in agreement every time he said something. He walked again to find a better spot, but someone grabbed his shoulder from the back.

“Omar!” It was Ahmad, Omar’s childhood friend “Where were you??” said he clearly out of breath from running. Omar didn’t understand his question he thought

“Well how would he know that I even ran away already?”

“You’re mother has been searching for you for hours, she keeps calling us saying “Please look for my son, he’s out alone and maybe something terrible might happen to him, he doesn’t have anywhere to sleep. Please look for him.”

Omar almost started crying right there but held it in.

“What happened?” asked Ahmad concerned about his friend.

“I-” he thought about telling him everything but didn’t have the courage to do it, didn’t have the courage to tell him how much of a disgusting human being he thought he was.

“Well I made a mistake, a very big one, so I decided to run away” He immediately responded

“They told me not tell you that we were searching for you, but listen, I will call them and tell them you’re fine, and that you’re with me. For now, let’s hop in the car and drive around while my mother talk to yours.”

At this point, Omar is completely speechless. He thought to himself

“This is my sign from god, out of all the places, he came to this big park at the same exact time I came here and found me, this is my chance to go back home, it’s not all over”

They sat in the car and Ahmad drove off.

“Omar what you just did was not right, no matter how bad you messed up, nothing is irredeemable. Running away is simply the wrong call. Thin about your mother, she is worried to death. She was talking about what she’d do to herself if anything happens to you.” Omar knew how bad of a decision it was and felt even more ashamed than ever.

“I did tell her not to worry, after all Omar is a grown man.” He added “At the end of the day she is still your mother, even if the whole world won’t forgive you for what you did, even if the whole world hated you. Seek out your mother’s forgiveness, she isn’t like the rest of the world. The feeling mothers have for their children isn’t like anything else, it’s unexplainable.” He listened to him, knowing how true his words are.

He eventually drove him back home. Omar went upstairs, opened the apartment’s unlocked door, and went to his mother’s room. She was on her chair, her head up, and her eyes closed. She notices him coming in but says nothing. He sat next to her, he wanted to speak but no words came out. He began crying, crying and sobbing not knowing how to utter a single word. She looked at him and said

“Now what?”

“I’m sorry mom” he replied instantly

“I just knew people will talk about you because of me, I didn’t want you to be associated with me and what I did. But I will never do it again, i know I messed up but trust me I will never do anything like that again” She said nothing in return, she told him to sleep and to talk it out tomorrow. He left her room in defeat, and walked to his room. looking at he bed, he thought about how he should’ve been sleeping on grass instead.