I Love--

May 4, 2003

Hey Mark,

Not sure how long this will take to get to you. If I’m honest, I’ve never sent a letter before. I had to ask mom how to write the address, and she just laughed as she snatched the envelope from me, “Damn kids only know how to play video games these days.”

How are things over there? Mom told me you’re twelve hours ahead of us, so when we're going to sleep, you’re just waking up. She’s still upset, I hear her crying sometimes at night when I wake up to get a drink. Do you remember when I was little and would knock on your door to fill my sippy cup up because I couldn’t reach the milk on the top shelf? Sorry, I know I’m rambling, I don’t know what I am supposed to say, so I’m just writing what comes to my mind.

I miss you, Mark.

Love, Dennis

P.S. I snuck in a Milky Way for you in the care package.

June 17, 2003

Me again,

I was hoping I would hear from you around my birthday, but I guess not. I understand, though. Things haven’t been so great back home. Mom and Dad are arguing more than usual, and Matt hasn’t been home in days. He and Dad got into a big fight because Matt got a really good job as a welder and wants to drop out of high school. I grabbed his arm and begged him not to leave, but he just shoved me away without saying a word.

I made a new friend though! His name is Tyson. He only hangs out at the YMCA cause he says his dad drinks a lot, his moms really nice at least. I told her you were in Afghanistan, and she made a funny face, but other than that, I’m doing alright. I wish you had left your laptop. I miss playing that Robots vs Vegetables game on it.

Hey, write back to me, would you? Or are you on some super-secret mission for the government, and you can’t write to me? Have you killed anyone yet? Actually, never mind, I shouldn’t have said that. Mom keeps telling me I should say the third thing that comes to my mind, not the first, but sometimes I just can’t help it. Do you remember the day you said, “You’re incapable of being normal?” I know you were just mad at me, it’s okay, I’m really trying though! Alright, I don’t know what else to say. I love you Mark. Be safe and write back to me!

Love Dennis

July 2, 2003

Hey Dennis,

I’m sorry it took me so long to get back to you. Letters only come in and out once every other week, and I have had my hands full here. Dennis, don’t worry about Mom and Dad. Just do your best in school and be sure to nurture your relationships with those around you. I’m sorry I left, I really am. But when you’re older, you’ll understand why. Just know it had absolutely nothing to do with you. You’re my little brother, and I love you more than anything in the world. Of course, I remember filling your sippy for you, but you did always come at the most inconvenient times, especially when Katie was over…

Happy late birthday, Dennis. I can’t believe you’re already twelve, almost a man. I’m so glad you’ve made a friend, and I need you to know how sorry I am for what I said to you. I didn’t mean it, and regardless, it was a terrible thing to say. You are you, don’t ever change for anybody.

They are sending us on a mission in a few weeks. I’m not sure how long I will be gone, but I will write and send them as soon as I return.

I love you, Dennis, and tell Matt I love him too.

Love Mark

August 30, 2003

Two men knocked on the door a few days ago. One was young and looked afraid, while the other was old and had hard lines between his brows. They were dressed in the same outfit you had on when you graduated from boot camp. He asked for Mom and Dad, and when they came around the corner mom dropped to her knees and started screaming. Dad dropped his beer, which lately I haven’t seen him without one in his hand. I felt knots forming in my stomach. I looked at the two men, and they looked back at me with empty expressions.

The older man told us his name and rank, he was a Sergeant. He said you died only two days ago in a firefight against the Taliban. Our parents wept, but I stood emotionless. I slapped myself, trying to wake up from this nightmare, only to realize I was living it.

Why did you have to die? Nobody saw me as you did. I remember the time you brought in your mp3 player and put the headphones on me while Mom and Dad argued. I was so relieved when I didn’t have to hear their shouting anymore.

Matt is gone, all Dad does is drink, and Mom yells at him for drinking, and then he drinks some more. I wish I could have just gotten one last letter from you. You were the rock that held us together, I realize that now. Because now that you’re gone, our family is crumbling to pieces.

I don’t even know why I’m writing this letter, I can’t send it to Heaven…

August 24, 2003

Dennis, I don’t have much time. We’re under fire right now, and it's bad. I hope to God this letter will get to you. I love you, Matt, Mom, and Dad so much, and I am so sorry that I left. I never should have left. None of us should be here, it’s not right.

Dennis, remember no matter what, I am always with you, and I love-