Standing in my way

“You can see me?” he asked.

“Well, yeah,” she said. “You’re standing in my way.”

“I’ve stood here for years,” he commented. “You’ve never seen me before?”

“I’ve seen you,” she countered. “I’ve just chosen not to interact with you.”

“So, what makes this time different?” He inquired, “Why interact with me this time?”

“Trust me, if I didn’t have to, I would go on ignoring you for eternity,” she stated.

“That doesn’t answer the question, why did you speak up this time?” he queried.

“Like I said,” she reiterated, “this time it is necessary.”

“If you wouldn’t mind being more specific,” he prodded.

“Why do you insist on making me repeat myself,” she complained.

“Humor me,” he requested.

“It’s because you are standing in my way,” she echoed.

“In the way of what?” he sought.

‘Just… in the way,” she proclaimed.

“I think I’m going about this the wrong way,” he declared. “Why have you chosen to ignore me up to now?”

“You really don’t remember, do you?” she grilled.

“Remember what? What are you talking about?” he demanded.

“That you are the reason I’m here,” she exclaimed.

“You’re right, I don’t remember,” he confessed. “Would you mind letting me in on the secret?”

“Just one more, you said.” she informed. “But one more, became two, then three.”

“One more?” he questioned.

“One more drink, Dad!” she exploded. “One more drink, added to the many before that, coupled with the stellar idea of driving home. I didn't want to get in the car, but you made me. The night was too dark, the road was too wet, you were going too fast, and that tree was too rooted. So yeah, you are the reason I’m here. Now, if you don’t mind, I have waited years in this purgatory and I can now see the light to cross over, AND YOU ARE STANDING IN MY WAY!”

“Are you sure that light is for you?” he questioned

“It’s the first I’ve seen,” she informed.

“I have seen many come and go,” he confessed.

“And you didn’t cross over?!” she exclaimed.

“We are focusing on your cross over, you’re the one that matters.” He demanded.

“Why start caring now? Why, when it’s too late, would you decide to act like a parent?" she grilled.

“I’ve always cared,” he declared.

“It never felt like it,” she proclaimed.

“Never, not once on all your days, did you feel how I loved you?” he sought.

“It never felt like it,” she echoed.

“Tell me how I fix this,” he requested.

“Just like always, you want to fix it when you shouldn’t have broken it in the first place,” she complained.

“Am I alone in this? Surely there were times when you could have reached out,” He prodded.

“It never felt like it,” she reiterated.

“Doesn’t it take two in any relationship?” He queried.

“No, Dad, I’m pretty sure you did this all on your own. "She stated.

“There is no way to make it good?” he inquired.

“I wouldn’t even know what good is for us,” she countered.

“Good, is forgiveness and love,” he commented.

“I think it’s too late for us now,” she said.

“Why?” he asked. “What has been done that makes it too late?”

“My whole life, Dad! She exploded. “The drinking, the late nights working, you were never home, never there for me! You missed birthdays and holidays, milestones and crises.

“Have you ever considered seeing this from my side?” he asked.

“Your side is indefensible,” she said.

“You really don’t know that until you try,” he commented.

“Oh, I know it,” she countered.

“What harm would it do now?” he inquired. “Even convicts get their day in court.”

“Fine, you want your day in court? Give it your best shot, but I have to tell ya, I don’t like your chances,” she stated.

“Would you please keep an open mind?” he queried.

“I don’t like your chances,” she reiterated.

“At least try,” he prodded.

“Just like you tried to make it to my birthdays but never did, or when mom got sick but were never home to help or comfort us?” she complained.

“Can you just try?” he requested.

“OK, I’ll try, but I still don’t like your chances,” she echoed.

“Do you honestly think I wanted to be away from you?” he sought.

“I had no evidence that you didn’t,” she proclaimed.

“Houses and food and birthday presents and cancer treatments don’t pay for themselves,” he declared.

“And just who do you think had to take up the slack for you at home while you were providing for your family? Who do you think sat up night after night, cleaning floors when mom didn’t make it all the way to the bathroom after a chemo treatment? Or called the ambulance at two a.m. when she would stop breathing?” she grilled.

“I was doing the best I could with what I had to deal with,” he demanded.

“Well, just like always, your best wasn’t even close to adequate!” she exclaimed.

“I know it wasn’t,” he confessed. “And I’m sorry.”

“It’s more than a little late for sorry,” she informed.

“Do you really hate me that much?” He questioned.

“Hate you?!” she exploded. “I would have to care enough to hate you. You don’t deserve that much of my energy to muster hate.”

“Could that be why you haven’t crossed already?” he questioned

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” she informed.

“It’s true I wasn’t the best parent,” he confessed.

“That’s an understatement!” she exclaimed.

“I want you to spend more energy on doing what you need to cross,” he demanded.

“What makes you the expert on crossing? Who are you to tell me what I need to do or what you want?” She grilled.

“Because, even though I have been standing here for years. I haven’t always been here,” he declared.

“You’ve been there as long as I can remember,” she proclaimed.

“Though you say you can see me. Were you always looking?” he sought.

“You’ve been there as long as I can remember,” she echoed.

“Would you please stop and think, before just now, before you saw the light. would you tell me when you last saw me?” he requested.

“Every time I turned around, you were there watching me. It was maddening, she complained.

“Think harder,” he prodded.

“I’ve told you, every time I turned around,” she reiterated

“But the times you didn’t turn around, the times you turned away. Is it possible I was not there at those times? Could it be this vitriol you have that’s stopping you from crossing and not me standing in your way?” he queried.

“I’ve never considered that,” she stated.

“Might you consider that now?” he inquired.

“What and let you have your way?” she countered.

“It may give you what you want,” he commented.

“Fine, I’ll try,” she said.

“Now what do you see?” he asked.

“The light, MOM!” she exploded.

“You can see me?” she asked.