The Rest Room

She is happy to see the sign rising out of the gloom of the winter sunset. 

‘Rest stop one mile ahead.’ 

Looking behind her where her solemn children sit, she tries to put a smile in her voice. “We have a bathroom coming up. They will probably have some snack machines too.”

Carri, her oldest at five says. “Mommy can we afford it?”

It tears her heart out, that question. She shouldn't be worried about that. Her child should be worried about how to dress her doll, not finances.

“We can.” It is a partial truth. It depends on how expensive they are.

“I want chocolate!” Her son, James, cries out. The baby, Beth, gurgles.

“Let's see what they have,” She pulls into the rest area, *remember the rules?”

Her two eldest sighs together. “We stay together.”

“We wait until Beth is out first.” Her three year old brother adds.

“Right.” She gets out and stretches her legs before walking around to get the baby out. They have been on the road for four hours. Beth will need changes and nursed. The older ones need the potty and something to eat. Once again she regrets not grabbing food before fleeing. 

The baby is soaked. “I'm sorry baby “ she softly says as she grabs her diaper bag. Her siblings follow her, holding each other's hands. They go straight to the rest room.

She checks the stalls before letting her children into them. Thank God James was toilet trained and only three months old Beth is in diapers.

She changes the soaked baby while they potty. 

“I want you to hold onto the door while I go. I need to see your shoes.” She tells them as she enters the stall with the baby. It is a bit of a struggle to use the toilet with her in her arms but she has no choice. 

Hands are all washed.

“Chocolate mommy?” 

She smiles down at James. It isn't the best supper but none of this is normal circumstances. 

They should be tucked into their beds. 

“Come on, let's see what they have.” 

He skips ahead of her and Carri runs and grabs his hand. He yelps.

“Mooommy, Carri hurt me.” 

She sighs. “You know the rules. She just took your hand.” 

Carri sticks her tongue out.

“Moommy!”

“Enough!” It comes out harsher than she intended. The exhaustion is catching up to her. Beth starts to fuss, realizing she is hungry and her dinner is covered by clothes.

“I’m sorry. The snacks are just ahead. See?”

“Yes mommy.” Carri leads them over. 

Their mommy adjusts the baby and gets the change purse out. She had gathered all the change off his dresser. The children ‘s piggy banks are in the trunk. She will only open them as a last resort.

She buys M&M’s for the children. Chocolate and nuts, a bit of protein. Trail mix for herself. A Gatorade for them to share and one for herself completes the meal. 

As they eat, she sits down on the metal seat to feed the baby. With her nursing, thank God she isn't on bottles, she eats her own meal. 

“Mommy, when will we see daddy?” James asks. His sister gives him a look of contempt. She knows a lot more than her mommy wants her to. A small shake of her head keeps Carri from responding.

“Baby, daddy and I are having a time out from each other. When we get to Grandma's, maybe you can call him.” Maybe not but it will keep him calm, or so she hopes.

“Why? Did he do something bad?”

She can feel his fists across her body. The taste of blood as she bit her lip to keep from scaring the children. The blood in her kidneys. That final straw that set all else in motion. 

“Yes baby. Finish your chocolate.”

Carri comes up, lays her head on her mommy’s shoulder. “I'm sorry mommy.”

The tears that she has been holding back start to flow.

“Thank you baby. It will get better. I promise.”

James is distracted by throwing the candies up and catching him with his mouth. 

“Will he find us?” 

The rush to gather up clothes for them all. Filling the baby's diaper bag. Getting the money she has been putting back, praying it would be enough to get them to her mom's. Her daughter’s sad eyes watched her the entire time. Their daddy was drunk snoring in the other room.

Oh Lord, she never wanted any of this for her children!

“We are going on an adventure!” She had tried to put as much enthusiasm as possible in her voice as she herded her children to the car. Their bags are thrown in the trunk. Beth snapped into her car seat, her siblings in their booster seats. 

She prayed she had enough gas to get them far away. 

An hour after she left, she stopped to get gas. 

“I don't think so.” 

She turned her phone off, removing the sim card. She will reassemble it when she is closer to her mom's so she can call her, if she can't find a pay phone. She doesn't want him tracking her.

The little girl starts to chew on her fingers. It is a habit she broke a year ago. “I’m scared.”

“Don't be. I will keep you safe.” She says with as much confidence as she can.

“I know mommy.” But she is still chewing on her fingers.

“We will be at Grandma's and Grandpa’s soon,” a few more hours, “they will be so happy to see you.”

“Grandpa will keep us safe.” She lets her fingers fall.

He doesn't know where her parents live, she reminds herself as her baby finishes eating. They have moved since her marriage and she never told him where 

“I knew,” she thinks to herself, “I knew deep down that I would need a safe place to take them. Thank God.”

She ushers them back to the car. She checks it, inside and out, before letting them back in. Locks are immediately engaged and they head back to the highway.