The Last Good bye

Elizabeth, my love. As I Remember the first time I left, I never could’ve imagined that the last that we would depart from one another would be with a simple wave.

I still remember the first time. You yelled and begged me to stay; you threatened me that if I left, I would not see you waiting for me. All I could do then was hug you and tell you that I will come back to you. With a long last kiss, I boarded the train and left you standing there with tear filled eyes.

After six months of active duty, I did as I promised and returned to you. Seeing you, all I could do was smile and cry in joy, for even though I did not believe them, your words weighed heavy in my heart, for you are the reason that kept me alive.

When I was preparing for my second trip overseas, I was to be gone for two years. You held me close and told me that you would wait. You said I would come back and gave me your locket. It had your picture, Elizabeth, your picture and the words “Love lasts forever”.

This time upon departure, I could not let you go. I held you close and kissed you with tears in my eyes. “I don’t want to go, Elizabeth.” But with your usual warm smile only Elizabeth could make, you soothed me. “Don’t fear the unknown, my love. Explore it, fight it and endure it. And once you have traveled the land unknown, you will have nothing left to fear, and I shall be here to listen to your discoveries.” You left me with those words and a smile, as I boarded the ship for another war I did not wish for.

Or do you still remember the time we had a fight? We spent the whole night arguing about something we had forgotten by the time I returned from my two-week training camp. Even though you told me to get out and you won’t see me off, as the bus drove off, I saw you standing by the stop. I saw you mocking me with your tongue out. We both smiled and laughed about it, then and again when I came back.

I know you still have not forgiven me about the day I had to leave on an emergency mission. I thought I’d die long before I even got to the train. You clobbered me with anything you could find within the wedding gifts we had received btu a few days prior. I knew you hated that I had to leave, but I also knew you understood. For you waited my arrival three months later with a smile and the news that I was to be a father.

I was given paid parental leave from the army for two years, to see my child born and to help take care of him during his first year of life. And while that was the best time of my life, it was not enough, the time spent with you two was never enough, I always needed more time.

The day that it came for me to leave, you brough little Steve with you. I hugged and kissed you both; my resolve was crumbling each second. The moment I headed towards the bus, I heard his little voice from behind. “Dada, Dada!” I swore my knees almost gave out. All I could muster from myself was a smile, a wave and to have my brother in arms lead me towards the bus, for I was about to break.

No matter what happened, you were always there for me. You would always cheer me up.

You were always there when I needed you most, even when I said my last to my father. You held my hand and never left my side as I gave him my thanks for all he had done for me. Elizabeth, you were the one who held me together as I put my heart out in words while my father’s light slowly vanished.

You were the one who took me home afterwards. You put little Steve in my hands and said. “I know it hurts, but I know your father was proud of you. Best you could do in his memory, hold your own son and raise him as he did with you.” You kissed my forehead and sat next to me and Steve as I told him my memories of my dad.

Still, I would never have thought our last time together would end with just a simple wave through the window of a train. I know you were late because of the kids in school; I do not hold it against you; I just find it funny to have this as our last time seeing each other.

Now as I sit in our camp, surrounded by the enemies, my mind returns to you, Elizabeth, and how sorry I am I will never be able to hold you in my hands again. I won’t be able to hold you when you need me the most. I will try to send out this letter to you before the morning light and hope it arrives to you safely, for I need you to know, no matter what happens, no matter where I am, you will always be my one and only and I will love you through-out this life and any other to follow.

No matter if we end up in heaven or hell, I will fight to see you again. You are my love, my life, you are my everything. I know Steve is now seventeen, but tell him his dad loves him and will always be proud of him.

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2 years later

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Hi Mom

I just joined the army.

I know you told me to go to college. I know you wanted me to escape this life. I am still his son, and the report that we received only said “Jack - Missing in action”. They retook the bunker; they counted all but him. I have to go look for him.

I reached out to his friend who is now a captain; he said he’ll have me be dispatched to the same place if I wish. I only have to pass two months of training.

I have been training for these last two years, learning the language and all the skills I will need. I know I can do this; I will come back to you.

Mom... I will bring Dad back to you.