Love Story - How I Met the Man who Changed Me

Love Story How I Met the Man who Changed Me

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I was already in my thirties. There is a notion in the mind of young ladies that women in their thirties are already hitting a wall or getting to a state of near or total desperation (depending on who you are talking to). Well in my case, while I was at that age, I wasn't at that mindset. You see, I had dated in my twenties. Yes. Not a lot by most standards, but I had a good grasp of relationships- what I wanted and how they made me feel. I had nothing against them - relationships. I just was tired of them. The whole process of meeting someone for the first time, being on your most people-pleasing and approachable behaviour, while trying to navigate the feelings and emotions of the other person. I was tired of it. To be honest, I never really liked relationships to begin with. I always felt deep down that they were a clumsy, unfair path to get to the door of marriage. Call me old -fashioned but that was how I felt. Why couldn't we court anymore? Why couldn't I, as a female, be courted, permission sought out from those who i trusted to have some form of authority over me and then a formal courtship that almost always led to marriage? Why was that not done anymore? I wanted that even though I had never expressed it. But living in modern times, you do modern things; so I dated.

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My first boyfriend was a very handsome young man who I had met in my mid-twenties. He was kind and thoughtful but he was not the most honest or forthcoming. This flaw would lead to the demise of our relationship. Oh...another reason not to like dating, the aftermath of the breakup. The ache in your heart. The chaos of trying to re-order your life, which had hitherto been arranged around this person; and the sleepless nights. I think that's the worst part - the sleepless nights. Laying awake, thinking about them and how happy or sad (or both) they made you; the future you could have had. I disliked that...a lot. So by the time I was in my thirties, I was done with dating. I had said a prayer to God; "If I'm not meant to be married, don't let me pursue relationships and take away the desire from my heart." Simple but sincere and very effective. The last thing I wanted was to be caught-up spending all my valuable time and energy pining for something that wasn't in the works for me. I had seen others do it and I was horrified by the thought of me being desperate. I think it scared me more than being single.

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Anyway it was in this mindset I ventured into my thirties and I felt free. Free from the obligation of wanting to please someone. Free from the pressure which my own desires would have put me under and most especially, free from the expected pressure that was sure to come from family, friends and society at large. I knew this latter reason was a big deal. How much pressure could come from those who love or claim to love you and strangers who have no say in your life is amazing. To be honest, I think this factor plays a huge part in the decisions that a lot of young women make in many parts of the world. I got involved in many activities that I loved and till date, I'm glad and proud of. I ventured into kayaking for the first time after joining a meetup group, also for the first time. I volunteered with an NGO which was involved in an amazing and impactful cause that touched my heart and gave me fulfilment. I was young, beautiful and healthy. I had no care in the world and the only opinions I cherished were mine and God's, no one else’s.

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Then I walked into a church. I had not wanted to go, really, but my mum had insisted. I guess she was scared when she suspected that I had started to toy with the idea of staying single and remaining that way. Oh, did I mention that I also wanted to become a nun? True story. I did. I went as far as doing some research online about how to sign up to join. Yep it was serious. Note- it wasn't that I didn't like marriage or men. On the contrary. I was just not as keen on it as some would expect and the possibility of not getting married didn't move me. Back to the present. When I took those first steps into that small church, I had no idea it would literarily be of great significance in my life.. I had no clue who was in it and what was going to happen. I didn't know I would meet him- the man who would ignite my heart with and who would rearrange my priorities. Well looking good is very important. So I was well-dressed and I took a seat. I didn't meet anyone on that first day. I wasn't looking to meet anyone. I just wanted to listen to the pastor and leave. Period. Which I did. Not just that day but many days afterwards. I noticed no-one and socialised with no-one. That would change later.

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One day however, I got into the church and sat. It was a weekday and I had come in for a bible study. Yes I did that too. It was interesting and I rather enjoyed it, so it has become a regular occurrence. Mind you, this was just perhaps a few months after my first visit. I was standing, wearing a simple frock (I presume), and paying rapt attention to the singers when he walked in. Now, i don't talk this way. It is not my style. I am not the overly maudlin, mushy, giggling schoolgirl who screams while watching Twilight or reading romance novels..at least not at that stage of my life. I was well-grounded and level-headed. I was sure-footed and had my emotions under complete control. Till I didn't. He was wearing a suit. What some would call a business, dress suit. Corporate enough to look professional but with a touch of glamour to look like he had a dinner date. The suit was pitch black. His shirt white and the cuffs of his jacket had buttons crafted in gold. Stylish but tasteful. I'm not sure what it was exactly. Was it the calm confidence of his walk, his very impressive appearance or an aura he carried? Whatever it was, I was smitten. I had never had such an instant reaction to anyone like that before. It was so sudden and so strong that I physically had to sit down. I mean that. I now knew what people meant when they say that they were struck as if by lightning in that moment. It was true. Wow!!! Who in the world was this ? And why was I in such a daze???

END OF PART ONE

PART 2

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There was just something about that encounter that was different and special. Sitting down in my seat as he walked over to his, I knew a few things for a fact-

1. I was his wife

2. I would do whatever he asked me to do.

3. I was in love with a person whose name I didn't know.

The rest of the service went by a blur and I rushed home afterwards. One getting home I fell on my knees. "Could this be what had been palaned for me by God?" " Could this amazing man be the perfect will of God for me?" "Could it?" Well time would tell. I couldn't sleep a wink that whole night. On one hand I couldn't wait for another service day to see him; on the other, i had questions. Not doubts, questions. What would he think of me? I was not exactly a top-earner professionally and was getting by with some freelance work I did outside of the volunteering. It didn't pay much but it kept my bills paid and my upkeep. Would he be disappointed by that? Or my age? I wasn't in my twenties. All of a sudden, all these factors came to the fore. I wanted to be as impressive to him as he was to me. Even though I didn't know what he did for a living, I knew he seemed to be at a level I wasn't professionally. As I thought about all these, I was engulfed by this overwhelming sense that everything would be ok.

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We saw each other again on another occasion at the same church. I admit that the thought of seeing him became an additional reason to want to go there and it was rewarded as he was as frequent as I was. That day, I went simply dressed but neat and put together. It was also a weekday event and I got there early. Not long after, he came in while the meeting had started. It is amazing how vividly I seem to remember what he always wore. It never occurred to me before that I had a particular taste in men's clothing and style or even paid attention to it. He was in a more casual outfit this time. Bluish grey top with long sleeves and a nice pair of dark pants. He looked incredible. I, on the other hand, was wearing a dress I had worn dozens of times before....made by my sibling. He looked like he just walked out of a magazine cover. I didn't feel inferior, not by any means. Just in awe. We had not yet spoken a single word to each other ever. Not one.

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Something significant happened that day. At some point in the meeting, we were asked to rise to our feet, pick a partner and pray for them. Prior to this time, I always prayed for myself and then obligatorily for the person who I was paired with. But today was different. I turned to select someone to my left; a young lady sitting behind me as I was at the edge of the row. As I did, he came over and he had an expression on his face that took me by surprise. Even though I was not seated in his vicinity, he had come all the way over to take my hand to pray with me. I flushed. In part out of embarrassment as it was publicly observable by everyone what he had done and in part because I was flustered...and pleased. Could this mean what I thought? I didn't know. I went to hold hands with the lady I had initially selected and he turned away to someone else. Why did I do that? Well, I couldn't let it seem so obvious, now could I?

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After a few minutes of praying, to my utmost amazement, the leader who handled this segment instructed that we select yet another partner to pray with. What in the world was going on? Was this a set up? This time, there was no mistaking his eagerness and determination. He came right up to me, stood right in front of me and held out his hand. Inwardly I froze. Lord give me strength. Don't let my knees buckle. I braced myself and gently placed one of my hands in his. Oh my God!!! He didn't clasp it aggressively or demandingly. No. Instead , he did something else. He gently, very gently covered it with his other hand, enveloping it completely. It was amazing!!! It seemed to say, " I will protect you"; "I'll be gentle with you"; "There is nothing to fear". I could have melted.

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It has been a few days since that last incident of the hands. So much has happened since then. So many occasions that are too many to recount but I will try. Many times during a service, which I was engrossed in some form of worship or prayer with my eyes closed, i'd open them to see he'd taken a seat beside me. Intentionally. I knew that now. Also another incident occurred just like the first. We were told to hold partner's hands and he had previously chosen to seat in front of me, directly. So he spun around so fast it was almost dizzying. He held out both his hands like a young, excited boy would and I gingerly placed both of mine in them. This time, I was sure that all of the entire congregation was staring at us. But he was unbashful and unashamed. That was wonderful. While I tried to focus on praying, with my hands still in his, I felt slight movement. I kept my eyes shut but for just the slightest second he had gently caressed the back of my hand. Aaargh!!!!! This was incredible. To know that the person you felt this way about reciprocated it is something almost indescribable. It just felt .... right.

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Over the next few weeks , we would bump into each other, say a few words in greeting. We never expressed what was going on in full words but it was palpable and thick. The circumstances under which we met didn't provide the conductive environment to enable us to go any further than we did. But I'm grateful I met him. I'm grateful our paths crossed and for all those little unspoken gestures we shared. Somehow I know my life is much fuller and richer for having known what it is to love that way - utterly, completely and unreservedly. Thank you God and thank you to the man who made me happiest that year.