The Diner of Doom, Toilet Paper, and a Whole Lotta Awkward

Kara

I’m trapped in a romantic prison with no way out except to stay for the night. 

I’m seated on a hot wooden stool, a candle flickering before my eyes, rose petals adorned the red tablecloth, and my ex-boyfriend, Henry Watts, placed on a chair directly across from me, his blue eyes sparkling in the starlight, but looking nervous nonetheless. I blame my best friend. Sandra Montgomery, my forever friend and swim partner since 3rd grade, had set this us up, informing me that there was this very interesting man that she wanted me to meet for a romantic dinner. 

I actually believed her, and so here I am, forced to spend the night with the one who I once thought was my soulmate, but who broke up with me for some reason still unknown. 

Sandra yearned for us to get back together, but one day abruptly ceased the nonsense. She must have been plotting this for quite some time now. The restaurant I was at was titled Le Dîner De L'amour, apparently meaning “the diner of love” in French. 

Stupid restaurant. Should’ve been named The Diner Of Doom.

Henry

Kara? Kara was the one that Sandra wanted me to go on a date with? Sandra, thank you! Even though me and Kara had cut off connections when we broke up, Sandra and I are still fast friends. I didn’t want to break up with Kara, but I was told that she was going to break my heart, so instead, I wasn’t the one who got broken up with. That was the stupidest mistake of my life. 

But I’m thrilled that Sandra thinks that I deserve a second chance. So here I am, at a beautiful restaurant with my ex-girlfriend, praying that she doesn’t hate me. 

“Hi, um, long time no see?” I ask, awkwardly grasping at straws. She rolls her eyes, sighs dramatically and says, 

“Hey.” We sit there in silence until she reaches into her purse, pulls out her phone, and starts scrolling through social media. She does this for a few moments until a waiter comes up to her and says in a thick accent, “Madam, we do not allow phones here.” Although it sounds like, “Madam, ve do not allow vhones ere.” I stifled a snort as Kara blushes, embarrassed, and slips her phone back into her bag. The man, satisfied, walked back into the restaurant, and then I burst into laughter. Kara gives me a look, causing me to gradually stop.

“Sorry, it just reminds me of old times. Remember when the manager of that store thought that you had snuck a piece of toilet paper out of the store?” Kara gives me one of those giggles that I had come to love so much. She puts her head on the table, comes up full-on laughing.

“It was stuck on my shoe!” This causes me to chuckle again. “Like the rose petal stuck on your forehead?”

A rose petal is plastered to her forehead, threatening to fall. She giggles some more before gently brushing it off.

“Henry?” Kara says, after her laughter dies down. “Why did you break up with me?”

Kara

“Why did you break up with me?” The question still rings in my ears, sounding wrong and strange, but I need the answer as if it’s oxygen. Henry doesn’t respond, so I pry him some more. “Henry?” 

He takes a deep breath and then says, “Somebody told me that you were going to break up with me first.” I look at him. 

“And you believed them?” I exclaimed, outraged. I stood up angrily and placed my hands on the table. 

“Yes! It was Sandra who told me! And she’s your best friend!” Henry says nervously, throwing his hands up as if surrendering. This is when I recall Sandra’s past behavior. She didn’t like the idea of me and Henry becoming a couple before we broke up. She must have given Henry false information, but when we broke up, and when she saw me heartbroken, she probably realized she had made a mistake. 

“You know what?” I say. “We’re done at this restaurant, I have a better idea” 

“You do?” Henry asks, sounding nervous. “And that would be…?” 

“Revenge.” I finish, knowing that this will definitely be a memory I won’t forget.

Henry

Kara’s plan is absolutely genius. We get up to leave the restaurant (takes us some time, because Kara knocks into one of the waitresses spilling food all of the pristine floors) and drive in our separate cars to All You Need, one of my favorite stores, because it pretty much has everything that you will need, varying from phones, to food, to toys and a myriad of other items.

We meet up at the front, and walk into the store.

“Wow, this place is huge!” Kara says in shock.

“What, you’ve never come here before?” I ask, surprised.

“Nope,” she replies. “I normally go to the mall or shop online instead.”

I lead her into the toiletry section, and we purchase 7 packages of toilet paper, ring it up, and drive the long, monotonous drive to Sandra’s home. Nothing interesting really happens until we arrive at Sandra’s large, modern house.

I hop out of my car, sneaking around to the back of my trunk, where Kara and I open up the trunk’s heavy door. It released a loud creaking noise. We simultaneously jump back from the trunk, alarmed, hoping that nobody hears the noise. Luckily, everyone in the neighborhood is either sound asleep or they ignore the noise. Kara and I cautiously pick up one toilet paper roll, before I chuck mine at Sandra’s house.

It lands in the bushes, causing Kara to stifle a giggle, before she steps onto the well-trimmed lawn, takes aim and fires! The roll lands on the roof, before gently rolling off the other side of the house, leaving a white line, popping vividly against the sleek brown roof.

We continue throwing the rolls of toilet paper until there is nothing left to chuck at the house. After admiring the house - that looks like it was decorated by a mummy - Kara nods at me. The signal. Time for phase two.

Kara 

Henry and I stumble blindly towards what we hope is Sandra’s front porch. I scour my purse until I find exactly what I need - the key to Sandra’s house.

She gave it to me so that I could just walk in as if it’s my second home, which is what it’s kind of become to me. I slowly turn the brass key in the knob, then pull down on the handle. The door opens, revealing Sandra’s tidy home.

Everything is in perfect condition and in just the right place. Sandra wants to become an interior designer one day, so she works on her house as much as she can to give it the edgy modern vibe we both love. I put a finger to my lips, motioning for Henry to be silent. He nods in response, we creep through the living room to the stairway, decorated with expensive paintings that Sandra had saved up so much money for. I walk up the stairs with Henry close behind.

We take a turn into her bedroom, furnished with a white dresser, a large television, a pastel yellow desk, and a queen size bed in the middle of the room, decorated with a yellow comforter that matched the same color of the desk. Sandra is sound asleep, snoring gently, probably having a good dream. Henry walks past me, not surprised, clearly having been in this room a few times. I signal for Henry to move to the other side of the bed.

He takes one end of the mattress, I take another, and we lift it! All those hours in the gym paid off! I was nervous about how we were going to fit the mattress out the door without turning it, but lucky for us, Sandra has a double door to her master bedroom!

I gently set the mattress down on the floor, Henry does the same, I walk over to the doors and open them both, producing a large bang when the doors connect with the wall. Sandra stirs, making me and Henry freeze, but she just turns to the side, and murmurs, barely audible, “King Koala. Don’t execute me. I wasn’t flirting with Prince Panda.” I nearly burst into laughter, but I am able to contain myself. Tonight has been a really funny night, I guess Henry can make me laugh. I blush, then heave the mattress onto my shoulder. We carry the mattress downstairs, struggling to keep the paintings from falling.

We eventually make it down, through the kitchen, and then setting Sandra down for the second time, Henry moves to the sliding back door, opening it up in one swift movement. I can hear crickets chirping as we pick up the fabric case and haul it out into Sandra’s backyard. Sandra has a large, circular trampoline in the far corner, unused except for when her little cousins visit. She has a huge structure dedicated to kids, a large playground that she custom designed. She has a lounge area in the front for eating outside, and in the middle in a large pool. Exactly what we need. I nod silently to Henry. We carefully lower the mattress into the clear blue pool. After Sandra is floating peacefully in the pool, it’s time to finish the job. 

Henry

I take out the red and white striped megaphone strapped onto my back.

I turn it on, and yell into it abruptly, “Wake up!” Sandra startles, loses her balance, releases a shrill scream, and tips into the water.

Kara and I rupture into laughter, Kara folded forward with her hands on her knees, shaking with giggles, trying not to fall over. When Sandra emerges from the water, she is shivering. Kara hands her a pre-prepared towel.

"Why did you do this to me?" Sandra hisses.

"It was revenge for telling Henry that I was going to break up with him." Kara smirks. Sandra's cheeks redden, although it's hard to tell with only the moonlight as illumination.

"I-I-I was jealous." she admits, looking ashamed.

"Sandra." Kara turns to her best friend. "You don't have to be jealous. I'm sure you will find an amazing guy out there perfect for you. And their name won't be Prince Panda. You talk in your sleep."

"Really?" Kara nods in response. "Aw, thank you! And, okay, then!" Sandra puts her arms around Kara.

"Are you hugging me because you love me, or is it because you are wet?" Kara asks. "A little bit of both." Sandra replies. Once she releases Kara, she walks back into her house, leaving me and Kara alone.

"We should do this again." I say.

"Oh, um, sure! It was fun." Kara blushes.

"Movies at 6:00 next Wednesday?" I ask.

"I'll be there."