So much more!!!

We were sitting one cool, fall evening. The conversation rolled like Tootsie roll. Since we were around 40, with no kids or responsibilities, the atmosphere was casual.

My girl seating by my right: I was able to reserve seats to our favorite restaurant. Better upgrade your style. No Flip-flops Dan! I know how much you like them!

Me: What's the occasion?

She: Don't worry babe, I'm sure you can think of something.

We were going through something. If I had to look in the distant future, I didn't see her by my side. Mia started with me only after she dated some douche. We've been on and off.

I couldn't shrug the feeling that she keeps looking down on me.

Mia woke up the next morning refreshed and feeling relaxed, as if the universe has completed it's cycle for the week. She put on a sports bra and Tights and was smiling to the neighbor. Her mother was ill. She kept forgetting where she left things, and was easily aggravated. Mia and her brother tried to put some sense into her. A old women living in a two story house wasn't just negligent, but dangerous. They bought her a apple watch to detect any accidents, as when it detects a man falling a sends a direct distress signal. She had someone who cared for who and if nothing else was there to keep her company. Her mother couldn’t leave the house she raised her kids, Mia and her brother. Her father passed away five years ago from a illness. She lived nearby, and she and her brother made an effort to visit her once a week. Growing up Mia learned to fight for what she wanted. Her parents didn't intervene between herself and her brother, So she had to be mean sometimes. On Christmas, she was the first to open the presents and got to decide who got what (although a necklace wasn't what her brother wanted anyways). She had a sense of responsibility over him, despite being younger. In school she always got straight A's. Top of the class in Mathematics, Physics and Chemistry. She went on to study Medicine. She fell in love with a Student of Mathematics and were married with children by the time the graduated. Her husband found a job In a High-Tech company and She fell behind, raising the two kids. Eventually she got bored, and found a position in a gym and worked their. She felt , well – the feeling everyone does when the day drags on, and everyday feels the same. She returned to the habit of smoking. Only 1 or 2 a day. She enjoyed work but understood that she'll never get promoted. And she and him acted normal to each other. It's not love, she thought. "It's a good thing it's not love". Men are pretty simple, she was talking to a female friend. He looks up to me, even if I ignore him. " exactly", her friend replied, "it turns them on even more". "I married a geek", said Mia. She lay awake that night, twisting in bed she couldn't shake the feeling she'll do something she might regret. It creeped onto her, when driving, or walking with a friend. Her conversations with her husband where always around their kids. Who drops off who, when and where. She at times felt awful, cussing and laughing ( in her head) on how she married a loser who can't care for the children or run a successful career. The first improvement was actually when her mother injured herself, and was alone for hours until she showed up to help sit her in bed. "don't worry mother, there are several hostels for men and women your age". "My age?" she asked. I mean, Mia tried again, " men who enjoy their family but want to enjoy life, again." "Hmmm", said her mother. Robert (her husband) voted to ask about. Usually Mia knew who to ask what, but felt drained. Her mother giving up and leaving. She felt proud. Her mother was giving up her momentarily pride for something bigger. Robert felt confident again. He and Mia can share more time together. If only she can understand the efforts he invested to this. The first days when they were dating, in between academic assignments, they would spend in bed. It seemed Mia wasn't sharing the same vibe. Taking care of her The immediate surroundings kept her distance and sarcastic. She treated him like one of her kids. Denying any intimate relationship. They didn't share any walks together, and Mia being two years older accepted their connection as another task to do. He used to talk to her about things he enjoyed like computer games and his friends. She would listen and serve as a rock to lean on. A safe place. A quiet place. At times she accused him of following her. Mia asked her father for advice." People look up to you, as a couple he said. You must feel full and bored(?). If he doesn't attract you, it doesn't mean you have to separate. Spend less time together. And for the love of god, find someone to look up to, make **This** one matter. I don't want you growing fat and lonely. It could be someone from the gym, someone from the good days of Uni. Travel, alone". Robert felt compelled to try therapy. The first meeting he opened with:" my name is Robert. I cry, too often, am I alone?". He was eager to gather information. Martha, the therapist said:" We tend to cry when feeling Unnecessary." Their conversations were about Robert, about his beliefs growing up. Martha tried to be unjudgmental, Robert tried to lead the conversation. Martha:" treatments can be 3-4 meetings and can be 12-16 or more. Sometimes people come to resolve a conflict. Sometimes they look deeper, they look for the conflict. The treatment is the question, not an answer." Martha continues," We often judge people as part of a bigger picture, a worthy cause. I think you need to let go and not look too far. The answer is right in front of you. you know who you are and who your wife is and that is a lot more than many people I know. your wife is active and carries herself within. When she might feel ready, you will know. You only marry once ( at most). If she doesn't want to be saved. Robert pondered and said:" We talk more and more, yet we drive each other further away". Hobbies and common time spent together withered away. Robert started to read more and more, while Mia enjoyed her job at the gym( Robert always trusted Mia to not cheat on him, and he was right). Mia seemed complete with life but Robert wanted more and was willing to try extreme sports. He Got a motorcycle license ( yet didn't actually own one) and tried skydiving(check on this one too!). His therapist said:" I don't want to hear about any non communications. Tell me any arguments you've had recently. And Robert did. He described a period he lived in Wisconsin with his grandparents, and how he worked in a Jewish summer camp. He wished he could be free again. The therapist said:" I notice a obsession with friends from high-school, especially women." Robert:" As if I suffered a trauma and never fully recovered". Robert again:" inside I feel cold and empty. I thought that by ignoring the pain it will go away, and that feels good. There is so much more to life"