Pathway to Evil

CW: Child sexual abuse

"Chicago is not a place to raise children," my dad told my mom during breakfast one morning. He continued, "Especially when our kids will be going to school soon. I don't want my kids caught up in the craziness of this big city. I think we should move to Texas."

Texas was where my mom was from, and it was also where my granddad lived.

"I guess we can stay with my dad until we get our own house," my mom said.

Just like that we were moving to Texas.

The next couple of weeks were busy as we packed and got ready for the trip. The plan was for my mom to take us by train to San Antonio, Texas. My dad needed to finish his job in Chicago and would join us later.

I don't remember feeling sad about leaving Chicago. What I do remember is my dad saying,

"I promise green grass and more room for all of you."

My dad sounded excited, and that made me happy. We had lived (my two brothers and one sister) in a tiny apartment my whole life, so having more room sounded like a great idea. My Aunt Mary would later tell me that I loved adventure and being outside, which matched my dad's energy and excitement.

However, I don't remember my older brother saying much about our move. He was quiet and rarely said much to me anyway. I do remember that on the day we prepared to leave, my younger sister and baby brother cried.

The city was bustling with people, so my mother put us on leashes. She used to tell us later that whenever she took us places, she used leashes to keep us all together. Quickly, she maneuvered her way through the crowds, arriving at the train station. We all held on tight to keep up so we wouldn't get left behind. I remember struggling a few times to hold on because my mom walked fast, and if you didn't keep pace, you could easily fall back.

The train station was a busy, crowded place with large trains sitting on the tracks. There were lots of heavy smells that I thought smelled bad, and I was ready to get some fresh air. We stood in line to board, with my mom holding tightly to our leashes. Carefully, she led us aboard. Finally, we were walking toward our seats. I looked up and smiled at my mom with excitement. However, my smile was met with a hard slap across my face. Shocked, I lowered my eyes filled with tears. Confused by my mom's treatment, I sat quickly in a seat by the window. Relieved just to be sitting down, I turned toward the glass and stared out the window the whole way, afraid to turn around.

The sun was high in the sky when my eyes began to close and I fell asleep. I don't know how many, but hours later, I woke to the sound of my name being called. It was pitch-black outside, so I knew it was nighttime, and I had a hard time waking up. My mom said it was time to leash up and get off the train. Quickly, I got leashed up and stayed close to her. She walked us off the train while a train worker helped unload our things.

Granddad was already there waiting for us, just as he had arranged. My mom hugged her dad while directing us into his station wagon. Looking out into the night, I remembered my dad's promise of green grass, and he was right. But as exciting as the arrival was, it had been a long, exhausting day for us, and sleep was more than welcomed.

A few minutes later we arrived at Grandads house. At the back of the house was a small room and bed which we were to share. My brother, sister and I climbed in and fell asleep.

The curtains were heavy, stifling out any moonlight from shining, plunging the whole room into darkness. Only the soft sounds of breathing filled the air lulling the children into a deeper slumber. But as the clock struck three , the stillness was shattered by the slow creek of the bedroom door. Startled, I woke up to a figure standing in the doorway and a hand placed gently over his lip,

"Shhh."

The eerie quiet of the night caused confusion,which blurred my thoughts. As I was lifted from my place between my siblings to my feet, I could feel the cold against the wooden floor. This sent a shiver up my legs and my flannel gown. Being lead down the hallway I felt how the texture changed under neath my feet but remained very cold. I could see the shine of moonlight reflecting off some silver pans inside what seemed to be a sink. A quick walk past a refrigerator confirmed my belief we were in the kitchen. I could hear the soft light breathing of my mom along with a clock tick tocking. The sounds felt overwhelming, but suddenly I was picked up

carried to our final destination. I was surprised this room was even smaller then the one I was taken from. He sat me down on a bed which had soft pillows and sheets. Immediately I noticed the roominess of the bed. Still I wondered when my brother or sister would come along.

It was then in a low voice he told me he was my uncle and he only wanted me because I was special. More special then anyone else and I deserved better. He said he was here to protect me, keep me safe and treat me like a princess. He lowered his body so he could lie next to me and told me he loved me.

"This has too be only our secret our special game. Don't tell anyone or I can't treat you like a princess. Do you understand?" he asked.

I whispered " yes" softly to him.

Thereafter, he would pick me up, whispering promises of safety and special attention, instilling a sense of worth that I had longed for a long time.

"This will be our secret game as long as you don't tell anyone," he said each time.

His voice was smooth as silk and enticing me to keep the hushed existence protected from my family. Ironically I never felt scared or wanted anyone to know. At first I felt cherished in a world where my brother's and sister often overlooked me. Each night, my uncle would rap his affection around me like a blanket, melting away the loneliness that had quietly grown in my heart. Yet an unfamiliar unease began stir deep within me as the days turned into weeks. Yet I played his game and kept quiet

Then the day came when my father arrived and announced that we would be moving into our new house one that promised more space and sunlight. Excitement bubbled within all of us as we packed our things quickly. Excitedly we gathered up all our things and loaded up in the new car. It seemed like forever before my dad announced.

"We"re here!"

From the driveway I could see a big back yard I jumped out first as soon as my dad stopped the car. I couldn't wait to run around and check out my new backyard. My brother and sister lingered behind, looked around, then went inside. My brother and sister did not find the outside thrilling.

I went to investigate. I was a very curious child always looking to see where things were and trying to find things out that maybe nobody else knew about.

I took my shoes off and began to run when I saw a person standing on the other side of the gate and the lady was yelling

" Hi little girl, who are you?"

I ran to the fence quickly replied,

"My name's Becky."

I remember not being scared to talk to he, even though she was a stranger. She had grey hair, with a beautiful smile her voice kind.

"Hello, Becky, how old are you " asked the kind lady.

I held up four of my fingers smiling big.

Before anything else could be said there was a scream from inside . It was my mother screaming.

"Rebecca why aren't you inside?

"Who are you talking to? followed by "Leave that nice lady alone!" she yelled with anger.

The nice lady on the other side, must have recognized fear on my face. She called my mother over to the fence where the two began talking. I ran into the house as fast as I could to my seat next to my brother and sister at the dinner table. From there I could hear my mother laughing. Maybe my mother had also found a new friend, just like me.

I couldn't help but feel proud that I had two adults who liked me and my siblings did not. I have a special friend that lived next door and a special uncle who would treat me like a princess.

Once we moved all our things in my mom invited my uncle over. My uncle began visiting us at our new home more and more. The nighttime excursions with him began to increase. Much later on I would begin to understand how this secret would lead me down new road a pathway to evil.

Here I would become isolated in a world with him . I always remembered my uncles words, "Don't Tell Anyone!"