The Shadow of the Almighty

There’s nothing quite like a starlit sky, Mvelo thought to herself and smiled as she stared right into it.

The navy blue to black background was perfect for the stars. So little yet so significant. She shifted on the woven mat she was laying on and attempted to create a trail; moving her eyes from one single star to the next. A mosquito bite interrupted her on the fifth star and she slapped the stinger. Her blood smeared over her skin and she knew it was time to head back indoors but before she did, she opened a conversation with her most trusted Friend.

“Spirit. I don’t suppose you have a quick fix for this particular heartache?”

Mvelo chuckled at the realization that she always unintentionally uses semi-formal language when she addresses Elohim. She sat up on the red mat and prepared herself for any kind of answer to that rhetorical question.

Silence. Mvelo rolled her eyes at herself. She pulls half of the mat over her legs to prevent any more bites and threw on the grey sweater she’d been resting her head on since she came out of the house. It’s a Friday and she had two full weeks of rest to look forward to. Her boss approved her request after they closed on a major deal which Mvelo had been an instrumental player in. It made sense but Mvelo was beginning to sense that she’d become the main player for all projects and have to forsake her personal time. This was not going to work for her and she knew it. But now was not the time to worry about that. This was time to reset and actually do nothing…intentionally.

“What’s that verse again, Lord? That one on not worrying about tomorrow for tomorrow has its own worries. Yeah! I love you. You’re so critical and gentle all at once,” she professed.

“Anyway, I suppose You’ve been waiting for me to speak to you directly about what’s happening recently. Sometimes I want to bully You because I know you already know what I’m feeling before I even say it, but I’ve heard the Pastors at church mentioning in different ways that our decision to stay quiet and not confide in you is not submission or respect. It’s pride and fear. That didn’t make sense to me until recently. Lord, I feel like I’ve lived longer than my years. It’s like I’m not even…”

Mvelo stopped speaking and slapped her arm in reaction to yet another sting.

“Argh! Okay, let’s take this inside shall we,” she decided.

She stood with some difficulty and looked sheepishly into the sky as she spoke.

“I know I need You to wrap these knees up real nice for another two decades, Sir. My kids need an active mother as toddlers,” she smiled and packed her snacks into the picnic basket she’d brought with her. A car drove by and lit up the green grass around her, showing her the Doritos’ chips bag that had trailed a few feet away from her. She picked it up and randomly though of a time, in the future, when there won’t be any material for foods that are plastic anymore. What a time that will be for the ocean and the life within it, she thought.

She walked back to her house and double checked the door after locking it. She paused. Turned and slid down the door, in tears.

“I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not forsake you,” she whispered into the atmosphere.

“I am the light of the world and the salt of the earth,” she spoke more audibly this time.

She wiped her tears with the back of her hand, struggling to get up from the grey tiles.

“Before You formed me in my mother’s womb, You knew me!”

“The name of the Lord is a strong tower! The righteous run to it and they are safe,” Mvelo took a breath and looked around her kitchen. The bright kitchenware in the high cabinets made her smile. She’s always had a thing for colorful stuff, and made a vow before leaving her parental home that she’d have only two plates and cups that were plain white.

She felt a little lighter so she successfully got up and headed to her armchair that’s placed strategically between her window and the television. She did that to accommodate her reading appetite and the desire to keep up with sports and the news. What happens is that she turns the news on with a book at hand, and thirty minutes later she’s read about 20 pages and caught nothing in the news. But she loves the background noise of the TV so she’s kept this routine up for the past two years since she left home.

Mvelo got comfortable in the chair and immediately resumed her confessional.

“Father, I don’t like how I feel. I wish I didn’t understand it but I do. I’m bitter. I’m bitter and sad and angry that my life hasn’t worked out the way I’d hoped in the romantic department. I know you know that I wanted to blame you last night, for how You’ve kept me in all this holy activity and for what? It’s like I have nothing to show for it and I don’t want to be angry with You but I am. Why haven’t you blessed me with my own family yet? All week, that question has led me from one feeling to another- the former worse than the latter and I’m tired of it. I don’t want to feel like this. I love You. I want to honor You even though I don’t have what I want but I’m struggling,” Mvelo paused then and rose to her feet to distract herself from the guilt that was piling on internally.

She paced around her cosy living room, with a small, yellow bookshelf tucked in the corner opposite her TV. The house was definitely too small for the family she wanted but it was a sweet start for her. One bedroom, one bathroom, an open kitchen and dining area and then the beautiful grounds outside that allowed her evening excursions with the stars. She felt the urge to switch the TV on to aid her guilt but suppressed that to pray in the Spirit instead. She stood still and continued to converse with the Father.

Mvelo walked back to her chair and heard the words ‘do you trust me?’ echo in her mind.

“Yes!”

After her prompt response, the book of Romans came to mind and again, she responded promptly.

“Where, Lord?”

The number 12 came to mind.

She ran to her room to get her Bible from her second bookshelf, beside her bed and flipped it to Romans 12.

Her bible was a turquoise, ESV and when she found Romans 12, she read from verses 1-12. She sat slowly on her neatly made up bed as she pondered the words she’d just consumed. It was verse 12 that stuck out to her, so she focused on it and contemplated getting her notepad and pens for a brief bible study session.

Romans 12:12 read; “Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer.”

Mvelo was experiencing a bit of anger again when she heard Him say “find your joy in Me. I know your pain and longing. I’m always with you. I lack nothing.”

Mvelo placed her bible on the bed before falling to her knees to pray.