Watching Without Walking

“Where were you last night?”

“Don’t start.”

“I waited three hours.”

“You shouldn’t have.”

“You said you’d be there.”

“I changed my mind.”

“You always change your mind when it matters.”

“Because you never let things go.”

“Because you keep running.”

“I’m not running. I’m surviving.”

“Surviving looks a lot like hiding.”

“Easy for you to say. You’ve got nothing chasing you.”

“I’ve got you chasing me with excuses.”

“…That’s not fair.”

“Neither is waiting at an empty station with a bag packed.”

“I didn’t ask you to wait.”

“You didn’t have to. I wanted to.”

“…I didn’t want you hurt.”

“Then why keep me in the dark?”

“Because if you knew everything, you’d leave.”

“I’m still here.”

“…For how long?”

“As long as you stop running.”

“…Fine. Tomorrow. Same station.”

“No tricks?”

“No tricks.”

“Then I’ll be there.”

“…Bring only what you can carry.”

“Is it that bad?”

“You have no idea.”

“Then tell me.”

“If I tell you, you’ll never sleep again.”

“You think I’m sleeping now?”

“…Good point.”

“So what is it? Who’s after you?”

“It’s not just me. It’s anyone who touched that file.”

“The one you swore didn’t exist?”

“Yeah. That one.”

“And now you’re saying they’ll come for me too?”

“They already are.”

“…Then why didn’t you warn me?”

“Because I thought I could shield you.”

“And now?”

“Now it’s too late.”

“You don’t get to decide what I risk.”

“I was trying to protect you.”

“Then stop trying. Start trusting.”

“…You won’t like what you hear.”

“Try me.”

“There are names. Dates. Things that haven’t happened yet.”

“Future tense?”

“Yes.”

“You’re joking.”

“Do I look like I’m joking?”

“…You’re serious.”

“They’re using it. The file. To move pieces before the game is played.”

“Who’s ‘they’?”

“You’ll know tomorrow.”

“No. Tell me now.”

“If I speak the name, they’ll know I told you.”

“You’re paranoid.”

“Am I? Look out the window.”

“…There’s a van.”

“Two men inside. Don’t look too long.”

“They’ve been here the whole time?”

“Yes.”

“And you didn’t think to mention that sooner?”

“I didn’t want you panicking.”

“I’m not panicking. I’m furious.”

“Keep your voice down.”

“No. For once, you listen to me. I didn’t wait three hours at a station just to—”

“Quiet.”

“…They’re moving.”

“What do we do?”

“Back door. Now.”

“We won’t make it.”

“Trust me.”

“…Fine. Lead the way.”

“Stay low.”

“…They saw us.”

“Run.”

“I can’t.”

“You can.”

“Don’t stop.”

“It worked.”

“For now.”

“We can’t keep this up.”

“We don’t have to. We just need to reach the station.”

“Then what?”

“Then we disappear.”

“Together?”

“Together.”

“You swear?”

“I swear.”

“Then don’t let go.”

“Into tomorrow?”

“Into tomorrow.”

“Into where exactly?”

“Someplace with no file, no names, no satellites.”

“You sound like you mean it.”

“I do.”

“How do you plan on vanishing?”

“With cash, false papers, and the one person who still owes me a favor.”

“You have a person like that?”

“I used to. I hope she still answers.”

“You ‘hope’? That’s not comforting.”

“Comfort is a luxury we can’t afford right now.”

“You say that like it’s a verdict.”

“Because it is.”

“Fine. What about the train schedule? The last one’s at midnight.”

“This one’s at 11:42.”

“How do you know that?”

“I hacked it.”

“You hacked a public transit schedule?”

“Not the schedule — one terminal’s routing server. It’s enough.”

“You hacked a server while running from men in vans?”

“Multitasking is a survival skill.”

“You’re ridiculous.”

“You say that like it’s an insult.”

“It’s true.”

“Good. Use the truth. We’ll need it.”

“Do you have any ID?”

“I have one passport, expired but clean.”

“Expired passports won’t get you past customs, genius.”

“We’re not going past customs.”

“What then? Underground? A ferry? Some midnight ghost train?”

“Ferry. Small, out of service but operable. A friend knows an engine operator who owes me a favor.”

“You collect favors like scars.”

“They remind me I’m not invisible.”

“You could be, if you stopped leaving traces everywhere.”

“Traces are how I find my way back to you.”

“That’s poetic and also infuriating.”

“Both can be true.”

“…Are you scared right now?”

“Terrified.”

“You sound calm.”

“Calm is rehearsal for panic.”

“That’s the worst metaphor.”

“I like bad metaphors.”

“Kinky.”

“Distracting.”

“Good.”

“You’re trembling.”

“Which of us is supposed to be shaking?”

“I expected you to be steadier.”

“I expected a lot of things.”

“Like me waiting three hours?”

“Like you believing. Like us not needing to run.”

“Stop. Don’t make this about blame.”

“I’m not. I’m making it about consequences.”

“Consequences are boring. Solutions are sexy.”

“You want solutions. Fine. We get on that ferry, cross to the other side, meet my contact, get new names, then hop a night bus to the coast.”

“And then?”

“Then we find the engine operator’s sister who swears she can get us out on a freighter.”

“A freighter?”

“You wanted dramatic.”

“I wanted safe. Not cinematic.”

“Safety and cinema do not often share the same trailer.”

“Tell me you have money.”

“I have enough for two plane tickets and a week’s worth of food if we’re careful.”

“That’s not 'disappear' levels of money.”

“Not yet. But the file has value. We can sell parts of it.”

“You’d sell the thing that’s keeping you alive?”

“I’d sell leverage. Not the truth.”

“Can you even vouch for what’s in that file?”

“I read enough to know it kills the comfortable and frees the dangerous.”

“That’s vague.”

“Vague keeps you alive.”

“That’s a new one.”

“You like the new me.”

“Sometimes.”

“Not tonight.”

“You sound jealous.”

“I’m not jealous. I’m afraid.”

“Of losing me?”

“Of losing the person who said they’d show up.”

“And I…?”

“I don’t know what you are to me when you vanish.”

“You’re sentimental.”

“You’re dodging.”

“I’m protecting you from being sentimental about me.”

“You couldn’t protect me from waiting three hours.”

“Maybe I wanted you to understand.”

“Understand what?”

“That I’m not reliable.”

“You’re reliable at breaking promises.”

“That’s harsh.”

“It’s accurate.”

“Fine. I accept the premise.”

“Accepting premises is a start.”

“Is it enough?”

“No.”

“Then what is enough?”

“Action.”

“You mean the running?”

“Yes — running toward something, not away.”

“What’s on the other side of that ‘toward’?”

“Possibility.”

“Possibility is a small boat.”

“It’s better than a van with two men.”

“Agreed.”

“Do you trust me to pick the route?”

“No.”

“Then pick mine.”

“Only because you asked me to stop running.”

“Exactly.”

“…If we get caught, what then?”

“Then we make the file useless.”

“You can do that?”

“I know people who know people.”

“Those people are a liability.”

“Everything is a liability until it isn’t.”

“You sound like a mobster.”

“I sound like someone who burned bridges for a cause.”

“What was the cause?”

“Curiosity — and stubbornness.”

“Both dangerous traits.”

“Blessed with both.”

“You were always drawn to forbidden folders.”

“And you were always the one to close them.”

“Until someone opened one again.”

“You opened it?”

“I didn’t. You did. With your insistence.”

“My insistence saved a life once.”

“Whose?”

“Yours.”

“You remember that?”

“You left me bleeding on a rooftop and came back for me.”

“I panicked.”

“You also came back.”

“Trails lead back.”

“And sometimes they loop.”

“That’s poetic again.”

“I told you, bad metaphors are my brand.”

“Someone’s going to take that brand away.”

“Not if we act fast.”

“Do you have a safe word? Something to use if things go sideways?”

“Safe word is 'Lighthouse.'”

“That’s dramatic.”

“It’s visible.”

“Memorable.”

“Repeat it.”

“Lighthouse.”

“If I say it, you run in the opposite direction I point.”

“Opposite? What if you point at me?”

“Then point at the horizon.”

“Deal.”

“Do you have a last request?”

“You mean like 'say I love you?'”

“Last, in case the vans catch us.”

“Don’t be dramatic.”

“I’m dramatic because I love you and I can’t say plain things under pressure.”

“Just say it, then.”

“I love you.”

“I know.”

“You always know.”

“It’s my one-job skill.”

“You’re unbearable.”

“And you’re stubborn to the point of heroism.”

“Save the flattery for later. We’re almost at the gate.”

“They doubled their patrol.”

“How can you tell?”

“They’re not walking. They’re watching.”

“Silently?”

“Like predators.”

“You make me sound like dinner.”

“You’re not dinner. You’re my only smart decision.”

“You flatter me with insults.”

“You get me.”

“We’re almost to the ferry dock.”

“Keep low. One more corner.”

“There’s a light ahead.”

“That’s the operator’s friend.”

“They look nervous.”

“They always do when they owe me.”

“Of course.”

“Door’s open.”

“Breathe.”

“Do you ever sleep?”

“Sometimes. Not lately.”

“Why not?”

“Because when I sleep, they move pieces.”

“And when you don’t?”

“I pretend I can stop them.”

“That works?”

“For a night.”

“We don’t have nights to burn.”

“Then we don’t.”

“We need a plan for when the freighter doesn’t leave.”

“We’ll make one.”

“You’re saying a lot of 'we’ll' tonight.”

“It’s a contagious mood.”

“I prefer planning grounded in facts.”

“Fact- we’re moving. Fact- they’re behind us. Fact- we have a chance.”

“Those facts are thin.”

“Thin facts are still facts.”

“Fine. Bring your thin facts and thicker courage.”

“I brought both.”

“Show me the thinner one.”

“The route. Left at the rusted buoy, past the beached tug, third pier.”

“I’ll memorize it.”

“You will forget.”

“I won’t.”

“You always forget.”

“Not this time.”

“You say that every time.”

“Then this time I’ll write it down.”

“You have paper?”

“Someone still keeps paper.”

“Of course you know someone.”

“Of course you do too.”

“We’re a network of people who never fully trust one another.”

“And yet we act in sync when needed.”

“Like now.”

“Like always.”

“Do you regret following me into this mess?”

“Sometimes.”

“Regret is an honest referee.”

“Most of the time I’m angry.”

“With me or with you?”

“Both.”

“That complicates things.”

“Complications are our specialty.”

“Let’s hope the freighter accepts two complicated passengers.”

“They’ll take us if we pay and don’t ask questions.”

“You’re optimistic about corruption.”

“Realistic about corners.”

“Pull over there.”

“Now?”

“Now. The men are splitting up.”

“How do you see that?”

“I listen.”

“To breathing?”

“To how they move. One always fidgets with the radio. That one’s anxious.”

“Which one?”

“The driver.”

“He’s been jittery all night.”

“He almost called them.”

“He did. He was waiting for confirmation.”

“Confirmation?”

“A face. A signal.”

“From who?”

“From their boss.”

“You’re sure?”

“I’m never sure. I’m careful.”

“What if the boss is someone we know?”

“Then they’re the hardest to stop.”

“Because of personal complicity?”

“Because familiarity breeds assumptions.”

“Like trusting a friend.”

“Exactly.”

“Do you think our friend turned?”

“Friends turn for many reasons.”

“What reasons?”

“Money. Fear. Blackmail. Or they believed they were right.”

“You make betrayal sound philosophical.”

“Betrayal is boring when reduced to motives.”

“It’s personal.”

“Always.”

“Why didn't you tell me you carried enemies in your pockets?”

“Because pockets hide a lot.”

“Yours are full.”

“And yours are empty.”

“Does that mean I should fill them?”

“Fill them with resolve.”

“That’s not something you can tuck into a pocket.”

“You can tuck a note. And I’ve written one.”

“A note?”

“For emergencies.”

“What does it say?”

“It says where I hid the spare key when we were sixteen.”

“You still have that key?”

“People are sentimental in strange ways.”

“You never told me about the key.”

“Because I planned to come back for it.”

“You hid things on purpose.”

“Preparation is a habit.”

“Not always a good one.”

“It’s saved us useful times.”

“Like tonight?”

“Like tonight.”

“What if the freighter doesn’t accept us? What if the file leaks at auction?”

“Then we burn it.”

“You can actually do that?”

“I can. But burning a file leaves ashes and enemies.”

“Then sell it.”

“If we sell it, someone else uses it.”

“There are no good options.”

“Then choose the less catastrophic one.”

“Which is?”

“Run, sell, vanish, reappear as myths.”

“Myths are unreliable.”

“So are people.”

“We're back at circular logic.”

“Comforting and nauseating.”

“We’re almost at the dock.”

“See the operator?”

“In a cap. Smoking.”

“He looks older.”

“He always looked older.”

“People age in trouble.”

“You look tired.”

“You mean handsome?”

“No, tired.”

“Tired is honest; handsome is optional.”

“Stop deflecting.”

“You insist on emotional precision.”

“I insist on presence.”

“You have my presence.”

“For now.”

“For now is a long time in a single breath.”

“Not when you measure it properly.”

“How do you measure it?”

“In steps. In decisions. In whether you held my hand when sirens rose.”

“I held it.”

“You did.”

“You promise you'll let me hold it again?”

“I promise.”

“You promise like someone who knows goodbyes.”

“I promise like someone who knows departures.”

“Those aren’t the same.”

“They overlap.”

“Like our lives.”

“Like our hands.”

“I hate metaphors tonight.”

“I love them.”

“Trade me a metaphor for a plan.”

“Metaphor- a map. Plan- the ferry, the freighter, the fake papers, the engine operator’s sister, the port in three nights, a bus, a dockworker who will look the other way if bribed, and a new name.”

“That’s a long list.”

“So is running.”

“We can do the list.”

“We will do the list.”

“We’re at the boat.”

“Get down.”

“This is it?”

“This is it.”

“I thought we’d have a speech.”

“Speech is for the captured.”

“Right. Less speech then.”

“Less speech, more movement.”

“Okay. Move.”

“Into the boat.”

“It’s small.”

“I know.”

“That seems wrong.”

“Small boats move quietly.”

“Which frightens me for other reasons.”

“Because small boats tip.”

“Exactly.”

“Then hold on.”

“I am.”

“Good.”

“They’re behind us.”

“They never sleep, do they?”

“Only when they think the prey has left.”

“We’re not prey.”

“We’re not.”

“Then stop talking like scavengers.”

“Old habits.”

“New habits — keep your head down.”

“I’ve got your hand.”

“I feel it.”

“Don’t let go.”

“I won’t.”

“The water’s cold.”

“It’s bracing.”

“Why did you pick tonight of all nights?”

“Because tonight, the moon hides its face.”

“Clever or superstitious?”

“A bit of both.”

“The engine’s turning over.”

“Hold tight.”

“It’s noisy.”

“I know.”

“Do you ever think about leaving all this behind for something quiet? Like a bakery?”

“A bakery would be tragic for you.”

“Tragic how?”

“You’d be too honest with customers and they'd ask questions.”

“Not everyone asks questions. Some just want croissants.”

“You’d interrogate pastries.”

“Maybe.”

“You’d make enemies even of baked goods.”

“Then maybe not a bakery.”

“What about a cabin?”

“Too isolating.”

“A bookshop?”

“Possibly.”

“You always pick places people argue in.”

“Because knowledge is messy.”

“So are we.”

“We already established that.”

“We’re moving inland.”

“Good.”

“The van’s at the pier.”

“They followed this far?”

“They’re committed.”

“They must be expensive to follow.”

“Some people can afford obsession.”

“Bad purchase.”

“Obsessions seldom yield ROI.”

“Interesting metric.”

“Don’t be flippant.”

“Too late for that.”

“The operator nods.”

“He knows us.”

“He knows you.”

“That’s comforting.”

“Only because I planned it.”

“You planned it like someone planting trapdoors.”

“Trapdoors are useful.”

“We all have trapdoors.”

“Some are literal.”

“Don’t say that.”

“Too late.”

“We’re pulling away.”

“The shore is receding.”

“So are our tracks.”

“Maybe.”

“Maybe not.”

“Stop saying maybe.”

“Maybe is honest.”

“Be honest then- are we safe?”

“Not yet.”

“How long until safe?”

“When the freighter’s hull is a horizon.”

“That could be days.”

“And nights.”

“Okay. Then be honest about fear.”

“I’m afraid.”

“I am too.”

“Good. We’re synchronized.”

“Synchronized fear is ugly.”

“It’s also motivating.”

“Motivation is a practical thing.”

“Like stealing a future.”

“Like saving a life.”

“Whose life are we saving?”

“Each other’s.”

“That’s the best kind of selfishness.”

“I’ll take that compliment and file it away.”

“Don’t file it near the dangerous things.”

“I won’t.”

“Promise?”

“Promise.”

“I keep thinking about the file’s lines — names and things that haven’t happened.”

“You remember them.”

“I remember fragments.”

“Fragments can kill.”

“I know.”

“Then stop recalling.”

“It’s like an itch.”

“Scratch with planning.”

“Noted.”

“The operator is speaking quietly.”

“He’s arranging something.”

“Listen.”

“He says the freighter leaves at first light and has room for two in the deck crew disguise.”

“Can we pull that off?”

“With your acting and my lies, probably.”

“Acting?”

“You can pretend to be tired sailors.”

“I don’t know how to do sailor.”

“Start by cursing under your breath and loving the sea.”

“I can curse.”

“You do that well.”

“Noted as a strength.”

“Do you regret anything?”

“Sometimes.”

“Like what?”

“Not telling you the whole truth earlier.”

“You can tell me now.”

“You might leave.”

“I said I wouldn’t.”

“You might.”

“Stop.”

“Okay. No hypotheticals.”

“Good. Real question- if we survive, do we stop running?”

“I hope so.”

“Hope is thin.”

“So is everything worth keeping.”

“Then make it thick.”

“How?”

“By staying still long enough to build.”

“You think we can build?”

“With time and people who don’t sell futures.”

“Do those people exist?”

“Yes. They’re expensive and rare.”

“Can we afford rare?”

“We’ll find out.”

“We used to plan summers, not escapes.”

“We used to plan picnics.”

“Remember that rooftop?”

“How could I forget? You danced like someone who’d never fall.”

“You pushed me once.”

“You pushed me off, actually.”

“You saved me afterward.”

“I did.”

“Counterbalance.”

“That’s us.”

“Balance.”

“Promise again?”

“Promise.”

“You swear?”

“I swear.”

“Is that enough to make me sleep tonight?”

“No.”

“Then what?”

“Hold on to me and count breaths.”

“Like when we were kids?”

“Exactly like then.”

“I can count.”

“One, two, three—”

“—four, five, six.”

“Keep going.”

“Seven, eight, nine.”

“Ten.”

“You sound calmer.”

“You’re contagious.”

“Good contagion.”

“Bad vans are receding.”

“They weren’t idiots after all.”

“They weren’t.”

“Then why are we still whispering?”

“Because whispers travel slower.”

“That’s poetic.”

“I said avoid metaphors tonight.”

“You failed.”

“Guilty.”

“Worth it.”

“For now.”

“For how long?”

“As long as it takes.”

“Promise.”

“I promise.”

“Okay.”

“Okay.”

“Into tomorrow?”

“Into tomorrow.”