Blood, Sweat, and Tears.

General

Written in response to: "Write a story about an author who has just published a book." as part of Write It Down.

‘Mama’s decisive girl,’ her mother used to say. ‘You got it from your daddy. A tenacious soul he was.’ It was her daddy’s dream, after all, to see her become a writer, but God willingly, both of them left her early, too early thought Rosé. A tear streamed down her face, then another. Quickly, she wiped them away.


It was when the clock struck twelve that Rosé realized it was the meeting day with Mr. Danniell. Grabbing the essential documents, she hurried down the staircase straight into the car. The hippocampus in her brain kept indicating something. Something was missing. Rummaging through her bag she realized, her book…her book wasn’t in there. Getting out of her Mitsubishi Mirage she started to run. Her heels got tangled in the vines in her courtyard and she fell. Owww was all she could say. Her brand new vintage dress from Chanel had been ruined! Not only was it torn from all over her knee cap, but there were scarlet spots all over it too. To her horror, it was…blood!


Back at home again, her iPhone rang. On the other end was someone with a deep, crisp voice. Rosé didn’t recognize him. Halfway through the conversation, she had an epiphany on who it was. It was none other than Mr. Danniell, of course. But before she could confirm it, the call got disconnected. As far as her memory recalled, he had said something about delaying in the meeting. She smiled.


                            ******

2 days later...


It was the day! Throwing away the covers, Rosé bounced off her bed, cheery as ever. She ate fluffy pancakes, topped with rich cream for breakfast. After getting all freshened up, she sat in front of her brand new vanity table from IKEA. While doing her makeup from the Maybelline kit, she hummed;


 The morning bright,

With rosy light,

Hath waked me from my sleep;

Father, I own 

Thy love alone

Thy little one doth keep.


All through the day,

I humbly pray,

Be Thou my Guard and Guide;

My sins forgive,

And let me live,

Blest Jesus, near Thy side.


                                ******


The event had begun only minutes ago, but it felt like hours had passed. Rosé scanned the crowd for any familiar faces and to her surprise, she saw him. The bully of her high school class, Orion was amongst the crowd too. His teeth crooked, the shirt he wore beneath his suit, unironed. Along with feeling hatred, Rosé felt piteous for him too. The poor boy was an orphan; he lost his parents way before Rosé did, almost at kindergarten. She decided to talk to him once the event was over. Even though Rosé didn’t like him, one lesson out of many others at school had taught her that no matter how bad the person was, deep down inside they, themselves needed someone to talk too, needed someone to share their loss with.

******


“Ladies and gentlemen,” began Mr. Danniell. “Welcome to the 50th book event of our prestigious company. Your presence here is highly appreciated. Let us begin with the event.”


Rosé loved how crispy his accent was; his r’s and p’s rolled the same way here as they did with her, back on the phone.


The ceremony was taking place in chronological order. This meant Orion was to go before her up on the stage and there lied the slightest possibility that he would see her and recognize her. Fingers crossed Rosé hoped, he didn’t.


Once her name was announced her hands began to tremble, her heart was pounding furiously against her chest, and she started to sweat profusely. Never before this moment had Rosé realized that she had never been up on a stage. 

******


After tremendous efforts, she began. “Good Morning,” soon after she realized that her voice was shaky. Nevertheless, she continued. “While writing and then finally publishing my book, never even for once did I realize that it would be such a huge hit. Never did I realize that I would be here, celebrating my success without my role models, my parents. Even though I admit that it required a lot of hard work, from my side, but it wouldn’t have been possible without you all either. So this award right here is firstly dedicated to my parents. May they rest in peace. Amen.” She paused and was well aware of thousands of pairs of eyes staring hard at her, waiting for her to continue but she waited…until Mr. Danniell patted her on the small of her back. Finally, she found her voice back and continued. “This award, above all, is for you people and finally for Mr. Danniell, who has been a backbone throughout this project. Thank you, hasta la Proxima viz!”


She ran through the aisle, amongst hooting and never-ending claps back to her seat. To her surprise, instead of the grumpy girl with purple hair beside her sat Orion.


                            ******


He had changed quite a bit. Rosé had to admit a handsome man, he had become. Instead of the crooked teeth, she saw a bright, happy smile. A genuine one. The bully in him was nowhere to be found, there, in front of her sat someone she would love to become friends with. “You were g-great up th-there,” he smiled again.

A stutter? Rosé didn’t recall him having a stutter back then. But then again, she never really talked to him. What if, it was him who was the victim all along but was painted as the bully? A tear streamed down, then another. Rosé hated herself for judging him. Now was the time to befriend him. Without giving a second thought, she offered her hand which Orion accepted gladly. What an end to the bitter enmity and beginning of a new friendship, thought Rosé.


                          ******


Back at her home, she reminisced her day. Such a tiring day it had been but the fruit had been sweet too! She opened to read her book,

“Blood, sweat, and tears ...” It said.




Posted Jun 13, 2020
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127 likes 84 comments

Zilla Babbitt
June 13, 2020 19:16

You asked me to read, so here I am. This is good! I like the ending with friendship and everything, that's cute. I like the inclusion of lyrics or scripture, it adds a layer to any story.

Mainly grammatical mistakes. The way you spell Rose here, it's pronounced Ros-ay, like the wine. Just use one exclamation point and very few ellipsis points. Waffles OR pancakes, not both. Things like this :)

And two major things: I think a scene with Orion as a kid might establish the possibility of him being a victim rather than a bully. Two, I don't really get the ending line other than it being the title of the story. Establish the importance of "blood, sweat, and tears" throughout the story or her speech to give the ending its real impact.

Sweet story. Keep it up!

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Batool Hussain
June 14, 2020 05:08

I'll keep all the pointers in mind for next time, Zilla. Thanks for taking out time and reading!
I really love the fact of how you have given an elaborate response, it really means a lot. I'll be really thankful if you give your views on my future writing pieces too:)

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Zilla Babbitt
June 14, 2020 12:28

You're welcome!

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Miles Gatling
June 13, 2020 11:02

Very nice! It's a happy story, with a satisfying ending. The power of friendship and such. Congratulations

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Batool Hussain
June 13, 2020 11:25

Thanks Miles! Means a lot especially because I'm new:)

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Laiba M
June 15, 2020 03:20

Hello! I enjoyed the story, although I do think it would be perfect with a few tweaks here and there. The story does have a lot of grammatical mistakes, such as using multiple exclamation points at the end of a sentence and many ellipsis points.
Mainly, I think that you added a lot of detail to a few parts, like adding in all the brand names of her outfit and makeup, but that wasn't consistent. As a reader, I feel it's not necessary to explain that she got her vanity table from IKEA or that she's using Maybelline makeup, but instead paying attention to elaborating consistently. For example, I feel that the scene with Rose and Orion was a bit rushed and could have had more background.
I know it's a lot (sorry!) but I hope you will think about my feedback, you have a lot of potential and I know I'll see you on the leaderboard one day! If you don't mind, please check out my stories, thanks :)

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Batool Hussain
June 15, 2020 06:14

Hey! I'm glad that you enjoyed the story. Thank you so very much for your feedback, it really will help me avoid mistakes in the future. Also, I left a comment on your recent story:)

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Laiba M
June 15, 2020 12:28

Thank you!!

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Evelyn ⭐️
June 13, 2020 15:27

I absolutely loved this story!! Only a few grammatical mistakes but other than that you are extremely talented! Keep writing and stay safe!!

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Batool Hussain
June 13, 2020 15:32

Thanks Evelyn , glad that you liked the story! I'll make sure to avoid errors in the future:)

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June 13, 2020 15:02

This is a really great story, Batool! Even though you're new, I can tell that you'll be even greater than you already are in the future! :) There were a couple of grammatical errors, just with commas and such. This was a satisfying story, and I love happy endings. I can't wait to read more! Stay safe and healthy! -Brooke

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Batool Hussain
June 13, 2020 15:33

That means a lot, Brooke ! Thank you for taking out time and reading!

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June 13, 2020 19:34

My pleasure!

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Jubilee Forbess
June 14, 2020 04:28

⭐️⭐️⭐️Stars to you! Follow up on the grammar editing though!

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Batool Hussain
June 14, 2020 05:03

Thanks, Rhondalise for the support on both of my pieces and yes, I'll definitely avoid grammatical mistakes next time :D

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June 13, 2020 16:54

A beautiful story! And the title is creative enough to make anyone want to read! A pleasure it has been reading it 😊

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Batool Hussain
June 13, 2020 17:11

Thank you so much, Kendra! This made my day:)

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June 13, 2020 17:26

Aw, no problem at all! ^^

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Noor Ahmed
June 14, 2020 17:45

Hey! I decided to check one of your stories out, since you asked! :)

I really like how you wrote this! The starting and ending really tie together. The detail was very well explained, and I felt like I was there, watching them.

Keep writing and have an amazing day.

~noor a.

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Batool Hussain
June 14, 2020 17:51

Thanks, Noor for such positive feedback. I'm glad that you liked the story:)

Stay safe...

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Noor Ahmed
June 14, 2020 18:05

You too!

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Zunairah Tariq
June 13, 2020 15:36

Such talent you have in youu! Great start and even a greater ending!! So proud of youu ❤️

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Batool Hussain
June 13, 2020 15:40

Thanks Zunairah! It means a lot.

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Marccc O.
June 16, 2020 06:13

Wonderful! Can't wait to read more:)

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Batool Hussain
June 16, 2020 06:46

Thanks:)

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Samantha Chills
June 16, 2020 05:41

A wonderful story, other than a few grammatical mistakes:)

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Batool Hussain
June 16, 2020 06:45

Thanks:)

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Gee Here
June 15, 2020 14:43

Great story! Can't wait to read more:)

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Batool Hussain
June 15, 2020 14:53

Thanks for the feedback:)

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Gee Here
June 15, 2020 14:55

You're welcome:)

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Mara C
June 16, 2020 12:52

This is so sweet! I love the cute ending with Orion and Rose! :-)
I think you really wrote this well, other than perhaps using a few more commas in-between short sentences!
Nevertheless, I really love this and wish you the best for the challenge! <3

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Batool Hussain
June 16, 2020 12:55

Aw, glad that you liked it!
Yes, I'll try to avoid all the mistakes in the future...
Wishing you all the best for the challenge too! ^_^

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Mariyam G
June 16, 2020 15:38

Loved how this story holds such strong emotions and how you show morals. For an example, Orion was painted as a bully. Careful on the grammar but great work! :)

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Batool Hussain
June 16, 2020 17:34

Thanks Bee :D

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Mariyam G
June 17, 2020 23:41

:)

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Anja Z
June 16, 2020 23:16

Good story well done.

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Batool Hussain
June 17, 2020 05:54

Thanks, Anja!

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June 18, 2020 11:43

GREAT story Batool! I truly enjoyed reading your story! Loved it!

Keep writing and have a great day Batool! :))))

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Batool Hussain
June 18, 2020 11:53

Thank you so much Harshini:)

This means a lot especially because I'm new! ^-^

Have a great day! :)

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June 18, 2020 11:59

No problem Batool! I'm glad to have review your stories! :)))

You too!

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A.J Blink
June 19, 2020 03:18

Sorry I came late. Nice story. A few grammar hiccups here and there but nothing a thorough edit won't dissolve.

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Batool Hussain
June 19, 2020 05:51

Thanks for the review :D

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Olivia Bacon
June 18, 2020 23:29

I was a little confused through feeling like the story jumped around a bit without explaining background. Also the extra details like the makeup brand were distracting. Otherwise I LOVED your story, the plot tied in really well. Overall great job!

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Batool Hussain
June 19, 2020 05:52

Thanks for the review!

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Deborah Angevin
June 18, 2020 11:02

I enjoyed the story! I like the opening paragraph so much ;)

Would you mind checking my recent story too? Thank you!

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Batool Hussain
June 18, 2020 11:28

Thank you, Debora!
Glad that you liked it:)

And yes, I'll check your story right away!

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Urooj Asim
June 17, 2020 14:34

Amazing!!!!!

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Batool Hussain
June 17, 2020 14:37

Thank you so much:)

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Katharine Tierney
June 22, 2020 14:28

Great and interesting story. I agree with some of the other comments that there are some correctable grammatical errors, and a bit more back story about the bully who wasn't would be good. Over all, it was a nicely imagined tale.

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Batool Hussain
June 22, 2020 14:36

Thank you for the feedback:)

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Huma Fatima
June 22, 2020 07:29

Amazing story ❣

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Batool Hussain
June 22, 2020 07:46

Thank you so much:D

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Kathleen March
June 21, 2020 16:25

It was her daddy’s dream, after all, to see her become a writer, but God willingly, both of them left her early, too early thought Rosé. = willingly not correctly used.

brand new vintage dress = vintage means old, which can' be brand new

deep, crisp voice = hard to be both

Rosé felt piteous for him = felt pity

chronological order?

hasta la Proxima viz!” - hasta la próxima (vez)

she reminisced her day - thought about her day

I picked out a few examples of word usage. If English is not your first language, I want to commend you for your effort and encourage you to keep up the good work. Never be shy about asking somebody to proofread. It's not 'cheating'. That can help with punctuation and sentence structure, too.

It is not totally clear what the focus of the plot is, but a bit of tweaking here and there might clarify. Give yourself credit and keep writing.

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Batool Hussain
June 21, 2020 16:29

Thank you so much Kathleen! Your feedback is much appreciated. And yes, English isn't my first language. I'm trying to be good at it. And whom, in your opinion can I ask to proofread? Anyone on Reedsy in particular?

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Kathleen March
June 21, 2020 16:40

Do not be discouraged! I taught college Spanish and am aware of the challenges of another language, especially if I am not working in English. Actually, sometimes a foreign language allows us to express things we might not want to write in our first language.

That said, you can ask anybody, but do you have contacts outside Reedsy? That might be easier. Just e mail them and ask.

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Batool Hussain
June 21, 2020 16:56

Thanks for lifting up my spirits😊

Stay safe:)

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Roshna Rusiniya
June 21, 2020 13:18

This is such a cute story. Good job!

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Batool Hussain
June 21, 2020 13:23

Thank you so much!

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Denise Brown
June 21, 2020 08:35

Hi, I'm new to the Reedsy blog too! It looks like fun 😁
I'm interested that you've got so many really helpful comments on your story - well done! It's great to get the feedback. Can I ask how you managed to get so much feedback, being the new kid on the block, I'm just finding my way around!
I like your story - it's got very good bones. I particularly like the points of nostalgia about Rose's parents and the boy from school. I like Rose's compassion and authenticity.
The points from other writers below give you comments on grammar and I'm sure you'll edit more next time.
When I write I do a few things -
I read it out aloud to myself - if I stumble or it's too wordy, or the dialogue doesn't flow, I change it;
examine which words don't make sense in the context, and other descriptors and adverbs e.g. words ending in 'ly'
I could go on but I don't want to swamp you. Look forward to reading your coming stories. As I'm new to this too in comparison to many others, it's good to link with other newbies. Take care, Denise

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Batool Hussain
June 21, 2020 10:23

Hello Denise! I was busy with my recent story which I have posted. You can check it out:)

As for your queries, I liked and commented on a lot of people's stories thus gaining more karma points and more feedback, of course. Thank you so very much for liking my story. I really like the pointers you've mentioned above. Looking forward to reading your stories too.

Take care:)

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