Farewell at Sunset.

CW: Substance abuse, mental health

Sunset beamed its glory over the floral tributes for Asher. Several mourners were still openly grieving the demise of an iconic gospel muso and songwriter. There stood Benjamin, old buddy, with his son at his side, and also his wife. Kelsey had on a bitter face, full of regrets, and so did Benjamin. He was reflecting on all that joint history, from the time he had first met Asher in primary school.

The two lads and Kelsey had attended a Christian college, with formal discipline and firm teachings. Kelsey had always known she was going to grow up and marry Benjamin. He was called to become a preacher in their evangelical church, while Asher was ever gifted with a love for music and songs to worship his Lord.

The two lads had played in a junior gospel band, where Asher was often praised for his voice and creative approach. They had also played football and summer sports together, always a wingman for each other, with a bond stronger than any brothers. Kelsey used to heave many a sigh, as she was left at home while the lads were playing something together, either sport or music. Still, she bided her time. She believed in holy wedlock, a devout union, and later children to add to the church congregation.

Asher and Benjamin did share more than their love for music. Asher told Benjamin one night in his bedroom that he was in love with him. He believed he could only love another male, it was the way he was born. His hand had touched Benjamin's who was more than confused by this new step in their brotherhood. They had no one to turn to, as such gay love was totally repressed and labelled in their church. Benjamin knew he was expected to be a red-blooded man, get married to Kelsey and have sons for the future of his community.

He drew back, "That's your lifestyle choice. Best not to do this any more. Friendship hi-fives."

So he left Asher's room, and resolved to spend study hours with Kelsey. Asher was very disappointed, and zipped his lip until he could leave school. He was hoping to make it big in the music industry, yearning to express himself with someone he could love. It was the way he was, he knew none of his church people would approve.

But Benjamin could never bring himself to tell anyone, especially not Asher or Kelsey. He had been more than tempted by the lure of something further with Asher. They could predict each other's next sentence, burst into spontaneous same songs at the same line. enjoy great victories. Benjamin knew he could never even confide in their pastor Doug. He was their football coach, so gung-ho about what boys should aim for, so homophobic.

Nonetheless, the school years passed by, until it was time for each student to follow their path. Benjamin married Kelsey straight after high school graduation, and she was soon welcoming their cute little son. Benjamin attended a theological pentecostal college, and applied himself to his journey in faith. He was everyone's golden boy of Christian worship. He always held something back in his marriage to Kelsey, as he always silently wondered if he should or ever could have said something more to Asher. Their good Lord would guide their future, he was not going to rock the boat.

Asher kept on with his songwriting, as well as singing vocals in venues, hoping for that lucky break. His songs became popular on Gospel stations, as he sang songs about the future of faith, God's apprentices. He was a very handsome, blond haired older teenager by then. He was never short of girls of any persuasion wanting to meet and date him. But he was just not interested. People liked him because he appeared so devout, clean cut, singing in that genre.

Asher did not even share with Benjamin that he was still hoping for a man's love. The talent scouts came calling, and Asher met the attractions of singing many types of music, as a popular solo musician. Album after album were released, he was rapidly becoming a superstar. Asher seemed to revel in it, and soon he had a lover of the night, kept well away from the spotlight. Benjamin and Asher kept in touch, but their travels on their journey rarely met again.

Then one Saturday night, Asher turned back to Benjamin. He phoned him late at night, after Kelsey had put their son to bed, and was quietly viewing television while ironing Sunday best shirts and her frock for Sabbath worship.

Benjamin was keen to welcome Asher back, impressed by how well he was doing, the fame, the spotlights, the concerts, the wealth. Asher was amassing a fortune. Then he said, "Ben, I am in trouble. I have got terminal liver cancer from drugs, might be AIDS. Can you come here, as soon as you can?"

Benjamin did not hesitate, and informed Kelsey that he was taking leave of absence to look after Asher. Kelsey said, "That is not what our marriage is about any more. God will take Asher home."

Benjamin thought she was very unforgiving. So he decided to share Asher's final path. He could see no sign of God in such bigotry. He did say some fervent prayers for Asher, whose wealth had bought him merely a hospice bed.

Asher's face lit up when he saw Benjamin, he had not told him sooner because he had always sensed Kelsey's underlying resentment to him. Benjamin was trying to pray with his wingman, he could not envisage a future with no Asher and his voice in the world. He cuddled Asher, kept the press away, and felt devastated when his best mate in the world passed over. He did believe that Asher now dwelt in a mansion of gold. That is what Asher had believed too. It was the way he was, loving another man.

So Benjamin took Asher home to his old home town, and openly grieved while Pastor Doug intoned the prayers at the graveside. The mourners all sang Amazing Grace. Benjamin wondered how things might have been, if he had made a different choice. Asher's tomb was going to be an icon for all his fans for many a year. Benjamin tried to see and trust God's commands in taking such a talent for the future of faith away from them all.

Asher was going to be eternally young, forever thirty years old. Benjamin was struggling to hold his emotions together, as his son suddenly asked, "Dad, what would you and Mum say if I am gay too?

Benjamin tried to respond, and knew something had to change. He was saying farewell at sunset to more than Asher.