BIGG ATTITUDE Mother and Son regret

                            Mother and Son Regret

  Betsy dropped Kathy off and can’t get home fast enough. She has never been happier to kick off her shoes and sit down on her sofa. She is trying to find enough ambition to take a shower when she hears her sons voice. 

 He is standing at the top of the stairs when he stammers “SO! This is it! This is how it ends…

 Scott stomps down the stairs shaking his head in a negative fashion and sits down next to his Mother on the sofa. 

 Betsy asks “What ARE you talking about?” 

 Scott laments “My friends told me this day would come and I told them NO WAY! That will NEVER happen with my Mother!” He has a faraway look in his eye and continues “I was sooooo wrong. SO wrong.” He throws his head into his hands and begins to moan. 

 Betsy smiles and said “I still have no idea what you are talking about.” 

 Scott replies “Allow me to explain. I came home after work as usual and AS usual I felt an after work bowel movement coming on.” 

 Betsy begins to giggle since she knows her son is talking about having to poop. 

 Scott continues “I went to the bathroom as soon as I cleared the stairs and sat down on the throne to do my business! I felt like I lost ten pounds and was looking forward to seeing what I had accomplished the way all men do when they have ejected a major load…but I reached over for the toilet paper and the roll was empty!” 

 Betsy laughed out loud and remarked “Your sisters were home so that shouldn’t shock you. Did you get a roll out of the cabinet?” 

 Scott exclaims “THAT’S JUST IT! Every time my sisters come home the toilet paper roll is empty! How much do women need for Gods sake? But THAT wasn’t the worst of it!” 

 Betsy smiled and replies “WOMEN NEED A LOT OF TOILET PAPER! Be happy you don’t have a period. Big deal. You got a roll out of the cabinet right? That’s not very hard to do!” 

 Scott gave his Mother a disgusted look and said “Of course I reached for the cabinet! My sisters do this to me all the time. I baby stepped while hunched over to the cabinet with my pants down around my ankles. I opened the cupboard door and whimpered when I dug around and found NO ROLLS OF TOILET PAPER WERE THERE!” 

 Scott’s eyes are flaming as he crosses his arms and nods his head on a how-could-this-happen attitude. 

 Betsy giggles feeling amused and retorts “There is facial tissue on the back of the toilet. I assume you used that?” 

 Scott replies “THAT WAS GONE TOO! Not even the empty tissue box was there or I would have ripped it apart and used the cardboard! DAMN GIRLS AND THEIR MAKE-UP!” 

 At this point, Betsy is laughing hysterically with her head tipped back and her eyes sparkling with amusement. 

 Scott wails on “Soooooo, this is it. The day my friends talked about…WARNED ME ABOUT! The day my Mom quits being Mom. I have no back up for sister defense anymore!” Scott tipped his head back and bellowed a desperate cry of anguish. He then threw his head into his hands, mumbling to himself. 

 Betsy giggles “I’m almost afraid to ask but…pray tell…what did you do? Is there a washcloth I need to bury? You should know better than to sit down before you check the toilet paper dispenser. I would think this situation happened to you in college?” 

 Scott jerked to attention and exclaims “In college, we all had our own rolls of toilet tissue supply that we kept in our rooms and took a roll with us, used it and took it back with us when we were done. None of us were going to supply anyone else! And MOM, this was a speed poop. A speed poop screams I’m coming and arrives. Thankfully I found a roll of paper towels in the cupboard under the sink. They were rough. I will probably bleed for the rest of my life. Those towels you buy could chip paint off the wall! ARRRRRHHHHH! This is it…this is the end.” 

 Scott stands up slowly and starts walking up the stairs…taking one slow step at a time…mumbling to himself. “Not my Mom I told the guys. She won’t ever quit. I was sooo wrong. So this is how it ends…” 

 Betsy’s eyes are watering from laughing so hard as she calls out to her only male child “Never fear my son! I will restock immediately!” 

 Scott turns at the top of the stairs and looks at his mother with his eyebrows together. He said “It’s too late Mom. You can’t erase this moment in time. The magic is gone. You have lost the title of supermom. There’s no going back.” He gave a heavy sigh and disappeared from view. 

 Each of Betsy’s kids raid the cupboards when they come home from college. Why spend their beer money on groceries when they can steal it from home for free is the college kids motto. Betsy was too busy working to tend the upstairs kids rooms after her girls were home. Her schedule isn’t usually this jam packed but life gets hectic sometimes. Betsy gathers a big package of toilet paper and two boxes of tissue paper and walks upstairs to restock. 

 Betsy thought to herself “Welcome to reality Scott! It could have been worse, the paper towels might have been missing and all the towels and washcloths might have been used after showering by the girls. Girls can use 10 washcloths and 12 towels after showering. Betsy does feel some sympathy for Scott though. She has been in the same position as he was many times in the years raising her children. She is glad those days are over…for her anyway…Betsy giggled until she fell asleep over the great missing toilet paper incident. She prays her son forgives her.