What We Don't Say Aloud

Alice is a resident of Sunny Pastures Senior Living Retirement Home. She has somehow managed to secure a room all to herself—but today, that changes. This morning, Millie, a nurse’s assistant, informed Alice that she would be getting a roommate. When Alice heard the news, a sense of excitement rushed through her, a feeling she hadn’t experienced in years.

Alice spent the entire morning as a nervous wreck, tidying her room and making sure it was picture-perfect for her new roommate. She wondered what the woman would be like, whether Alice would like her—and, more importantly, whether Alice would be liked in return. Alice had always been a socialite, the life of the party. After her husband passed, she and her three children decided that Sunny Pastures would be the best place for her, where she would have the opportunity to make new friends.

However, her peers—most of whom suffered from dementia—did not make for very good company. Nonetheless, Millie assured Alice that her new roommate, Lilly, was nothing like the other residents in the facility. In fact, she and Lilly had much in common: two recent widows, both virtually abandoned by their families, left to make the best of what remained of their lives.

“She’s a nice lady!” gossipy Millie told Alice. “You know, I really think you’re going to like her. I was talking to her in the waiting room when she arrived earlier—such a nice lady indeed!”

Millie continued helping Alice tidy the room. “There! Perfect!” she said, spraying Lysol and filling the air with the scent of fresh linen. “I’ll go get her now to introduce the two of you. Be right back, Mrs. Alice.”

Millie left the room, closing the door behind her and leaving Alice alone in front of her dresser.

Alice reached for her brush and tidied her hair. Though she was no longer the beauty queen she’d been in her youth, she still prided herself on her appearance. She studied her reflection, wondering where the time had gone—her hair grayed, her skin wrinkled, her eyes clouded with cataracts. Still, Alice was considered quite a looker.

She reached for her favorite lipstick—Jungle Red—applied it carefully, and smiled at herself.

“Hi! I’m Alice—you must be Lilly! Such a pleasure to meet you!” she rehearsed softly. “Won’t you have a se—”

A knock at the door. It was Millie.

“Hi, Mrs. Alice! I have your new roommate, Mrs. Lilly!”

Millie stepped aside to reveal Lilly, who smiled eagerly at Alice.

“A pleasure to meet you, Lilly,” Alice said, gesturing for her to come inside. “I’ve heard so much about you from our Millie here. I’ve been so excited to meet you.”

“The feeling is mutual,” Lilly replied meekly, her eyes fixed on the floor.

“Oh, no need to be shy, my dear! Welcome to your new home. Won’t you have a seat?” Alice said, pointing to Lilly’s neatly made bed. “I have a feeling we’re going to be the best of friends. Why don’t you tell me about yourself?”

“Well, there’s not much to tell, honestly,” Lilly said in a soft voice. “My husband died last year, and my daughter thought it would be best for me to move to Sunny Pastures. I was getting awfully lonely and depressed in that big empty house. So I sold it, and… well, here I am.”

“I fear we have more in common than I thought,” Alice said. “I’m recently widowed too, and all three of my children have forgotten about me. Guess that’s the thanks you get in the end, huh?”

Lilly shook her head and forced a smile.

“Well, let’s not be gloomy on this beautiful Sunday!” Alice said. “It’s almost lunchtime, and they’re doing karaoke afterward. I’m thinking of singing Cry Me a River. You should come along. I’ll introduce you to everyone and give you the lowdown on good old Sunny Pastures.”

“I think I’d like that,” Lilly said, her smile widening.

Lilly and Alice quickly became best friends. They spent their days reminiscing about their younger years—falling in love, starting families, raising children. Lilly, once mousy and reserved, blossomed into a social butterfly. She befriended everyone at Sunny Pastures, from residents to staff. Everyone adored Lilly—but no one more than Alice.

Before Lilly came into her life, Alice’s days had been dark and lonely. Now they were bright, filled with laughter and companionship. Time flew, and before Alice realized it, an entire year had passed since Lilly moved in.

One evening at dinner, the two sat at their usual table, trading gossip.

“So, you didn’t hear it from me,” Lilly said with glee, “but Sarah, the head nurse, was fired—and you’ll never guess why.”

“Spill it, girlfriend!” Alice laughed.

“You know that bright pink Dunkin’ Donuts mug she’s always carrying around?”

“Yeah?”

“Well, she left it sitting out, and one of the memory-unit residents took a sip and nearly keeled over. It was full of vodka!”

“No!”

“Oh yes! And all this time I thought America was running on Dunkin’!” Lilly burst out laughing, then added, “You think you know a person. Probably stealing medication too, for all we know. What a shame.”

Alice fell silent, staring down at her plate.

“What’s the matter, dear?” Lilly asked. “You feeling alright?”

“Oh—yes. I just… forget it. I hope she’s okay. Poor thing,” Alice said, her voice breaking.

“Oh, don’t get yourself worked up, honey. I’m sure she’ll be fine. Now—what’s for dinner?”

“Chicken à la king.”

“Ugh! Again! At this rate, I’m going to start laying eggs,” Lilly said with a half-smile. “You sure you’re okay? You’ve been awfully quiet.”

“It’s just… today is the anniversary of my husband’s death.”

“Oh, honey. I’m so sorry.”

“Thank you. Not a single phone call from my children,” Alice said, tears filling her eyes. “You don’t know what it’s like, Lilly. At least your daughter still calls—and writes.”

“Yes, I’m blessed,” Lilly said. “Even with her busy life, she still makes time for me. She wrote again. Maybe you should read the letter—it might lift your spirits.”

“That might do the opposite.”

“Oh, don’t be silly. She said such wonderful things about you.”

“She did? But I’ve never spoken to her.”

“I talk about you so much, she feels like she knows you. She even calls you ‘Aunt Alice.’”

“You’re kidding!”

“Hand to God!”

“Maybe I’ll read it later. Tell me more about her—Jennifer, your daughter.”

“Oh, Jenny’s an angel. Always has been. Never cried as a baby. Straight A’s. Married. Now she’s a successful businesswoman in New York City.”

“You must be very proud.”

“I am. She might even visit for Mother’s Day next week—if she can make the drive.”

“That’s not too far,” Alice said. “Two or three hours.”

“Well, we’ll see. How about you—are your kids coming?”

Alice shrugged. “Maybe. I wouldn’t hold my breath.”

“Oh, Alice—”

“‘Oh, Alice’ what?” Alice snapped. “It is what it is. No sense crying over it.”

Lilly stared at her, tears forming.

“I’m sorry,” Alice said quickly. “I didn’t mean to snap. It’s just… they don’t call. They don’t write. It’s like I’m dead to them. You don’t know what that’s like.”

“Alice,” Lilly said quietly, “my daughter is dead.”

Silence.

“Wh—what do you mean? Jennifer?”

“Yes,” Lilly whispered, tears streaming down her face. “I’ve been lying. Jennifer died.”

“Oh, Lilly,” Alice said, reaching for her hand. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I couldn’t. It was too painful. Too shameful.”

“Shameful?”

“My daughter… she was a drug addict. They said she took something she shouldn’t have. She’s gone. My baby is gone.”

“When?”

“Ten years ago. I feel so embarrassed—like I failed her.”

“Oh, Lilly. You didn’t fail her.”

“How would you know?” Lilly said. “You could never understand.”

“There’s something I’ve kept from you too,” Alice said softly. “I’m a drug addict. Heroin. I’ve taken things I shouldn’t have, too. I’ve been in recovery for twenty years. My children still haven’t forgiven me. They don’t call. They don’t visit. So… I understand.”

Lilly paused. “How were you so strong?”

“I had no choice. Neither did your daughter. You’ll have to forgive her—and yourself.”

“I don’t understand yet,” Lilly said. “But I want to.”

“That’s a big step.”

They sat in silence, hands clasped, until a dietary aide arrived with their chicken à la king.

“Shall we?” Alice asked with a smile.

Lilly shook her head.

“So,” Alice said gently, “tell me more about Jennifer.”