Reunion on Aisle 9

She saw him in the narrow aisle between canned tomatoes and boxed pasta. Eleana had been scanning labels over and over, her basket hooked over one arm. She had made up her mind on the first read that this was the sauce she was going to buy. It was always the sauce she bought, but she let her mind wander while she stared blindly at the label. Going over responses in her work emails, thinking about calling her mother back and other actions she had queued on her “things i need to do” list.

She looked up squinting at the other brands of pasta sauces, she would not buy, when she chanced a look over to her side. Her breath hitched as her chest tightened. A familiar stranger stood five feet away from her holding two different kinds of pastas, one in each hand.

Adam’s hair was much shorter than the last time she saw him, grey hairs threaded at his temples. His familiar broad shoulders were unchanged, as was the way he leaned to his right, lightly swaying when he was thinking.

He looked to his side as if he could feel her eyes on him. For a moment, neither of them spoke. His face gave away that his brain was trying to reconcile that she is in fact who he thinks she is. This moment felt like the world fell away. Squeaking cart wheels, crying babies and beeps from items being scanned, muffled grocery store sounds hummed all around them.

“Eleana.” He said a smile lifted the right corner of his mouth.

“Adam.” She was relieved her voice came out normal.

They closed the gap between them instinctively like magnets. Both are now smiling at each other as they glanced over each other. Eleana reached out towards him before she caught herself and sent her hand into her hair pushing it behind her ear.

This motion seemed to bring them back to aisle nine and their smiles fell and took a step back from each other.

“ Uh, so, you stay close by?” he said, stammering over his words unsure if that was too invasive.

“ No, not really. I don't." She flicked her hand waving off the response. “I'm… visiting.” The last word faltered.

She lied, Kind of. She lived an hour away within city limits. Where everything felt more claustrophobic. Her seven hundred fifty square foot loft was much smaller than the home they shared in Cloverdale. The walls were thin and the faucets leaked but her balcony had an amazing view of the river. In the low lights of the morning and the golden hour of the evening she felt like she owned a piece of paradise. Despite this, she still drove the distance to come back to this store because it somehow still felt easier than learning a new one.

“Oh.” He bobbed his head. “ Me too. My parents. Visiting.” he cleared his throat and let out a short laugh. “I mean, I’m visiting my parents.”

“Oh.” Eleana eyebrows disappeared into her bangs with exaggerated interest. “How are they?”

“ Good, good, good.” Adam broke eye contact, still bobbing his head.

“Good.” Eleana repeated. She glanced into his basket noticing he had almost identical groceries to hers. Garlic bread, veggies and the same pasta sauce she had been mulling over far too long. He opted for penne where she had settled on spaghetti noodles.

“How have you been?” he asked in a much more serious tone than he had been using.

She gave an almost pained smile and let a little air escape like she had been holding her breath. How would she compress years into a few sentences? How much should she say to him while they stood between shelves in a grocery store.

“Oh, me. pfff I’m good, yea sure, mostly good things.” her words sounded like nonsense to her but it was too late she spoke them.

“Mostly is good,” he said, his approximation making sense of her words.

A voice broke between them, a man pointing awkwardly between them “excuse me.” he mumbled as Eleana and Adam both stepped away simultaneously apologizing.

They walked to the end of the aisle stopping to face each other near the discounted wine display. He looked out toward the front of the store, the sinking sun catching the green flecks around his hazel eyes. He pretended not to notice her gaze on him. He pretended not to notice the gold band around her ring finger.

“ You look..” he hesitated when he met her eyes. His smile spread across his face involuntarily like this was the only response his body was capable of.

“What?” she asked, smiling back at him with genuine curiosity.

“ Happy.” he said almost wistfully.

Her smile fell. She considered correcting him. Telling him that even though she did everything she said she wanted, she would still wake up feeling untethered. She wanted to say that while she worked into late evenings in her dream job, happiness felt like a quiet visitor. She wanted to tell him that before she fell asleep she would sometimes replay moments with him like a film in a cinema.

“You do too.” she said.

“I am.” a smaller smile played on his face.

They stood there balanced on the edge of a moment they had imagined more than once.

It had been six years since they’d last spoken or seen each other, if you didn't count the times curiosity got the better of them and they would browse each other’s social media pages.

Eleana wanted more, she wanted deadlines that came with a big check, sky-scraping buildings that held important people, where she was one of the important people. She wanted fine dining and holidays in; Paris, Bermuda, Italy anywhere her passport needed a stamp.

Adam wanted roots, an A-frame home with a white picket fence. Two children, a boy and girl, who would beg to play catch and be pushed on the swing. He wanted snuggly Sundays and a home full of all the love he could give. A life that kept a rhythm as steady as his beating heart.

In their time they had loved each other thoroughly. They knew each other with the curated knowledge that only attention and devotion could produce. They knew how they took each other’s coffee and their night-time routines. Eleana knew which shoe Adam kicked off first when he got home and where he misplaced his keys. Adam knew that Eleana said good morning and good night to the plants she kept on their balcony and adored the dance she did when she was about to eat. With all the sweetness they knew of each other they also knew what words could ruin their days. The wet towel on the floor that would send Eleana into a rant. Or the uninterested look Eleana perfected to make Adam give up any kind of engagement with her.

They believed in the end they could have it all. Their futures hurdled towards them and they believed if they tried hard enough and held on unyieldingly, the bend would never break.

They had moved to the only line open standing stiffly in the check out line. Each beep counting down to the moment where their lives separate once more. Should she wait for him outside or say bye after she pays. She opted to wait for him outside, deciding that a proper goodbye was in order. To her relief she saw him search for her when he walked through the doors.

He walked towards her in his relaxed stroll shoving one hand into his pocket.

“So.” he said when he reached her

“So.” she repeated.

This was the moment their boundaries were supposed to take shape. When she throws out her firm handshake and says it was nice to see you and she walks away.

She did not, she was rooted in place. The flutter in her belly betraying her resolve, her love for him didn't vanish just because they became inconvenient.

“ Do you want to get coffee?” he asked looking past her pointing with a head nod

She turned to see where he was motioning to.

“Yea.” she said nodding.

The cafe across the street was small and had an ornate green door complete with bell chime.

When they reached the barista, they both gave the other’s order speaking over each other, they laughed before placing their own orders. They settled outside in the uneven wrought iron chairs. The summer breeze carried the smell of burnt coffee and pastries.

“ So..” he said, adjusting his navy jacket as he stretched out his left leg that gave him an aura of confidence that seemed to come so easily to him. “What does ‘mostly’ mean?” his left eyebrow lifted.

She smiled despite herself, “Did I say mostly?”

He nodded with a tight smile.

She hesitated and took a breath trying to decide how honest she should be. “ I guess it means that I love my job and love my life. I just…” she clicked her teeth. “I just didn't realize how long it would take to feel...” she spread her fingers over the table “settled.”

He nodded looking off to the side, his brain turning over her words. “ I get that.”

“What about you?” she asked cautiously.

He spun his coffee in his hand, staring at it like the answer was written on it. “ I got married.Two years ago.” He said in a tone that did not match the statement.

Her chest tightened against her will. “Wow, congratulations.” and gave an unnaturally broad smile.

He met her eyes and gave a smile that didn't quite reach his eyes. “Thank you.”

“Yea.” she whispered.

Eleana stared into her coffee searching for her answers.

“Do you remember that when we went to Lake Tahoe?" he asked.

She was fighting pin pricks behind her eyes “of course i do.”

“We got lost trying to get to our cabin. You were driving.” he said pointedly

She rolled her eyes. She always did whenever he brought up this story. He continued. “ You said something was wrong with the car and when I looked we had just ran out of gas and you started yelling at me because I was frustrated. She narrowed her eyes at him. “It wasn't helping me saying, I told you blah blah blah.” she said in a high pitched nagging voice. He laughed, “but yelling at me was helping.”

“Yes.” Eleana hissed out the end of the word.

“We argued all the way til we hiked down to the lake” he continued “i thought that was the end of the trip…of us.”

“Really?” Eleana narrowed eyes rounded it.

“Yea I could tell. We had been growing distant and mean. I wanted to take you to some place.. new. I couldn't take you to Fiji or Paris. I thought I could, I don't know.” He ran his hand through his hair “Quelch it. That somehow I could make you want to stay… with me.” He gave a short chuckle. “Why else would I try to take you to Lake Tahoe in October?”

Eleana laughed a little. “It was sunny.” she said, defending his younger self.

They shared a look then that held all their tiny in between moments. It would have been easy to reach across the table for him. It would have been easy to rub his thumb across her knuckles. To pretend that time could be folded back and blanket them into a warm hug where they could exist suspended in their youth but time doesn't fold.

“ I used to think this moment would be so painful, seeing you again.”

She nodded “ Me too.” she said softly.

“It is.” he said with a deep exhale.

“Yea.”she said “but not how I thought.”

The hurt wasn't a razor pain but a dull ache. The type of ache you feel when you listen to an old record and you remember the first time you listened to it. How the notes transport you back to someone you’ve long forgotten, reaching deep into the soul of the past. The ache of time knowing that you will never get to live in the moment again.

The last of the afternoon slipped through their fingers. As they continued to talk about Lake Tahoe and other small adventures. Baristas began wiping down tables and the amber sky had darkened. Stars began to peak through, following the sun like remnants of the day.

Eleana was the first to notice that the day left them behind. “ I should go.” she said.

“Me too.” he said, realizing this was it.

They both stood, the air cooler. The bustling traffic had slowed around them.

“It was so good to see you again, thank you for having coffee with me.” He spoke now with formality, giving them the distance of acquaintances. “Take care please.”

“You too.” She gave a soft smile.

They didn’t hug or shake hands. They didn't promise to stay in touch. He let her walk ahead, She crossed the street turned back towards him and waved and he waved back.

She slipped into her car and allowed her to feel the ache as deeply as she needed. She thought about the love they had and how it didn’t fail. It just changed so they could be the people they needed to be.