Unsaid

Streetlamps hummed to life around the perimeter of the parking lot. Stephen looked down at his feet as he walked across dusty asphalt. How long had he had these shoes? It didn’t matter. He reached into his front right pocket and fumbled around until he found his key fob. With a “beep”, the headlights of a black Nissan flashed in the spot in the back corner of the lot.

Stephen sat down slowly in the driver’s seat, took the I.D. lanyard from around his neck and threw it in the cupholder.

He leaned his head back and closed his eyes.

“Inhale through the nose. Exhale through the mouth,” he told himself as he took three deep breaths.

His finger was on the ignition button when the office door swung open.

Two middle-aged men exited the building, talking while they made their way across the parking lot. They stopped right in front of him and started laughing.

He couldn’t hear them, but it felt like they were laughing about him.

Of course they were. They always were.

How could he forget about the other day, when Adam had asked him what he did over the weekend, and then walked away in the middle of him telling him about the movie he had gone to.

Or all the other times he would try to start a conversation with them, and they would mumble and grunt and walk away.

That was if they acknowledged him at all.

He watched as Adam practiced his golf swing while they continued to talk beside Seth’s car.

Stephen had always wanted to try golf.

A beam of light from the office door stretched across the parking lot, followed by the shadow of a woman.

“Good night, guys,” she said, waving to Adam and Seth.

“Good night, Stacey,” they replied.

Stacey was a very nice girl and attractive too, Stephen thought.

He had asked her out a couple of weeks ago.

It had taken him weeks to work up the courage.

He chuckled when he thought about all the candy bars he had stuck in his desk drawer because he used trips to the vending machine as an excuse to talk to her.

All those times dropping by her desk just to say hi, or offering to bring her coffee from the break room and she just said, “I’ll have to get back to you,” and smiled.

“That’s okay,” Stephen said.

They could laugh all they wanted.

He leaned over and opened the glovebox.

Inside was the 9mm his dad had given him for protection when he first started working in the city.

Yellow police tape stretched from light pole to light pole in the back corner of the parking lot, twisting in the morning breeze. The black Nissan was still in the same spot it was the night before.

Police officers with notepads spoke quietly with employees.

Nobody had seen anything.

Seth made his way into the office lobby, weaving through small clusters of people gathered too close together. Voices were low. Nobody was laughing.

“What’s going on?” he asked Adam, who stood near the front desk with an officer.

Adam turned, grabbed Seth by the sleeve, and pulled him a few steps away.

“It’s Stephen.”

“What about him?”

Adam hesitated.

“It looks like he took his own life last night.”

“What?”

Seth blinked.

“Why?”

“They don’t know.”

Seth just stood there. His hand came up to his mouth before he realized it had moved.

For a moment, neither of them said anything.

“I always thought he was the coolest guy,” Adam said quietly.

Seth looked at him.

“Yeah,” he said. “Me too.”

“I always felt a little intimidated talking to him.”

Seth nodded.

“The dude was so freakin’ smart.”

“What?” Stacey’s voice rose above the whispers that filled the lobby.

Heads turned.

The room fell silent.

“No…No…Why?” Stacey said, her voice getting higher.

Two women tried to put their arms around her. She pushed them away and crumpled in a leather chair in the corner.

Her hands trembled.

She wiped her face.

Her eyes were red, her nose running.

“Ms. Williams, can I talk to you for a moment?" a stone-faced officer asked.

She nodded.

“Ms. Williams, how well did you know Mr. Phillips?”

“Not too well, I guess.”

“I wish I had.”

Her voice broke at the last word.

“You seem pretty upset.”

She looked up at the officer.

Her nostrils flared.

“A man took his own life. A very, very sweet man.”

“I’m sorry,” the officer said, “I understand, but I have to ask you one more question.”

“What?”

“Do you have any idea why he would do this?”

Her eyes filled.

Her chin quivered.

“No,” she said, burying her face in her hands.

Adam walked over and put his hand on Stacey’s shoulder.

“Officer, is it ok if she takes a little break?”

“Yes, of course. Thank you for your time, Ms. Williams.”

Adam helped Stacey to her feet, his arm wrapped around her shoulders.

“Let’s take a walk,” he said.

They made their way past the clusters of people whispering still huddling in the lobby and walked down the hall to a conference room.

Seth met them there and handed Stacey a bottle of water.

“Hey…just breathe for a second,” he said.

Stacey took a sip.

“Can I get a tissue?” she asked.

“Sure,” Adam said, pulling a couple of tissues from the box that was sitting in the middle of the conference table.

“He asked me out,” she said suddenly.

They both looked at her.

“I didn’t say no,” she added quickly. “I just…I wanted to make sure it was okay first. With HR and everything, but it took longer than it should have because Debra was out sick.”

Her voice broke.

She forced a smile.

“I was going to tell him today.”

Adam stared at the floor.

“We were going to ask him to play golf this weekend,” he said quietly.

The fluorescent lights hummed overhead.

None of them said a word.

It all felt…too late.