The Ballad of Tom and Jerry

The Ballad of Tom and Jerry

By Shana Salt

“I’m really glad you decided to meet up with me after your shift at the hospital ended,” said Jerry to the pretty blonde he walked into the retro-style diner with.

“After a 13-hour shift in the E.R. I could sure use a strong cup of coffee, and I know this place makes the best coffee in town for pulling an all-nighter. I have to be back there again in four hours, since half the staff are out with the flu. This winter has a terrible strain going around. I’ll probably just stay up all night. It’s easier than falling back to sleep and then having to acclimate to high alert again. Thanks for keeping me awake,” Betty said with a smile on her full pink glossy lips.

Jerry glanced over to the gray-bearded man behind the counter.

‘You and your beautiful lady can sit wherever you like,” said the man with a heavy Greek accent.

“Let’s sit here by the heater,” Jerry gestured to a booth at the back of the cozy diner.

“I like the way you think,” Betty said as they both scooted into their vinyl seats. The kitschy retro diner had an old-fashioned jukebox at every table.

“I love this place. It makes me feel like Sandra Dee,” said Betty as she grabbed her oversized laminated menu.

“You’re just as beautiful as her. You remind me of someone like that: classic, innocent, from another time,” Jerry said gazing into her baby blue eyes.

“You’re making me blush. I must look awful after being up all night, and the night I had … Oh, you don’t want to hear about that. Should we play a song?” Oh, let’s see … they have 'Sea of Love.' I love that song, and they have Salt--N--Pepa, which way should we ‘Push It’? … Jerry, are you alright?”

“I’m fine,” said Jerry, gazing into the distance of the steamy diner kitchen. “Excuse me for a moment. I’m going to the restroom. Order a coffee for me, would you?” He said absentmindedly as he scooted out of the booth.

“Black with two sugars, right?”

“That’s right! And you’re light, one sugar.”

“You remembered,” said Betty, from our intros on Brewchat: ‘Make a coffee date, and see what percolates’,” she said, cheerfully reciting the slogan of the dating app where they met.

“You’re adorable. Be right back, doll,” said Jerry as he dashed down the corridor lined with pictures of ill-fated Hollywood starlets, like Marilyn Monroe and gone-too-soon rock icons, like Buddy Holly.

Just then an auburn-haired waitress with red lips and matching nails came over to Betty to take her order.

“Welcome to the Hollywood Diner, what will it be?”

Betty ordered their respective coffees and said, “I’m waiting for my date to get back. I hope he didn’t ghost me. We met on a dating site, and you never know, but I really like this one.”

“Good luck to you, honey. If my experience is any indication, you’re going to need it. I’ll be right back with those coffees. If he’s not back in five minutes, I’ll follow it up with a stiff drink, on the house.”

***

“There you are. I thought I was going to have to take up drinking again,” said Betty.

“What? Of course I came back. It’s just … We have to get out of here.”

“Why? I just ordered our coffees.”

“I … I saw a mouse in the bathroom. This place isn’t sanitary.”

“Oh, is that all? The hospital always has a few scurrying by, don’t tell the patients. I think one of those critters might have followed me here. I talk to them sometimes in the breakroom,” Betty said with a wink. “Seriously, it’s freezing out. Why don’t we at least stay for a cup of hot coffee, and then we can eat at the café down the street. They’re open late on Saturday nights, and they have a fireplace and a band. I was going to tell you to meet me there, but I thought it was better to just meet here, in case you were a weirdo,” Betty said smiling.

“What makes you think I’m not a weirdo?” inquired Jerry with a smirk.

“You’re too cute, Jerry,” said Betty giggling as she stared into her date’s big brown eyes, framed by thick sandy hair.

Just then the petite auburn-haired waitress came over with their coffees.

“Here you go. Two cups of Joe. I made them with my own two hot little hands. That should warm you up on this cold night. What else can I get for you two? Wait a minute … Jerry is that you? I thought I’d seen a ghost. …”

“Do I know you?”

“Don’t play dumb with me, Jerry. Remember me? Cathy -- We were supposed to meet up for a coffee date after meeting on Brewchat about a month ago. Until you unmatched me after we were video chatting almost every night for two whole weeks.

“You met her on Brewchat, too?” asked Betty, furrowing her arched brows.

“It was nothing; we talked for a while and, and … I didn’t feel a – spark. You know how it is?

“Didn’t feel a spark? What happened to you telling me how beautiful my red hair and blue eyes were? How you loved the sound of my voice … How you couldn’t wait to hold me in your arms. And then: poof! You were gone. I cried for a week straight. Is that how you get off? Breaking the hearts of lonely waitresses?

“Wait, I’ve seen you in here before, late at night, sometimes alone, or with a few other girls. Are you a lady of the night?”

“Excuse me? I’m a nurse.”

“A wet nurse?” said Cathy, looking down at the cleavage from the blonde beauty’s ample bosom. “Betty, is it? Boop or Rubble?”

“Chester. Betty Chester. If you must know.”

“Ha! Perfect! You can’t make this stuff up,” said Cathy glancing again at the other woman’s D-cups spilling over.

“I’m an E.R. nurse. I work a lot of overnight shifts. In fact, I have to be up early to work a morning shift, too. I think I’d better be going. Goodnight, Jerry. I think you and Betty have a lot of catching up to do.”

Betty grabbed her purse and fur-lined coat and made a dash to the ladies’ room.

“Betty wait …,” Tom called after her.

The flaxen-haired nurse didn’t look back.

“Oh no, look what you did. We were really hitting it off,”

“Like we were?” asked Betty.

“Look, I’m sorry Betty. I just make it a rule to cut ties when I know it doesn’t feel right. You have three cats, I’m allergic. You love staying up all night. I’m fighting back sleep, and it’s only a little after midnight. You’re 40 and I’m only 35 and looking to start a big family. I just knew you seemed like a good person, but not the person for me, and I guess I thought it would be easier to ghost. … I never thought I would see you again. I thought you would understand. … We all get ghosted on dating sites. It’s part of the unwritten social contract. But I really thought Betty could be the one. It figures! Now, I’ll probably never see her again.”

“Not so fast. Leave this to me,” Cathy said as she went into the ladies’ room after Cathy.

Cathy was looking into the mirror and blotting tears with wadded up tissues out of her pocketbook.

“Oh no, it’s you. I was just leaving. Tell Jerry I said, ‘have a nice life.’ Maybe it was meant to be that you two ran into each other again tonight.”

“No, you have it all wrong. Jerry is heartbroken out there. We didn’t even know each other. There was no spark. Not a mutual one anyway, like you two obviously have.”

“You’re sweet, but I just went through a bad divorce. I was working all the time, late hours, and my husband felt neglected. He ran off with another woman, He just left. I can’t go through with that again. If Jerry is that kind of guy, its better I just leave now, before he does.”

The waitress grabbed the younger woman by the shoulder, firmly to look at her. “Maybe that will happen. Maybe Jerry will break your heart, or maybe you’re the one he’s been waiting for, and he’s the one who will sleep soundly while you’re at work and make you breakfast when you come home after a long night. I can’t tell you what the future holds, but I do know that there’s a handsome, charming man looking devastated at that table waiting for you and that you’ll never know what could have been if you walk out that door now. You’re an emergency room nurse, and you know that no one is promised tomorrow, so why don’t you just go and see where tonight leads you. C’mon, don’t be a ‘Bitter Betty,” Cathy said playfully.

“Do you think he left yet?”

“Not a chance!”

Betty and Cathy walked out of the ladies’ room, and Betty sat down as Cathy went into the kitchen pretending not to watch the scene of the reunited couple talking.

‘I thought you ghosted me,” said Jerry.

“Not a chance,” Betty smiled.

“Let’s get out of here. I’m ready to go listen to some music and cut loose. Let’s blow off some steam until morning.”

“I thought you weren’t a night owl,” said Betty.

“Some people are worth making exceptions for.”

The sandy-haired man put his arm around his date and as they were walking out the door, he caught Cathy’s eye and mouthed a simple, heartfelt, “Thank you,”

Cathy nodded and walked over to the now empty table. The bill for $8.50 was paid along with a tip of a crisp one-hundred-dollar bill.

Betty smiled and put her well-earned spoils into her apron pocket. All in a night’s work, she thought.

She walked over to the booth across the way where a middle-aged man with brown wavy hair and black-rimmed glasses had been brooding over a pot of black coffee for two hours.

“Will that be all?” asked Betty as the man looked up revealing a pair of thoughtful, deep blue eyes.

“No, that’s not all. I’ve been here half the night, waiting for my Brewchat date to show up and slowly coming to the realization that I’ve been ghosted. I was sitting here vowing to never go on another date again, and I asked God, the universe, for a sign if I was destined to remain alone forever, and if there was anyone out there for me. Then I couldn’t help but overhear what happened with you and that man with his date, and how he ghosted you, and how hurt you must have felt to run into him with another woman, but you were so kind and gracious, and even went after her to give those two a chance. It sounds corny, but it made me believe in love again, or at least that it could be possible. And might I say you are quite beautiful. I’ve always had a thing for waitresses, and your auburn hair matches your fiery personality. This may be wildly inappropriate, but I’ll never forgive myself if I don’t ask you if you’d like to go on a date sometime.”

“Well, it’s been such a whirlwind night, and my shift ends in 15 minutes. Why don’t I make us some fresh coffee here then, and see …”

“And see what percolates,” he said smiling.

“By the way, my name is Tom, and are there really mice around here?”