The Silencing of Joselyn Wu

TW: Story contains instances of bullying and sexual harassment***

The Silencing of Joselyn Wu

I started the rumour. I didn’t mean to; it was true after all. I was just venting, which I thought, at the time, was harmless. But that was before it all blew up and CJ woods did the very worst thing to Joselyn Wu.

It was no secret that Joselyn was my least favourite person in the entire world. I’d never been a fan of her and her big mouth but ever since she’d humiliated me for no reason other than to satisfy her desperate need for attention. After that, I despised her to-the-point-of-hate. My mom says that hating someone is the very worst thing you can do. But then again, to my knowledge, my mom was never publicly humiliated in front of the entire class. So I say that I do not hate her…but if I’m being honest, sometimes the line blurs.

When we first started middle school in September, I was intimidated at the idea of a school that only consisted of 7th and 8th graders. It helped that we got to wear uniforms. For me, it made it easy to blend in and hopefully fade into the background. It made me feel like we were all on the same playing field. But for some of us the uniforms drew more attention to our bodies in more ways than we’d liked. The tall girls I’d looked up to, like Kourtney Davies and Moriah Bowen, were always, pulling at the hem of their skirts, suddenly insecure about how long their legs were. And girls like my best friend, Lexi, who had an affinity for sweets, started wearing loose sweatshirts over their tight-fitting poplin shirts.

It was like all the camouflage that we’d used to define ourselves, had been stripped away and now all the parts we could not hide were on display. In middle school I learned the meaning of the word “vulnerable”. And I also learned that was the last thing you wanted to be. I was invisible, observant by nature and used my camouflaging abilities to do my best to blend in with the other girls around me. Never being too quiet so I would become a target but never being too loud as to draw unwanted attention to myself. A funny thing began to happen though. Among the 7th and 8th grade girls, I watched as the development of the mean girl hierarchy emerged. The girls swarmed around 2 Queen Bees: Hazel Blanchard and Estelle “Stella” Mow. Even the boys seemed to accept the ruling of these “Mean Queens”.

The thing with Joselyn Wu had started after gym class, halfway through the second semester. I was one of the slowest kids in the grade, so I was just getting into the locker room, as most of the girls had gotten dressed. Joselyn Wu was in the middle of a few of the girls in the change room, dancing on top of the wooden benches, talking loud enough for everyone to hear. She took the longest to tell a story and even longer to get dressed. I was hurrying in the corner trying to put on my patent black Mary Janes as quickly and as discreetly as possible, to avoid being stuck any longer with her.

I had my skirt and knee socks pulled and was finishing buttoning up my collared shirt. Joselyn was waving her hands, screeching at the top of her lungs, re-enacting a goofy scene from a comedy movie. Some of the girls were whispering and laughing and I was just annoyed at how she always had to be the center of attention. I noticed that even the childish, pink princess pattern on her underwear was just as annoying as she was. It made perfect sense because she was just the most immature and obnoxious person I had ever met. I rolled my eyes, hurrying out of the locker room. I found my Lexi waiting for me out in the hall and she picked up the irritation on my face right away.

“She’s so annoying! I hate her! I hate her loud annoying voice! I hate her annoying endless stories! And I hate her stupid baby pink princess underwear! I don’t even know how she can stand there, making a fool of herself in front of everyone…like I would seriously die! I bet she doesn’t even know that they’re all laughing at her, not with her. I wish that for once in her life Joselyn Wu would just shut up!” I was ranting all the way up to our homeroom class on the 3rd floor and Lexi was laughing her agreement. I knew I was being petty and mean, but Joselyn had a special way of getting under my skin.

Here were a few things I didn't know. Firstly, I didn’t think that anyone other than Alexa had heard me even though we walked up two flights of stairs in a crowded hallway. A few paces behind us lurked Stella Mow who had not only heard, but would remember every word. I hadn’t realized that sharing an off-handed comment about someone else, even if it was something true, could be just as devastating as spreading fake news. And I didn’t know then that my “harmless “venting could lead to the very worst thing that CJ woods would eventually do.

That weekend, the Mean Queens created a new page on social media called “Why We Hate Joselyn Wu”. When I got the invitation from Hazel on Sunday night, I felt this dropping, twisty feeling in my stomach. I couldn’t sleep all night and had more than my usual dread from going to school on Monday. The social media page invited all the 7th and 8th graders to post about all the weird things they hated about Joselyn. Because she wasn’t on social media, she would never have to find out.

At the beginning of the week, I was hoping that it wouldn’t catch on. But then, on Monday, the sinking in my stomach just kept dropping as I watched the other girls, whispering and laughing to each other behind Joselyn’s back. By Tuesday, the social media page had spread throughout the entire school, and when the boys got involved, somebody suggested the dare. Stella had posted “I heard Joselyn Wu wears baby pink princess underwear…” My blood ran cold and my heart leapt into my chest. I knew that there was a small chance that one of the other girls from gym class had blabbed. But I recognize those petty words …my petty words.

Then someone got the bright idea to lift up her skirt in front of everybody to see. First Ollie Spence dared Jake Crosby and Jake dared him right back. The boys passed it off until finally Asher Lawson dared CJ Woods and CJ accepted. From then it snowballed, all happening so fast. My petty words multiplied, and a plan formed for Thursday just before lunch. I followed the updates like a slow-motion car accident I couldn't look away from, texting Lexi who had also joined, but never added anything to the page.

Finally, on the day that CJ did the very worst thing, I remember not even being able to eat. Everybody knew what was about to go down and were all acting super “fake” nice to Joselyn all morning. Meanwhile, the negative energy grew as it buzzed throughout the halls. Through all of it, the extra attention propelled Joselyn to be even more ridiculous and obnoxious. She had no idea that all the while everybody was laughing and watching her, not one person was willing to stand beside her or up for her. But she was about to.

We had History class right before lunch. My stomach turned like a stormy sea; I’d had no appetite since Monday, and I was pretty sure I was going to be sick right then and there. Mr. Fletcher was telling us about the story of Joan of Arc.

“...and they burned her at the stake, all because she’d dared to see things differently. She saw the world in a way that other people couldn’t see.”

Joselyn raised her hand.

“Why did everybody go along with it? How come nobody tried to stop it. I mean it was obviously the wrong thing to do.”

I froze in my seat, beads of sweat poured from my forehead to my armpits despite the chills that ran along my spine.

“Good Question, Ms. Wu. The problem with the “mob mentality” is that it is often rooted in fear. People think if they go along with everyone else, even at the expense of hurting somebody, it means they won’t be the next person to get crucified. People aren't always thinking clearly when the “mob mentality” takes over. Sometimes it’s only in hindsight, after the damage is already done, that people really start to think about what it is that their lack of interference allowed.”

I looked around the class to see if anyone else was listening. If anyone else could see the parallels in what we were all about to do. But then the lunch bell rang and the rest of what happened is a blur. We walked down the hall in what felt like slow motion, unusually orderly for 12 and 13 year olds headed towards lunch. I remember mindlessly marching towards the lockers, my feet heavy like cinder blocks. I watched as the crowded hallway parted down the middle. I watched as Stella and Hazel called Joselyn to the front of the line. And I watched CJ sneak up behind her… and then I couldn’t watch anymore.

Joselyn screamed and immediately started crying, but it is drowned out by the buzz of louder, hateful laughter. And because the hallway was so crowded and because the teachers were just as eager to make it to their lunch breaks. And because it all happened so fast, no one came out to see what happened. And Joselyn has already fled through the parted sea of mockers, her skirt in it its rightful place. In fact everything just goes back to normal.

Except that Joselyn doesn’t come back to school on Friday. The social media page is deleted before the end of the day on Thursday. And Joselyn doesn’t come back to school on Monday either or the Monday after that. And then, it is word gets around that she has moved across the state to live with her father and step mom, nobody says anything else about her. Not the Mean Queens. Not Lexi. Not CJ Woods. All of a sudden there’s just no more Joselyn Wu. There’s no more opening her big fat mouth. There’s no more obnoxious stories or loud laughter or immature princess underwear.

There’s just this sticky ball of shame and guilt and a sick, twisty feeling in those of us who didn’t really even do anything. I could’ve done something…so why hadn’t I? Joselyn must’ve figured out just how much we all hated her. And we must’ve hated her, I think, to be willing to do something like this to somebody.

Everybody else seems to move on without regret, but I can’t forget what happened here. Everytime I pass by the senior hallway, or hear the lunch bell or enter Mr. Fletcher’s history class my stomach turns, and all I can hear is Joselyn Wu: embarrassed and crying quietly in front of everyone. I can still hear her scream and somehow even though she is gone now…it’s all I can hear.