The Brown Corduroy Pants

There weren't many options for a lonely trans man to find a date in a small town, so once upon a time, Locke decided to add himself to the dating app Venus. He'd chosen his favorite photo of himself, sporting a lemon-colored shirt with the rays of the sun shining on his curly yellow hair.

He was surprised when three women immediately swiped him to the right.

He pulled up the avatar of the first girl. Screenname: Damselkittie34. A pretty girl, listed as straight and less than a mile away. The second girl, screenname: P/layer/, listed as bi, was cute and exactly a mile away. The third girl, plenty hot, screenname: Whereforarthouartemis, listed as lesbian but open and more than a mile away.

Locke messaged each girl and awaited their response. The first to respond was Damselkittie34: Free after 6, 2 nightie. My place or yers? Locke chuckled at the word nightie.

He was about to reply when the second message came through. Whereforarthouartemis: Free this eve, hit me ↑, and then on the heels of that message, the third one from P/layer/: Wud luv 2 hkup, whatsup 2 nite?

Locke went from zero hookups to three in less than a minute. They were all cute and were all close by.

Instead of choosing one, he chose all three.

He arranged to meet Damselkittie34 at six, Whereforarthouartemis at eight, and P/layer/ at ten. That would give him enough time to see if there was a spark and enough time to fan a flame if things did work out, and still have time to meet the next girl.

Damselkittie34, whose real name was Athena, showed up at his cottage at seven minutes after six, wearing fishnet stockings and a fez cap. Between those things, she wore a red, pleather - she pointed out - pair of pants and a black top and an owl pendant. He handed her a beer, and they began to talk.

Although Locke had not explicitly said that he'd been born female, he assumed it would be obvious by his appearance and by the addition of the word queer to his profile.

Before any undressing potentially commenced, he said, "I think I should tell you before we go any further that I am a trans man."

"A what?"

"A trans man."

"Meaning?"

"Meaning I was born female, and now I live as a man."

"Oh."

"Oh good, or oh bad."

"Nothing personal, but I don't really like girls."

"I'm not a girl."

"I know. I'm sorry. I mean…I don't like…" And then she pointed down at the front of his brown corduroy trousers.

Locke bid Athena goodnight at the cottage door. There were no hard feelings on either side. It all got chalked up to experience or sexperience, as it were.

When the time was nine minutes to eight, Locke checked his yellow hair in the mirror and opened the door to a towering woman with very short hair. Her photo on Venus portrayed her with much longer hair and lipstick, which was just his sort of girl.

"Artemis is my real name," Artemis said as she sat on the couch. She wore black Doc Martens and a tank top with a bow-and-arrow motif. No bra. In between, she wore baggy jeans that hung off her hips. "You look more masculine than you did on your Venus profile," she told Locke.

"My hair was longer then."

"So, you're a guy?"

Locke hesitated before answering, even though there was only one thing to say, "I'm a trans man."

"So, you're… " She never finished her sentence; she pointed at the front of his brown corduroy trousers.

"Female underneath?"

"Yeah."

"I am. Is that not something you are into?"

"I am, but I'm attracted to someone more feminine. Sorry."

"No, sorry, necessary. Me too."

Locke bid Artemis goodnight at the cottage door. There were no hard feelings on either side. It all got chalked up to experience or sexperience, as it were.

When the hour of ten was almost upon him, Locke was tired and almost ready to call it quits. He didn't take the first two tries as rejection, just a swing with a miss, so when he heard a knock on his door at exactly ten o'clock, he peeked through the keyhole and opened the door.

"I'm Portia," said the rather fetching girl on the other side of the door. You must be JustRightPrince."

"My name's Locke, but yes, I am. Please come in."

He handed Portia a beer.

"Thanks," she said, taking a seat on the worn, yellow couch.

Portia wore polka dot shoes, a pink Hello Kitty t-shirt, and a tiara. In between those, she wore brown corduroy pants.

"I love your pants," said Locke.

"Thanks, you too."

"I should probably tell you something before we begin."

"Oh, I already know."

"You do? How?"

"My sisters both texted me and told me after they met you."

"Your sister's?"

"Yeah. They were here earlier. Artemis and Athena. Our last name is Bear."

"And your last name is Bear?"

"It is."

Locke thought it a wickedly interesting name.

"So then I assume you are here because…"

"Because…" She never finished her sentence, merely pointed down at the front of his brown corduroy trousers.

"And you're okay with… he never finished his sentence; he just pointed down at the front of his trousers.

After their beers were gone, they started to kiss, which enchanted them both. Then they went to Locke's bedchamber, where they tossed their perfectly matching pair of corduroy pants into a pile.

During their lovemaking, Portia whispered, "You are just right."

Near midnight, Portia stood up and said, "I should be going."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, my sisters will be waiting up for me."

Locke walked Portia Bear to the front door, where she disappeared into a land far, far away. Whether she took the bus or walked or called an Uber, Locke never knew. He assumed she lived happily, forever after, wherever she was.

The end.