A bad omen for a witch.

Let me tell you about a strange occurrence that happened to me today. I’m a cat, a plain and simple cat. Living in a house of routine and predictability. Although there was placed upon the outside door of the laundry a perfectly functioning cat door, I remained for the most parts an indoors creature. This of course suits me perfectly fine. I have no need for anything else. I might however venture outside once in a while, mainly when the weather is agreeable.

My usually occurrence happened in amongst the safe structure of my morning routine. I got up early in the morning to go chase the shadows in the hallway before I woke one of the occupants with my claws, to let them know I was ready for my breakfast. When I’ve finished I stood the by the ranch siding door, meowing until the curtains were drawn opened. Glorious sunshine flooded in and I I instantly stretched myself on the floor in the most satisfied of manner.

That when the most ghastly of people conjured me by means of most unholiest supernatural powers. As a cat we have a great vast knowledge of the supernatural, but we are way too wise mix with it.

Conjure! To be conjure is the most grotesque thing you could possibly do to a cat. We show up when we are ready and always on our terms. This was not my terms!

There I was, and there she was. A figure of pure repugnance. A witch, or more accurately a cardboard cutout of a witch. When I say she was repugnant, it had less to do with her appearance. You see humans pretty much look the same to me, but it was more to do with her unnatural state of being. Standing around all hunched over even though she is not old, or has any physical inflictions. Her hands and face covered in an uneven layer of green paint. And her attire look like an ill fitting cheap children witch’s costume.

The room was dark and dusty. Heavily curated with tacky plastic Halloween items. Fake spiders webs. A book shelf, filled with what I could make out to be fantasy novels and witchcraft books written by people with fanciful ideas.

This is the an exact moment I should have made a ran for it, but instead I stood frozen as she did the a thing that’s disgusted me to my core, she place a spell upon me that gave me human consciousness. Human consciousness and feline sensibility don’t mix. Its only results in extreme cantankerous. 

“What in heavens name do you think you are doing?” I inquired without apology.

 “I conjured the blackest of cats, and placed a talking spell on it, nor-hor-hor!” She replied in a embarrassing bad fake accent. And made it worse by gnarling her fingers close to her scrunched up face. 

“Well you got that wrong, I’m not a black cat at all. I’m a tabby, a everyday common tabby.”

“You look like a black cat.” She said puzzled. 

“Yes, some tabbies like me, have such big black stripes, that their grey fur can’t be seen. You will observe that if you would look closely. Actually on second thoughts don’t go near me.” I snapped. 

“Well you look black enough for intents and purposes.”

“Intents and purposes! What intents and purposes might that be?”

“A warning, a bad sign, the baddest of omens. Every wicked witch needs one.”

“Did you stop to think that I might not want to be a bad omen. I didn’t consent to this.”

“You’re just a silly cat. You don’t know anything about consent.”

“Yes, I was just a cat. Very happy cat lying in the spring sun. It’s a lot better just being what you’re naturally are, than trying to be what your naturally not. To which of course is your current state of being.”

“Nor-hor-hor. This is my natural state, a wickedly bad witch.” She shrilled, in that ridiculous fake accent and repeated that thing where gnarls her fingers close to her scrunched up face.

“Yes, wickedly bad at impersonating witch you mean.” I teased.

I must stuck a nerve, as she replied “you’re nothing but a stupid cat. Spring sun! It’s nearly Halloween. It’s autumn not spring. You can see that the it’s all cold and grey outside.”

I couldn’t see that it was cold and grey outside. Not a very vivid point at all.

“Stupid yourself! You conjure a cat from the southern hemisphere. It’s spring time there. And Halloween is not even a thing in that part of the world.”

“Well if I’m so bad at being a witch how come I was able to conjured you from the other side of the world, and successful put a talking spell on you.”

“A mere fluke, it’s less about you, and more about what is going on in the supernatural. You just fumble your way in.” I said in a way only a cat could say.

“I did not. I’m master of witchcraft.”

“The master of which craft come again please. You’re nothing more than entertainer for a children birthday party, when of course all the other good kids entertainers are booked out already. Bet you couldn’t conjure me back home and back again.” I said enticing her.

“Cat, you will regret those words.”

Nor-hor-hor she crackled in her silly strilled voice. Then she started muttered some incomprehensible phrases. Poop! She managed somehow to conjure back home. How she did it I’ll never know but I’m glad she did.

I must admit that was a very cruel thing to do to someone who’s not really meaning to do any real harm. I could have been a little bit more sympathetics, and not exploit her insecurities. But I so desired to get back home and away this hideous situation.

I can’t say that I’m worried about seeing her again, I seriously think that if see could conjure me back, she wouldn’t dare as I became a very bad omen for her.