High Tea

Author: Ron Henson

Aurelia flung the front door open with the velocity of an Olympic disc thrower. In front of her was the one person she was expecting to see at the entrance to her home. It was her brother, Brian, who stood peering at her with the same anhedonic facial expression he always exhibited when he was around her.

“Hey, Brian, good to see you,” she said with the same scripted greeting she always used when they met together for family business.

“Sure,” Brian retorted sarcastically, “can I come in?” he added in a raised voice, not wanting to delay his visit a second longer than was required by standing on the front porch.

“Of course, come on in, you don’t need to ask, you know. We’re family.”

“Well, if that were the case…” Brian said with his eyes fixed on the floor as he bolted through the door, “Never mind, that’s a discussion for another day. Where can I sit?”

Thrusting her left palm toward the living room, ”Oh come on!” his sister shot back at him, “this is the house we grew up in, you know where the couches are.”

Brian kept his head down, as well as his compulsion to yell back at her, and walked quickly to the leather couch that was, and always has been, positioned at the wall on the opposite side of the television. Plopping down and quickly folding his arms across his chest, he verbalized the question he had wanted to ask since the second he drove up in the driveway of his mother’s house, “When is the lawyer getting here for the reading of the will?” After asking the question, he lifted his eyes to stare blatantly into his sister’s eyes.

Turning her head toward the front door and placing her hands on her hips, she replied with a short pause between each word, “It…should…be…any…minute…now.” Then, surprisingly, she looked back at Brian with a wide smile on her face and thrust her hands palms up, and declared enthusiastically, “In the meantime, I have something special for you. It will definitely help you to get into a better mood and to calm down. I know this is a very stressful day.”

Brian catapulted off the couch to a standing position right in front of Aurelia’s face. “What do you mean by stressful? Do you know something I don’t know? Why do I need to calm down? You know something don’t you? Brian blasted in her face. “Have I been shut out of the will or something? Tell me, tell me right now!”

“No, no, no! I don’t know a thing about what’s on the will. Mother never said anything to me, and of course the lawyer, his name is Jusin Cable, if I’m getting’ that right, wouldn’t say anything until the time of the official reading of the will.”

“Liar, liar, you big fat liar, tell me what’s on the will now, or else you are going to have to see a dentist today.”

“I wish I knew what was on the will, you idiot, Mom had a bunch of money, as we both know, but she never let me have any of it. None! So, I am just as anxious to get the news as you, so settle down, little man, settle down.”

Brian plopped back down on the couch with even more disdain. His arms were folded across his chest again, with a look on his face that would have scared Hitler.

“Okay, now that we are settled in, I’m going to get you your little ‘welcome home’ gift. Aurelia started rubbing his right shoulder when she added, “I made you a nice, little cup of tea. How about that, huh?”

“Tea!” Brian blaringly responded, “That’s the dumbest thing you’ve ever said, which breaks what I thought was an unbreakable record for things you’ve said.”

“Well, I’m overjoyed that I have made your day. But let me add that this tea I have made tastes heavenly. Plus, in case you are not aware, the caffeine in tea is a great medicine. It can calm the savage beast…”

Brian shot his right hand up in front of her face with his index finger pointing up, “I know that I am the savage beast that savage beasts call savage, but nothing is going to calm me down…” Brian paused for a second and jiggled his pointing finger before adding, “And caffeine is a stimulant, Doctor, not a sedative!”

“Just have your seat and I’ll set you straight my dear patient.”

Brian looked her in the eye for a second before plopping down again on the sofa.

Aurelia bent over and looked him evenly face-to-face. “Let me ask you a simple question, are all Brian’s just alike?”

“That’s it,” Brian said a little quieter than he had been speaking, “I’m calling the hospital to have you admitted for manic craziness.”

His sister burst out laughing, “That’s a good diagnosis…for you…not for me. I asked you a legitimate question, and you know the answer; all guys with the name of Brian are not alike. Some are very smart and then there’s you,” Aurelia said as she started breaking out into a giggling fit. After regaining her composure somewhat, she added, “The same is true about caffeine, there are different kinds. The caffeine that is found in coffee is very, very stimulating. About as stimulating as listening to s speech by President Trump.” This time Aurelia completely lost it and her giggling became a roaring laugh to the point that she had to put her hand on her chest that was cramping from her unmitigated mirth.

Brian slouched down in the couch and began tapping his right temple with his fingers, while quietly repeating the phrase, “I can do this, I can do this.”

His sister paused his little show to listen to what her little brother was saying. “Of course you can,” she said softly while patting his left shoulder, “that’s what I’m talking about, the caffeine in tea is the polar opposite of what’s in coffee, it is very calming, not stimulating. So, just give me a just a minute and I’ll have your wonderful cup of tea in here.” Aurelia spun around and headed for door to the living room, which was just a few feet from the door to the kitchen.

Aurelia was only gone from the room for a couple of minutes when Brian was jolted from his self-induced escapist coma when he heard a soft knock at the front door.

When Aurelia came back, she too was surprised to see Mr. Cable, her lawyer, sitting in the rocking chair next to the couch Brian was sitting in. The lawyer was alerted to her presence due to the jingling of the teacup. “Well, hello Ms. Aurelia, I’m glad you finally decided to come in. I would like to hurry and get this will reading over with ‘cause I’ve got so much to do today.”

Aurelia began smiling magnificently and retorted, “I’m with you on that, I want to get this done ASAP as well.” She then turned her attention to her brother, who was trying to decipher what was going on between these two criminals. “Brian, here, take your tea and you can sip on it while Mr. Cable does the reading.

Her brother held up his hand in a half-hearted manner while trying to lean to his left in an effort to try to see the will in the Lawyer’s hands, which was entirely futile on Brian’s part.

Aurelia managed to place the tea saucer in Brian's hand and then spiraled herself down on the couch next to her brother.

“Fantastic!” the lawyer bellowed, “Y’all stay there and I’ll scoot my rocker around in front of you and I’ll get to reading.” The attorney picked up the chair as he stood up so the chair was behind his legs as he scurried in short little baby steps in a circular motion until he was directly in front of the two siblings.

“All right, all right, all right, are you ready for me to read the will?” Both nodded their heads in unison. “Okay, here goes, I will read the will,” Mr. Cable instantly dropped his head down to look at the papers, and said in an authoritative voice, “The will.” He then looked up with a grin on his face and chirped, “Okay, that’s it, I read ‘the will,’ any questions?”

“Very funny Mr. Cable,” Aurelia said in a facetious tone of voice while she forcefully slapped her left hand on her brother’s upper leg as he was trying to vault from the couch.

“Well, thank you, I appreciate that. I try to add a little bit of humor to my work, because, as you may know, a lot of people don’t like lawyers.”

“Oh…I know. In fact, I’ve always said this, Brian shot back, “What do you call 10 drowned lawyers at the bottom of the sea?” Before the attorney could even start to answer, Brian smilingly answered his own question, “a good start.”

“Oh my, my oh my. I guess I’d better get actually reading the will before you…Never mind.” The attorney then held up the will in front of his face, cleared his throat, and began reading, “I, Barbara Venturis, being of sound mind, do hereby bequeath to my sole surviving family members, Brian Venturis and Aurelia Smith, my son and my daughter, the following: To my daughter, Aurelia, I leave my home and my entire fortune. To my son, Brian, who never did anything for me that he should have, nor did he do anything that I ever asked him to do, I hereby bequeath the required minimum. To you Brian, I leave you a cup of tea.”