To Young for Forever

At 17, in love with my high school sweetheart, I decided to get married and live happily ever after. We told each other that we were soulmates and best friends. Young and immature, we had to ask our parents for permission to get married. Our parents, being old-fashioned and believing in marriage before sex, gave their blessing and told us that this was the right thing to do and a blessing from God.

We were popular in high school and were voted “Best Couple” by our peers. We both played sports, and I was the captain of our basketball team, the mascot on the cheerleading squad, and the secretary of the senior class, among other accolades. He was a starter in basketball, football, and baseball.

I guess these things stuck in our heads, and we knew that we were the couple of the year and more. If we could come together as a team to bring victory to our school, we could do the same in marriage, right?

Honestly, we did not know anything about love, but felt the feelings of lust, enjoyment, and desire for each other. We believed these emotions were more than feelings but our destiny and that we belonged together. I felt like my entire world revolved around him, yet I still wanted to fulfill my dreams of becoming a teacher and joining the military.

We had been together since 7th and 8th grades, and when we got married, I was a year ahead of him. When I graduated, we got married, but he was still a high school senior. I was one year older than he was, and he had one more year of high school, but that did not matter to us. We were in love, and when he proposed, I accepted, because we were destined to be together. We wanted to make sure our souls were bound as one, and that no one else was right for us, so we decided to get married in August, before he went back to school and before I left for the military.

Since I was 17 and he was 16, we had to get permission from our parents. Along with signing for us to get married, my parents had to sign for me to join the military, because I would not turn 18 until October. Within these timelines, August, September, and then October, I had gotten married and shipped off to the military in November.

In August, we met our parents and the Pastor at the church. We were so excited, and the Pastor had called us a day early to meet him in his office for marriage counseling. Because we were so young, our parents had to attend the one-day marriage counseling, agreed to guide us along the way, and help us transition into a wonderful marriage. Then we walked into the sanctuary to swear under the covenant of God, exchange marriage vows, and receive a blessing from our parents. We went from counseling right into the wedding ceremony. There was no planning for a wedding: no decorations, no choosing of our wedding colors, no bridal party, no bachelor or bachelorette party, no staying away from each other the night before, no reception, and no honeymoon.

Our parents, along with our siblings, gathered in the church, which was around twenty people, give or take. The Pastor talked for a few minutes, pulled out a little black book, began to officiate the marriage ceremony, pronounced us husband and wife, declared that he had kissed the bride, and announced us to our small audience, which consisted of our parents. We were so nervous to be kissing in front of our parents, so we only pecked each other on the lips. Later, we went to my mother’s house, had cake and ice cream, and took a few Polaroid pictures to capture the moment.

God, we were so young and naïve and did not know anything about life. We did not have other boyfriends or girlfriends, well at least I did not, and I just knew I would spend the rest of my life with him.

Before I left for the military, I heard rumors that my husband was hanging out with another girl, but he promised it was just for a school project. During that time, I was enrolled in a pre-two-week boot-training camp that helped us get ready physically and mentally for basic training. I was sent to a camp about three hours away from home to train. Within these two weeks, I heard rumors, and when confronted, of course, the answer was no, and that person was lying and wanted to cause trouble and jealousy of the love we have. I believed him, and when the odds were against us, I chose love because I knew my feelings and I loved him with all my heart and more. I loved him so much that I had blinders on. I could not see past the lies and deceit, because all of me wanted this marriage and wanted it to work, so I prayed that he would not cheat on me. I prayed that he would stay true to me, as I was true to him. During these prayers, I would cry and plead to God for our love to stay strong, pure, and between each other.

I should have known better than to marry at a young age. I should have known that we both lacked experience with life and love. After those rumors, I should have known he was not as committed to our marriage as I was; he only wanted me not to date anyone else while in basic training, and, with the love I had for him, I stayed committed, while others were having fun exploring and being normal teenagers. With each chance, I wrote letters and called on our permitted Sundays to hear his voice and to tell him how much I loved and missed him. He would say the same, but I knew he was lying, and I could feel the betrayal from him through the tone of his voice.

I was devastated when I learned that he was seeing another girl while I was away, which he denied and promised me was just a rumor again. From that moment, I knew he was unfaithful, but my heart made excuses for him: that my being away made him lonely, and that she did not mean anything and he was only doing that until I got back home. I should have known better, because even before marrying, we both had different outlooks on life. He was satisfied working with his father at a deer-processing plant and did not care about working anywhere else because it was easy work. I, on the other hand, wanted to become a Captain in the Army and a schoolteacher. I wanted to make a difference in the lives I touched and build a foundation to help students be the best they can be.

I should have known better from the beginning that we were only fluctuating with each other and that love was more than we knew. With that, we got divorced shortly after I came home from basic training, and I knew then, as now, that it was the best decision I could have ever made.