Charlotte's Wish

November 21, 1999

Unsent

Dear Elaine, 

I am writing to you one last time to tell you I am sorry. George has been all but forcing me to put pen to paper again, as you know I usually love doing. But I can’t seem to find the beauty in writing since that night. I miss our Sunday brunch. 

Today, my sweet Chloe baked my favorite banana bread. She’s well aware that it elevates my mood. She has been visiting more than usual lately. I do not have the heart to tell her that all I would like is to sit on my chair and think about the awful things I said to you. The look on your face before you left. 

I hope there is a way for you to forgive me. One day.  

George is calling me to Dinner. I will pretend to be in a good mood.

Love forever, 

Charlotte 

-

December 23, 1998

Unsent

Dear Elaine,

I know I said I wouldn’t write to you again. I lied. I am finally taking that trip to New York with George. I just hope this old lady’s feet could handle the cold. You know how much it bothers me when my feet get cold. I take my warmers every place I go. 

George bought me a New Year’s gift. I didn’t know those existed. It is a little brown box, nearly as small as the palm of my hand. Golden stars splattered across it. Big red letters in the center that read “the wish”. He didn’t wrap it. I believe he is trying his best to see me smile. And smile I did.  

I had a dream about you last night. I swear I woke up still smelling that god awful perfume you swear up and down smells like peonies. I remember the first time you wore it to my baby shower. You strode in and engulfed me in a hug. I asked what that smell was. You got so excited to tell me, and the look on your face stopped me from making the ugly expression I was about to put on mine. You wore it for years, I remember. I hated it, actually.

I wish I could smell it one more time. I wish I knew where to purchase it, to have you linger in my lounge as I prepare some mint tea. 

Love forever, 

Charlotte 

-

January 7, 1999

Unsent

Dear Elaine,

George insists I keep writing to you. He believes it has been a great improvement on my mood. A cry catches in my throat at how selfish I sound. My mood does not matter at the moment. What matters most is knowing that you have forgiven me. I am open to any sign. 

I even called James to invite him over for a cup of tea, but he sounded strained. Beside himself with me. Like he could not bear to speak to me. I do not blame him. I too am not happy with the way things have ended. I remember when you would come sit with me in the garden. We always had peach tea with a drizzle of honey. The sun would shine perfectly on my old wooden table, enough to see the little strikes of gold in the delicious liquid. Jamie would refuse to drink from the little cup, always insisted he wanted a big cup just like Mommy Elaine. 

Oh what a precious soul. It upsets my heart to hear the sadness in his voice when I call. I wish he would visit me and we could have a talk. I miss little Jamie. 

But I miss you most of all. I really am sorry.

Love forever,

Charlotte

-

February 14, 1999

Unsent

Dear Elaine,

Happy Valentine’s Day.

It has been weeks and weeks and George’s New Year’s gift is still sitting on my decades-old purple dresser. I even dust it alongside the five bottles of perfume once a week. George says it’s been so long that it is now also my Valentine’s Day gift. I finally decided to open the box. A rather long piece of paper falls out of it, listing the many ways this item could kill a person. What a wonderful gift, I think to myself. 

It appears to be a gimmick. As per the instructions, I must speak into the box what I wish for most and it supposedly will come true in twenty-four hours. But only one. 

The silly little box doesn’t know that all I need is one. 

I wish I could rewind back to that night. To tell you that I do not mean any of it. I was not speaking from the heart. You must know that, Elaine. You must. I was angry and acting a fool. I said things I can never take back. I should have never let you leave my home feeling that way. Feeling sad. Disappointed at what has come out of my mouth after all the years we have spent with our hearts and lives intertwined. 

You have been my other half forever, my dear Lainey. And you must know that I have not slept since James called to tell me about the accident. 

If only I had known not to let you leave. If only you had stayed for one more cup of tea.

Love forever, 

Charlotte 

 -

March 2, 1999

Unsent

Dear Elaine, 

It is 9am and I am in the garden having Chloe’s banana bread with some chocolate chips this time. I was sitting in the easy silence with George and decided to finally humor him. To finally speak my one wish into the (now dusty) little wooden box.

I wished for you back, Elaine.

Love forever, 

Charlotte 

-

March 10, 1999

Unsent 

Dear Elaine, 

You called me a week ago. Just like that. Out of nowhere and like you have been here the whole time, to ask me about Sunday brunch. 

Thank you for bringing the cookies. I’ve missed them. And your talk about the weatherman. And the awful perfume. And you. 

You do not seem to remember being gone for quite some time. The months I spent in the garden alone. I like to keep it a secret, as I am the only one who seems to remember that you died. 

I am more careful with my words around you now. I even left you the best piece of Chloe’s raisin filled banana bread. Because I know how quickly everything can change. A moment, to be exact. One where you are leaving my house in tears. And the next, where you are gone. And then somehow, through the best gift I have received, you are here again. And you remember nothing of it. Nothing at all.

You have been my life partner since we could talk. And I want you to know that you will be my life partner until none of us can talk. 

I will keep writing to you and safekeeping these papers in my jewelry box, like I have been doing for some time now. It warms my heart, although I know you will never read them.

George surprised me with a lovely crimson gold necklace this evening. He says maybe this one will work better than the gimmicky wooden box he gifted me last time. I said it’s a gold necklace – of course it works! He laughed. 

He doesn’t know, Elaine. He doesn’t know I have no way of repaying him back for his gift. He doesn’t know he gave me the greatest gift of all. He gave back my other half. He gave me back you. 

Love forever and always, 

Your best friend Charlotte 

-

March 10, 1999

Sent

Dear Elaine, 

Thank you for bringing your chocolate chip cookies to Sunday brunch. They were marvelous. Please write back with the details of your perfume. I would love to purchase a bottle. It smells just like peonies. 

Tell little Jamie I said hello. And give him a big kiss from Auntie Charlie. 

Love forever and always, 

Your best friend Charlotte