Sea and Stone

TW: Mental Health, Suicide

Harsh winds nipped at the strands of the unkempt cascade of caramel colored hair down her back, the breeze biting at her exposed flesh, its glacial temperatures cruel against her raw skin. Marianna shuddered at the feel of the icy fingers clawing at her, desperately trying to drag her down, down, down…

The wind whispered atrocities in her ear, daring her to fall, begging her to disappear into the abyss just as so many others had before her. She wondered too, if it was truly the wind, or something more sinister that wished for her demise. It could very well be a part of something more supernatural, wanting her to discard her life, but she had no time to think on this.

Tears turned to frost as they trickled down her cheeks, brutalizing her skin even further, and yet she had no care of it. A numb, as brisk and invigorating as the winds surrounding her settled within her bones, overwhelming her senses, smothering her ability to feel the world around her.

She felt nothing as frenetic, uncontrolled thoughts poured into her head, overburdening her already frazzled mind, though she could not seem to decipher if they were her own or someone else’s.

What would people say if they saw us tonight?

Would they try to stop us?

Would anyone care?

What would they see?

Would they see us, or would they see the ghost that we have become?

WE ARE COWARDS.

Would they try to help?

Would they tell me to stop?

COWARD. The ear-piercing screech reached her where she stood, sending her hands to her ears, tears filling her ears as she screamed. The word was so loud, and it kept repeating itself over and over and over and over and over… It hurt, sending waves of pain through her ears, bouncing around in her skull. But it was true, she could not lie. After all, she was the one leaving. Not anyone else.

Coward.

Slowly, agonizingly slowly, she began to push the thoughts from her head - all but that one - replacing them with the meticulously planned intent of tonight that had been forced upon her mind. To any soul unfortunate enough to pass by, she would seem the perfect epitome of a silent, dreadfilled woman, for she had so carefully chosen her outfit over the course of many painstaking hours, deciding which would perfectly capture the moment in a memory forever longer. This one, she’d thought after she made her choice, would reside in the memories of those who saw her for as long as they lived, perhaps even long after.

At the current time however…she couldn’t help but feel she’d made a mistake, not regarding the attire she’d chosen - a white, lacy nightdress picked so deliberately for not only herself but for the others - the others? - who had been wishing for this for many long, hard months - or her choice to be out here tonight, - what others? - but somewhere along the way of memories that led up to this moment. It wasn’t a common occurrence to be standing here, at the edge of a cliff, just waiting for someone to run up behind and push her off, or for a sudden breeze to knock her off balance.

She could practically hear her screams already ringing out amongst the silence.

JUMP. They demanded, howling at her, clawing at her, suffocating her in their mass until she could barely breathe.

Her breaths came harder, heavier, her chest feeling a thousand pounds heavier than a moment ago, her eyes burning with the need to cry, or because of the sharp burn of the icy breeze, she couldn’t tell. It was all in her head, she tried to tell herself, it was all in her head, all in her head, all in…

She clutched the sides of her head, her mind racing frantically, a pain bleeding behind her eyes. It was all in her head, wasn’t it? It had to be. She wasn’t insane. There was no other reason. It had to be all in her head.

All in your head, all in your head, all-

Jump.

All in your head, all in your head-

JUMP.

Tears fell from her eyes, staining her anguished face.

They’re here.

With her.

Now.

Again.

They’ve been here.

They never leave.

Her eyes fell shut. She thought she’d made it out, she thought she’d gotten away. They were still here. They were always here.

The wind yet again whispered words in her ears, the sound different than that of the voice in her mind, different than the one who screamed and yelled and pleaded for it all to end, different from the past victims that had fallen to the curse of the cliff. She found herself curious; how many bodies were truly at the bottom of the sea?

No, this voice… it was sound - demanding, but soft. It was almost kind, gentle, pleading, but in a pleasant sense. It was strange. She had never known a voice this kind.

Marianna… Something in the night seemed to call to her, dragging her forward, pulling her by a string and begging her to follow. A hiss sounded from behind her, at the edge of the woods, but she didn’t hear it.

Marianna. The tone was light but demanding as it spoke again, as if it was growing impatient of her stalling, growing more and more irritated the longer she stood there, waiting. For what she was waiting, she didn’t know. For a sign perhaps, but there was no way to tell, not even by her, so she would wait just a little longer. Perhaps a little longer would make the voices easier to understand.

Marianna couldn’t help but wonder though - curse her curiosity - if there was another way to go about this, an easier way that didn’t require her commitment to this task. Maybe she could get help, she could start speaking of her issues, of her exhaustion and her doubt. It was possible, wasn’t it? She had only spared a quick, mere glance over her shoulder, but that mere look told her everything she needed to know. There was no running from this. Not now, not ever. This had to be done. They wouldn’t allow anything less.

Silent, staring eyes watched as she contemplated, as she thought about this so very thoroughly, glaring through the back of her skull. They beared witness to the fear and uncertainty as it darkened her face, their stares becoming scornful as she thought of ways to flee. Unspoken words echoed in the silence of the night as their anger became apparent in the next breeze, carrying over to where she stood above the ledge.

Waves crashed into the rough, jagged-tipped rocks so very far down below, their violent strikes derailing her thoughts, booming through the silence of the night. Pebbles flew down the cliffside as she shifted her weight on her feet, new tears lining her star filled eyes, the darkened night sky a portrait in her gaze. Realizations flooded her, realizations shown too late, ones she would never again be able to tell another soul, ones she prayed they would come to understand when- if they found the notes she’d left.

What if they don’t understand? What if they despise you forever because of your decision? You left them. You’re a coward. You don’t deserve to be understood. You don’t deserve forgiveness.

A single tear made its way down her face, her breaths shaky as the horrid wind returned, blowing her hair across her face, obscuring her vision of the night sky. Leaves rustled behind her, the breeze shaking the branches as it fought to get to her, to push her right off the ledge, and perhaps it would. Perhaps she would let it.

Invisible hands grabbed her shoulders, pushing her forward, propelling her right to the edge, but she didn’t go over. No. She stood, carefully balanced, unsure of anything around her as fear crept in, doubt following close behind, both carefully enwrapping her in their grip. Fear told her she shouldn’t leave them, worrying about the safety of those who loved her, but doubt remained, keeping her unsure of what decision she should choose. One small but hard nudge pressed against her back, a scream lodged in her throat, ringing out in the silence as her feet finally fell free from the ledge, and she found herself suspended midair.

The wind screamed, cackling loudly in her ear, laughing at the horror running rampant through her veins.

I’m not ready. I’mnotreadyI’mnotreadyI’mnotreadyI’mnotready.

For a moment, she was weightless, floating in the air as if she were free, finally free of all of which had haunted her beforehand, but alas, gravity took hold, just as it always did before, dragging her sorrowed body down, down, down…further and further from the safety and comfort of solid ground, straight towards the pit of spikes below.

“I’m not ready!” She screamed even as the wind howled with laughter, screaming at her: YES YOU ARE.

She spun midair, facing the top of the ledge, tears in her eyes. Her eyes widened, the sight she beheld… A shadow, there and gone in the span of a mere blink. She reached up as if to touch it, to ask it for help but it was gone. How was it gone? She lifted her other hand towards the cliff, wanting to know what it was, her curiosity burning bright as she-

There was no time for her mind to comprehend what it had seen, for fear to truly escape into her brain before she hit the rocks, no time for the pain to register in her overwrought mind. Her body hit the peaks of those rocks - just barely visible beneath the rough, murky waters - and she snapped. It was audible to the human ear, the sound her body made as it hit the sea and stone, as it cracked and shattered and broke in so many places it was impossible to know which one killed her first, which one she had felt first, or if she even felt it at all.

Those silent, watching eyes disappeared not long after, vanishing into the night wind, blowing across the sky, not a single one walking to the edge of the cliff where she’d stood just moments before. They didn’t need to see what her ragged body looked like to know she had passed, to know she was truly gone. And so, one by one all of the eyes retreated, fading into the fogged forest beneath the midnight moon in search of another victim, suffering through the human emotions of anxiousness and fear and awaiting for their death just as she had, leaving her used, broken body clinging to the rocks as if to say I’m still holding on, and it could have fooled them, had her eyes not remained unfocused and open, unseeing forevermore as the glassiness immersed on the stars high above, allowing her to see a final bit of beauty in the cruel world that lost her soul too soon.