THE BLACKOUT

Tuesday, November 9, 1965 – A blackout devastated north-east U.S.A. and parts of Canada. Over 30 million people and 80,000 square miles were left without electricity for hours.

She didn’t know his name, even after all these months. All she knew was that he worked on the same floor as she did, but in an office at the opposite end of the hallway from her own, and that they both started work at 9.00 am on the dot and ended at 5.30. So they were often in the elevator together – usually with other people, but occasionally just the two of them. They had never spoken, confining their communication to a smile and a nod – not even ‘Good morning.’ If she was to describe his face she might say it was pleasant, or friendly looking. Not handsome. But yes, pleasant.

This afternoon they entered the elevator together. They were alone, but neither looked at the other after the initial smile and nod. She noticed that he was carrying a book today. So, a reader. That was nice. They travelled downward, each looking off into space.

Without warning, the elevator ground to a halt and they were plunged into darkness. Her old terrors returned – the monsters that dwelt in the blackness, the dark demons of the blackness that had frightened her ever since she was a little girl. Already she felt a painful pressure in her chest and her breathing was coming in gasps. She worried that if it stayed dark too long she might have one of her panic attacks. She wished Jamie was here. Her brother. He was her rock, her safe place. He could always help her recover from her terrors. But he was away, fighting in Vietnam, and would be for another year. She missed him. And she worried about him, risking his life in a foreign land in a war he shouldn’t have been in.

A voice from the darkness. The voice of a familiar stranger. ‘Are you okay?’

‘Not really. I hate the dark. It scares me.’

‘Is there anything I can do?’

‘Would you hold my hand? Sometimes having somebody else there seems to help.’

‘Of course. But I can’t see you at all. Can you put your hand out towards my voice?’

She reached out, felt his outstretched fingers and gripped at them convulsively, crushing them in her hand.

‘Ow!’

‘Sorry. I didn’t mean to squeeze so hard. I’m just feeling a little panicky. I hope it won’t last too long. I’ve always been afraid of the dark.’

‘It’s okay. Is it better holding my hand?’

‘Yes, thanks so much. I’m sorry to be such a nuisance.’

‘Not at all. I’m happy to be able to help. My name’s Charlie, by the way. I think it’s only fair I introduce myself.’

‘I’m Rose. You work in the office at the end of the corridor, don’t you?’

‘That’s right. And you’re at the other end. I’ve seen you in the elevator plenty of times. It’s funny that it’s taken a power failure for us to actually speak to each other. To be honest, I’ve thought of talking to you several times, but always been a bit worried that I’d be disturbing you.’

‘I’m sorry you didn’t. I thought about it too, but I was too shy. But it’s nice to be talking to you now.’

‘I’ve always been curious about what happens at the other end of the corridor. What do you do in there?’

‘Oh, we’re an import-export company. I just take orders and reconcile them with stock. It’s a very boring job, but the pay’s pretty good and the people are nice. You?’

‘We’re accountants. Well, my bosses are. I’m studying accountancy at the moment, but it’s a long time before I graduate. I do it part-time.’

‘Do you have a nice place?’

‘Nah, cheap and shabby, but it’s all I can afford at the moment. Just an apartment in a rundown block. If I could afford anything better I’d move closer into the city. I have to commute and I pay almost as much in fares as I would to rent a place nearer town.’

‘I know what you mean. I’m in pretty much the same boat. It’s a long way on the train. But at least I have an apartment to myself, even though it’s small.’ She shuddered. ‘I wish they’d come and fix this. I really don’t like the dark.’

He was silent for a moment. When he spoke again, it was about a totally different subject; perhaps to take her mind away from the darkness and isolation.

‘Do you read much?’

‘Yes, a fair bit.’

‘I’m revisiting a book from my childhood. The Hobbit.’

‘Oh, I love that book! My mother used to read it to me before I went to sleep.’

‘That’s funny. Me too. I brought it with me today. I’ve been re-reading it at break times. And’ – and he smiled in the darkness – ‘when I’m getting ready for sleep. It’s like a little bit of nostalgia for me.’

‘You know he wrote other books about hobbits?’

‘Did he? No, I didn’t know that.’

‘Yes, a whole trilogy. A much bigger adventure. And Bilbo’s magic ring turns out to be much more important.’ She stopped. ‘I’d better not tell you any more - it might spoil it for you.’

Another silence. Then ‘Do you like music?’

‘Oh, yes! The Beatles, of course. The Stones, the Kinks . . .’

‘Have you heard the Beatles’ latest? Sergeant Pepper?’’

‘Oh, of course! I’ve got the record. It has all the words on the back of the sleeve!’

‘Me too. It’s nice to listen to at home. Though I have to keep the volume down – the neighbours. I’ve got all their stuff. I’m a real fan.’

‘Me too.’ It was good talking to Charlie. He was comforting, kind, safe. Not like Zac. Who’d been the cause of so much pain. Everything she’d always wanted – tall, dark and handsome. And cruel. Dismissive. ‘You’re stupid, Rose!’ he’d say; over and over. ‘You’ll never amount to anything!’ And she’d believed him. The only time she’d confronted him about the way he treated her, he’d turned it back on her. ‘I never said that. You’re delusional, Rose; stupid and delusional!’ When he’d finally ditched her for someone else, her self-esteem was in tatters. She was still recovering.

The elevator gave a lurch. In the darkness she gasped in fear. Then she felt Charlie’s arms around her, enfolding her, safe. ‘Shh,’ he said. ‘Shh, shh. It’s all right. You’re okay.’

She clung to him, held him tight. ‘I’m sorry,’ she said. ‘I’m scared.’

‘Don’t be. I’ll look after you. You’re safe.’

She nestled her head into his shoulder. He wasn’t all that much taller than she was.

‘Thanks for your help with all this. I’m not very brave. If I’d been by myself I’d probably have had a panic attack. I get very anxious sometimes.’

‘Sorry to hear that.’

‘Yes, having someone to talk to is a great comfort. I’ve had an anxiety problem most of my life. And I had a bad relationship a while ago. He was very controlling and he could always say just the right thing to keep me on the back foot. I ended up feeling very bad about myself. He used to hit me. I had to use makeup to cover the bruises.’

‘Bastard!’ Charlie’s voice was vehement in the dark. ‘Hitting a woman! There’s nothing I despise more!’

‘Well, that’s over now. I’ve been free of him for months now.’

‘But not from what he did to you. Bastard!’ His voice was a growl of anger.

‘You seem to take this very personally,’ she said.

‘I’ve got good reason to. My father beat my mother, over and over. Treated her like a slave. I hated him!’

‘I’m so sorry.’

‘When I got older I would intentionally provoke him so he’d hit me instead of her. I finally got big enough to take him on in a fight. And I learned. I learned how to beat him. And I told him to leave, and if he ever touched my mother again, I’d kill him. And I would have, too. I’m not proud of that, but I would have. He left and didn’t bother her again. Well, it’s all over now. But she never recovered. I can’t stand anyone hurting a woman.’

‘That was very brave of you. You should be proud of yourself.’

‘Oh, I don’t know. It was the only thing to do.’

The elevator gave another lurch, and she clutched him tight. ‘I’m scared. What if we never get out of this?’

‘It’s all right. Someone will be around. It takes time to organise. You don’t have to be frightened. We’ll get out of this okay.’

‘But it’s taking so long!’

‘Shh, it’s okay. We’re going to be all right.’

She nestled into him. It felt so good. She’d never had a man be kind to her before. Zac had been the only boyfriend she’d ever had, and she was still recovering from the way he’d treated her. But this man, quiet, gentle, good, unassuming. He seemed shy until you got him talking, and then he opened up and turned out to be interesting – no, more than that – passionate. She wondered why he was working where he was. Accountancy! What a boring subject! But he must have found it interesting; otherwise why would he be doing it?

‘It’s funny,’ she said. ‘Talking to you, you don’t seem like the accountancy type.’

‘Oh, I’m not. If I had my druthers I’d be a writer. Historical novels, perhaps. Science fiction, probably. I find it fascinating – it’s my favourite form of literature because it gets you thinking. It expands your mind, makes you think about possibilities, different ways of looking at the world and the universe.’

‘Yes, that sounds more like you – at least what little I know from just talking to you.’

‘But I’m very grateful to have this job. I was getting desperate. I’d left home after my Mom died and I had to make my way in the world all alone. I tried for lots of jobs and nobody wanted to know. Well, I saw this ad in the paper for an accountancy clerk and even though I knew almost nothing about the subject I thought what the hell. I went in and pretended I knew more than I did. The boss saw right through me – he knew I was bullshitting – oh, sorry; I didn’t mean to swear.’

‘No, it’s okay. Go on.

‘Well, he knew I was – lying - but he must have thought I had something going for me; maybe my desperation showed through, because he gave me a chance anyway. I worked hard and studied as hard as I could and learned the ropes as well as I could. I’m very grateful to them for giving me a chance. I think I owe it to them to give them all I can.’ He gave a small chuckle. ‘Maybe I can write in my time off. That way I get the best of both worlds.’

‘I think that’s wonderful. You’re a good guy. But don’t give up your dreams just because you’re grateful. You should think about yourself as well.’

‘You’re very kind. It’s funny, if it hadn’t been for this blackout maybe I’d never have summoned up the courage to talk to you. I’m glad of it in a way.’

She squeezed his arm. ‘Thanks. I feel the same way.’ She shuddered. ‘Do you think it’ll take much longer for them to fix it?’

‘I hope so. In one way. On the other hand, I’m not sure I want this to end.’ He was silent for a moment. ‘You’re not getting tired, are you? Do you want to sit down? I know it’s only the floor, but it might be better than standing up.’

‘Yes, maybe I will.’

‘Me too. Otherwise it’s a bit hard on the legs.’

They sat on the floor. She kept holding his forearm. And his arms went back around her. It was a comfort, and she didn’t want him to let go.

Hours passed. It got colder, and he put his jacket around her. Eventually their conversation came to a halt and they slept, her head on his shoulder.

When they awoke, there was still no sign of rescue. She would have been worried had she been alone, but somehow his presence made her feel safe.

They began to talk again.

‘So, you’re not from here?’ he asked.

‘No, I’m from Ohio.’

‘So, why did you come here, if it’s not a rude question?’

‘I felt I had to strike out on my own, be independent. And also to get away from memories of Zac., He was so horrible to me I just had to leave. Everything at home reminded me of him. My parents weren’t happy about my moving away, but they didn’t try to talk me out of it. I think they understood.’

‘Zac was the only boyfriend I’ve ever had. I was never one of the popular girls in school. I’m not pretty. I’ve got frizzy hair and glasses.’

‘What are you talking about? You’re lovely.’

She was glad he couldn’t see her face – she was blushing bright red.

He was silent for a moment, then he said ‘I suppose you’re wondering why I’m here, not off fighting in Vietnam.’

She shuddered. ‘Don’t.’

Then she spoke again. ‘No, it’s okay, you can talk about it. It’s just that my brother’s over there now.’

‘Oh, I’m sorry. You must worry about him.’

‘Yes, he’s very important to me. I’m scared for him. He’s got another year yet, and anything could happen.’

‘You’re very fond of him.’

‘Yes, he’s my big brother, and he’s always been my hero. I’ve always looked up to him. He was away when I hooked up with Zac, otherwise it might never have happened. He’d have taken one look at him and said no. And I would have listened.’

‘Well, I hope he comes out of it all right. I don’t think we should be over there. It's an unjust war and I don’t think we should be forcing young men to fight in it. I think we’re the bad guys in all this. We should just bring everybody home. I wasn’t drafted because I’m not physically eligible. Medically unfit. I get the occasional epileptic attack.' He chuckled quietly. 'For some reason they aren’t prepared to trust an epileptic with a machine gun.’

‘Lucky for you, I suppose,’ she replied, smiling a little.

‘Yeah, lucky. But not much fun when it’s happening.’

‘I suppose not.’

‘I don’t normally tell perfect strangers I’m epileptic. It’s embarrassing; people start looking at you as if you’re weird.’

‘Well, I’m hardly a perfect stranger any more. Not with your arms around me.’

‘Oh. Sorry. Do you want me to let go?’

‘No. It’s nice. Safe.’

‘And what would you do if I kissed you?’

‘You’d have to try it and find out, wouldn’t you?’

And she felt his lips soft against her forehead, her cheek, her closed eyes.

She responded. They kissed, and kissed again. She clung to him, tears in her eyes. ‘It’s okay,’ he said. ‘It’s okay.’

She reached up and stroked his cheek. He kissed her again. She’d been so lonely. She held him tight, took his hand and guided his fingers to the top button of her blouse.

The elevator lurched again and began to move upward. The lights came on, dazzling after the darkness. They sprang apart. What had been beautiful and right in the darkness suddenly looked tawdry and cheap in the harsh fluorescent lighting. She felt awkward and she could see he felt the same. His gaze was fixed on the floor – he couldn’t meet her eyes. ‘I’m sorry,’ he said. Everything was wrong.

The elevator came to a stop and the doors opened. ‘I have to go,’ he said.

‘Me too,’ she replied. They turned to leave. She began walking down the hall. She glanced backward for a moment, but his back was to her as he walked away. She was halfway to the door when she heard his hurried footsteps behind her.

‘Rose!’ he said. ‘Wait! Please wait!’

Her heart gave a lurch. She turned back, smiling.