Strawberry Gummies

I rummaged through my purse looking for a key. A key that would unlock the front door I was standing in front of and my new independent life. At the bottom of my small white purse I found the key. I took it and slowly stuck it in the key hole. Nervously, I open the door to my new apartment.

I gasp as I walk around admiring the empty dusty rooms. I just couldn't believe I had this whole place all to myself. It was delightfully quiet and peaceful.

Back when I was still in high school and living with my family, the house was always loud and chaotic. My 4 smaller siblings were always running around fighting and spilling things. My parents were always arguing about their daily troubles. I would have to blast music in my headphones just to be able to do homework. However, those stressful nights I stayed up late studying were worth it. All that hard work paid off since I got a scholarship for college. Now I have my own place to sing, dance, and peacefully do my school work.

I placed my purse down on the wooden counter in my new kitchen and made my way down the building's stairs and to my mother's blue van where boxes filled with all my belongings were cramped into the trunk. My mother got out of the front seat and helped me carry some of the boxes up to the apartment. As she put down the boxes she was carrying she looked at with a sad look.

"What's wrong?" I ask her as I put down another box.

"We're going to miss you." She told me. I smiled. Mom was never good at showing affection. There were many times when I questioned if she truly loved me. However, right now there is no question that she did. Just by the look in her eyes, I knew that she'd always be there for me.

I walked over to her and gave her a tight goodbye hug. "I'm going to miss you guys too." I comforted her.

"Oh, Adeline. You helped me so much with your brothers and sisters. I don't know how we're going to function without you."

"Mother, I'm sure you'll be able to work things out. You always do. Plus, I'll take the subway back whenever you need my help." I told her. She smiled back at me and tightened the hug. After a few minutes she finally let me go and we returned to the van for the last few boxes of my stuff.

After we finished bringing up my stuff, we exchanged our goodbyes and my mom drove back to my childhood home. As I started unpacking some of the boxes my stomach rumbled. I was starving.  The kitchen fridge and cabinets were obviously empty and I desperately needed to eat. I fixed my hair, grabbed my purse and walked to the nearest grocery store.

I grabbed a shopping cart and walked through the neatly organized aisles. I didn't know where to go or where even to start. My parents were the ones who would always go grocery shopping for the family. I entered the snack aisle and slowly walked by all the chips and candies. I suddenly stopped and looked at a candy. It's box was bright pink and inside was lots of strawberry gummies.

I remember the fluorescent white lights that brightened the old grocery store where her parents would shop . I remember being nine years old and running through the food aisles and pretending it was a magical forest full of magical food and toys. As I ran through the snack aisle looking through all the bright packaging of candies, one box of candy caught my eyes. My small innocent eyes widened and I smiled an ambitious smile. I quickly grabbed the strawberry gummies and ran to find my parents. I had found my mother looking at the canned foods with her coupons in her hand.

"Mommy! Mommy!" I yelled.

"Adeline? What's wrong?" Mom turned around worried.

I showed her the pink candy box. "Can I have it? Please?" I begged.

She inspected the box for a few seconds and looked at me with a plain expression. "No, go put it back."

My smile fell. "Why not?" I whined.

"As your mother, I don't need to explain myself. Go put it back."

I was always obedient. I barely ever whined. So with an unhappy face I returned the candy to where I found it.

Now I am fresh out of high school, living on my own for the first time. My mother wasn't there to tell me no. It was a strange feeling. I impulsively took the bright pink candy box and put it in my shopping cart. That one simple choice made me feel so free. All my life my mother was always right behind me to tell me no. I can still hear her in the back of my mind say, "you can't wear that" or "you can't do this." All my childhood, I was hers. Now it's time that I become my own person. I know that she meant nothing but good but she never let me be myself. She forced me into this image of an ideal daughter.

As I ate my strawberry gummies after returning from grocery shopping I grabbed scissors that I had bought and went to the bathroom. I had wanted to cut my hair for years but my mother always told me that it would look horrible and that it was a bad idea. Finally, I can. She wasn't there to discourage me.

I ate another gummy and started cutting my hair. It was nerve wracking watching all that brown hair fall on the floor. But I kept going. No one could stop me. Once I finished I brushed my new short hair and put some cute clips in it. I stared at myself in the mirror as if I was in a trance. I don't know who I am any more but I love it. I smiled at myself in the mirror