Cedar & Aster

Assembler watched as the protectors returned from their mission. She peered through a shrub, feeling like a spy, while quietly chewing a small piece of flatbread. There was one man in particular she hoped to see. Once she saw him, relief swept over her like a soothing breeze. He walked to an area across from where she sat, pulled off his helmet and threw it at the gravel-covered ground. The sound made her jump. Sweat dripped from his dark hair and he shook it out like a wet dog. He paced, pulling at his hair, and grunting. Bloody mud caked his skin. He pulled a knife from his belt and wiped blood from the blade. Then he grabbed a chunk of hair and sawed it off with the knife. The more he cut, the calmer he seemed to get. He used the basin of rain water as a mirror. 

Most people in the community let their hair grow long. Often from lack of time or energy to deal with it. Occasionally people’s hair became so matted, it needed to be cut to prevent headaches or sores. She liked that he kept his hair short and choppy. There was something endearing about the way it looked, and she admired the rebellion. 

He slumped over on a log, with his hands on his head. Something in her longed to wrap him in her arms. He looked up and their eyes met. A smile brightened his face and added a touch of warmth to his dark eyes. She froze and felt her heart thudding in her chest. While she considered shrinking into the shrub, he walked over to her. She stood and he reached into a pocket tucked inside his tattered jacket. From the pocket, he pulled a vibrant blue flower. It was flattened, but still beautiful. 

She thought it might be an Aster. Several years ago she remembered walking by something similar and an elderly woman telling her it was one. The woman told her about a Greek myth that said they were the tears of a goddess weeping for the suffering of an earth destroyed by corruption. Assembler remembered every piece of history she came across, since it was frowned upon to share these days.

“Where did you find this?” She asked. 

“There was a whole field of them. I’d like to show you, but … “ He didn’t need to finish what he was saying. It’d be too dangerous. Everything was too dangerous. 

“I can try to picture it.” She closed her eyes and imagined hundreds of the blue flowers swaying in the breeze. 

“There were small white and yellow ones too. Very long grass. Almost as tall as a child.” 

She gasped and opened her eyes wide. “It sounds lovely.” 

When he nodded solemnly and looked at the ground, she knew what he wasn’t saying. The field was likely dripping in blood and littered with bodies too. She wished all this fighting would end, but wishes like that felt like a waste of time. People were too stubborn. 

“Thank you.” She cautiously lifted her hand to brush the tips of his damp hair. “I like the haircut.” 

He grinned. “It was too hot.”  

The bell sounded, calling assemblers back from break. With a sigh, she headed back to her station. At this point, she could build bombs in her sleep. While her hands effortlessly maneuvered through her task, her mind wandered. She thought of the blue flower in her pocket and his handsome face. Like always, she wished she’d been born into a different time. A time when she could spin in flower fields, spend hours lost in thought while finding shapes in the clouds, and swim in the lakes. A time when it felt possible to have a future and a life with someone. 

She hated calling him by his role. No one was given names, but she thought there’d be no harm in creating a name for her to think of him as. It’d be something only she knew. She thought through some incredible things she knew existed in nature. River? Ash? Maybe Cedar. Cedars were strong and resistant to rot. She liked that. She’d call him Cedar. 

That night, she joined a group of people around a fire. The warmth of the fire felt nice and Cedar was there, across from her. 

“I wish we’d been born a few decades ago.” Baker said. 

Cedar shrugged. “There’s good and bad in all time periods. I like doing what I’m doing now better than the idea of working some kind of office job in a suit all day.” 

“You’d rather kill people than work in an office?” Farmer said. 

“He’s a soldier protecting us. Not a murderer.” Assembler said. Cedar smiled at her and she felt lightheaded. 

“I’m not sure there’s much difference,” Baker said. 

“So how’d you fix it all?” Cedar asked. 

“I think the government should have handled it better,” Baker said. 

“A government can’t just force people to get along,” Cedar said. 

“In a way they could,” Baker argued. 

“I”m not sure it’s that easy,” Farmer said. 

“Why not?” Baker scoffed. 

“People on all sides have good and bad points. Things need to be discussed,” Farmer said. “Besides, we’re not supposed to talk about the past.”

“What do you think?” Baker asked Assembler, ignoring Farmer. 

“I think the problem is people have too many thoughts and too much need to share all those thoughts. Most people just wanted to enjoy life; dance, laugh, fall in love and all that,” Assembler said. 

“Oh, surely you can’t be that apathetic,” Baker gasped and put a hand on her chest. 

“It’s burnout,” Farmer said, shaking his head. 

Cedar looked amused.

“I’m tired. I’m going to go to bed,” Assembler said. She hated always discussing how bad things were. Living it was enough.

“You sound it. You’re not thinking straight,” Baker said. 

Assembler wandered down a path to the river. It was one place that remained relatively safe since it’s where people went to bathe. People seemed to at least have the decency not to attack someone when washing. She heard a twig snap behind her and spun around. Even in the dim light of the moon, she could tell it was Cedar. She froze, unsure what to say. 

“You want to dance?” He asked. 

Whether he meant it or was joking about what she said, she couldn’t tell. “There’s no music.” 

He held out his arms and hummed a song. She joined him, surprised he seemed to actually know how to dance. She followed as best she could. 

“I’m not as uncaring as they think. I just think there needs to be balance.” 

He laughed. “I know. I’m not as psychotic as they think. At least, I hope so.” 

“Sometimes, I wonder if being in a community is even worth it. Maybe I could make it on my own.” As she said it, she knew it sounded foolish. She’d probably be killed instantly. He didn’t say anything in response, nor did his face convey any emotion. She leaned her head on his shoulder as they swayed to his humming. 

“I want to show you something,” he said. He took her hand and led her through the woods. They weren’t following a path and as she pushed her way through vines, pulled her dress free of prickers, and parted tall weeds, she wondered how he knew where they were going. While they walked, she thought about the name she had given him, and how she’d like a name for herself too. She was one of the best bomb makers, and loved to construct things, but Assembler wasn’t something she wanted to be known as. A smile spread across her face at the idea of a name. Even if no one else knew it. She thought of the flower in her pocket. Aster would be a wonderful name. 

They arrived along the river, but much further down, past where the community went. She noticed some logs suspended by rope. It looked like a bridge, but they didn’t go all the way across. The rope did, but not the logs. 

“There’s a small island over there,” he said and pointed. “I observed it for some time and I don’t see any signs of people over there. I started building this bridge. Sometimes I feel that urge to get away from them all too.” 

“I can help you.” 

“That’d be great.” 

Aster felt nerves jitter and jive throughout her body. Possibilities swirled around in her head. There might be nothing over there. It might be completely unlivable. Or they could make a mistake. Maybe eat something poisonous. It could also be peaceful. It might one day feel safe. It could be freeing. A soft smile tugged at her lips and her shoulders softened. She leaned close to Cedar watching the moonlight sparkle on the water and noticed a warmth blooming inside her. 

Building the bridge created some of the best moments of her days.Sometimes they worked together. The more she got to know him, the more positive her daydreams of life on the small island grew. His silly antics lightened her spirit. Sometimes she went alone too. It felt good to be working towards something she wanted. It gave her the strength she needed to get through the rest of her time. Each day life in the community seemed set on proving to her that leaving was the best choice. 

As she headed to work one morning, Baker ran over to her. 

“I’ve noticed you’re spending a lot of time with that one protector,” Baker said. “That’s not a good idea.” 

“What does it matter?” 

“It’s against the rules. Attachment to people only leads to distractions. You should be focused on what’s best for the community.”

“I’m doing everything I need to for the community. In fact, this week I broke a record with the most bombs built in a day. I don’t think that’s being distracted.”

“It’s truly disgusting that you’d be proud of that.” 

“I don’t like all the violence either, but we need to be safe.” 

“Well, I don’t think you’re being safe. You’ll get hurt,” Baker whispered. 

“How so?”

Baker rolled her eyes. “Caring for people in a world like this only brings heartache in the end.” 

“Isn’t it against the rules for you to be so concerned with my life? It sounds almost caring.” 

Baker’s eyes widened. Then she shook her head and walked in the other direction. A pang of regret stabbed at Aster. Caring was always worth it. She didn’t want Baker to feel wrong for that.  

Aster had fallen into the rhythm of her work, when a loud bang jolted her attention and caused her to drop to the floor. She crawled under her table and struggled to see through the dust, smoke, and debris that filled the small workshop. Sunlight poured in from where the corner of the building used to be. A couple people screamed and many coughed. One of the assemblers, presumably the one who had made the mistake, was covered in blood. His skin looked blistered and angry, and his hands were a mangled bloody mess. He dropped to the floor. Another assembler ran to his side, but then looked around unsure of what to do. 

“Is he okay?” Someone yelled. A few assemblers crowded around the injured man. Aster also noticed a few assemblers positioned on the opposite side of the building continued to work like nothing happened. One had the decency to at least glance over with a worried expression. 

Supervisor ran in. “Everyone get back to work. This isn’t time for a break.” 

Medics entered the building and carried the injured man away. Aster’s heart pounded and her hands shook. 

“I said back to work!” Supervisor yelled. “We’re down a person now, so we all need to make up the extra work.” 

Aster took deep breaths and fought to hold back the vomit threatening to rise up her throat. She needed a minute, but knew she couldn’t get one. She moved pieces around her desk, hoping Supervisor wouldn’t look too closely until she felt in control again. 

When the protectors returned again, she eagerly watched for Cedar. When she finally saw him, the relief barely had time to bloom, before being squashed out with dread. His wincing face looked pale and his gaze kept dropping to the ground. Another protector held him up on one side, walking with him. On the other side his blood seeped shirt was wrapped tightly around his shoulder. They walked him to the Medic tent. Aster glanced in through the tent opening as Medic carefully removed the shirt to examine the wound. 

“I’ll have to clean this. It’s going to hurt.” 

“Yep.” 

“This is really deep. We’ll need to sew it up once it’s clean.” 

Cedar’s eyes found hers and he made an expression that looked like an attempt to smile, but conveyed mostly pain. 

Aster crept closer. “Will he be okay?” 

“Uh, it’s really hard to ever say these days. He’s lost a lot of blood and we can’t replace it. I’ll do all I can.” 

Aster put her hand on Cedar’s. 

“I’ll be fine. It’s just a little cut.” He ran his thumb over her hand.

“Little is not the word I’d use.” Medic said. Then he noticed their hands and raised an eyebrow at Aster before quickly looking away. She knew she should leave, but she felt glued to that spot. What if something did go wrong? Tears blurred her vision. 

“I mean it,” Cedar said. “It’ll take a lot more than this to take me down.” 

“Such a tough guy.” Medic laughed and then gave Aster a sympathetic glance. “I’ve gotten very good at stitching. His odds are ok.” 

Supervisor walked in, and Aster reluctantly pulled away. 

While he healed, she poured all her energy into working on the bridge. Whenever she had a chance, she’d grab supplies. A container of gas, a tool, an extra bit of food, or anything she could slip away unnoticed. She stored them all close to the bridge. There was a large tree with its trunk hollowed out like a cave. When she filled it, she found another not too far off. 

Once the bridge was finished, she walked to the end of it and hesitated. The urge to explore pushed her forward, but the desire to wait for Cedar pulled her back. Deciding to wait, she ran into the community to find him. The community insisted he must return to fighting tomorrow, but now she thought they could leave in the night instead. 

She found him walking around, trying to move his arm a bit. Keeping her words a whisper, she said, “I finished the bridge.” 

“Whoa, really?” 

“I have supplies too. We could go over tonight.”

He grinned and kissed her forehead. “That’s incredible.” 

She glanced around to make sure no one was paying attention to them. They were so close to escape, and soon she wouldn’t have to worry about what anyone thought. 

“What should we do first?” 

“Well, we got to check the whole place out and make sure it really is safe,” he said. 

“I mean the fun things.” She felt fizzy inside thinking they could actually do fun things. No one ever had fun here. They lived in gloom, talked about gloom, and anything that could cause a smile was frowned upon. She couldn’t wait to laugh and relax. Life needed both.

Then they heard screams. Her stomach tossed as she turned towards the cries. A man who wasn’t dressed in their colors, walked through the community shooting anyone he passed. He raised his gun toward her and she froze. Her vision focused entirely on the gun. Then she felt a hard shove against her side and fell to the ground. Then Cedar fell to the ground, but it looked strange. She couldn’t hear anything and everything felt distorted. She scrambled to her knees and crawled closer to Cedar. A puddle of red spread out around him. He wasn’t moving. Tears blinded Aster and she heard unrecognizable sounds that might be coming from herself. He saved her.

Protectors attacked the man with the gun. Medic ran over and put fingers on Cedar’s neck to check his pulse. 

“He’s dead.” Medic said this so matter of fact, Aster wanted to slap him. She wailed loudly until someone covered her mouth with his hand, and yelled at her to stop. She curled up next to Cedar, holding his still body in her arms, praying something magically would happen. 

Farmer came over with a wheelbarrow. “Get up, Assembler. We need to add his body to the pile.” 

That wasn’t a name she went by anymore, and she would never let them fling his body into a pile. Even if that’s what happened to all the dead. They didn’t have time or space to bury people. Cedar meant more than that. 

The medic who had helped Cedar with his shoulder walked over to Farmer. “Just give her a few minutes, okay?” 

“What? Why?” 

“Come with me. There’s time for this later.” 

The community members walked away. She had clearly made them uncomfortable. With all her strength, she pulled Cedar into the wheelbarrow on her own. Then she pushed and pulled until she got him to the bridge. She dragged his body half way across. She collected flowers and colorful stones to line his body. She sat with him a moment, holding his hand and listening to the river rapids. She kissed his cheek and told him she loved him. Then using the gas and some matches she had smuggled from the community, she lit the bridge on fire. His ashes would flow freely down the river, surrounding their island, and continuing on. She’d remain on their island, severed from the community, and make it everything they dreamed of.