i’ll be seeing you- billie holiday

Dance was what made Matteo feel the most alive.

When it was him, and music slipped so effortlessly from Lukas's lips as his foot tapped a rhythm, the faint sound of the radio.

" I'll be seeing you, in all the familiar places that this heart of mine embraces." His accent slurred the English words along Billie Holiday's voice.

"I'll find you, in the morning sun. And when the night is new I'll be looking at the moon, But I'll be seeing you" Matteo's feet hit the ground on the final step and with a broad smile Luka stood, applauding softly. "Very good Matteo." he approved, turning off the radio.

Mateo's cheeks ran red with the soft praise Lucka gave so often. "You are a liar." He panted lightly, fanning the heat from his face.

"Are liars this attractive?" He gestured to himself as he took a few steps closer. The small warm light above them allowed Matteo to count the freckles that were scattered across Lucka's straight German nose as he looked up at him. "I think not." He hummed softly, a strand of pale blonde moon hair falling into his watercolour blue eyes.

"You are lucky I find you attractive." Matteo shot back challenging him, but their height difference made this match akin to a fruit fly trying to fight a cat. "Out of all the Germans in Hamburg."

"Oh don't you start." Luka sighed dramatically as he pulled Matteo closer by his waist. "All the other German soldiers in Hamburg would kill you if they knew what I know."

Matteo huffed, the words stinging slightly even though he knew Luka didn't mean them to come across like that. He always knew he was different, and different meant only bad news in Germany. "Way to ruin the moment."

"I was not ruining. Only clarifying.'" Luka shrugged, his lips brushing Matteo's temple. "The song you taught me, I like very much." Matteo had been teaching Luka all of his favorite songs he had heard from the American soldiers, The songs he had heard on the radio played after Luka fixed it and hardwired it to American channels. That allowed Matteo to do the thing he loved.

Dance.

It was what kept his blood from freezing to ice in his veins, what kept his heart beating. Singing is what kept Lucka from becoming a monster, what kept his humanity alive as he was a German pilot.

Matteo's mother had died when he was young, the plague had taken her beautiful bright beating heart and run away with it, with his father being gone before he was even born, leaving him with the only option to move to Germany, a foreign land to him with relatives who didn't even speak the same language as him. He adapted of course, but only after years of trying to.

But everything came crashing back down when the war started. Neighbors he had known for months were suddenly gone, families torn apart, blood always soaking the uneven stone paths Matteo would walk. Any form of art was practically banned in Germany unless it came from Hitler himself, and Matteo had no taste for the sort of art that could only be controlled by an outside force,

Matteo leaned back, his eyes scanning Lukas. "You sang it beautifully." He wrapped his arms around his neck, his hands twirling Lucka’s curls against his neck.

But everything changed when Matteo met Lucka. Lucka was the light his mother was. Bright and beautiful, freckles and pale hair. Matteo had no idea how such a wonderful soul got caught up in the war, but he never asked. When Luka had been injured and unable to fly for a few weeks, he had nothing better to do than stroll the town, which caused him to have some "coincidental" run-ins with the cute Italian boy whose grandparents owned the farm on the edge of town. They were young then, naive boys searching for something to distract them from the gruesome war. Maybe that's all they were to each other. A convenient distraction.

Ever since then, the pair had been inseparable when no one was watching. Matteo was fluent in Italian, his English was rusty. Luka was a bit more fluent in his English, but regardless the two could understand each other even without words, or broken English.

"I like to sing for you." Luka said thoughtfully, pursing his lips as he spoke.

The two had known each other for months, but it felt like years to Matteo as he smiled, looking up at Luka. "I like hearing you sing for me." He smiled, his fawn brown eyes sparkling. He was right where he wanted to be, in the arms of the one he had loved more than anything in an abandoned factory- The abandoned factory the two had claimed as their own, their secret place for singing, swing dancing, and being in one another's presence, it made his heart giddy with excitement.

"You are so pretty," Luka said, trying to find adequate words. They both struggled to really tell each other how much they liked each other, so being told so simply that he was pretty was the world to him. "Especially when you dance."

"Really?" He leaned up on his toes, his gaze darting from Lukas pale eyes to his rosy lips.

Lukas' grip tightened ever so slightly around his waist, holding him in place. "Very much so" his voice was low and husky as he leaned even closer, their breaths mingling in the air between them.

Matteo didn't hesitate a second longer-he physically couldn't even if he wanted to as he closed the gap between them, his lips meeting Luckas gently. He felt Lukas' lips curve upwards into a smile against his, pulling away gently. "The prettiest."

Matteo laughed, taking Lucia's wrist, tugging him to follow. "Can you pleaseeeee stay over tonight?" He pleaded. The upstairs of the factory was covered in hay and straw, a few foggy windows allowed for a view of the stars when the low-hanging clouds parted only for the two lovers.

Luka blew out a sigh, glancing over his shoulder as if a horde of soldiers could burst in at any minute-not that it wasn't possible-but now in the middle of the night was a rare chance. "I will stay only a while." This was one of the many puzzles of Luka that Matteo had learned to decipher. Staying for a while meant he was going to stay only until Matteo had fallen asleep and no later. His indirect compromise. He lifted Matteo's hand to his lips, kissing them gently. "Then I must be back at the station."

With his other hand, he flicked off the overhead light, enveloping the two in their darkness and childlike giggles .

"I will take that." Matteo hummed, realizing that was the best he was going to get, releasing Luka's hand only to climb the steep wooden ladder that threatened to give out beneath their weight. Lucka stripped the broad shoulders of his coat, tossing it onto the hay and straw. Matteo flopped forward, sinking into the familiar and reassuring smell that surrounded him. He felt Lucka beside him, his warmth sleeping into Matteo's thin shirt.

Matteo lifted his head, watching as Luka's gaze was pinned not on him for once, but on the sky above them. "Do you wish things could be different?"Mateo said softly, the words just barely audible.

"What do you mean?" Lucka sighed. “Everyone wishes the war could be different." He said simply as Matteo's fingers lightly traced along Lucka's jaw, his finger dragging over the pale stubble.

"That as well." Matteo thought for a long moment, struggling to find adequate English words. "I mean us. If it were different, our love wouldn't be trapped in the factory."

"You know things can never be different Matteo." spoke sharply, a tone he hardly used on Matteo-but when he did use it-he meant it. "After the war is over, I will have to return home."

The words were a stinging reminder that Matteo's home wasn't Lukas's, no matter how much he tried to convince himself otherwise. He sat up on his elbow so he was level with Luka. "We could run. Go to Italy-maybe catch a ship there and go to America-things are different there-I thought maybe we-"

"Matteo, there is no maybe." Lucka cut off his words, and with it, the dreams Matteo had been keeping a closely guarded secret next to his heart. "You know we can't do that so why talk about it. When I go home, I must marry a woman, have children with her, and die alongside her. Nothing can change that." His gaze scanned Matteo's, softening slightly. "You know this, Mein Stern" The nickname only made Matteo sick. My star.

"You will not be happy."

"I will." His tone remained insistent. God Luka was the most stubborn German.

"You won't."

"Well, I have to be." Lucka sighed looking back up at the sky. "I must. When I leave I'm sure you will find...someone nice. A nice girl."

"No. I will not be happy." Matteo's eyes stung as he shook his head. "I'm too different. I-" The words faltered, clogging in his throat. He knew he was different, but he also knew how different he was. Luka liked both men and women. But Matteo knew, no matter how hard he tried to imagine his life with a woman-he couldn't. His heart refused to even acknowledge an After Luka life. "You know that." His voice grew faint as he lay back down, blinking his tears away.

"Mein heller Stern," My bright star. He tilted Matteo's chin gently. "You knew this was coming. In your heart-" he paused trying to find the words as his gaze bounced between Matteo's." You knew we would not be forever." His thumb brushed away his tears. "But I can feel something big coming, with the war. It will end soon and...." his voice got quiet as he couldn't bring himself to finish the sentence.

And so will we Matteo thought bitterly as he relaxed into his touch. He knew tonight was the last of them. These touches, these whispered words underneath the stars would end when Luka left. And he wasn't going to come back. This was a convenient distraction. That was all this was.

If the war was ending soon, Luka would be gone and so with it his heart."I know."

Luka nodded approvingly. "I should go. I've been gone long and-" he began to let go of Matteo. Panic bloomed inside of Matteo's chest as he scrambled to sit up.

English words seemed to slip from his mind in his state of sheer panic at losing Luka. not this way. not tonight. "No, no, Luka, per favore." he pleaded, grabbing hastily at his shirt. No, no Luka please. Their faces were close enough that Matteo could count Lukas' eyelashes. And he did commit everything about the beautiful boy in front of him to memory, to draw maybe later. before he spoke again. "rimanere. Per favore rimanere." Stay. Please stay.

Luka paused, hesitation clear in his eyes before he silently nodded, sitting back down beside Matteo. Wrapping him in his arms. Matteo's face pressed against Lukas's chest, holding onto the sound of his breaths, the beat of his beautiful heart.

"Ich liebe dich, Matteo.Das habe ich immer getan und das wird sich nie ändern. Du bist mein innerer Nordstern." Luka mumbled, his hand lifting into Matteo's dark curls, holding him gently. I love you, Matteo. I always have, and I will never stop. You are my true north.

Matteo froze at the words, understanding the gist of Lukas's low German voice. Luka's voice was smooth like honey when he spoke his native tongue. There was no hesitation in his words then, no room for doubt or question. His love was a fact. Even if they were going to be thousands of miles apart.

"Ti amo anch'io, Luka," Matteo replied softly, a tear sliding down his cheek. I love you too Luka.

The clouds had parted, moonlight shining through Matteo's eyes as he woke. Luka's coat wrapped around him, Lucka was gone. He held back the onslaught of tears that threatened to spill over as he stood, holding the coat around him.

Luka left it on purpose. The last piece of cloth that smelled like him, the last reminder Matteo still had that Luka even existed. He held the coat to his nose despite the odd August heat that blanketed Hamburg this summer. Breathing deeply as waves of grief threatened to sweep his legs out from underneath him. He made his way down the ladder, his fingers grazing over the radio as he stood in the empty room. Matteo's hand picked up the radio, throwing it violently against the wall, the metal casing splintering around the concrete wall, like a death sentence, the last piece of the convenient distraction Matteo and Luka shared. stepping out into the early morning. He looked up, pausing at what he saw.

Several loud planes flew overhead, and spilling from them, looked like shiny pieces of paper. A few clumped together, falling in front of Matteo.

Why would German airships drop pieces of metal in their own town?

Panic spread through the bunker. The Allied forces were bombing. And they were undetectable. The raid sirens blared, German air defense was scrambled. All because of the little metal strips they had dropped hours before, floating in the air and confusing the radar.

Mothers and children were being admitted into the bunker first, bodies around him making it hard to breathe. Before Luka knew it he was swept off his feet, the ground beneath him shaking as a nearby plane dropped one of the first bombs that morning. He scrambled up, knowing he wouldn't be able to deploy a plane in these conditions, much less be of any use. With the recent dry spell, Hamburg had the perfect weather for a firestorm to spread quickly.

Panic erupted all around him as Luka shoved through the crowd with only one person in mind. Matteo. He had to find him. If he was going to abandon his post, he was going to do it for the person he loved most. Luka burst from the Bunker, soldiers yelling at him to get back inside as the ground rumbled again. His gaze lifted and fires were spreading, sucking any air into their vortex as the roofs of Hamburg were being set ablaze.

Matteo.

He began to sprint, headfirst into the inferno, Bodies were already piling up. Smoke disoriented him. People were turning into human torches, only left to scream and burn.

Matteo wasn't dead yet. He had to be alive. Luka ran faster, ignoring the screams of those around him he skid to a stop, a voice pricking the edges of his hearing.

"LUKA!"

He whipped around, torrents of relief washing over him despite the raging fires. It was Matteo's grandparents' home. Without a second thought, Luka rushed in, the heat stifling. His eyes scanned the room frantically before settling on Matteo. Trying to pull something out from beneath the rubble sobbing as he fell back. It was a body. The fire ate away at everything, leaving only a charred corpse of one of Matteo's grandparents.

Luka took Matteo's arm. "They are gone, Matteo. We have to go." Luka yelled, his voice wavering Matteo didn't fight back as Luka pulled him from the burning building, just as they made it outside to the middle of the street, a massive explosion rocked the earth, causing them both to fall as the house they were just in caved in,

"My legs-" Matteo panted, looking down at the legs that used to dance beautifully, twisted at an unnatural angle. Marteo tore his eyes away as he gripped onto Luka, his face a picture of shock and grief. "You-left your post."

Luka nodded his head, holding onto Matteo as he pulled his own jacket around his lover's shoulders. He would protect him with his dying breaths. "I would do it ten times over for you." He assured him that another building was falling, blocking their only path. He pulled Matteo into his lap, cradling him gently.

"Luka-" Matteo shuddered, looking back at Luka. "What are we-"

"Look at me. Only me." Luka took Mateo's face, pressing his forehead against his. "We are ok."

Luka and Matteo knew he was lying. They were going to die. A wave of relief relaxed Luka’s tense body. If he were to die, he would do it with the true north, not a woman he could never love.

"I love Matteo!" Luka declared, since no one alive would be able to hear. Freedom overwhelmed him as he hollered to the burning rooftops.

Matteo laughed despite the burns across his body, his mangled legs he laughed, the sound music to Luka's ears. "I love Luka!"

Tears streamed down Lucka's face, as he pulled Matteo close to his chest, burying his face in Matteo's dark curls, inhaling everything about the boy he had grown to love even though it felt as if the world was against them. Their love had finally left the confines of the old factory and had moved into the Hamburg streets. There was nothing Hitler could do about it now. Lukas' gaze lifted towards the sky for the last time, before taking Matteo's face in his hands, "I'll find you, in the morning sun." He began to sing.

Sobs rocked Matteo's body as his hands clasped over Lucka's, his voice trembling as he sang."And when the night is new I'll be looking at the moon,"

They both sang in unison their last words to one another, "But I'll be seeing you." their voices faded into the roar of the fire around them, growing closer. Luka smiled, kissing the boy he loved with all his soul, closing his eyes against the blinding light, before-