The Trouble with Time Travel

When I spotted my little brother sitting at a back table in the coffee shop, my heart began to race so quickly I had to grab on to a chair to steady myself. I hadn’t seen Jacob in twenty-five years; that’s how long he’d been dead. Now, there he was, drinking a cup of coffee and typing on his computer as if he didn’t have a care in the world. He was completely oblivious to the fact that he only had thirty minutes left to live.

As I approached his table the lump in my throat ballooned to the size of a ping pong ball and I was afraid I wouldn’t be able to speak. I took a few deep breaths to calm myself and sat down across from him. I tapped him on the shoulder and said, “Hey Jake.”

My brother looked up to see who was poking him and did a double take. His face became a mask of confusion and he gasped, “Ezra, what the hell happened to your face? You look like an old man. For a minute I thought you were dad.” He stared at me, scratching his head, trying to make sense of the situation when suddenly he snapped his fingers, “Wait a minute. Is that your Halloween costume for the frat party? Who did your make-up? You look so creepy.”

I grabbed my brother by the shirt collar and commanded, “Listen closely Jake, because I only have a few minutes. I traveled back in time to save your life. Twenty-five years ago today, you were walking home from this coffee shop and were hit by a car. You died instantly. I spent my entire life savings to travel back and warn you not to walk home. Do not walk home Jake! Take a cab, or better yet, call me to pick you up. Tell me you’re hurt or something and I’ll come.”

Jacob sat up straight and glared at me. “Is this a prank, cause it’s not funny.”

I glanced at my watch and my breathing became ragged. “It’s not a prank Jake. You have to believe me.”

“Ezra, “I’m not going to call a cab for six blocks. What a stupid waste of money.” He wrinkled his nose in distaste, “and go wash your face,” he admonished me, “it’s grossing me out.”

That was it. He didn’t believe me. I risked everything to save him and my pig-headed brother didn’t believe me. I lapsed into full panic mode, there was only one minute left, and it looked like I was going to fail. I jumped up and did the only thing I could think of; I pulled Jacob out of his chair and stomped on his foot as hard as I could. Now he wouldn’t be able to walk home. I could hear the yelps of pain as I was whisked back to 2072.

Back at the transport hub, my guide Dylan helped me out of the capsule and escorted me to the recovery room. “Rest for about an hour,” he said, “and you’ll be good to go.” He reached into his pocket and pulled out a bottle of pills. He handed me one and told me to use it if the pain in my head became too intense.

I thanked Dylan for all his help and sat down on the cot. My thoughts were a jumble, and my head was throbbing. I felt like I had the worst hangover of my life. Two sets of memories were competing with each other, and I had no clue what was real. Too frazzled to deal with the situation, I popped a pill into my mouth and sank into a deep sleep.

An hour later, Dylan tapped me awake and presented me with a stack of discharge papers, along with a copy of my personal statement, just in case I forget why I had traveled.

“For the next few days,” he explained, “you’ll feel very confused. Don’t worry, it’s normal. In a week or so your new memories will be the dominant ones in your head, and your prior life will feel like an echo. Oh, and just to remind you,” he added, “I know it’s going to be tempting to talk about your former life, but don’t. Nobody else has those memories. You’ll only upset people.”

I hopped off the cot and Dylan helped to steady me. “We have an uber-pod waiting for you in front. We’ve already programmed it with your home address so when you’re ready to leave, hop in and it will bring you directly home.”

I nodded okay and Dylan smiled, “Thanks for traveling with Time Unlimited, Mr. Halpern.” He handed me an itemized bill, “Remember, there’s a three percent discount if you pay it in full today.”

I looked at the bill Dylan just handed me and my stomach clenched. I knew in advance how much this trip would cost but seeing it on paper was shocking. I guess that’s how much it costs to save a life, I thought. Then it hit me. Jacob was alive. Memories of his life were solidifying in my head. I did it. I saved my brother.

 I sat in the uber pod on the ride home alternating between euphoria and dread. On the one hand, I had achieved the awesome goal of saving my brother, but on the other, I had just spent the entirety of Jackie and Harper’s college funds to pay for this little jaunt back in time. I started thinking about my two daughters, drowning in guilt for what I’d done, when something weird happened. Their faces began to fade until they looked like ghosts. I clutched my chest as it dawned on me; my trip to the past had erased my daughters. Jackie and Harper, named after my brother and mother, had never been born. I felt sick to my stomach. I opened the window and threw up.

When I arrived home, my body was shaking so badly it looked like I was having a seizure. I struggled to put the key in the lock. I was terrified and panicking. I had no idea what to expect. I opened the front door slowly and lumbered into the living room like a hundred-year-old man. When I spotted my wife Johnette sitting on the couch, I was finally able to calm down a bit.

She looked up and smiled. “Hi Ezra,” she said. “Where have you been?”

I rushed over to her and pulled her into my arms. I drew her into a bear hug, wondering how I was going to break it to her that our girls were undone, too confused to remember that they never existed at all for her.

As I sat holding my wife, Jacob wandered in from the kitchen and evaluated the scene. “Hey Ezra,” he laughed breaking up the embrace, “maybe if you hugged your wife like that you wouldn’t be getting a divorce.”

I shot off the couch and stared at my middle-aged brother. He was alive. I threw my arms around him and sputtered, “Today was the day. The day I traveled back in time. The day I saved your life.”

“Oh damn,” Jacob muttered as he hugged me. “I knew this day was coming soon. I remember it like it happened yesterday.” He pulled away to look at me. “You appeared at my table with that old, ugly face and scared the crap out of me. I didn’t know what to think. You really shook me up.”

Jacob shuddered involuntarily at the memory. “After you left, I called the house and you with your young face came to pick me up. You drove me to the emergency room.” Jacob’s tone turned harsh, “By the way, you broke three of my toes and I had to wear a walking boot for six weeks. Mom was furious when I told her you did it.” He laughed at the memory. “You were so confused.”

“Mom,” I gasped. “Is she still alive?”

“Of course she is. Why would you ask that?”

I took a deep breath. “Oh, thank God.” I looked at Jacob, “After you, were hit by the car, Mom became deeply depressed. She wouldn’t let anyone help her. She died two years later. Her doctor said it was a stroke, but we all knew she died of a broken heart.”

“Wow,” Jacob grinned, I guess Mom really does love me best.” He pulled his phone out of his pocket and tilted it in my direction. “Look,” he said. “Mom and Dad are currently living it up on a Caribbean Cruise.” He showed me a picture of my now seventy-five-year-old mother smiling with her arm around my dad.

I felt my chest tighten as I calculated in my head. So far, two of my favorite people saved and two of my favorite people erased.

I sat back down on the couch and turned my attention to my wife. Except, she wasn’t my wife, she was Jacob’s wife. She had been Jacob’s girlfriend before the accident, and I had been so jealous. She was so beautiful. After Jacob’s death, Johnette and I bonded over our grief and we eventually married. I looked at her face. She was still so beautiful and she looked happy. My heart broke in two. I could never make her smile like that. She never loved me like she loved Jake.

As I sat trying to untangle my thoughts, I looked around the living room and spotted photographs of children hanging over the fireplace. Jake and Johnette had three girls. Memories of my nieces began swirling in my head. They were beautiful and sweet like their mother. While continuing to scan the pictures, I spotted a photo of two handsome teenage boys. Their cousins.

I bolted upright. Their cousins. My heart swelled with joy as memories of my sons flooded in. Memories of coaching soccer and driving morning carpool and helping my boys with their homework every night. I chest puffed out as I thought about how amazing my kids were, until I became confused again; who was their mother?

I must have said it out loud because Jake asked, “Did you forget about Keira.”

Keira. As soon as he said the name, I remembered everything, including my recent separation. I was living at my brother’s house because my wife kicked me out and I had nowhere else to go.

 Keira and I had been arguing a lot lately. She called me an absentee husband, and I guess I was. I just never felt the same spark for her as I did for Johnette, but we had a lot in common and enjoyed spending time together. We were a good team. Now that the boys were getting older, I guess it wasn’t enough for her. Keira wanted my whole heart.

She claimed I never really loved her. That wasn’t true. I did love her, I just couldn’t shake my feelings for the woman who always loved my brother more than me, even in death. I was so stupid.

Meanwhile, I was married to a woman that genuinely loved me and I screwed it all up. To make matters worse, now I’d have to tell Keira I spent the entirety of our children’s education funds.

I turned to Jacob, fished the receipt out of my pocket and handed it to him. “Could you make a donation to the recently established “Save Ezra Fund” so Keira doesn’t kill me?”

Jacob plucked the receipt out my hands and looked it over. Without hesitation, he pulled out his phone and transferred a portion of the amount into my bank account.

Relief gushed through me as I opened my bank app and saw the recent deposit.

“This is a huge help. Are you sure you can afford this?”

“Ezra,” he said, “when you came into the coffee shop, you told me you spent your entire life savings to rescue me. I’ve been preparing for this. I wish I could give you more, but I have three children to think about.”

I smiled gratefully. “Thank you so much. Now Keira will only half kill me.”

I rocked back on my heels and took a deep breath. This day had been too much and my head was pounding again. I excused myself and went upstairs to lay down and process my new reality.

 As the sun slowly dipped below the horizon, my memories of Jackie and Harper continued to fade. They were now barely more more than a whisper and the emotional impact of losing them was no longer tugging at my heart. It was my boys that filled me with pride now. I pictured them and smiled. They fought with each other just like Jake and I used to. They were such great kids.

I closed my eyes to ease my aching head and my thoughts drifted to the year-long process of preparing for this day. Being accepted into the time travel program was almost as difficult as qualifying to be one of the astronauts to colonize Mars. In preparation, I had to have a complete background check as well as a full psychological evaluation, including a lie detector test. It was essential to confirm I wasn’t traveling back in time to kill anybody or to give my old self stock tips. Johnette helped and encouraged me every step of the way. She wanted me to save Jacob as much as I did.

As I continued to think about the trip, I realized I hadn’t at all been prepared for the consequences. Though I knew what I was getting myself into in theory, reality hit me like a punch to the gut when the travel bureau had me sign a document called The Butterfly Agreement. Basically, it stated going back in time would change things, possibly for the worse, and there would be no second chances.

It was all worth it though, I thought. I found myself shivering and I wasn’t sure why. I sat up suddenly as I remembered I had written a journal so I wouldn’t forget about my previous life. I looked at the desk where I left it, but it wasn’t there. Maybe it was written in a different house. Or maybe I didn’t write it at all.

The important thing, I assured myself, was that Jacob and my mother were both alive. My ruined family had been restored. I felt overwhelmed and grateful, and so much wiser. Losing Johnette helped me to understood how I had hurt my wife. I couldn’t go back to the past to change my mistakes, but I could do something about the future.

 I pulled out my phone and called Keira. She answered on the first ring.

“I love you,” I said, “and I want to come home.” I sniffled and my voice began to crack. I almost never cried, but I was crying now. “Please,” I begged. “I promise to do better.”

There was a long silence, and I could practically hear the wheels turning in Keira’s head. As I waited nervously, I said a silent prayer. After what seemed like a decade, she finally answered my question.

“Yes,” she said, “but with conditions.” I sighed with relief. I could work with that.