It Didn’t Look Like Love

How are you supposed to feel? I believe I missed my opportunity to love you. Sealeah walks down the sidewalk. It begins to rain. This was unexpected, as the weather forecast predicted a 5% chance of rain. The sky was falling out, and it seemed as if the sun was laughing behind the clouds. A question arose in my head, but I didn’t ask it. I just wanted to get out of the rain. My afro was soaking up the rain. It told me the story of my African American history. The point of the story is that we can't get our hair wet. I see from the corner of my eye my favorite restaurant. “Chil’lio’s” offers a unique blend of Mexican and Italian cuisine. I stood under the patio to shake off the excess rain. I finally walked, and Stanley finished my steps by pushing me through the door. I stumbled three steps before grabbing the waitress ahead of me. I apologized. She smiled and replied, “It was Stanley.

I stood up and smiled. I said, “Yes. She walked away. Stanley looked shocked.

“Both of you are mean. Just mean !”, he said. I laughed so hard that I couldn’t stop. He held my hand. “Leah, I know you have feelings for Branden. Why didn’t you tell him before he started dating Reese? You know, Reese is with him for his money, which he will be receiving from the NBA. You still need to let him know.”

“Stanley, shut up! I don’t want to talk about it, I replied. Stanley let go of my hand. He got the waitress's attention. She let him sit at his favorite table. “Do you want to join me, Leah?” he asked. I didn’t want to be bothered with Stanley. I didn’t want to be alone either. I pondered in my mind the pros and cons. I have never been a person who thought about what someone is going to say about me. In this case, I was thinking so hard I didn’t realize I was standing in the middle of the restaurant. The waitress tapped me on my shoulder, saying, “I need to move. I came out of my trance. I went to sit down at the table with Stanley. His eyes were so bright. He was happy that I sat at the table with him. “Why are you so happy? I sat at the table with you?” I asked.

“You made my dream come true.” I pushed back from the table. My mouth dropped open. Shelia, the part-time waitress, had just come in the door for her shift. She softly came in my direction. She took the tip of her finger and closed my mouth. She walked away laughing so hard that tears ran down her face. “Stanley, how long have you been liking me?” she asked.

“First grade. I am in love with you, Sealeah,” he answered. I took a deep breath. I walked out of the restaurant. The rain had stopped, but it appeared to be overcast. I couldn’t process this as I should. I never saw Stanley in that way. I couldn’t see him as being my boyfriend. I just saw him as a friend, a classmate, or the nerd who was just clumsy with a good heart. I walked down the sidewalk in a daze. I couldn’t eat. I smelled Pat cooking her lumpia. I was so confused that I went into my apartment, closed the door, and the curtains. Many hours later, I heard a knock at my door. I didn’t want to answer. I sat in silence. I heard Stanley's voice, “ Leah, I know you are in there. I know you have not eaten anything. I brought you an Italian sausage with extra cheese pizza and a two-liter of root beer.” I wanted that food so bad. Root beer was my favorite. I didn’t answer the door because I wasn’t ready to face Stanley. “Okay, I am going to leave pizza and root beer at the door. Don’t leave it too long, because if Roy comes by, your food is gone,” said Stanley. I knew he was right. I refused to open the door. I waited at least until I heard the door to the apartment building open. I knew Stanley would be gone. I open my apartment door. I peaked around each corner before grabbing my food. I didn’t see Stanley. I grabbed the food so quickly that I dropped the root beer. I was so angry. I put it on the coffee table and stared at it while I ate my pizza. I found something else to drink in my fridge. Once I couldn’t eat anymore. I sat on my sofa and looked out the window. It began to rain again. These are the tears that God is crying for me since I can’t. Then I heard a knock at my door. I moved so slowly that I didn’t want anyone to know I was in the apartment. I raised my step stool to my door. I looked at the peephole. It was Branden. I unlocked the door and opened it. He was looking so good. I wanted to kiss him. “Hey, Leah! I know you heard I was Reese. I wanted to come to tell you. I don’t want Reese, I want you,” he said.

“Did Stanley tell you I had feelings for you?, I asked.

“Yeah, he did.” Branden smiled and put his head down. At the moment, I knew I couldn’t be with him. He didn’t know how to love me. He didn’t even know what love is. I just wanted to know what it felt like to kiss Branden. After staring at him for that time. I leaned in to kiss him. He was so blown away. Branden was speechless. When he made the move to carry me to the bedroom. “Branden put me down, now,” I said.

He put me down like a gentleman. “This wasn’t what you were expecting?” he asked.

“ Right.”

“I am sorry.” Branden walked out of my apartment and closed the door. I opened my patio door. I looked down. Stanley is standing in the rain, holding a sign, saying, “I love you. Love doesn’t look like what you may dream.