24 Hour Rewind

24 Hour Rewind

By: Teresa Theobald

It was a day like any other for Ann Cavitt… a 64-year-old woman living alone in an RV. Woke up, made her black coffee and got her Bible out for her morning study. Lately, she had been a little depressed and feeling like with each passing year a piece of herself was gone. She didn’t want to allow herself to have a “pity” party, but she couldn’t help but think of the person she used to be. Some days she would let her mind or “Satan” remind her of all that she had lost. Well, today was just that day. Semi-retired living paycheck to paycheck, no health insurance and no money to get away. She didn’t recognize herself anymore. She was overthinking all aspects of her current situation. She wanted a glimpse of the old Ann again. She wanted to enjoy going places instead of just acting. It seemed she was doing all that was required but was not really enjoying anything. She only enjoyed her 2-hr. nap each day when she was able to shut her brain off. The one that reminded her of how old she was becoming and how unimportant she was to the rest of the world.

Ann used to be carefree and made decisions without pause; if she wanted something she bought it; if she wanted to go somewhere she went; she had a full-time job, beautiful home, beloved pets, boats, cars, kids who adored her, and the love of her life. (Her high school sweetheart Bobby).

Now she was alone. Her kids were grown with careers. Her favorite pets had died. And she missed them terribly!! And…the only guy who ever made her feel alive, loved and seen was gone as well. The “old” Ann used to say, “If you have never experienced a love like ours, I feel sorry for you; but for those who have the chance for that type of love it is so beautiful.” To wait to see a smile made just for you. To really feel seen and cherished. For someone to really enjoy all your stupid jokes and acting out parts of your day. To go to sleep and wake up just to go outside on the patio for coffee at 4 am and then return to bed. To want to be with your best friend. It’s like having your favorite old dog sleeping in bed with you every night.Just to hear him breath brings comfort.That’s what Bobby and Ann had. And Ann’s heart was aching and longing for someone to love her like that again.

So, one morning with her Bible in her lap, she allowed her mind to travel back and entertain what seemed like a wonderful thought. What if I could have a “rewind<pause>and play” button? Wouldn’t it be great if just for a day to rewind to a year that you felt was your happiest? While her imagination was thinking of how great it would be to see “Bobby” and her favorite pets as well as her country home again she heard a voice say, “Why not?” Who said that? “I did!” a voice said. “I am one of the many angels around you all the time, but you are always too busy having pity parties to see all the little miracles each day. ”So… do you really want to rewind?" I said, “yes!” “Absolutely without a doubt!” The angel then said,” I will let you have 24 hours to rewind, pause and play any day that you would like. ““So …give me the date that you want to rewind to…” Okay, October 10, 2017! In a flash I was back at my favorite country home with my two favorite dogs beside me on the couch. Oh, how wonderful it was to see them and be with them again!! We used to always take naps together each day. But today, since I knew I only had a short time with them I wanted to stay awake and just enjoy them. But instead, I fell asleep just like we always did. When I finally woke up, I was frustrated because I had fallen asleep; I hadn’t wanted to waste a minute. It was now after 3pm and Bobby would be coming home soon. I could not wait to see him! More excited than ever I hurried to get ready. I wanted to look even better than I ever had for him today.I did not want to take anything for granted. Not time…space. Nothing!! Just then I heard his truck pulling up. I couldn’t contain myself. I was going to run all the way out to meet him. But instead, I found myself just waiting at the top of the stairs on the deck.He was such a welcome sight! I was smiling bigger than ever! He walked up smiling and looking just as happy to see me.He had such an adoring look! We hugged and kissed like two highschoolers do…but, we always have done this. This time I wanted to press “pause” and hold everything a bit longer. But, when I used the “pause” that stopped the moment, the feelings and everything. So, I resumed “Play” and I was back once again in the moment that was so wonderful and familiar. The night seemed to fly by just like always. We had dinner, sat out by the fire pit cuddled up to each other; played with the dogs and before I knew it, it was time for bed. I told Bobby that since we have such a short time together that we should stay up and talk all night. Savor all the time we have. I didn’t understand why he looked at me weird as if to not understand what I had just said. Despite how much I wanted to stay awake to talk and enjoy the love of my life we both went to sleep like usual. In each other’s arms but nevertheless slept. In the morning, I was once again frustrated that I had fallen asleep. I lost hours. Hours I could not get back!! I heard Bobby up getting ready for work and I suggested that since we only had a few more hours left that he should stay home with me. Once again, he looked puzzled, smiled and went off to work. I turned to my two furry friends, Snookie & Owen, for a few more hugs and kisses; but once again couldn’t give as much extra love as I desired. Frustrated yet again!

At last, my 24-hour rewind had come to an end. The angel returned to ask me about the experience and if I had enjoyed it as much as I had imagined I would. To say the least, I gave attitude! To an angel no less! I informed the angel that I was very frustrated and in an irritated voice I asked, “Why was I unable to love more and show more appreciation for the love of my life and my furry friends.” Why when I wanted to stay awake and just take everything in did, I always fall asleep? Why when I asked Bobby to stay up talking all night were we unable to? Why when I paused a wonderful intimate moment with Bobby did it stop the moment as well? So many questions and unfinished moments!

Pausing before speaking, the angel asked me if I was done with all my questions. I replied, “yes”. Then she reminded me that just like a DVD player, it can only play what has been recorded. That day in history had already been recorded. You only had access to rewind<pause & >play the events as they had unfolded on that day in October 2017. You could not add to or take away anything from that day. There are no “re-dos” in life. So, while I could have warned you about the limits, you had to find out for yourself. Sometimes it’s better to relive the memories in our minds than to try to go back and rewrite our history. Aside from that, while you are wanting to relive moments in the past you are wasting your future.

And with that, the angel was gone. I can’t say I feel any better for the experience, but at least I had it. 😊