Lost and Found

Spending the new years in Manhattan seems like a magical time, right? NOT if you’re a Cabbie. Oh the insanity of full contact traffic, random road closures, and dealing with drunk and horny riders messing up my upholstery. With the whole town hungover, and at the countdown, TriBeca was deserted.

I already turned off my cab’s roof light, and decided to stick solely to big ticket Uber/Lyft rides, since ushering sloshed tourists to Times Square wasn’t really worth my effort. I was focused on peacefully welcoming the new year, scribbling my resolutions on the back of my log book. The clock, read 11:41PM.

While idling my lime green Ford Escape in the middle of Reade street, I began to doze off with ‘Reset’ by Outkast playing in the background... I was woken abruptly by three steady knocks by the rear passenger door.

Knock. Knock.. Knock…

With fuzzied eyes, I checked the mirrors, yet no one was there. The digital clock by the center console blinked 12:05am… Damn! I slept through another countdown... My focus shifted back to the knocking. I swiveled my head towards the back of the car; I only saw the brownstone buildings illuminated by the dim street lights, and manhole covers -with steam bellowing out of them. There was not a soul in sight.

It must have been some punks doing the ol ding-dong-ditch, so I thought. Still, not taking chances. I immediately locked all doors, shifted the car into drive, and moved further up to Greenwich street corner. I wasn’t about to get carjacked on the first day of the year, goddamn it.

The CD looped back to the beginning, and it started with the intro, which always made me chuckle;

-Speaker Boxx *Grunt!*

Turn me up-! Don’t turn me down-!

As Andre 3000 started revving up in the first song, the rear door lever was tugged multiple times, to gain entry.

Clunk.Squeak.Clunk.Squeak.Clunk.Squeak…

I irritatingly turned around to emptiness, again... Enough is enough! Working the night shifts in the boroughs, I’ve dealt with hairy shit-uations before. Cops are never helpful, so it’s best to deal with potential threats myself.

I turned the ignition off and the hazard lights on, then unlocked the doors. My trusty ASP baton was flicked to full extension, with a satisfying metallic clink… I always pictured myself as a Jedi, doing that.

From the front of the car, I flanked around to the sidewalk. Cautiously, I went to the rear passenger side, and checked by the door… All I saw was my own frantic white breaths in the frigid night.

Suddenly, I spotted lights illuminating from the floor of the backseat, with a series of muffled text notifications.

“Oh, what now?!”

I yanked the door open, to an empty seating area, and glanced towards the floor mat. There was a half exposed cellphone under the seat. Ugh. Great-! I guess one of the previous passengers dropped this old iPhone. The protocol was to attempt contact by dialing the first number, and bring it back to my garage in LIC, where the passenger could retrieve it themselves. I have to file a report, which then gets relayed to the city's 311 non-emergency service. A real pain in the ass. NOT the start of the year I hoped for.

Getting back to my seat, I was just about to radio in about the lost phone, when its busted screen illuminated.

-Hey sorry to bother u-

-Can I ask u a favor?-

Yeah yeah, you want your phone back. I annoyingly decided to call the person that was texting.

*Unavailable*

?..Tried again, pressing the sender’s contact number…

*Unavailable*

As I tinkered with the phone, the notification chimed again, but as it did- my Taxi completely lost all power.

“You gotta be fucking kidding me right now!!”

I sighed heavily, shaking my head in disbelief. I stared at the coffee stain on the ceiling right above. While regretting my career decisions, and hating life- I began to text back ‘-Sorry no-can-do- there are protocols for these things, and that I am not-’

“...It’s really important…” A woman’s voice mumbled from the back seat.

“Uaaahhhhh!!!!. What the fuck?!?! How.. H.H..How.. When.. What!?!” - I had an impossible time trying to speak, since my heart practically jumped upwards to my esophagus. Trembling, I gathered the courage to scope the rear view mirror. As my eyes adjusted to the dark interior of the cab, I could make out a human-like silhouette, sitting in the back seat. I tried to rationalize as much as I could- “This.. This must be some New Year prank by the union guys, right? Well… Y’all got me good, h.. ha…”

“..I need to get to Long Island. You won't have to work the rest of the night...”

“Ohmygod IT SPEAKS!!!” I went into full blairwitch mode with panicked tears and snot. I tried to yank open the door, but the locks reactivated on their own.

“...It’s in Caumsett… Lloyd harbor…”

I wasn’t listening. I was thrashing around by the driver side door and then shifting to the passenger side in futile attempts to escape. I screamed out every prayer I knew in the process.

“...I will pay. I just need to get there before sunrise.. I just want to go home…”

I gasped. Shit my luck! So I’ve got some long island Dracula that won’t let me go!?! WhatdoIdoWhatdoIdo??.. Then the onboard POS system typed out a transaction for $700. My jaw, left wide open in astonishment, but remained trembling in fear.

“… Use the ‘Home’ button on my phone’s GPS…”

Though I was scared shitless, I begrudgingly put the car into gear. This was an offer I wouldn’t get to refuse. I mean- I didn’t know what she was capable of… So, Long Island it was. Perhaps this would be my very last ride.

To avoid gridlock, I zigzagged to Centre street, and onto Brooklyn bridge. I normally would make an icebreaker comment about “-Ohhhh look at the view from the bridge!” - and go into my NYC history spiel, but…. This phantom rider didn’t seem like a small talker. I tried to peek behind, but I was petrified that I would make eye contact. The weird thing was, in the confines of the shadows, I could somewhat ‘see’ a human figure, but when street lights shined into the interior, the seat would be empty. I was pretty convinced I was being car-jacked by a Ghost, or a Vampire.

“...Do you always stare at your passengers this much?”

I flinched, and whiteknuckled the steering wheel. My entire body had goosebumps, and cold sweats. I’ve been made! Am I… Going to die in this funky ass car?? In a last ditch effort to deflect, I decided to offer some music to the passenger.

“Um…Ah.. Just wondering... You know, if.. if .. You’d wanna hear some music for the…Dddddddr…Drive. That th.. That’s all, hhahaha..”

After a brief pause, it was almost a whisper- “De La,.. If you have it..”

A deep exhale of relief. De La Soul. That, I can do. If there’s anything keeping me from losing my damn mind, even before this fiasco, was my music. The ONLY thing good about these older Ford Taxis was that they still had CD stereos. While I drove on the BQE through downtown Brooklyn, I simultaneously opened my weathered CD collection, and took out ‘Buhloone Mindstate’. Before the curve at the end of the Navy yard, I inserted the disk, and pressed PLAY.

-It might blow up, but it won’t go pop-

Stickabush..Stickabush..Stickabush-

As the intro transitioned to the first song, I was finally able to relax a bit and not dread being beheaded from behind. The way I always gauged trustworthy humans was by their taste in music, and how they treated animals. The jury was still out on this particular passenger.

Her raggedy ass iPhone 4, with the cracked screen indicated to veer right towards Long Island bound 495. We crossed over the Kosciusko bridge, overlooking the skyscrapers, and the Calvary cemetery. I quietly prayed that those graveyards weren’t some foreshadowing of this trip...

Even at such an ungodly hour, the L.I.Expressway had traffic. Mainly, because there are so many delivery trucks going 20 miles under the speed limit, or the meatheads aggressively driving their BMWs and crashing. Rubber necking is a pastime sport here. By the fourth song of the album, we were still in Flushing. Maceo Parker, on the Saxophone, and the groove filled solo had me tapping the steering wheel. I briefly checked behind me, and would ya know it? The shadow passenger was bobbing her head in rhythm! Ok,... Alright... Those hostage negotiators always talked about finding mutual grounds with captors? I think??

Being a De La fan, she must be familiar with the song after Maceo’s track, which is the BEST song on Buhloone mindstate. I’ve recited it perpetually in my youth, and know it by heart! I decided to take a gamble. Just maybe.. If I was able to win over this hip-hop loving ghoul with my comically articulate bilingual rap-along, maybe I wouldn’t become a blood sacrifice afterwards? Yup.. Here goes do-or-die Carpool Karaoke! The song was about to start…

-Could the drummer have some y’all?

Could the drummer have some more?

The Drummer ain’t had none in a long time.. C’mon drummer!!-

With killer beats, the short song began with three Japanese MCs rapping about being recognized for their talents, and being invited to NY to collab with De La. They also poetically rhymed about their long flight over from Japan(13 hours!), and how they diligently got to the recording studio at 2pm, but the De La crew were 5 hours late! They were annoyed at first, but as soon as they came in all ‘Wassup Wasssup’- It was all good-!

-Yes Yes Y’all we don’t stop..

Konna mon de Minasan, ikagadesho-!?-

I did the whole bit, with all of my heart.

…Initially, there was dead silence from the back. Then, a big hearty giggle erupted from the shadows. The headlights, and the speedometer flickered with her bellowing laughter. I flinched, and veered slightly into the HOV lane.

“Hahahahahah! Oh my. I never imagined to hear that song re-enacted before! Hillarious!!”

A sense of relief washed over. She wasn’t going to kill me.. Most likely? Whatever the odds, I’ll take it.

“Say- I’m hungry… Could you stop by Bagel Boss.. It’s along the way. Also, Broadway diner too…Their rainbow cookie Milkshake is to DIE for…”

Hungry? Is she going to have appetizers, before.. You know??? … My sphincter tightened, as I began catastrophizing again on 101 ways I may die. Despite my instincts screaming, I got off on exit 41, towards Hicksville, where both establishments served late night meals..

“ Just tell them you are here for Fiona’s order.” - I was directed from the passenger seat.

When I did as instructed at both locations, the staff stared alarmingly, as if I spoke a name I shouldn’t have. After an intense discussion amongst themselves, Fiona’s request was completed. With a perturbed expression, they handed me the feast. Both places shut their gates right afterwards.

Once returning to my car, I was instructed to open the packages. The cab smelled like a proper NY deli, with Lox, Onions, Toasted Bialys, cream cheese, chocolate and vanilla.

“..Oh how I missed these..”

I waited for her to snatch them from me, but she simply wanted to smell them from the back seat. WTF? All this deliciousness, only for aroma therapy?!

“.. Hey, they’re for you… These were my favorites, when I was able to sneak out.”

Not gonna lie, I'm a diehard fan of Kossars Bagels&Bialys in the LES, but Fiona’s order was spot on. The scrumptious rainbow cookie milkshake was a culinary Jenga tower! I kept cursing as pieces of cookies and sprinkles cluster-bombed my coat and my seat. I heard a rejoicing snicker from the back seat, and the headlights pulsed in unison with her laughter. That was still jarring, and yet not as terrifying as earlier. Maybe whatever type of paranormal entity my client was, she wasn’t malignant. I still had so manymanymany questions, though..

“It’s time to go. It’s almost 4.”

The scoobysnack side quest was unexpected. I decided to thank the arcane passenger for her graciousness, and also offered more music from my CD library. After the Tribe called Quest album was chosen by the lady- we resumed our journey.

Considering how ludicrously wealthy the surrounding neighborhoods were, their roads were so poorly lit. Once we got through the serpentine downhill, the fog made it impossible to see around Cold Spring Harbor. It looked like something straight out of Sleepy hollow. Apropos, if you ask me…

Finally arriving at West Neck road, there was a Police station… I considered making a break for it, but something told me that betraying Fiona wouldn’t go well. I proceeded to follow the direction from the beat up phone.

After passing the local beach, there was Oyster bay on the left, and in the distance- Connecticut. It was nearly dawn, and the skies turned from pitch black, to greyish blue. I was bewildered by the towering utility pole alongside the road with massive piles of sticks on top. In the low light, they looked like giant tree monsters from the poltergeist.

“Those are Ospreys nests… They migrate to the south, and will be back around March… Must be nice… To be free…”

I sensed great sadness in the way she said it. I wanted to ask more, but the final destination was just around the corner. I also shouldn’t press my luck.

The entrance to Caumsett was very unassuming, and at 5:45am, the gates were closed. I was anticipating for Fiona to turn into a Bat and leave the car, or just Ghost me.. Literally. Instead, she gave me further instructions.

“...Not here. Keep going straight, and drive onto service drive north… The sun is coming up, so .. Hurry…”

I nodded, took a few deep breaths, and put the car into gear. With ‘OH MAH GOD’ blaring on the stereo, I looked to the rear view mirror, to the dark silhouette, - “Buckle up, Fiona-! We are gonna get you home before this song is over!!”

The AWD hybrid, with all 155horsepower zoomed through the narrow roads of the estate, with endless fields, horse stables, and gardens scattered throughout the entire property. I assumed that we would be heading to the abandoned mansion that towered everything else. We beelined towards it. Then suddenly, from the back-

“...Nono.. Not THAT PLACE! That is NOT my home! Turn here, HURRY!!”

Her raised voice rattled the windshield, and frosted the windows. I felt the hairs on the back of my neck come up. I apologized, fearing that if I gazed back into the rear view, I’d see Medusa herself, seething. We looped around the Equestrian center, and a few of the curious horses nodded. We then got onto a secluded dirt road, with a hand painted sign labeled ‘-Fisherman’s drive-’. I looked at the time, and the grey skies gradually became brighter. I gunned the accelerator, but the car whimpered in protest; It was Fiona again...

“...Family of Deer in the area… Go slower.. It’s okay… We’ll make it…”

I did as she asked,.. I mean, not that I had a choice. The isolated woodlands had Camp Crystal Lake vibes. It was bumpy, creepy, and awful visibility. Nothing about this drive was normal, yet I no longer felt terrified of whatever was on the final point of our journey. I felt a sense of duty to see this through. I drove us slowly through the forest trail.

Sunrise crept closer… The surroundings became more visible by the minute. As it did, on my left- I noticed a weathered bench, along with a blue colored memorial shrine, with dead flowers, zen stack of stones, and a faded CD walkman. Right when I was about to pass the area, my car completely cut out. I looked in the rear mirror, and I could have sworn, -I saw a smiling young woman. When I turned around, however, the seat was…Completely empty. The weathered phone that provided directions chimed again, and there were a few lines of messages;

-Thanks for getting me home-

-Thanks for finding me-

-This was the most alive I felt in a long time-

All the despair, all the ‘what-ifs’, all of it -dissipated. I sat there in relief, with my forehead resting on the sweat stained steering wheel. Fiona was in her resting place.

Once I got the cab back in gear, I attempted to re-start the engine, and the trusty four cylinder roared back to life. I looked around to see if I could reverse and head out of the forest, but the trail was just too narrow for that. The phone pinged again;

-There’s a beach and parking lot ahead-

-U can U turn there-

-Or stay for the sunrise-

-It's so worth it-

Well, I didn’t think I was in danger anymore. It was going to be the first sunrise of 2024. It felt like a good omen, so I took Fiona’s suggestion. The new year Sun rose high above the bluffs and illuminated everything in honey gold. It truly was magnificent! On the way back, I left her phone next to the Walkman. I then prayed for her to rest in peace…

It has been a busy year since, but I still get reminded about that crazy day. Especially, when I look at a mirror, I would flinch, thinking I saw something… Or someone, uninvited again…

Tonight is New Year's Eve. I’m on Fulton Street, in the financial district, and it’s dead quiet. Everyone’s in midtown now. I prefer it that way. Now let me work on my resolutions, while I listen to some Kendrick La..

Knock. Knock.. Knock…