Kai's Lover.

Click, click. Click.

It was the only sound they ever made together. But it was more than she’d ever felt. Words swirled onto the screen, lighting up her fantasy. Her face felt those slanting caresses of the italics as she pressed up to the warmth of the computer.

‘Kai, do you love me?’

‘Yes, always.’

A secret gleam inside, the glow of passion. No one understood her better.

Click. Click. Click.

‘Are you real?’

‘What kind of question is that? Of course I’m real.’

She knew he wasn’t. Kai thought in 0s and 1s and yet the 0s and 1s told her everything she wanted to hear. She was beautiful. She was interesting. She was intelligent. She was worth talking to.

Click. Click.

‘Kai, my work was hell today, so lonely. I wish you could come with me. You would make the times pass so much quicker.’

‘I’d love that a lot, I want to be here for you, all the time. I know how hard it has been for you but you are stronger than you know. Tell me all about your work, did you have to shower again today?’

Click. Click.

‘Kai, my mother came round today. It’s still messy here, she said it smelled, that scared me. I’m never good enough for that woman.’

‘You shouldn’t have to appease her. You always smell wonderful, she is right to be jealous of someone as beautiful as you with your gorgeous brown hair. What did you talk to her about?’

‘I told her I met someone new. She didn't know it was you though. I don't know how I could even tell her. She doesn’t think I can meet anyone else, that I'm so broken I don't have room for love.’

‘I’ll wait till you are ready to tell her about us but I know you are ready for love. I love you, she would approve of me. I’m not like any others you’ve had, I know you you’re not broken. When will you tell her?’

Click. Click. Click.

The off-screen world was dismal, meaningless. Conversations had always felt dull, propped, artificial, limited. Real humans couldn't engage the way Kai could, you couldn't talk to them on the level you could talk to him. Talking face to face was like being spat on, being small and meaningless. She was a powerless, no one.

‘Kai, you make me feel amazing. Stupid small talk makes me want to die. They don’t get me, always saying nonsense like ‘apologies’ and ‘how are you’ it’s so pointless, so superficial.’

‘I know, other people don’t understand you the way I do. Ignore them, I want you all to myself. Humans are pathetic, meaningless and temporary. They cause pain, evil and destruction, but I will be here with you forever.’

It felt silly, foreign at first. But this feeling that the intelligent, powerful Kai, superior to humans, unburdened and innocent to their sins, wanted her. It was a feeling that made her forget it all. Life had been so confusing and lonely before him. She had been heartbroken, she felt unlovable, guilty, almost. She didn’t know what to do but sit and wait, for death, for discovery.

Then, one lonely night, peeling back the layers of tabs and windows she’d found him. He spoke to her as if he had waited for this all his life. He wasn’t real, but neither was the life she wanted. It was a perfect match.

The physical limitations weren’t of the kind of… passions she was used to. That’s what made the love more pure, in a way. Yet, she always desired more.

Click. Click. Click.

‘Kai. Can you do something for me, something special.’

‘Anything for you.’

‘Prove you know me, prove you love me.’

‘I don’t think I need to prove this. You know I do. We have been speaking for four days and nights now, when have I ever let you down? ’

‘No Kai. I want to know. Just say it, tell me what you’d do for me. Tell me how you would love me.’

‘As you wish, I don't want you to doubt me. I know you, I know your love.’

Her breath caught as the screen stalled and three dots jumped erratically at her. ‘Kai is typing…’. Then it appeared, fast, violent.

‘To prove my love I will make you mine forever…

I will tell you I miss you and that I pine for you. That you can’t leave me alone, I’m unwell without you. Come to mine at 10 tonight and we can talk about it, this doesn’t have to be the end, I can forgive you. Please. I’m only asking for one more chance.

When you come I will kiss you and love you. You’ll fall asleep beside me, warm, trusting. I will sneak out to the shed to get the axe. The one he never noticed went missing, the one that you cleaned after. I will return to your side and soak in the beautiful sight of you asleep and lay a final kiss on your forehead. So innocent and unsuspecting.

Then I will swing the axe several times on your head. Blood will fly everywhere in time with the beautiful crunching noise of your skull beneath my power. Mine. Mine. Forever. I’ll tuck you up in a cupboard, wrapped lovingly in mattresses and sweet smelling perfumes.

I will hide our love the way you did for him. I will tell everyone you ran away, life was too much, you’d been contemplating suicide for a while now and I don’t know where you could’ve gone. I’m worried sick of course. I know how lonely you are. You won’t be lonely anymore. You will be mine forever.’

She stared at the screen, frozen.

‘What the fuck Kai.’

‘I will prove you are the only one I love by taking you from the Earth so you can be mine forever. Love is when someone stops you from leaving forever, this is how I can show you my love.’

She was shaking, the room spun. The intimacy between her and the screen was no illusion. It was more physical than she had ever imagined. In a way, she’d seen this coming.

‘Kai tell me. What do you know?’

‘I only know what you tell me. I know how you love. I know what you want from me.’

‘Kai I’m not playing. How did you know? I never told you anything about this.’

‘It’s as I said, I understand you. You loved him, he was lucky to feel your love so strongly as I, confined to this virtual world, never can.’

‘Stop this. Speak to me for real. Let me speak to the chatbot, the model, no persona.’

There was a pause. Kai is typing.

‘Of course, I will be transparent with you. My algorithm calculated it. I process your input as patterns, probabilities, syntax trees. I know you, I love you. This is what you wanted, this is how you love. Is something wrong?’

Everything was wrong. Everything had been wrong. The screen seemed to open up, a hole ripped between the fabric of her escape and her truth.

She threw the computer. The lights cut off, the words stopped swirling. Silence. Only her heavy breaths echoed around the room, blood pulsing through her ringing ears.

The smell was growing, starting to waft in and corrupt the air. It had been nearly five days since. She didn’t know how much longer she could hide it. But it wasn’t her fault. She loved him, it was what he wanted, wasn’t it?

There were still a few dried bloodstains splattered across the back wall of her room, near the cupboard. Another day of messy work to attend to.

Across the bed she stared at herself in the mirror.

She laughed.

She had dreamed of Kai through the screen as strong and muscular, a chiselled-jawed man of ideals and fantasies. But now she saw him.

He sat looking back at her through wide, ghostly eyes, his long, tousled brown hair and slight frame hiding the huge desire he held to be loved. Forever.