HAVE YOU HEARD THE RUMORS ABOUT BRINEHAVEN CLIFF?

“Casey, thanks for making the trek out here to check out the house. Too bad the weather is kind of a shit show. We’ve had a lot of rain and wind, more than usual for Rhode Island in late spring. Watch your step in that mud. What the hell are you wearing ?”

“These? Prada sneakers. Nice, huh? It’s ok. You’re talking to Casey, the guy who hiked Mount Washington last year, all 6288 feet of it in near hurricane weather. You’re talking to the dude who ran a full marathon in Oahu in 3 hours of pouring rain on New Year’s Day, 2019. Remember me, Casey, certified Crazy Casey Somers?.”

“Sure, of course, Casey. How could I forget? I’m not forgetting that stint you did in the Marines after we graduated from Stanford, either. You, always the winner. You even managed to sweet-talk my girlfriend away from me. That stung. But all’s fair in love and war, I guess.”

“ Water over the bridge, Ed. Hey, what’s happening to your hairline? I’ve managed to hang onto mine, pretty well, if I don’t say so myself, and I’ve even escaped the dreaded dad bod. Life’s good.”

“. Maybe life will be even better for you with a new house. Maybe. Except….”

“Ed, man, you are my best bud, not just my realtor. At least I’d like to think of you that way. Oh, and Esme sends her best.”

“Of course. Friends. But, Casey, back to this house. Follow me. What do you think? It’s s a real classic North Atlantic Victorian like I told you on the phone.”

“Yeah, it is! I like what I see, Ed. I think you said you haven’t shown it to anyone else.”

“Nope, just you. . I knew you’d dig the location, too. It’s very close to Watch Hill. Didn't you and Esme stay there last year? And you suggested you were even okay with the asking price. But, Casey, before you get your hopes up, you know what they say about this house, right? You must have heard the rumor if you did any checking.”

“Rumor? You’re kidding. Who would be around to say anything about this place? It’s all rocks, ocean air, overgrowth and woods. There’s no one around for 40 miles, is there? I mean no one with opposable thumbs. Which is what I like about it. Nature in all her quirky glory and privacy! Anyway, hasn’t it been empty for like a decade?

“Well, that part’s true.”

“Well, It’s time that it had a little love and tenderness, Casey Somers style. And a lot of renovation. I have deep pockets now. The business in Boston is booming. Not like when we were dopey college kids selling weed and surviving on ramen noodles. Come on, let’s muck it over there and take a closer look. Don’t worry about the Pradas. I got another pair at home.”

“Well, Brinehaven is isolated for sure. Nobody for 40 miles. But…well, I don’t know how to say this exactly. Follow me. And watch your step over those crazy patchwork rocks. The moss makes them slippery as hell. And you never know what’s underneath.”

“So, That’s what it's called, is it? Brinehaven Cliff. . Quaint. “Are you trying to spook me? Are you going to tell me there are bats in the belfry and bodies buried in the undercroft?

“Not exactly.”

“Not exactly? Well, I don’t mind a little of the macabre in my new old home. Remember that Adams Family apartment I had on the Upper West Side in Manhattan on the 10th floor, back in the 90s? It never saw a ray of sun any season of the year. It smelled like mothballs. Or maybe arsenic and old lace.”

“ I do remember. You were lucky they evicted you, Ed. You and that loser roommate who played the saxophone all hours. Casey, now you may l finally have a home of your own with real character, if you decide to take Brinehaven. Enough with the condos. You’ve earned it.”

“You bet I have. And you, too, Ed. I’m happy to see you have a business of your own. You were kind of all over the place for a long while, weren’t you? Rosie said she saw you on her way to Edgartown working as a barista in some out-of-the-way coffee house in Warwick last summer. I couldn't believe her.”

“Yeah, well; that was just a bad patch but... back to the rumors…”

“ Ed, I am more impressed up close. Just look at those big double-hung windows with the dark green wooden shutters, warped and chipped as they are from winters beating them up. And the classic wrap-around veranda leaning toward the edge of the cliff like it's considering taking a swan dive. Even if the balustrades are peeling, and the paint is weathered, I love old Brinehaven already. I bet you can hear the floorboards creak softly under the weight of the sea breeze at night . Esme is gonna love giving it the woman’s touch.”

“ Yeah, like I told you, this is classic North Atlantic Victorian. And not in terrible shape. It does need a few basic repairs. Like the Widow’s Walk. I’d take you up there, but the bannister is a little shaky, and….”

“Wow, check out that slate-tiled roof and the red-brick chimney running up the eastern wall. I bet it's stained dark with soot and lichen. If I was inside with the fireplace going, it would be sending thin wisps of woodsmoke into the crisp, heavy air right now. And I would be reading Thoreau, smoking my Dunhill pipe. How about that for poetic? Let’s get closer.”

“Poetic, sure, but getting back to the, ah, rumors”

“This place has gotta be 100 years and counting. And are those cedar shingles? A little restoration and this place would totally rock. I‘m going to love getting up in the morning with the sharp scent of brine, and crushed pine needles in the air, hearing the foghorn echoes across the water, blending with the calls of gulls. Yessir, I feel at home already in Brinehaven.”

“Brinehaven Cliff. “

“I don’t want to forget the Cliff part. I can see it on my business card already.Look at that view. I I have to hand it to you. You have a discriminating eye, Ed. For a new realtor, this seems like a five-star get. Maybe you didn’t get the girl, but you should make a killing if you have any more properties like this.” Who was it, Winston Churchill, who said, ‘We shape our buildings, and after that, they shape us’. Something like that.”

" That's why I feel I have to tell you the full story about this house, Casey …and you have to listen. “

“What story? It’s not some old wives' tale, is it…or something about the faulty gilded age foundation, is it?

No, “ Here, let's sit down under this red oak. Next best thing to an umbrella. The rumor is…… that Briarhaven is …..haunted.”

Ha ha. “For real, Ed? As in ghosts , spooks, moaning voices in the night? Is that why it's been empty so long?…“Oh shit, Esme will never go for a house that’s haunted. Never in a million years. You know how Esme is so queasy about otherworldly stuff. You lived with her ,too .”

“Well, ok, you won’t find these rumors validated, but everyone who has ever lived in the area knows the stories of staircases coming apart in the middle of the night (wth residents on them), of moaning and groaning, of gray bodyless shapes drifting up and downstairs at all hours; someone once reported seeing a bloody head floating through the dining room.”

“Shit, Esme will never go for that. And I wanted this place so bad. It’s perfect. Ghosts and all.”

“Well, Casey, I do have a possible solution. Don’t laugh, but There’s an exorcist I know two towns over. The guy’s 89 if he's a day. He's a professional ghost hunter. Name’s Ernie Gravely. Perfect name, huh? And he knows his stuff. “

“ An honest-to-God ghostbuster, huh? Quaint.”

“Ernie doesn’t come cheap. But he guarantees he can rid the house of whatever is haunting it. Old souls, poltergeists, all varieties of otherworldly spirits. If you are still interested, I would just add the price of his services to the final price of the house. I can even give you a signed affidavit from the old guy when he’s done. For Esme's peace of mind. I could even get him to come up with references.If you’re still interested.”

“Really, well, maybe that would work. Esme is into astrology and past lives and all that muck, so she’d probably be on board for an exorcist. Thanks, Ed, for being so honest. You’re a real friend. And remember price is no object here. I sure don’t want to see you being a barista again!. Shake?”

“Shake.”

NEXT DAY UP IN THE WIDOW’S WALK OF BRINEHAVEN CLIFF

“Casey, you old fool. You may be rich, and you may have gotten all the luck and the girl, but you are still the fool, from your fancy haircut to your stupid Prada sneakers. You bought the baloney about this house I dished out hook, line, and sinker! Maybe I should have told you about the fairies in the garden and the arch angels in the attic. And the pirates down below…..Nah, that would have been overdoing it.

I should christen this Widows Walk, the super amazing hotshot realtors walk! I, Eggleston, in one week’s time will be able to buy two more haunted houses with Casey’s cash. And I’ll find me an Esme better than his Esme. I AM THE MAN !! Let me step out on the edge of this widows' walk and get a good view of my beautiful overvalued seaside property. Brinehaven Cliff, what an inspired name. Thanks, all you non-existent ghosts, for helping me close the deal! I could hug you. Wait, who is that behind me? Come out of the shadows. Take your hands off my shoulders. Stop, you’re choking me. The railing is falling away, toward the ocean….I can’t hold on…”