A Fictitious Voyage

Mystery Funny Thriller

Written in response to: "You thought he was dead, but there he is, right in front of you on the street, smiling at you." as part of In Reverse.

Poison rain descended from the canopy of azure. A force so slow yet unforgiving of the endless fields that thrived from its vivifying nutrients. It was deserted at first glance, a distorted illusion of a once-promised land merely saturated with acres of suspiciously upright flowers, ivory-tinted yet blinding like burning magnesium.


I wandered barefoot, feeling every sharp pinch of those pebbles piercing my skin. A trail of red freckled along the wavering cobblestone, its eroded curves sinking into the earth beneath. Tendrils of sea-green vines meandered around each slab, besmirching their discrete beige hue.


It all felt familiar. A reality architectured to the finest detail. Carved from delirious thoughts with a touch of intimacy embedded into every single element yet the fabled fantasy trickled from my grasp like falling sand, whisked away by autumn winds - a memory that drowned in my mind.


My palms brushed along the delicately shaded leaves, their towering stems sagging towards the middle - just as encompassing as a cavern. They were unique in behaviour, possessing quirks that fascinated me since their discovery. Kneeling, I reached forward to pluck the little one, its white petals swaying against the breeze before tenderly coiling around my finger. Fierce baby fangs anchored into my flesh, stuttering a miniature waterfall of ichor that stained it a pale taffy.


It didn't pain.


I continued on my journey. The once-distant mirage of the snug cottage ahead gradually morphed into a solid structure with each footstep. Cracked concrete painted with a golden yellow that resembled an egg yolk - contrasting the hushed cerulean streaks gliding across the sky. It seemed too animated, too naive and absurd like ones found in picture books.


The brass doorknob, grainy in texture, creaked as I twisted it - droplets of my blood seeped into the hardwood door frame, cascading into the darkened ridges. Dust particles trembled at the swing of the entrance, slipping into the stream of sunshine flooding the house. A pastel yellow wallpaper with a hypnotising pattern surfaced the entirety of the interior - almost meant to bewitch intrusive visitors.


A desolate single seater sofa slumbered in the living room. Tarnished and lined with faded black stripes that ran till its edges. The television was frozen, mumbling white noise through the antique speakers. The dust had accumulated in its crevices becoming a second layer of skin overlaying the plastic. Ironically, a pristine welcome mat lay near the door, not a single sign of usage in its appearance, unlike other the artefacts that existed in the room.


A barely-there hint of sweetness lingered in the air, capturing my senses for just a second. I followed the candied trail to the kitchen - a room more barren than the previous. Empty, damaged shelves. Faulty refrigerator. Missing utensils. Nothing. Nothing but a serving of chillies perched right in the centre of the table - a knife positioned an innocent distance from them. As I walked closer, the sugary aroma amplified, taunting me to savour the oxymoron.


And I did. Alarmingly red in colour, yet an explosion of bliss charred my throat as I bit one. A burning aftertaste that strangely reminded me of roasted marshmallows on a childhood camping trip. Smoke slithered out my mouth, curling in the air - a rapturous vanilla fragrance that left me wanting more. 


The television screeched, adjusting to a plain white display. I stiffened as the pixels transformed into colour, forming an image of a knight clad in armour. The knight raised his free hand, aiming his gloved finger straight at me. A floorboard from behind squeaked, I spun on my feet nearly tripping when the same knight stood at the end of the hallway, shifting to an aggressive stance - his silver sword three strokes away from slicing my neck.


He charged forward, footsteps thundering with each move. I seized the knife from the table, holding it dangerously close to my own body. He propelled his sword forwards, penetrating the wall like a dart nailing a bullseye. My knife slashed the air in hopes of defence, but he deflected it with ease. I dove to catch the blade before it grazed the ground, shoving it into his chest. He staggered back, but with one swift manoeuvre, the razored edges sliced through his arm like butter - clean and smooth.


Rage howled from upstairs. An army. Roars of fierce, monstrous knights clashed their weapons, dropping to the floor one by one with a bang of pure might that rocked the roof. I stared at the ceiling, wounded fingers quivering, anticipating a sound - a mistake so I could be ready with the knife. But only silence screamed.


A crimson helmet touched my feet, rust sheathing the insides a rugged bronze. My eyes flickered to his face, something about struck a chord in my mind. He seemed familiar. Liquid copper leaked from his bruises, translucent as syrup. It diffused across a rustic kitchen mat, soaking each thread with its dense richness. And that's when I realised.


He's my friend.


The sunlight bounced off the surface of the blade, turning the deep amber seeping from his chest a joyful coral - the outline of my disfigured reflection seared into my mind. I yelled his name, but all I heard was -


"Hey, you alright?"


I blinked foolishly at his question. He had been stabbed in the chest just seconds ago by a weapon that was no longer caged in my hand. With a deep exhale, I nodded my head, glancing at my perfectly normal finger.


"Got everything you need?" he asked, words laced with a freshly-adopted tinge of optimism. He leaned into the car's backseat, recklessly throwing the groceries. A smile washed over his features as he took the bag from my grip, "Doc said it's gonna take a while, remember? The mind palace will help with your memory."


A mother exited the supermarket behind, followed by the shrilling siren of her infant wailing in the stroller. She rummaged through her purse, hands tensed with concern till she wiggled a baby bottle in her son's line of sight, sighing when he quietened down in seconds.


"I forgot milk."


He laughed, "We can't have pancakes without milk, now can we?"

Posted Jul 30, 2020
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57 likes 59 comments

Amogh Kasat
August 10, 2020 04:29

It's really good story. You have included a disease that's really good.

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Arya Preston
August 10, 2020 05:01

Thank you very much!

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Akshat .
July 31, 2020 11:19

You asked me to read your story, so here I am. At first, I didn't really understand the whole concept. I had to read it again to understand it. Here's what I think you're trying to say:

The main character has a memory problem, so the doctors made a crazy mind palace to help her. Am I right?

You described your scenes beautifully, but I didn't really get the ending. Please be so kind and explain it to me.

I enjoyed reading your story, and I am waiting for more! Keep writing!
Score: 4.5 out of 5

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Arya Preston
July 31, 2020 13:01

Thank you for reading, Akshat! Essentially, the main character suffers from amnesia, and in order to start remembering things again, the doctor had suggested to create mind palaces. As mind palaces are usually used for remembering lists, tasks and etc by associating a specific object with a very distinct visual - the more random, the better you can recall them. In this case, they're trying to recall ingredients to make pancakes. For example, the egg yolk coloured wallpaper was supposed to resemble eggs, the knight's blood seemed like syrup - which was meant to be maple syrup! It is pretty confusing at first, I admit, it's not my best story :D

But, thank you for your comments!

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Akshat .
July 31, 2020 13:52

You're welcome!

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Pragya Rathore
August 18, 2020 09:42

Your imagery is captivatingly beautiful! The first lines were so vividly descriptive, and the rest of the story, too was filled with fantastic descriptions. I felt the lovely impact of your prose and you've carried out this one with great expertise. I loved it! The last line, too, was amazing. Awesome one, keep it up! :)
Please check out my stories too :)

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Arya Preston
August 18, 2020 10:16

Thank you so much for reading, Pragya! Your comment is very appreciated especially coming from a wonderful writer like you. I'll definitely read your stories in a little while :)

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Pragya Rathore
August 18, 2020 10:28

You're most welcome, Arya! :) It was truly my pleasure.

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Aditya Pillai
August 04, 2020 17:29

Wow, now this is what I call unconventional- and in a really good way!

The descriptions and metaphors are so well done and clever. The fact that this was all for pancakes makes it even batter (heh)! Had to go through it a second time to catch all the analogies :) A gem of a story indeed, made even more delicious by your buttery smooth writing style! (ok I will stop now)

Seriously an awesome read. Would love it if you could check out mine too :)

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Arya Preston
August 04, 2020 17:40

Thank you so much, Aditya! I appreciate your puns as well XD Will check out your story right now

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Jonathan Blaauw
August 01, 2020 17:43

I found your story very interesting, because it's different. And to me, different means brave, that you're confident enough in your own ability to experiment, and from what I can see of your writing, that confidence is justified. I'm trying to match your comment on my story for eloquence and... not succeeding. What I'm trying to say is - great story.

I can see you weren't going for plot-driven, focussing more on descriptions. I've encountered a few well-known authors who do that, and it works only if the descriptive stuff is good enough to engage the reader. I was very much engaged, so you pulled it off really well. So many cool words for colours, that stood out for me.

Also, I mostly got what was going on. It is a bit abstract/mysterious, but then many great stories make the reader go "I don't know WTF that was, but I really enjoyed it." So even if you leave some readers scratching their heads, that's not a bad thing. Again, different, which I like.

And since we're talking pancake recipes, I happen to know that, in a pinch, eggs can be substituted with blood. It does the same binding thing. I'm sure that little piece of useless information will come in handy one day... for a story I mean!

Overall, I'm very glad I read your story. Thanks 😊

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Arya Preston
August 02, 2020 04:49

This is absolutely amazing! Thank you very very much for your reflection, Jonathan. It means a lot! And you're right, this was meant to be more on the descriptive side and I'm glad it was fascinating enough to continue reading. I always appreciate a good plot twist - though, executing one myself isn't that easy - it's the distinct vagueness of those stories that really capture my attention.

Thank you again! Now I'm blessed with the knowledge that if I'm ever stuck in an apocalyptic situation, I'm always one step closer to making pancakes for survival :D

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Jonathan Blaauw
August 02, 2020 13:57

Twists are so tricky. I have a whole theory on how/when/where/why to use them. I won’t bore you with it now. Maybe I’ll write a how-to book. And the twist will be – the author has no idea what he’s actually talking about. Bestseller, right there!
You’ve got it though. As long as you don’t leave the reader feeling cheated, it’s usually okay. I just read another of your stories with an even better twist than this one (I’ll comment there separately) so your execution is spot on. You could even co-author that book with me!

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Arya Preston
August 03, 2020 03:34

A how-to book with that twist? I've never read anything like it 😂

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Velma Darnell
August 12, 2020 20:09

Your vocabulary choice made this story sound great and smooth. The descriptions are remarkable and the concept of mind palaces makes it captivating. I truly enjoyed reading it, Arya!

p.s. I would appreciate if you could read my story "A Lifelong Journey" when you aren't busy, thank you!

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Arya Preston
August 13, 2020 03:50

Thank you, Velma, I really appreciate your comments! And I'd love to check it out :)

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Keerththan 😀
August 12, 2020 07:09

Very different nd interesting story. Great job. Keep writing.
Would you mind checking out my stories too?

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Arya Preston
August 13, 2020 03:45

Thank you very much! I'll have a read in a little while :)

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Shruti Saxena
August 08, 2020 09:27

Such a unique and wonderful story. I love that you incorporated the concept of mind palaces, definitely an interesting concept. Really awesome and vivid!!

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Arya Preston
August 08, 2020 10:34

Thank you very much, Shruti! :D

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Kristin Neubauer
August 06, 2020 19:42

This is a super-interesting twist on the prompt! I never considered that the person thought to be dead could be one from history. Very imaginative - I enjoyed reading it and look forward to more!

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Arya Preston
August 07, 2020 04:00

Thank you, Kristin! I appreciate your comment :)

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Sue Marsh
August 06, 2020 15:55

I really enjoyed your story it had a very interesting twist at the end. Sue

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Arya Preston
August 06, 2020 15:59

Thank you so much, Sue :)

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Jayde Trilo
August 06, 2020 12:35

Interesting story. I was really confused at first, but I liked the mind palace idea and how that was revealed at the end.
The descriptions were beautiful, though I was thinking as I read that there was a bit too much detail. I guess with shorter stories I always worry that there isn't enough time to get bogged down in little details or elaborate descriptions, and I have read stories before where it feels like a huge effort was put into descriptions at the expense of other aspects of the story. However in this story, the little details are kinda the point, so it's a good thing you put the effort into them. You knew what was needed to tell this story, and the end result was very good.

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Arya Preston
August 06, 2020 12:43

Thank you very much! And I completely understand your perspective on description-heavy stories. Personally, I prefer writing descriptive ones since that's my strong suit, but I will venture into narrative plots in the future :)

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Jayde Trilo
August 06, 2020 13:45

Lucky, I always struggle with description. I should practise more. I look forward to seeing you branch out more.

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Deborah Angevin
August 06, 2020 11:02

Your description is amazing, Arya! I thoroughly enjoyed reading the story!

Would you mind reading my recent story out, "(Pink)y Promise"? Thank you :D

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Arya Preston
August 06, 2020 12:21

Thank you very much, Deborah! Definitely check it out now :)

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Alexi Delavigne
August 05, 2020 19:44

I really enjoyed reading this! I could picture the setting, it had a sort of dream-like fairytale feel to it for me as I was reading it. Really well written, great work :)

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Arya Preston
August 06, 2020 07:22

Thank you for reading, Alexi! Glad I was able to evoke that sort of feeling :D

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Shivani Manocha
August 05, 2020 17:12

Loved it! You have a great command over language, its a very polished and creative diction. I loved the following paragraph in particular.

"Carved from delirious thoughts with a touch of intimacy embedded into every single element yet the fabled fantasy trickled from my grasp like falling sand, whisked away by autumn winds - a memory that drowned in my mind."

If you don't mind, could you please check out my story?

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Arya Preston
August 06, 2020 07:21

Thank you very much, Shivani! Will check it out in a bit :)

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Corey Melin
August 05, 2020 01:06

I tend to be plain and simple in my stories which your story here is absolutely superb in description. You were on the edge of too much description but you never fell off the edge. In fact, I thought of the writers of old which hopefully you take as a compliment. The more you can picture a story the more I would say perfection is in play. Well done!

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Arya Preston
August 05, 2020 04:36

Thank you very much, Corey and I'll definitely take that compliment! :D

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Rayhan Hidayat
August 04, 2020 00:20

“As I walked closer, the sugary aroma amplified, taunting me to savour the oxymoron.” Good god, there were some word combos here that I would never for the life of me think to use in any sentence, ever. Vocab is your weapon and you wield it like a knight! 😁

Honestly I’m not a fan of stories that are too description-heavy, but it makes sense in context because mind palaces can be really hectic places and the big words made it feel that way.

So good job! And keep writing! 😊

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Arya Preston
August 04, 2020 17:02

Thank you very much, Rayhan! And I agree, a mind palace is packed with very random things and one would definitely experience a sensory overload which is why I went completely descriptive :)

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Rayhan Hidayat
August 04, 2020 17:30

No problem! If it's not too much to ask for, I'd love to hear your thoughts on my latest submission :)

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Raquel Rodriguez
August 01, 2020 05:54

Oh my gosh! Arya, I love this! The descriptions are clear and your choice of vocabulary makes this even better.

Could you please check out my new story, 'Separate Neighborhoods' if you get the chance and tell me what you think?

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Arya Preston
August 01, 2020 08:04

Thank you so much, Raquel! And yes, I'll have a look at it soon :)

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Raquel Rodriguez
August 01, 2020 17:02

Thank you, Arya! :)

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Rebecca Lee
July 31, 2020 18:59

Hi! First of all, I think this is a very lovely story. It took me a few minutes to grab on to it, but after I did, it was fine. There might be some little spots that need tweaking but overall I enjoyed it. Hey, would you be willing to check out my story "Big Daddy Comes Back" and give some feedback? (Or any of my stuff!) Thanks.

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Arya Preston
August 01, 2020 03:41

Thank you very much, Rebecca! I'll definitely check it out :)

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ADHI DAS
July 31, 2020 08:19

Good read 😊

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Arya Preston
July 31, 2020 09:34

Thank you for reading, Adhi!

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Charles Stucker
July 30, 2020 16:39

You say such nice things about my stuff and my first impression of this was purple prose. I think the writing voice in "An Inevitable Forfeit" was far stronger. This one was so surreal that I did not follow well until she came out of the illusion. Unless you can put this voice into a piece for a literary journal, I would say keep it only for experimentation.

And technically, you can make pancakes without needing milk, you just substitute water and butter (or oil) in the right amounts. But the guy doesn't need to know that.

For a light piece about hallucinating (while taking medicine?) the humorous ending is good. But if your beginning was supposed to evoke a sense of a mind's phantasms, it needs something and I am sooo not the person to ask on that one. If you want to make it funny throughout, look at Robert Rankin, though he's a little out there.

Really wish I had better help for you on this one.

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Arya Preston
July 30, 2020 17:10

Thank you so much for your feedback! I certainly agree that this particular story didn't quite reach up to the level of my previous one, although, it's purpose was to get me out of writer's block - and it did! I'll definitely take your suggestions for the next one, thank you again for taking your time to read this :)

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Roshna Rusiniya
July 30, 2020 15:28

Wow! This was amazing! I love how you use your descriptions. It’s mesmerising!

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Arya Preston
July 30, 2020 15:32

Thank you very much for reading, Roshna - really appreciate it!

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Roshna Rusiniya
July 30, 2020 15:36

You are welcome Arya :)

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Arya Preston
July 30, 2020 14:15

Author's Note: For those who didn't understand the plot, the main character is a recovering amnesiac who entered a mind palace to remember pancake ingredients, hence why the narrative is quite arbitrary and ridiculous :)

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Batool Hussain
July 31, 2020 07:24

The plot ain't ridiculous but amazing with meticulously good vocabulary and quite vivid descriptions. I'm simply in love with the title: creative enough to make anyone want to read it. Bravo!

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Arya Preston
July 31, 2020 07:43

Thank you very much, Batool! Glad you enjoyed the story :D

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Batool Hussain
July 31, 2020 07:44

You're welcome! Looking forward to more;)

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July 30, 2020 18:17

This story was an adventure, and your description was unbelievable (in a good way). I would never be able to write like that.
I had to read the transition from illusion to real life a couple of times, just because I didn't get it at first. After reading it the second time, I completely understood and it was absolutely amazing.
Keep writing and stay healthy!
-Brooke

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Arya Preston
July 31, 2020 06:09

Thank you so much, Brooke! I guess it's quite confusing at first :)

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July 31, 2020 13:38

You're welcome!

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July 30, 2020 16:22

As requested, here I am!

Wow, this was terrific! You used amazing descriptions and details.

Good job!

~Aerin

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Arya Preston
July 30, 2020 16:26

Thank you for reading, Aerin!

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