Everything Has Changed

“Are you there, God? It’s me…please, can you just help me?”

I whisper in the wind, as if I’m scared you may actually answer. But I should know better, you don't care about me, not anymore. Not after what happened. Yet I can’t stop myself from asking every night.

Have you ever wished for something that badly, that you’re stuck wishing for it every single day, yet it always ends with you being left disappointed?

Maybe I deserve this. But I can’t stop, I can’t help but think it could’ve been different.

If that vacation never happened.

The vacation where everything changed.

Vacation, 15 years ago

Every year in the fall, my family and I have always rented out this farmhouse to stay at until late November. And for as long as I can remember, my two best friends would always tag along with us. Ever since I met Scott and Jillian, they immediately became like the brother and sister I never had.

We would do everything together on the farm.

Running through the cornfields. Sneaking out of our parents' homeschool classes. Giving dares to spend five minutes alone in the pumpkin patch in the dark. Taking turns to swing on the rope above the lake. Staying up late telling scary stories in our bunks.

I assumed this time would be no different. But never could I have been so wrong.

…

We pulled up onto the dirt driveway in front of the house and it was like we never left. All the memories I’ve made here come rushing back to me as I make my way up to the door. When I open it, the fresh smell of wood welcomes me just as it always has every year. I quickly step inside and make my way to our room upstairs.

I make my way over to the bay window in the corner and find a drawing we made a couple years back taped to it. Best Friends Forever, it said along the top of the page.

I still remember the day we made it. We were seven and while we drew each other, we promised that nothing would ever come between our friendship and that we’ll stay this way forever. I smile as I remember how we were arguing on where we should hang the drawing. I had suggested the window, so that we would always see it when we were in the room.

A horn sounds outside, breaking me from my memories. I look out the window and a massive smile spreads across my face as I make my way out of the house.

Before they can even jump out of the truck, I jump up and firmly wrap myself around both of them from behind.

“Woah, careful.” Scott says, securing his hand on the truck to keep from falling at the same time Jillian lets out a small yelp.

I give them one last squeeze then drop myself back to the ground. They both turn around with big smiles on their faces. They’ve changed so much since I last saw them, even though it was only a year ago.

Scott clearly had begun working out more. But apart from his new physique, he still has the same puppy dog eyes and smile I’ve always loved.

I turn towards Jillian. Her once-auburn hair is now a dark violet with highlights. She looks beautiful—she’s always been beautiful— but now there’s a glow in her eyes I haven't seen in a long time.

“What are you so smiley about, Scar?”

I hadn’t realized how much I was smiling until now, but it doesn’t falter. “What Scotty? I can’t be all smiley about seeing my best friends again?” I tease, ruffling his soft curls with my hand.

He smiles and pulls me into another tight hug. I breathe in his flowery cologne as I hug him back just as tightly.

“I’ve missed you,” He whispers into my hair.

“I’ve missed you too.”

I look towards Jillian, who was standing off to the side on her phone. I pull her by her arm into the hug, which startles her. We all laugh while I say “And I’ve missed you too.”

“Alright, come on you two, this truck isn’t going to unload itself.” Scott says.

We hear chuckles from the back of the truck and find our parents taking the last of their bags out of the truck.

“Yeah, we figured you guys would take forever. Everything’s already in the house.” Scott’s mom says with a smile. “Go unpack.”

“Thanks mom!” Scott yells as we all take off for the door. However, we’re stopped when a figure steps in front of the doorway.

He looks startled at first but then relaxes. I take a moment to look at him. His wavy brown hair hangs loosely on his forehead above his bright blue eyes. He’s wearing a flannel shirt with black jeans that hug his body nicely. I look back up at his face and notice that he is staring right at me.

I try to smile, but I can feel the heat rising in my cheeks and duck my head down.

“Oh, guys, this is my stepbrother, Ian.” Jillian steps forward and places a loose arm around his shoulder. “My dad got remarried a couple months ago.”

Scott gasps. “Wait, why didn’t you tell us this earlier?”

Jillian shrugs, dropping her arm from Ian’s shoulder. “I guess it just never really came up but— surprise. Ian is going to be staying with us now. Now let's go, already.”

She pats Ian’s shoulder before turning away to grab her bags. I glance back at him to see that he is still looking at me curiously with an expression I can’t identify.

“Uh, hi,” I say, giving him a small smile. “I’m Scarlett. But you can call me Scar.”

I stick my hand out, but he doesn’t take it. And when he responds, his voice is quiet.

“It’s nice to meet you, Scarlett.”

I nod and turn towards Scott, who brings an arm around my shoulder leading us to our bags. I look over at Ian one more time over Scott’s arm.

…

When we finished unpacking, it was already dark outside and a savory smell had filled the house. Our moms made a pot roast and cornbread, just like always. We all settled at the table; Scott and Jillian beside me and Ian sat in front of me.

“Oh, kids,” My mom says when she finishes her plate. “I heard there’s going to be a haunted corn maze event if you’re interested.”

“Are you kidding?” I look at Scott and Jillian with wide eyes. “That sounds amazing.”

“Yeah,” Scott joins in. “When is it?”

“I think it opens next week.”

“We have to do this,” Jillian says, nudging me with her arm.

“Yes, definitely.”

“Ian, you wanna tag along with us?” Scott asks.

The table goes quiet, waiting for Ian’s answer.

“Yeah, sure. I think it’ll be fun.” He smiles, but it seems forced. When he finished speaking, his eyes flicked to mine for a moment before he looked down at his plate.

I know Scott was just trying to be nice, but I kinda wish he hadn’t asked. The way he keeps looking at me, I don’t know what to think of it. I look back down at my plate and take a bite of the cornbread.

“Alright, so it’s settled.” Scott says, not trying to conceal the excitement in his voice. “All of us are going into the haunted corn maze next week.”

“You think you’ll be able to handle it, Scotty? You could barely even spend five minutes in the cornfield alone last year.” Jillian joked, barely containing her laughter.

“Haha, very funny. Just wait, this year it’s going to be you guys running into my arms.” He flaunts his muscular arms as he says this and the table erupts into laughter.

…

“Scott, come on. Don’t be a baby.” I yell.

“I’m not being a baby. That spider was gigantic, any normal person would be scared of it.” Scott exclaims.

I laugh at the look of absolute terror on his face. “Aw, it’s okay Scotty. I’ll protect you.”

He rolls his eyes but smiles wrapping an arm around my shoulders. “I’m serious, Scar. That thing was the size of my hand.”

“Sure it was,” I tease, patting his arm. “Come on, we still have to find Jillian.”

Scott sighs. “Remind me why we decided to play hide and seek in the middle of the night?”

“Because it’s tradition.” I say simply. “Why? You don’t think this is fun?”

“I think it’s scary. I just don’t want to run into any more giant spiders.” He shudders. “Let’s just hurry up and find her.”

I laugh. “It’s okay, just watch where you step.”

We continue on walking into the field, but there’s still no sign of Jillian.

“Jilliannnnn!” Scott shouts into the darkness.

“Come onnn, we wanna go to bed!” But she doesn’t answer. She has always been stubborn about not giving away her hiding spots until we found her.

It’s grown very quiet, where the only sound is our shoes hitting the dirt and fallen leaves on the ground.

Then there's rustling in the cornstalks beside us.

“Finally, okay Jillian, we found you. Let’s head back now.” I say.

But Jillian doesn’t step out. No one does. The rustling stopped abruptly as soon as my voice came.

Scott and I take a few steps back, his hold on my shoulder slowly tightening.

“Jillian, this isn’t funny. Come on already.” Scott tries.

Nothing.

I take a deep breath and release it. I put my arm out and right as I do, something jumps out at me causing me to close my eyes and scream.

But it’s not something. It’s someone.

I feel hands grab my shoulders. “I’m sorry, are you okay?”

Their voice is laced with concern and when I finally open my eyes again, I see the person who caused all of this.

“Ian?” I breathe, looking up at him.

He releases my shoulders but keeps his eyes on me. “I’m sorry. I thought you saw me.”

“It’s fine,” I saw, still trying to slow my heart rate. “But what are you doing out here?”

“I couldn’t sleep and I saw you guys heading out here so I followed.”

I glance at Scott before saying. “Well, we’re looking for Jillian.”

“Okay, I’ll help.”

Later after we found Jillian, we went back to the house and finally went to sleep. We were all absolutely exhausted and Jillian had apologized for keeping us out for so long. The three of us settled into bed and we all fell asleep.

When I woke up, I found myself in the living room, lying on the couch. How did I end up out here?

—-------One Week Later—-------

The haunted corn maze event is tomorrow. We have been laying in bed all day waiting for it to come. We eventually went downstairs and met with Ian, who was in the kitchen eating dinner.

As we get our own food, I can’t help but feel so tired still. Every night since we played hide and seek, I’ve been waking up in strange areas and I don’t know why or how. I wasn’t paying too much attention to it since sleepwalking can be pretty common and harmless. But something doesn’t feel right. I can’t remember anything from those moments at all.

…

I wake up to someone screaming. It sounds like it’s happening right in my ear. I open my eyes and begin to pull the covers off of me, only to find out that I’m not on my bed. I’m in the kitchen with a knife in my hand.

There’s blood spread along the blade. Did I cut myself in my sleep? I pat myself down but I don’t find any wounds. Who’s blood is this? It was when I turned around that I got my answer.

Laying on the floor, blood oozing out of their head, is Ian. I collapse next to him and try to apply pressure, but it’s no use. He’s gone.

I hear a gasp in front of me and I look up to find everyone staring down at me. At him. And the bloodied knife still in my hand.

“What…did you do?” Jillian’s voice comes out as a pained whisper.

I start to stand up and walk over to her, but she and everyone backs away. “I—I didn’t do this. I don’t know what happened.”

I didn’t do this. I couldn’t have. Why would I ever want to hurt Ian? There’s no way I could have done this. Yet, I can’t help but feel plunging guilt fills my stomach and the voice whispering in the back of my head.

What if you did? Who else would have done this? If you really didn’t do this, why was the knife in your hand?

Maybe I did. My sleepwalking. I never remember what happened. I could have killed him without even realizing what I was really doing.

“Scar,” Scott’s voice echoes in the quiet house, shaky like he doesn’t know what to say. “Did you do this?”

I wanted to tell him no, of course I didn’t. But I can’t. While I want to believe that I could never hurt another person, I don’t know. I don’t think I knew myself as well as I thought I did.

15 years later, present

So now you know why I was asking for help from God. I just wanted everything to end. I had ended up going to court shortly after we left the farmhouse and I ended up pleading guilty.

As the time went on during the court case, I realized that there was no other explanation for what happened.

How Ian was dead.

Why I was there with the knife with his blood in my hand.

I want to believe I’m a good person, but I just can’t after this. Even though I wasn’t conscious as I did it, I still did it. It still happened. Ian is still dead.

And I’ve been paying the price, I was sentenced fifteen years in prison.

Today, I’m supposed to be released. But I don’t think I should ever be released. How could I ever trust myself again after what I did? How do I know it won’t happen again?

When I was getting discharged, I was told that my family and friends had fled the country, and I can’t say I blame them. I’d run away from myself if it was possible.

—-------Five Days Later—-------

I was sitting in a new apartment when I heard a knock at the door. I got up and looked through the peephole and I stuttered back, shocked. On the other side of the door was Scott.

I quickly open the door. “Hi…what are you doing here? I thought that you left.”

He pulls me into a hug. And I can’t help it, I sink into it. I’ve missed him—missed everyone— so much that I’m so glad to be able to see a friendly face again.

When he pulls back, he is still smiling. “I thought you hated me.”

His eyes go dark. “Scar, I could never hate you.

“But after what happened—”

He brings a finger to my lips and caresses my chin in his hand.

“Scarlett, nothing could ever change how I feel about you.” His eyes fall down to my lips.

I relax into his touch, his thumb still rubbing my bottom lip. I never thought this would happen. I never say Scott in a romantic way, but right now, after everything, it feels right.

And that’s why my lips are now pressed against his. His arms rope around my waist and pull me until our bodies become one.

After everything, I would never think I ever deserved to be happy nor trusted. But right here, right now, I believe that maybe it is possible for me to find happiness and peace with myself. With Scott.

When he pulls away, he brushes my hair behind my ear as he says, “You have no idea how long I have waited for this moment.”

I blush. Had he really liked me this entire time?

“But there is something I have to tell you, and I hope you understand.”

I brush my hand through his hair and look into his eyes. “You can tell me anything, Scotty.”

He leads me to the couch, sitting me on his lap and takes a deep breath, closing his eyes. When he releases it, his words spill out.

“I did it.”

My heart stills. “You did what?”

He chuckles lightly. “I think you know.”

I clear my throat, willing my voice to come out. “Tell me.”

He smiles. “I killed Ian.”

His words hang in the silence.

No. He’s lying. I did this. Didn’t I?

“I’m sorry you had to serve those years, but it was the only way this would work.”

“The only way what would work?” I say through shaky breaths.

“Us. Me and you. I had to make it seem like you did it and Ian was just getting in the way of us. It was a genius plan, really.”

“I began giving you those pills each night so that I could move you to random places in the house. I staged Ian’s murder and laid you down right in the middle of it, putting the knife in your hand. I woke everyone up so we’d all go downstairs to find you there. I convinced everyone that you’re crazy and it’s best we lose contact with you.”

He chuckles to himself. “But it’s too bad, they didn’t listen to me, so I had to—” He mimicked slicing his throat before laughing.

I keep trying to push off of him but he only holds on tighter. “No, Scar, come on. Don’t be like that. I did this for you. For us.”