i hope i never see you again

“Lois, you’re doing this all wrong,”

“Oh yeah? How so?”

“You’re supposed to pull the lever, and then push the button, you idiot.”

“Oh shut up. Like you’ve never done a Rube Goldberg machine wrong,”

“Actually, I haven’t. They’re really simple, and I don’t understand how somebody could mess them up.”

“Simple? The literal definition of a Rube Goldberg machine is to do a simple task in a complicated way. I can’t be doing it wrong!”

“Yeah, well, I guess you’re right-”

“I am? Of course I am, Miles. I’m always right.”

“You’re not always right, Lois. You weren’t right about question number two on that last math test,”

“Question number two didn’t have a right answer, remember?”

“Oh, yeah, it didn’t. That was weird. Oh well.”

“So it all goes to prove that I’m right about everything!”

“Doesn’t that hurt?”

“What? What do you mean?”

“You know what I mean, pretty girl.”

“No, I don’t. Please explain.”

“Somebody once said that lonely is a man without love,”

“Where did you hear that? Your depressing Pinterest page? Somewhere else?”

“No, I saw it on a sticky note on a bus stop ad. Made me wanna cry,”

“Aw, you poor thing. But seriously, that tracks for you, you little spider man.”

“Stop giving me pity! I was trying to give you pity!”

“You were? Hop off, Miles. Ugh, I can’t get this stupid thing to work. Can we just go?”

“Oh, uh, yeah, I guess so.”

“Miles, what happened to all your energy?”

“Nothing happened, I’m fine. Let’s just go,”

*

“Miles, something is clearly up. I just need you to tell me so that I can help.”

“You always want to help, don’t you, Lois?”

“Uh, yeah? Who wouldn’t?”

“Forget it.”

“Miles, you’re not being funny.”

“I know I’m not. Nothing’s funny here, Lois. Can’t you see that?”

“Whoa, I was not planning on running into the quarter-life crisis Miles here. What’re gonna do next, dye your hair neon blue?”

“Shut up, Lois! I said it wasn’t funny! You know I don’t wanna dye my hair, and I don’t even know where you got a quarter-life crisis from!”

“I-I’m sorry, Miles. I just want to help.”

“You already said that, Lois. I know you want to help, but you can’t help with this.”

“I know I can, I can always help.”

“God, Lois, do you know how self-absorbed you’re being?”

“What? I’m not being self-absorbed. If anything, you are.”

“Oh, okay, so now I’m the self-absorbed one? This is all giving me such a headache.”

“Well then, take some aspirin!”

“Aspirin won’t help, Lois. Ugh, I just need to get some space. This car is too tiny.”

“Miles, you can’t go. You still didn’t tell me what was wrong!”

“And now suddenly because we’ve been dating for a year I need to tell you every little thing in my life? Who are you?”

“Miles, you know who I am. I’m your pretty girl, I’m your Giver. I’m Lois Simmons, and I love you.”

“Oh yeah? You do?”

“You know I do, Miles.”

“I see how it is.”

“Miles, don’t go! Miles, I’m sorry. Please come back? Miles?”

*

“Hey, Lois.”

“Miles? What are you doing here? The last time I saw you, you said you hated me.”

“I did not say that, and you know it.”

“Do I? Do I really?”

“Of course you do, Lois. Look, I just wanted to say I’m sorry. I was such a jerk to you, and I just want us to work out.”

“I do too, but I can’t have you keep doing this to me,”

“What am I doing?”

“You don’t know what you’re doing?”

“I mean, I-I do-”

“Miles, you need to know what you’re doing to me. This isn’t okay. I can’t be with someone who is always leaving me, and then coming back saying they’re sorry. I just can’t do it!”

“I’m sorry, Lois.”

“There you go again, saying that you’re sorry,”

“Lois, I’m trying so hard. Can you not see that?”

“What are you trying to do, Miles? Are you trying to hurt me?”

“No, no, I would never try to hurt you, Lois,”

“I’m sorry, Lois. I’m gonna go,”

“Okay. Go then. I honestly don’t care.”

“Lois, I don’t want this to be the end of us. Can we just call this a rough patch?”

“Sure, Miles. We’re not over yet,”

“Yet?”

*

“Hey, Miles.”

“Lois? I thought you weren’t talking to me? You haven’t been answering my texts, and my phone has gone to voicemail more than I can count. Why are you here?”

“It’s been so long, and I want you.”

“You’re such a hypocrite.”

“What? No, I’m not. Okay, hey, can we not fight today?”

“Uh, sure. Sorry, it was just bothering me.”

“It’s so cold out here, and it’s March. This shouldn’t be legal,”

“You think it’s cold here? Try living in Michigan. Or visiting it in the winter time,”

“Oh yeah, that would be a thousand times worse. But I’ve lived here in Georgia for my whole life, so I am not used to below sixty degrees,”

“I see. Well, here’s my jacket.”

“Aw, you little spider man,”

“Hush, or else I’m going to take it back.”

“Really? You would?”

“Yes. No, I wouldn’t.”

“You’re too kind to me, Miles. Seriously,”

“You don’t think you deserve anybody being kind to you? Lois, I will always be here for you. Even if we’re not talking, or if one of us is mad, I’m always gonna love you.”

“Actually? Miles, that means so much to me. I love you so much.”

“I love you too.”

*

“Lois, were you in my yard last night?”

“Um, no, what kind of a question is that?”

“Sorry, there was just somebody out in my backyard last night and it was wearing a shirt that looked like yours,”

“Oh? I’m scared. Maybe you should get some home security cameras, because I was in my room all of last night.”

“Oh. Um…. hey, Lois?”

“Yeah?”

“What is the one thing you want really, really badly? Like, more than anything?”

“What do you mean?”

“Like, what’s your biggest hope or dream or something like that.”

“Did you Google random conversation starters?”

“No. Definitely not. Hey, can a boy simply ask a girl something?”

“I’m pretty sure you Googled that. Anyway, I actually have no clue. Ugh, this is gonna sound so corny, but my biggest dream/hope was to be with you for the rest of my life.”

“Actually?”

“You act like that’s surprising.”

“Because it is. I didn’t think for the longest time that you actually loved me.”

“Why? I really, really, really do, so why would you think that?”

“Because all the girls who I’ve ever loved have never loved me back.”

“Oh my God, Miles, come here.”

“Okay,”

“Miles, I love you so much, and I always will.”

“Okay. I love you too, Lois. My pretty girl,”

*

“Miles? Can we talk?”

“Course. What do you need?”

“I-I… God, I don’t know how to put this. I- it sounds really, really bad, but please don’t take this the wrong way-”

“Lois, what is it? Just tell me. I need you to be honest with me,”

“I was in your yard two nights ago.”

“Oh? Um… Lois, have… have you had any… anything to drink lately?”

“Oh my God, Miles, I’m not drunk. Why were you scared to ask me that?”

“I wasn’t scared, it’s just… well, you just said you were in my backyard at like, midnight two nights ago. That’s really, really creepy.”

“I said it was gonna sound bad!”

“Well I thought you were gonna say something else!”

“What did you think I was gonna say?”

“I thought you were gonna say you were joining a gang or something like that, not that you crept into my backyard at night, you psycho!”

“You mean that playfully, right?”

“Sure.”

“I hope you did. Anyway, it was on accident-”

“How do you walk into somebody, specifically your boyfriend’s, backyard in the middle of the night, accidentally? How was that accidental?”

“I don’t know. I mean, I was just driving around-”

“At midnight?”

“Yeah, whatever, listen to me talk. Please?”

“Okay, fine. Sorry. Keep going.”

“I was just driving around, and I had picked up some McDonald’s, and I was just driving around mindlessly because I really needed to get out of my house. So, I was driving, and somehow I ended up on your street. Old habits, I guess. I don’t know what happened, but something happened and I just got out, and I walked into your backyard. Ha! I do sound like a psycho. You’re right, Miles.”

“Of course I am, Lois! Ugh, I need to go to the nurse,”

“Why is that?”

“Because I need some aspirin.”

“Of course you do.”

*

“Hi, Lois. What’s up?”

“Not much. Why are you talking to me again exactly?”

“You know why, Lois, pretty girl,”

“Don’t call me that, Miles.”

“Why-why not?”

“Because I can’t have you calling me that when you called me a psycho just yesterday. Make up your mind, Miles.”

“I’m sorry-”

“Miles. Stop. I’ve heard ‘sorry’ enough from your mouth. Why are you always apologizing?”

“I thought we addressed this earlier?”

“Uh, yeah we did, and you said that I was being self-absorbed because I wanted to help,”

“No, I didn’t.”

“Oh my God, I am not wasting my time having a conversation like this with you. Here, take your jacket. I forgot to bring it back,”

"Lois, please don't be mad,"

"Of course I'm mad, Miles! I've given you so many chances, and I just want this to work out."

"Lois, I really, really want to be with you. It's my biggest hope and dream, and I really want to make it work."

"Me too, but I can't be with you if this is gonna happen."

"This isn't happening, I don't know what's happening, I-"

"Miles. Calm down. Take a breath. Please,"

"O-okay. Sorry, I freaked out. Very unprofessional."

"Ugh, I'm leaving."

"Lois, I love you."

"I love you, but I hope I see you again sometime soon,"

"I do too."

*

"Miles."

"Lois..."

"I hope I never see you again."