Worth Losing For

~Gwen~

Gwendolyn Sterling did not lose.

Gwen walked into school with dark circles under her eyes. A thin layer of concealer pathetically tried to cover it up, but she knew it was useless and didn’t quite care. Today was the day scholarship finalists were announced. It just had to be Gwen.

She didn’t get much sleep.

Sliding into her seat for homeroom, Gwen rotated through nervous ticks, bouncing her leg and clicking her pen.

Her curly, auburn hair was tied back in a loose bun, but suddenly it felt like every piece was too tight.

Feeling like they had mini weights on them, her eyes fluttered open and closed. If she wasn’t so on edge, she might’ve actually fallen asleep.

Her dream of being a lawyer rides on this moment. Gwen was only eight when her father died, and her mother had been a wreck since then. She knew the only path to success was to get it herself. She had managed to pull a simple job tending neighborhood houses, and now it seems all she does is work and study and mourn.

Finally, the intercom crackled to life. Her pen stilled against her notebook, the tip pressing hard enough to leave a small, dark dot of ink that bled into the paper. Any moment now…

Gwen nervously adjusted her glasses just for something to do. They seemed to go on and on: lunch options, sports practices, and finally, the full-ride scholarship to Gwen’s dream school: Harvard.

“Aaaand now, we come to the moment of truth…finalists for the Academic Scholarship to Harvard. A huge congratulations to the five who’ve made it so far, it’s a huge achievement. But unfortunately only two of you will be moving on to the final.”

Gwen’s heart began to pound faster. It had to be her. She’d done everything right. Every assignment. Every extra credit opportunity. Every late night spent hunched over textbooks.

Her leg was bouncing so fast, her foot hurt.

“The first finalist is…Gwendolyn Sterling!”

She let out a sharp breath, allowing a small smile to spread across her face.Thank you, God.

“Our other finalist is…Carter Callaway!”

And there it was.

Of course.

Of course, it was him.

The classroom erupted in cheers, but Gwen’s hands barely touched as she “clapped”.

Despite her better judgment, Gwen risked a glance at Carter. Across the room, he leaned back in his chair as if he’d been expecting it, like the announcement was simply confirming what he’d already known all along.

And of course he had. Gwen was fully convinced. Carter just had his dad buy his way in, instead of working like every other contestant had to.

One corner of his mouth lifted into that infuriating smirk that had made her blood boil since primary school. He ran an unconcerned hand through his dark hair.

Gwen’s grip tightened on her pen.

The loudspeaker droned on about interviews and final evaluations, but she barely heard it.

“Results will be posted outside the gym in just under a month, so stay tuned!”

Her focus had narrowed on one single, frustrating point.

Carter Callaway.

After a moment, his blue, ocean eyes met her chaotic, green forest of an iris. His gaze flicked over her face with obvious judgment. Suddenly, Gwen felt self-conscious of her tiredness. She probably looks terrible.

Then, he had the audacity to give her a small, almost amused grin. Some might mistake that smile for kindness. But Gwen wasn’t dumb. All it was was patronizing.

See, she knew this smile. It was the smile she met every time Carter did better on a test. Every time she answered a question wrong. That stupid, irritatingly perfect smile.

Gwen pursed her lips together. This wasn’t just another thing to add to the resume for her. It was everything. And she will win, even if she’s fighting Carter and his filthy-rich father.

~Carter~

Carter walked into first period with two things on his mind: Gwendolyn Sterling and winning. They were the two finalists for a full-ride scholarship to Harvard. And he just had to win.

Carter’s father was super rich. He wasn’t ashamed to admit it. After all, that’s why it matters so much that he wins this; he’ll finally be able to prove he’s more than just some trust fund baby.

His whole life, people just assumed his father handed everything to him on a silver platter. In reality, the only thing he gave Carter was a house to live in, food to eat, and postcards showing off his endless “work” trips. Carter hadn’t seen his father in real life in two years. He only ever calls to talk about grades.

Whatever, the important thing is, Gwen would be a problem. But he was going to beat her anyway.

Carter should have just said no.

That was his first thought when he walked into the library.

Just a day earlier, he’d stood in the guidance office with prissy Gwendolyn Sterling, hearing the worst news of the week.

“This is unnecessary,” Gwen said. Carter couldn’t help but agree.

The counselor continued. “The final assessment is very difficult. It would benefit you both to prepare together.”

He'd rather lick the bottom of his shoe.

Carter pushed off the wall. “Pretty sure I study better alone.”

“Funny,” Gwen said. “I was thinking the same thing.”

Mrs. Alvarez didn’t budge. “Just give it a try for me. Tomorrow. Library. After school.”

And just like that, it was decided.

~Gwen~

Gwen was spreading her notes across the table and awaiting Carter. She made sure everything was neat and organized, every page exactly where it needed to be, along with a sticky note including every point they needed to hit. If she has to have a study session, she might as well make the most of it.

“Wow.”

Gwen didn’t bother looking up.

“I didn’t realize this was a one-person ordeal.”

She exhaled slowly before lifting her eyes. Carter dropped into the chair across from her, brushing his wispy black hair back in an attempt to tidy it, really just making it more messy.

The perfectionist part of her wanted to fix it. Instead, she just came back with a retort.

“Try to keep up.”

He smiled. “You know I will.”

They started begrudgingly, to say the least, quizzing each other while quietly bickering.

“You’re overexplaining,” he complained, grabbing the paper from her hand.

“Maybe you’re just underthinking.” she said, snatching it back.

“That’s not even the point of the question.”

“That is the point, you’re just missing it.”

About halfway through, Gwen–rather smugly–noticed that Carter seemed stuck, his brow furrowed in confusion.

“Problem?” she asked.

“No.”

Gwen raised an eyebrow. “You’ve been staring at the same sentence for two minutes.”

“I’m thinking.”

“Dangerous.”

He shot her a look. “Do you want to help or just commentate?”

Gwen hesitated a moment before moving to the seat next to him. After a moment, she smiled.

“Remember Mrs. Johnson’s class? Ninth-grade trigonometry: SOH CAH TOA?”

His eyes softened as he remembered. Nodding his head, he muttered ‘thanks’ and went back to working.

He seemed uncharacteristically ashamed? Somehow, Gwen understood that. She always hated asking for help.

It was a mix of anger and understanding, tangled together until she couldn’t tell where one ended and the other began.

“Don’t be upset. I definitely know more when it comes to math,” he scoffs but she continues. “But your writing is, like, insane. Seriously, I wouldn’t be surprised if you pursued it professionally.”

For once, Gwen was glad to see him smile.

~⚫~

About three hours in, Carter began complaining about how long they’d been going, which just made Gwen more annoyed. He has the attention span of a gnat.

He huffed. “Do you ever take a break?”

Gwen’s pen stilled. Breaks weren’t really a thing. Not between school and work and—

She shrugged. “Not really.”

“Why?” he asked.

Gwen hesitated. This was where she usually deflected, but for whatever reason, she felt the need to get it off her chest.

“Because I don’t have time to,” she said.

He didn’t respond right away, so she added sharply, “Some of us have other things to deal with.”

Carter’s eyes flicked up. “Like what?”

Gwen almost brushed it off. Something about the way he was looking at her, not challenging, made the words catch.

“My mom,” she said finally. “She—” Gwen stopped, pressing her lips together before continuing. “She doesn’t work anymore. So I do.”

Carter didn’t interrupt.

“My dad died a few years ago,” she added, quieter now.

The words hung there, heavier than she expected. Gwen looked down at her notes, suddenly wishing she hadn’t said anything at all. Saying it out loud for the first time after all these years, especially to Carter of all people– it made her eyes feel wetter than they should.

“That’s why you need the scholarship,” Carter said.

Gwen nodded.

“I’m sorry for your loss,” he added.

She nodded again.

Carter tapped his pen against the table, slower now. “My dad doesn't care about the money.”

He chuckled, noticing how rolled her eyes. “Yeah, I know, shocker. He just- um, just cares that I win,” he continued, a small, humorless smile tugging at his mouth. “It’s kind of my thing.”

“Winning?” Gwen said.

“Being what he expects,” he corrected.

Something in his tone made her pause.

“If I don’t get this,” he added, “it’s just more proof I’m not… enough, I guess.”

Gwen stared at him for a second. This was Carter. Confident. Annoying. Impossible. So why did he suddenly seem so…real?

“Oh,” she said.

“Yeah. Don’t make it a thing.” he said.

“I wasn’t going to.”

“Good.”

Gwen paused for a moment. “You’re still annoying.”

He looked up, a hint of his usual smirk returning. “There she is.”

~Carter~

The classroom felt smaller than usual, charged with nervous tension.

After the first study session, the two had spent the last four weeks preparing together every day after school. Carter had to admit, it was the best four weeks of his life.

He never would’ve guessed how much fun Gwen could be, especially when she’s snorting milkshake up her nose. And when she gets into these nerdy tangents about things like Harry Potter, let’s just say he feels his throat get dry.

Plus, she was inspiring. Though he’d never admit it, Carter listened to her advice and started writing for fun. She made him want to write about love.

Now, she sat three rows ahead of him, back straight and pen ready. He smiled to himself but looked away before she could catch him staring.

“Alright,” Mr. Donnelly said, handing out the packets. “This is it. Final assessment. Take your time.”

Carter took the paper and exhaled. The sounds of pencil scratching on paper quickly filled the room.

~⚫~

Gwen was moving hurriedly, her eyes wide and nervous. She tucked her curly, red hair behind her ear, something that made Carter’s stomach clench for reasons he didn’t quite understand.

Quickly he fell in step with her. “Hey.”

Gwen didn’t stop walking. “What?” she said.

“How’d it go?”

She shrugged. “Fine.”

“Just fine?”

She glanced at him. “What do you want me to say, Carter? That I’m worried?”

“I dunno, I mean, we’re friends, so-”

She stopped, turning. “You know we aren’t. So why do you care?”

Oh.

“I don’t,” he said automatically, acting like he couldn’t care less, like he always did.

“Good,” Gwen replied. “Because neither do I.”

That wasn’t true. They both knew it. So why was she doing this?

Carter ran a hand through his hair. “You’re acting like this is already decided.”

“It is,” she said.

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah,” Gwen shot back. “Your father’ll make sure it is”

“And what’s that supposed to mean?”

Gwen let out a short breath. “It means you’ll be fine no matter what happens.”

“Why do you think you’re the only one this matters to?”

“Because it’s obvious,” she snapped. “You don’t need this.”

Carter’s jaw clenched. “I explained why this is important to me.”

“You’ve still never had to earn anything the way I have.”

Carter stepped back like she’d actually hit him. “Right, because you know everything about me.”

“I know enough.”

“No,” Carter said. “You know what you see. And you decided the rest.”

Gwen crossed her arms. “Then correct me.”

“You’re not the only one who’s worked for this,” he sighed, eyes darkening.

“I never said I was.”

“You implied it.”

“Maybe because it’s true.”

Carter paused, “I thought you understood,”

Gwen’s expression flickered for just a second.

“You thought wrong.”

Carter nodded slowly. “Yeah,” he said. “I guess I did.”

The hallway buzzed around them, but it all felt like distant, muted background-noise.

Carter exhaled, stepping back. “Good luck,” he said.

It didn’t sound like he meant it.

Gwen’s chin lifted slightly. “You too.”

~Gwen~

Gwen told herself she didn’t care. It was easier that way.

Easier than thinking about the way Carter looked at her during their “study sessions” where really all they did was talk and rant and joke.

But then it all went to shit.

She hadn’t meant to hear it. She’d been just around the corner, gathering her things, when Carter’s voice on the phone carried.

“Don’t worry, I’ll do anything to win.”

Anything. The word had stuck. After all those hours of pouring her gut out. She tried so hard to help him see things more important than impressing other people.

But he really was just in it to win. And for Carter, that meant bribing with all the money necessary.

So she’d done what she always did; she pulled back first. No matter how well she did on the test, it wouldn’t matter.

The results were posted Friday afternoon.

A crowd gathered around the board but Gwen hung back.

“Hey—congrats.”

She blinked, turning slightly as someone brushed past her.

“Yeah, Gwen, that’s amazing.”

The words didn’t make sense at first. Gwen stepped forward, looking at the list with wide eyes and a wider smile. Her name was at the top.

She’d won. She—

Was this what winning felt like?

She didn’t think so.

She found Carter outside. leaning against the steps, like he always did.

She looked up at him, squinting. “You flunked it.”

A small smile tugged at his mouth, but it didn’t quite reach his eyes. “That obvious?”

Gwen stepped closer, her chest tightening. “I don’t understand- I thought you were going to win. You always win.”

“Guess there’s a first time for everything.”

She scoffed. “Why?”

He didn’t answer right away. Just watched her, like he was trying to decide something. “Because I’d rather you win,” he said, “than me lose you. Though I guess that’s pretty ironic, since I lost both anyway.”

The world seemed to stop and Gwen stared at him. “What?”

He simply shrugged, as if it was obvious.

Gwen shook her head, overwhelmed. “What about your dad? You said this was how you prove yourself.”

Carter let out a small breath, glancing away for a second before looking back at her. “Yeah,” he said. “I did.”

He paused a second before continuing, his eyes softer than she thought they’d be. “Turns out,” he added, softer now, “it never really made me happy.

“I just didn’t know what else would,” he continued. “So I kept chasing it. The grades, the wins, all of it.”

“And now?” she asked.

Carter’s smile shifted, “Now I think I do.”

Gwen’s heart stuttered. “What?”

“Writing,” he said. “Ever since you convinced me to start taking it seriously– It’s the only thing that’s ever felt like… mine.”

The words settled like dust on an old book.

“I’m sorry,” she said suddenly.

Carter blinked. “You? Apologizing? I should probably write this down.”

Gwen groaned. “Okay, I take it back–”

“No, no” he said quickly, putting his hands up in mock surrender. “Go on. This is a rare moment. I want to enjoy it.”

She rolled her eyes, continuing. “I’m sorry for what I said,” she admitted. “For acting like you didn’t earn this. Like it didn’t matter to you.”

“It’s fine—”

“No,” Gwen cut in, shaking her head. “It’s not. I heard you. After we studied. You said you’d do anything to win.”

Carter went still.

“And I thought—” Gwen exhaled, “I thought that meant you were going to cheat. I should’ve known better- I do know better. I know you’d never do anything like that, I think I’ve always known. I just…wanted something to blame, I guess. And I’m sorry.”

A small, fragile smile tugged at her lips. “You shouldn’t have thrown it all away,” she said. “The scholarship. I feel awful. Maybe we can talk to Mrs. Alvarez–”

“I didn’t throw it all away,” Carter replied. “I just–chose you,”

Does he mean what she thinks he means?

Her eyes glazed over and Gwen couldn’t help but feel like the protagonist in a cheesy romance movie. Was it just her imagination, or was he leaning closer?

“That’s… not a fair trade,” she managed.

Carter smiled, just a little. “The risk was worth the reward.”

Gwen looked up at him, stepping closer. “You’re still annoying.”

Carter let out a soft laugh. “There she is.”

“But,” Gwen added, her voice softening, “You’re not what I thought you were.”

“Yeah? Is that supposed to be a compliment?” he asked with that same, infuriating grin.

“Don’t push it.”

“I’m just trying to understand the review I’m getting here.”

She chuckled despite herself. “It’s a good review.”

“How good?”

“Very good.”

“Like, on a scale from one to ten-”

Then, before she could stop herself, she grabbed the front of his jacket, crashing their lips together.

The kiss caught him off guard for exactly half a second. Then he smiled into it, his hand sliding down to her waist. After a moment, she pulled back and rested her forehead against his with a smile.

Because however amazing the scholarship was, somehow, Carter Callaway still felt like the better prize.