Winding Down

So I went to the store and I came back and I went to town. And I wanted to have a frown and then I went to get down to the town when I went to find myself frowning around and then I wanted to go to school, but they always had broke the rule they didn't talk to me. They just balked at me and then they took a walk down to the park and then the people wouldn't let me in and the galleries. Block me when I email them to put my art in their gallery for a show. And no one wants to talk to me and they all run from me, but. Now, I think that I have A little bit more time to understand what's going on. And I think it's all about rumors about me and maybe you have even heard of me. But I wish we could keep it that I'm just a nice person and I've been through some things and I had to do some things that were questionable to get out of certain situations and I really feel bad about it, but about what am I going to do I mean, I had to do something and no one was hurt. So I don't understand what the problem was, and everyone thinks I'm a bad person for this or that reason. So like everyone's scared of me, is it the vibes I give off, or is it things? Heard about me, even maybe lies were spread about me that I can't control. And people are believing this to be fact and true, it's very unfair. And it hurts me that no one wants to be my friend and they all think of me as a bad person, when really, I have a heart of gold, what I liked to do when I was a kid was make a restaurant in my room and buy chocolates and sell them and have a customer sit at my little table and put on Music for them and they would leave me a tip. Or make a newspaper with cartoons in it and funny mazes and stuff and little news stories. And I put on a play with my sibling and my friend in front of my parents and my other sibling and I gave gifts to people in school. I even wrapped up presents and wrote notes every day. Long notes with colored paper for my friends and colored pens and I put a lot of effort into it. That's the real, me everything else that happened. That if anyone that people hear about me this, whatever area is the stuff that happened to me, it's not stuff that I chose to have happen, thank you.

So now that I have that out, I just want to say I really appreciate all the help. Everyone has given me and mental health. And yes, sometimes people find themselves in mental health. And for me it was that I was so suffocated in my own holding back my words and emotions from a lot of stress and I felt afraid to speak up for myself for fear of getting. Berated or yelled at growing up as a teenager that I held it all in and when we were having steakums in my group home for the 50th time for dinner, I said no, not again, and I went out jumped out in the into the backyard and started just kind of in a controlled manner. Screaming and stamping my stress and my all that I had held back for the past 5 years came out in that moment. And I was acting weird, it's true. But it was under weird circumstances, you know, I believe. However, I was, I mean I know there's no excuse. And maybe I'm an

But I had a straight jacket, put on me and I was going out toward the hospital, and I went to a resort hospital out up north and so my life began in mental health, 5 hospitals, 5 residences, I finally got free of that. I'm in my own apartment still getting clinical care from a program in mental health.

So I know I feel like wishing that people never have to experience what I did, but I think it did strengthen me and it like I think life without it would have been very boring just going to normal day to day 9 to 5 job and making money and who knows I mean it just was not destined. To happen, even though I wanted to follow the mainstream goals of having a house of car or family, go on vacation and You know , just have a job and everything.

I have actually worked myself up to the point where I do have a tentative job as a tutor and maybe I will be hired as a cleaner soon.I'm getting hints in my emails about that.And i'm at a good place and I just wanna hope everyone can pick themselves up and start over if they fall and I have fallen many times.

My life and my future as everyone's is unknown. And I'm just reveling in this moment that I get to share with you this. What happened and heard the theme of the story? The prompting that 1 act changed everything. I guess it was me jumping out of the back door when they were having steakums. I said let's go I gotta get out of here. I gotta do this. I can't take it anymore and I impulsively. Saved myself.

I hope that I wish the best I wish everyone the best and I wish everyone happy holidays whatever you celebrate or if you don't, then I wish you a nice day and I'll see you next year hopefully there's a lot of creative outlets that you can find to express yourself, I know I enjoy finding mine, expressing my creativity and my joy and my happiness and My expressing myself to my creative outlets that I find online.

Thank u.